Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

So, as I was saying…

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Been a while. So where have I been?

Some people wrote to me to ask if I was okay (and thank you). I just needed to take a few steps back for a while and process some things.

I realize a lot of my readers aren’t in the national spanking community/party scene. I’ve been a part of it for 25 years and the parties/gatherings brought me untold joy. But I think that time may be over.

Last year, there was major upheaval on FetLife and other kinky social media sites. Several women had come forward with stories of consent violations and abuse. It started mostly with the focus on one man (someone I don’t know, BTW), and one by one, women were stepping up with what happened to them. But then it spread into a wave of accusations about party hosts, people who denied that this guy had done bad things, and people who enabled him to continue. More and more names came up, more and more people spoke up.

And then things took a turn. They went from honest and brave revelations of improper behavior to mass attacks and mob mentality. The anger was palpable, the words ugly. Friendships were ruined. A party organizer had to step down. Other organizers were blamed for this and that. And worst of all, it wasn’t enough to try to stay neutral, to hear both sides of all the stories. The outcries of “You’re either with us or against us” and “You people who are silent are supporting the perpetrators” were everywhere. If you didn’t hate so-and-so, you were part of the problem. If you went to such-and-such party anyway, you were enabling rapists. If you didn’t jump on the bandwagon and shove your pitchforks into the accused, you weren’t supporting the victims.

The pain and anger were real. My heart hurt for the people who had been traumatized. But the tarring and feathering blurred the lines. The hatred and finger-pointing tainted the original issues.

John said it would blow over after a while. It didn’t. There are many people I know who won’t go to parties anymore. Others won’t go to this one or that one because of so-and-so. There is such a negative pall over something that used to be so joyous for me.

The parties twice a year in Vegas were our go-to, because we could drive there, lots of our friends came, and we loved the hotel. But now our beloved hotel kicked us out; I have heard it was because of an incident that happened at one of the parties, but I can’t say for sure; I wasn’t there. Several of our friends are no longer going. And honestly, I think I’d rather remember the wonderfully happy time I had in February 2020 and end on that note. If someone starts a party here in Los Angeles, then we’ll consider that. But for now, I believe our national party days are behind us. I may change my mind, but we’ll see. It’s several months until Labor Day.

So. What with all the ugliness that went down, and all the information that was revealed, it was a great deal to process. I had to face some hard truths about the community I loved, about people I’d known for years. And honestly, it hurt like hell. I had to take some time to come to terms with new realities. And while I was doing so, I really didn’t feel like posting here. It felt like the same whine over and over and I figured it was enough already, and that I’d come back when I had something new to say.

By the way… what’s my take on all the stories of abuse incidents? I don’t have one. Because in every one of those instances, there’s one thing in common — I wasn’t there. I don’t know. I never will know. I have my thoughts. But that’s all they are — thoughts. Not facts. Some questions will never be answered. The old expression goes as follows: There are three versions of every story — Version A from one side, Version B from the other side, and the truth. And I just don’t have the wherewithal to sift through it all.

I dunno… I hope things get better. There is a core group of friends we only see twice a year. It makes me very sad to think about never seeing them again.

So yeah, I guess I’ve been “spankless.” But you know what? When you look at the big picture, all the terrible things happening right now, and how truly awful and mean-spirited some people are, there are worse things than being spankless.

And so on. You get my drift.

And hey, all is not lost. I still get by with a little help from my friends. Like my pal Mr. Woodland, who came over last week. So good to see him! We spent several hours catching up. Of course, because it had been a while, I was de-conditioned, and started marking almost immediately. Within 20 minutes, he was looking at this:

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He was concerned about those spots breaking, so we had to keep the scene relatively short. But it was quite intense nonetheless and left me feeling relaxed and happy.

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And this Friday, my friend from Oregon will be in town! So I’ll be seeing him too. Always a wonderful time there.

So… there may not be any more party reports, sadly. Things have changed too much. Time will tell. Meanwhile, I’ll find what I need. Somehow, I always do.

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24 thoughts on “So, as I was saying…

  1. FishFeast on said:

    Sadly all good things come to an end and drama and side-taking seem to be the order of the day. Of course abuse should be called out and not tolerated, but ignorance and neutrality due to lack of being there/informed should not be considered malice. I hope your visiting friends continue to fill the missing niche. Take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bklynny0856 on said:

    Your bottom always looks spectacular but this looks spectacularly painful (yikes)! I hope you received some spectacular aftercare 🔥


  3. baxter on said:

    I was going to say to the spanker ‘well done’ , but looking at your bottom, it definitely is ‘well done’.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When G. was here in December, I had the same problem as you. I hadn’t been spanked in so long that I marked dramatically and right away. Luckily we waited until the day before he left to play at all. Because of how things were here for the past five or six years, I’d only been spanked once in 2019, and then again at the beginning of this year. I couldn’t believe how deep the bruises were from hardly playing, like you, for less than half an hour. My Iron Butt status went away for sure! LOL


  5. bklynny — not to worry. It looks worse than it felt. I wanted more!

