Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Somebody that I used to know

Have you seen her? Sometimes I wonder where she went. I look around, look back behind me. Then I realize she’s still here, just not the same as she once was.

Me. At the beginning of this journey. The first picture I ever sent to Eve Howard of Shadow Lane, right before the birth of Erica Scott. Fresh. Excited. Looking forward. So many possibilities.

I have not been posting much lately. Sometimes I think about it. Sometimes I want to. Then I don’t. Because I really don’t have much to say these days that hasn’t already been said a million times.

I had years and years of adventures and stories to share. Milestones. Friendships. Experiences I only dreamed of when I was younger.

I have all my memories. But right now, I am quiet, just pondering them. I have been done shooting for three years. The pandemic put the kibosh on the national parties, and just as they started to return, there was a stream of very ugly admissions from various people that turned the community inside out. Lines were drawn, sides were taken, and a lot of people disappeared. Myself included. I deactivated from FetLife for two months, and only just reactivated yesterday. It’s the same, and yet it isn’t. It used to be a place where I felt like I belonged, where I’d be missed if I were gone. But people come and go all the time now. Attention spans are fleeting. The overall broad scene community seems now to have distilled down into smaller, more local pockets.

I no longer have a regular play partner. I know a couple of men who I am able to see once in a great while for a special treat, but at this time, I do not have a regular source of play. I don’t know of any scene in Los Angeles, any munches. I still try to meet new people, but between the pandemic and just plain getting older (and not to mention being a reclusive introvert), it’s much more of a challenge now.

Times change. I remember years ago, I casually commented on a young woman’s blog because I liked what she wrote. And she went nuts, “SQUEEEEE”-ing and marveling about how “Erica Scott commented on MY blog!!” Recently, I saw another blog post that resonated with me and said so, although I’d never commented on this person’s blog before. The blog owner was unfamiliar with me and commented to that effect. Not meanly, just matter-of-factly. I wanted to reply back, “I used to be somebody.” But I didn’t.

No, this isn’t another one of those “I’m closing this blog” announcements. I did that a few years ago, and a year later, I decided I still had a lot to say and restarted it. And what do I detest, kids? People who make a big thing about leaving, and then don’t leave. Sooo… I am not doing that again. Perhaps this is just to say that my posts will be few and far between. When I feel like I have something to contribute, I will do so. If I ever go to parties again, I’ll write them up. Of course, there will always be the CHoS, because some things never change. People will always write rude, inappropriate things to strangers. Oh, and of course, there will no doubt be a 2021 Christmas carol parody. Just waiting for my creative muse to make her appearance.

I have been called things like “legend” and “icon.” I have also been referred to as a has-been and washed up. I suppose that’s the way it always has been and that won’t change either. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m opinionated, I’m snarky, I’m outspoken. I’m also honest and passionate. Some people hate me. But others love me. And to this day, I’m still getting emails that tell me my encouragement to explore kink without shame enabled people to acknowledge and find what they needed. That means a hell of a lot to me.

So I’m not going anywhere. I’m still here. Just a lot quieter. I don’t need to keep talking. I’ve talked enough. Now is the time to sit back and let the fresh faces and voices have their turn. Allow the Jillian Keenans of the scene to speak their truths. I will chime in when I feel like it would be welcomed or enjoyed.

Oh, there she is. Yes, I know her. ♥ I hope she won’t be forgotten.

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19 thoughts on “Somebody that I used to know

  1. Jenny Bell on said:

    you are lovely Erica, please don’t forget it! Jenny, Adelaide S.A.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh sis, I can relate to much of this, but you’ll always be somebody! The crowds can be fickle, and some in younger generations may lack knowledge of those who paved the way, but you’ll always have your place in spanko history. I also don’t think you’re done with scene stuff forever. Your voice still has value, along with the newer ones, you have perspective and experience that they simply can’t yet. Hugs. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So many thoughts and emotions are swirling inside me after reading this. I have never thought of you as a legend, an icon, or (shudder) a has-been. Nor has that been what’s drawn me to you.

    Rather, you have simply always been my dear friend Erica, a woman I’ve come to love as my sister, who has great worth. Not because of your past accomplishments, but because of your caring, empathetic heart with just the right amount of snark thrown in. And for that reason, you will always have a voice. Changing times can not diminish that. Ever.

    Like

  4. You’ll always be a lot more than “somebody” to me, Erica. I’ve followed your career for many years, beginning with some of the early Shadow Lane videos. And I admire you for your bravery in coming out about your kink, our kink, and always saying what you feel without reservation. As far as I’m concerned, you and Jillian Keenan are women to be admired and cherished.

    Like

  5. Glad you’re here to stay. You were a big help to me when I first decided to test the waters and I will always remember that.

    Like

  6. Jenny — thank you. ♥

    Lily — big hugs back to you, sis. Thank you.

    Pam — well, damn. I’m crying (again). You’re very dear and I am so grateful for you.

