Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Festivus follies

You guys know I’m not into the holidays. When I first started seeing John, Christmas was a huge affair with multiple gatherings — his parents, his siblings, his nieces and nephews, etc. For years, I went to these things… and honestly, I hated them. Dreaded them every year. They felt forced, John’s family was never nice to him, there was too much rich food and way too much alcohol, and I always wanted to pass on it all but couldn’t. Cut to the present: his parents have passed, two of his siblings have moved away, the nieces and nephews have grown and moved on to their own lives, and the one remaining sibling in town is a hopeless drunk with a lecherous husband, and John has pretty much fallen out with them. Hallelujah — free at last.

So, these past few years, I’ve done exactly what I wanted to do for the holidays –absolutely nothing. I send cards, I get gifts for John and a few friends, but that’s about it. A few years ago, John, as a joke, made a Festivus pole from a steel pole he’d found, even attached two pieces of wood at the bottom so it would stand. And from then on, it took on a life of its own. Over the years, a tree skirt and pine cones were added, I wrapped the pole with holiday paper, and John added the topper, a knitted duck in a Santa hat (which he christened the Festiduck). I added the gold tinsel and the beads. So now, each holiday, we get into it, putting up the pole, putting cards and presents under it, and John tacks up other odds and ends of Christmas decor throughout his house.


Festivus pole with Festiduck
May be an image of indoor
Is this a reindeer, or a bear with antlers?
May be an image of indoor
Mr. Snowman… bring me some snow…
May be an image of indoor
That’s right — John put up mistletoe still in the box.

But wait, there’s more.

Anyone remember the video on Saturday Night Live, about 12 years ago, the Christmas satire called “D*** In A Box,” with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg? If somehow you’ve managed not to see or hear that, Google it. It’s hilarious. Anyway… at one point on Christmas night, John left the room for a minute, then he came back in, holding his phone. Blaring from it, I could hear the opening lines of “D*** In A Box,” the guys crooning “Hey girl, I’ve got somethin’ real important to give you…” I looked over, and damn near died laughing. John had taken a rectangular gift box (with wrapping paper on it), cut holes and threaded a shoelace through it, and tied it around his hips, so the box was directly in front of his crotch. And he was dancing and bobbing around with this ridiculous thing along with the video. Oh. My. God.

And yes, I got a picture.

There is no being a Grinch with this goofball. ♥

So, it was a nice day. I got some fun surprises from friends, and got to be with the most important person in my life, and oh! It even rained. Really couldn’t ask for more.

I hope everyone had a good holiday, whatever you chose to do. As 2021 draws to a close, I have several thoughts about this past year, and what’s ahead, but you know… I just don’t feel like talking about them right now. Too depressing. So I’ll let my hero, the incomparable Ruth Bader Ginsburg, speak for me this fine December day.

Happy holidays, y’all.

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6 thoughts on “Festivus follies

  1. I may be a traditionalist when it comes to style, but I must admit I DO like your pole. (Now see? You CAN say that to a woman much more easily than a man.)

    Our December 24th REEKS of tradition, but everyone loves it and would miss it if we stopped. Even my adult daughter has taken over hosting and just enlists my aid with the menu….which is unusual and very Polish/peasant/traditional. Afterwards my daughter started her own tradition of communal cookie decorating as an after dinner activity.

    The funny thing is almost all of us in our circle are atheists and yet here we are carrying on Christmas traditions even to the point of using ‘blessed’ wafer akin to that used for Communion, though not consecrated.

    The major scale-back in effect since some of the elder family passing has been gifting. We do it, but on a much smaller scale than before when it was entirely overdone and way too unnecessary.

    One thing though……………please explain why the mistletoe is still boxed. There MUST be a story behind THAT. LOL


    • KD — haha — there IS no explanation! It’s just part of the quirkiness that is John. I don’t even question anymore.
      Being serious for a moment — I am thrilled for people who have fun holiday traditions. I’m all for those if they are enjoyed. What I eschew are the obligatory get-togethers with people you don’t like — people you wouldn’t bother associating with if it weren’t for a calendar dictate. Life is just too damned short for that.


  2. bklynny0856 on said:

    You’ve got the holiday right where you want it! If you need some chaos I will be happy to share my grandchildren with Auntie Erica 😂. Ho ho ho


  3. Not where I wanted to be, but stuck in Belgium again, second year running, thank you, President Macron.

    The pole gets my vote too. If I have to spend a third Christmas here, I might steal that idea. It beats my Christmas wall, a section of wall covered in wrapping paper with Christmas cards blue tacked to it.



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