Correspondence Hall of Shame, 2/17
With a twist. This one will be different from my usual, because there’s just one entry. And I will be balancing that with one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. I just feel like showcasing this one comment because it represents so much about people that I don’t understand.
On one of the kink sites I frequent, I have a reasonably detailed profile. In it, I make it clear that I’m a spanko, not a submissive, and if you’re seeking a “yes-sir-no-sir” type, you won’t like me. I also mention that while I’m sure your male appendages are lovely, I’m not interested in seeing pictures of them — I’d rather see your forearms/hands.
The other day, I got a message from Master Somebody-or-Another. His profile picture was a ginormous pair of breasts, nipples clamped and chained. Delightful. I went on to read:
Wow… you sure have a lot to say. Spanking would be just the start with you.
Having been the recipient of this kind of message for years, I didn’t need to run it through my Asshole To English dictionary to know what he really meant. In short, he was saying,
Wow… you have a big mouth. Spanking isn’t enough. Someone needs to tie you up, gag you and beat the opinions out of you.
Think I’m being too harsh? I don’t. Trust me, I know the type. Uber-Doms who don’t like strong women. I have had tops in the past say pretty much exactly this to me.
(sigh) I didn’t reply. I would have liked to ask him if those boobs were his, but I refrained. Here is my question, which I’ve asked again and again and again, but I never seem to get the answer.
Why did he bother writing to me? What’s the point? What’s the end game? Clearly, I’m not his cup of tea. Click, leave my profile, move on to the next one. Simple, right? But no. He goes out of his way to write something snide to me. What the hell for?
Same deal with the people who stop to write insults on people’s pictures on FetLife. I dunno… if I don’t like a picture, I click off of it and go look at something else. I don’t drop by to inform the poster that I think their photo sucks for whatever reason. And yet, others seem to think that everyone is entitled to their critiques.
I’m reminded of a man I played with a few times about five years ago. He said when it came to life, he had just one simple rule for himself: Don’t be a dick. He couldn’t stop others from being dicks, but he could make sure he wasn’t one. Okay. That works. Although I would change it to “don’t be an ass,” which is more unisex.
Why are we oriented to criticize rather than compliment? John and I were talking about this recently, regarding the workplace. He said in his career, he’d had plenty of bosses/supervisors who didn’t hesitate to criticize or tell you what you were doing wrong, but a precious few who took the time to dole out any sort of praise. Why? I’d had the same experience when I was in the workplace. I even remember asking a former boss about that; I was frustrated because the guy couldn’t say a word of praise about my work performance to save his life, but he sure was quick to point out mistakes. His answer? “I pay you, don’t I?” Yeah, because you have to, stupid. But a kind word now and then would go a long way in making me want to work harder for you.
So anyway, thanks but no thanks for stopping by, Boob Guy. Good luck in your search for doormats.
And now at the opposite end of the spectrum… A few weeks ago, I was at a local munch. Several of us were seated at a long table and many different discussions were going on. At one point, we were talking about FetLife and people were exchanging their Fet names so we could follow each other; when asked, I said mine is Erica_Scott. A man sitting across from me then blurted, “You’re Erica Scott?? I didn’t know you were Erica Scott!!” I said I am.
He then went on to say he was a huge fan, that he’d been following me for years. (I admit I was curious; if that was the case, how come he didn’t recognize me? Then it dawned on me: he’d never been looking at my face. :-D) I smiled and said thank you. And then he said:
“Wow. It’s like meeting a Beatle.”
Wow indeed. Holy crap. That took me aback… I think my mouth probably opened and shut like a fish and I must have blushed beet red. All I could do was stammer, “That is high praise indeed. Thank you.”
Damn. That was humbling. I’ve been lucky enough to receive some nice compliments over the years, but that has to be in the Top Ten, considering how much I worship that band and always have.
In other news, this weekend is the Oasis spanking party in Las Vegas. Several of our friends are there. Of course I have mixed feelings, including that damned icky FOMO business, wishing I could just pop in to get some hugs and spanks and see some dear faces. But I know I made the right call. I’m just getting over being sick. The last time I went six months ago, I got Covid. In my vulnerable state, I’d probably come home sick again. Plus, I’ve needed to step back recently, as I’d talked about in an earlier post. Sooo… part of me will be there in spirit. I hope everyone there is having a blast and the turnout is spectacular. The other part will be with John, celebrating a belated Valentine’s Day, and I am looking forward to that very much.