    Bob — you know, I never even considered it bravery, per se. It was just something I had to do, and had already waited too damn long, so it had a sense of urgency. But thank you. ♥

    Rae — that means a lot to me… thank you.

    Like

  7. When you contribute something to the world the inevitable result is exactly what you’re experiencing.

    Rush has a song for you, “Losing It”:

    Some are born to move the world
    To live their fantasies
    But most of us just dream about
    The things we’d like to be
    Sadder still to watch it die
    Than never to have known it

    Maybe, but perhaps the saddest thing of all is never living out those dreams. Thank you for sharing your dreams with us.

    Like

  8. Heidi M on said:

    i think of you as an icon and will always read your blog Erica

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  9. Erica, you will never be forgotten. You are one in a million.

    Virtual hugs,
    Hermione

    Like

  10. I think you know me by now enough to know that I say what I think whether people like it or not. So let me be blunt. I link very few blogs. I linked yours. Why? Not because you are or were a spanking celebrity. It was because in reading your comments it was obvious you were a kinky person with a brain. And, as much as others will wince or huff at this, let me add, as rare as kinky people are, kinky people who think and write beyond the obvious are even rarer.

    There is simply no reason for a person like you to lessen your blogging based on having discussed it all. Maybe in spanking terms you have, but not across the board. Why not just blog? Be you. Write what moves you, emotionally, politically, etc, and not worry whether there’s a spanking involved somewhere.

    We are more than just pink butts. You definitely are. Aging robs us of our youthful elasticity and limberness, but it also….if we have been paying attention…..bestows a certain amount of life wisdom on us. So, look forward and not lament the passing of the past. See how silly that sounds even written? The past passes. It’s the way it is. Instead, share the you now……and don’t limit yourself to one song when life has no doubt taught you a symphony.

    I for one would like to hear what you think on a lot of current events and things. And if I want a spanking fix? Well, there are archives for that. “Washed up? Has been?” Anyone who just thinks of you as one thing that inevitably has had to pass with time, deserves the consideration of a well thought out and deliberate “fuck you!” Write about the you now. This could be the beginning of an entirely new chapter in your life that perhaps may even eclipse your past success.

    And, hell, I definitely hope you keep going!

    Like

  11. RP — I will have to look that song up. Thank you so much.

    Heidi — thank you. ♥

    Hermione — big hugs back to you.

    KD — I appreciate this so much. You are always welcome to speak your thoughts here. Even when you disagree with me, you make me think, instead of making me feel like I’m wrong. That is huge.
    As for discussing other topics… in today’s volatile climate, I hesitate in opining on current events. I delved into politics during the [he whose name has been erased] administration, and it brought me nothing but grief and nastiness from people on the other side. One person harassed me so relentlessly that legal action had to be threatened. Soooo… I dunno. Maybe I’ll explore other passions. I certainly have a lot to say about them.

    Like

  12. Erica, as evidenced by these comments and as other have already said more eloquently than I, it is obvious you will not be forgotten.

    I just look forward to hearing you share your thoughts in the future.

    All the best always,
    Enzo

    PS
    Ok one additional comment:
    I still remember the first time you commented on my blog I was, and still am, star struck.

    Like

  13. Hi Erica. i understand the feeling of having said all you have to say. I’ve been on the verge of shutting my blog down many times. But, I never make that “I’m quitting” announcement, because I know at some point I’d probably be back. Better to just take a pause and be quiet for a while until something worth talking about comes to mind.

    I also vacillate regarding political posts. I did them a lot too during the tenure of He Who Should Not Be Named Nor Remembered. I only got a handful of angry reactions, but I do think I likely lost several regular commenters and readers. Honestly, who cares? They’re very welcome to go somewhere else.

    I left a 25+ year career earlier this year. It was one in which, as you say, “I used to be somebody.” I miss the connections, and while my ego puts up a fight every once in a while, for the most part I don’t miss the “being somebody” thing. Ultimately, it was a never-ending source of stress and pressure. Life is quieter but more enjoyable without the need to live up to anyone’s expectations.

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    • Dan — thanks for your thoughts. I think being a “work somebody” is a bit different. I can see where that’s little more than a lot of stress. Regarding the “somebody/nobody” thing, I think I struggle because I spent most of my life, what should have been prime years of dating and having fun and so forth, feeling invisible. Suddenly becoming “somebody” (granted, in a very small way) later in life was eye-opening. But it was never meant to last.

      Like

  14. bklynny0856 on said:

    The smile and the sparkle in your eyes look the same to me 😍🔥

    Like

  15. Erica:

    In my life, I’ve had the privilege of knowing one true superstar celebrity, and that’s you. My appreciation for your many contributions to our community, past, present, and future, will never diminish.

    Share what you choose, and we, your loyal readers, will be here to help celebrate your victories and support you through life’s challenges. Either way, I think you’re still relevant and always interesting. ♥

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

    Like

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