    Baxter — yeah, stick a fork in me…

    Jen — it’s ridiculous! And embarrassing! I mean, I was once known as Bionic Bottom, FFS.


  6. Jenny Bell on said:

    Hi! Erica, sorry to hear about the sadness, parties should be fun for everyone there. Bye for now, Jenny,


  7. You articulated this SO WELL; thank you!
    Jean Marie


  8. Jenny — yes, they should.

    Jean Marie — thank YOU! I appreciate that. ♥


  9. It sucks when conniving, petty, mean-spirited people upset the proverbial apple cart and spoil the fun and adventure for everyone else. It’s especially sad to see something that brought you so much joy for such a long time come to an end. I’m sorry that this happened to you, but I’m glad you got to enjoy a play session last week. Your bottom is, as always, a thing of beauty.


  10. Chibob on said:

    Since I don’t know any of the people involved I can’t comment on what did or did not happen, but the mob mentality is a little scary. I saw something similar on Twitter and that is why I no longer use it. Everyone jumps on the bandwagon and then you don’t know what to think or who to believe. You don’t want to take sides because you have friends on both sides.
    It’s an impossible situation and no matter what you do someone will be angry with you.
    Butt, your bottom looks magnificent as always.


  11. I entirely sympathize with your concerns about mob mentality and pitchfork behavior.

    Sweden has the opposite policy, and I don’t really like that result any better. There the victims can tell their stories, but they can’t name the perps — that is defamation. As you wrote, yes it is, but not naming them is also keeping a secret that lets it keep happening. “It is happening, but we can’t tell you.”

    Maybe the solution is criminal law. You know, old fashioned “justice” of charging someone who then gets a day in court? Of course, to do that our court system would need to work well, and from OJ to Weinstein, we have not seen much to inspire there either.

    I have to think that between self help mobs, and secrecy to limit that, and actual justice, we will need to get back to making a justice system that works better.

    But that would be hard to do. Easier to defame, or just keep secrets.

    It all ruins perfectly good spanking.


    • Mark — the worst part is that behind all the chaos, there are real victims. There was real abuse. And some people helped enable it. One of the accusations flying around a lot was “People just want to hush this all up because they don’t want their spanking fun ruined.” And then you had another side saying, “You don’t just want to have justice for victims — you want to burn the entire scene down.” (sigh) I don’t know what the answer is to it all. I just know it’s damn sad, and there are no winners.


  12. Hey there. Too bad about the shift but your post begs a question that perhaps if I read more from your past I might know, but I’ll ask anyway: Does your SO not spank you? It just seems like the most ergonomic solution to have an in-house spanker/spouse. Why rely on others when you can have the closest person to you keep your butt stinging?


    • KD — there you are! What happened to your blog?
      It’s complicated with my partner and me. Suffice to say that we both play with other partners because our kinks don’t quite align. Truth be told, he’s actually a very good spanker when he chooses to be, but I know it’s really not his thing.


      • Thanks for your explanation.

        My blog was suspended for “violations” which turned out to be that someone looked at the photo of the sissy-male flashing from under his dress (no face) as “a woman (I guess because the short fingernails were painted) lifting up the sweater (it wasn’t a sweater but a regular dress) to exploit a male minor ( assumed a minor merely because the genitals were smooth and diminutive which in my experience describes a lot of 18+ sissy males.) Also frustrating because the image was used a punchline to a joke about being careful about looking up dresses, AND it was obtained through a simple Bing search for upskirt porn……which was what the post was about. There was no face and nothing inherently sexual going on either….just a ‘flash’, and that was sufficient to wipe out 7 years of work without warning.


  13. Erica,

    I can’t help but think that the divisive tribalism that has infected almost every corner of public life has (again) spilled over into our community. It makes me sad.

    Big hugs,


    • B0nnie — it is sad indeed. The community will continue, but a lot of trust has been broken and the divisions are sharp. I am hoping for the best… but not expecting the bad feelings to go away anytime soon. Hugs back to you.


  14. Anonymous on said:

    That is one raw, red, reflective rump. Rudolph’s nose is jealous.
    Looks like you sat on a freshly painted (red) park bench.
    I am sooo jealous!


  15. Anonymous on said:

    So glad to see you posting again. I always get a lot out your posts. I also feel saddened by the things that have happened and that the scene does not seem like a welcome place anymore. Hoping things will find a balance again.


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