Have a good weekend, y’all. ♥
O.K. I haven’t read everything you ever posted, but Ive read enough to know that almost all of your “Correspondence Hall of Shame” writers have one thing in common (besides their egregious spelling and grammatical errors). They seem to think that every woman who likes to be spanked also wants to be dominated. No matter how many times you say otherwise. I don’t get it. Are they in denial, or do they think you are?
About your other thing: WOW! Being compared to a Beatle! Congratulations!
The closest I ever came to that was when I was playing harmonica in a bar band. Someone walked in the door and said, “Oh! You’re live! I thought I was hearing a Willie Nelson record!”
Mickey Raphael may not be Paul McCartney, but he was the musician who played the harmonica on most of Willie Nelson’s hit songs, and I felt honored to be mistaken for him!
If I were smarter, I’d make this anonymous, because of the second thing I’m going to say. That seems kind of chicken, though, so I won’t.
First, as to why it’s easier to criticize than praise, although all the other explanations are probably better than this one, could it be a sort of weird side-effect of natural human optimism? What I mean is that we EXPECT things to be right, go as planned, be done well, etc. What we NOTICE is the mess-ups. Wouldn’t it be a depressing world otherwise — if, when we said, “Wow, you did your job RIGHT. I NEVER expect THAT to happen!” it wasn’t taken as sarcasm, because it was true, almost no one ever did their job right, so it stood out when someone did?
It’s no excuse for failure to praise, I realize. And I do try to remember to praise a specific kind of worker. For instance, anyone who has to stick me with a needle (putting stuff in or taking it out). I figure they see the wince and hear the stifled gasp, so I want them to know that despite that, they did a good job.
Second, about why people say something hurtful. I … regret to admit that I understand that. I wish I didn’t. Not all tops are created equal. I wish we were all the good kind, that want to give a woman whatever it is she wants, and seek out the women who want the things we enjoy giving. We’re not all that well-balanced. Some of us have a desire to inflict. That’s the only word I’ve ever found for it. It doesn’t have to be pain or discomfort or loss of control — except maybe loss of control over what input your brain is exposed to. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter if the other person ever knows (voyeurism, for instance). We want to inflict ourselves on someone. We want to do something that was our choice, not theirs. It’s … the bad kind of sadism. It entails a total failure to recognize or respect the other person’s rights. It can be incredibly petty. It’s the OPPOSITE of dominant or masterful — it’s the equivalent of committing vandalism in the dead of the night; requires no courage at all. It’s malicious, and giving in to the desire for it is a weakness and a sin. And that’s what writing something purely in the hopes of making another person feel bad or disgusted reminds me of. Cowardly desire for infliction.
Back on the bright side, I wonder if the person at the munch had only watched your work or if he’d read enough to know that invoking the Beatles was the single highest compliment he could pay? In other words, was it a lucky accident, or tactics?
“Asshole To English dictionary” LOL! I need one of those on my reference shelf.
I actually think that if I ever met you in person I would want to pay you the same compliment. You’re that famous in spanko circles.
“I would have liked to ask him if those boobs were his . . .” You SO should have! I’m a big believer in responding to assholes and trolls. They need to learn that the cost of being an asshole on-line may be getting slapped down.
As for why he did it, you probably answered your own question in characterizing him as an uber-dom. I think some of those guys have “issues” and they can’t help but express themselves against people they perceive as having strong personalities, because they see them as a threat. On my blog, almost every single time that I’ve had a problem with commenter trying to pull some kind of power play, it’s been a guy who used to be a practicing Dom in BDSM world. Even when they convert to the other side, some of them seem to carry that insecure need to dominate with them.
I like John’s simple “don’t be a dick” philosophy. When I was mentoring y0unger people at my old job, I always used to advise them, “Be yourself. Unless your self is an asshole. Then, yes, please be someone else.”
I always look forward to your Correspondence Hall of Shame posts because they usually make me laugh. This one didn’t, but I get that it wasn’t really supposed to. I consulted a different Asshole to English dictionary (the one that lives in my head), and it came up with a slightly different interpretation of what Master Somebody-or-Another was really trying to say: “I’d like to beat the tar out of you because you threaten me.”
You pose an interesting question – Why the drive-by insults? What is it in these clowns’ psychological makeup that compels them to attack someone who has done nothing to provoke it?
Part of it could be the Little Man syndrome where they believe they can build up their own limp self-image by trying to deflate others’. Add an element of deep rooted misogynistic insecurity that makes them think women should not be allowed to be successful or happy or outspoken without them. Finally, we have dommy arrogance that drives them to believe they are superior simply by declaring it to be so. This is a sad sort of character for whom we might even feel pity were they not so offensive.
I agree that “just the start” means bind you, beat you, and bed you. Ick. Failing that, he’ll settle for a lame drive-by provocation attempt.
As for the Beatles allusion, I get it. You are the most famous person I know – Author, actor, blogger, scriptwriter, editor, star of social media, spanko celebrity – and great at all of them. Not to mention, you’re a really interesting, inspiring, and beloved friend.
Happy Post-Valentine’s Day!
“I’d rather see your forearms/hands.” I think a photo of the knees might be welcome too, to see how comfortable it would be to lie across them for some time 🙂
Hugo — I love harmonica! There are so many songs with iconic harmonica riffs. John Lennon was great with one.
Michael — no need to be anonymous. Your answers make me think. I suppose the short version is “Some people suck.” As for the man knowing I was a Beatlemaniac, I don’t know. Could be. But I don’t think he was following me THAT closely. Guess I’ll never know!
Hermione — we all need one of those, these days! (And thank you. ♥)
Dan — HA! I love that advice!
Bob — I do believe you’re right in that interpretation.
Bonnie — Well. Once again, I am speechless. Thank you. I will treasure that. ♥
Prefectdt — perhaps a lap clad in nice dress slacks? You know me and my penchant for suits.
Your former boss sounds like a d-bag! I absolutely hate when people think that because they pay you they’re entitled to treat you poorly! It reminds me that people don’t quit their jobs they quit their managers.
It would’ve been hilarious to ask if the boobs were his but it was probably better that you refrained.
Bexx — sadly, I had way more lousy bosses than good bosses in my years of office work. Which is why I’m so grateful I work for myself. I was so lucky that I was able to do that.
When you mentioned John Lennon playing the harmonica, my mind went back to songs like “From Me to You”, “ThankYou, Girl”. “Please Please Me”, and my favorite harmonica tune by him: “Love Me Do”.
Then I decided I needed to listen to those songs again.
Regardless of one’s level of masochism versus submissiveness, I still tend to doubt the efficacy of ‘beating’ as a tool to change an unpopular opinion. Rather than the boob jab, I think I would have responded to his statement with “Given your boorish behavior and views, I wonder if they could be beaten out of YOU? It’s an experiment I’d love to watch……regardless of the outcome.”
Hugo — don’t forget “I Should Have Known Better”!
KD — ha! I’d kinda like to watch that too. Or at least watch his reaction to that comment.
Beatles, Surf Music, and now the harmonica! I’m beginning to think that if I ever met you in person, and had a face-to-face conversation, I’d be more interested in talking about favorite musicians and songs than… Uhhh… that OTHER thing that you’re better known for. LOL
Hugo — could be! We all are multifaceted.
I have a couple of questions that sort of overlap both topics: In a video that you wrote and starred in, “Spank Thy Neighbor”, your character used two songs to annoy the guy downstairs. What were the names of those songs? And were they ones that you’d listen to at home, or were they just songs that were cheap for the production company to use?
And, BTW, the spanking you got in that video was exactly the kind I like to see. No serious bruising. No welts. No broken skin. Just a nice reddening of both buttcheeks Hats off to Mr. Marvel.
Hugo — OMG, no, that’s not my kind of music. Those were chosen by Tony Elka because they were both so annoying. The first one was called “Helium Bar” and it’s by The Weirdos. The second one was just raucous Romani instrumental music, although in the video it was referred to as “gypsy music,” which is no longer PC.
Another musical question/comment: What is your attitude regarding Pink Floyd? I’ve always liked their songs that got radio airtime, but didn’t know about their other stuff. Recently, I found out that they had started clear back in 1965, at the peak of the “British Invasion”. I decided to do a “Floydathon” and hear some of their earlier songs. It was interesting to hear how they evolved from a typical “British Invasion” band into the guys who gave us “The Wall”
Hugo — I appreciate their brilliance and talent, and some of their songs, but never really got into them that much. Like you before you explored, I only know their hits.