Dear Ageism: You can GFY

Can we all agree that Halle Berry is one of the most stunningly beautiful women on the planet? The other day, she posted this gorgeous and tastefully sexy picture on Twitter. She is 56 years old.

Kudos to her. And then some asshole retweeted the picture and wrote this:

Imagine being in your 50s and still posting nudes for attention in menopause when you should be chilling with the grandkids. Aging with dignity is no longer a thing.

Oh. My. God.

This cretin was actually age/body shaming Halle Freaking Berry?? I saw red. A lot of other people did too.

Soooo… once we pass “a certain age,” all we’re good for is sitting around playing Dot to Dot with our age spots and singing “How Dry I Am”? We’re demoted from Woman to Grandma?

Well, y’all know me and how I feel on this subject, kids. I just had to make a statement. So I retweeted his tweet and wrote:

On behalf of all women in their 50s and beyond who refuse to sit in a rocker and knit socks, who think women are more than baby factories, who thumb their noses at ageing and ageism from people like you, I’ve got a special message for you.

And of course, I accompanied it with this picture:

That was yesterday, but the likes and retweets are still coming. 😀 Got some new followers too.

Put that in your Metamucil and shove it. 😛

Finally, something to post!

Sorry to have been MIA for a while. Even after I tested negative for COVID, I had a crappy couple of weeks with lingering symptoms — relentless cough, body aches, and then, my poor overactive and stressed immune system did its usual thing and broke me out in hives. So much fun! Oh, and car problems on top of all that. Essentially, the past few weeks, it’s been all about work and recovery, and little else. I spent my birthday in isolation. So for those who were asking me about birthday spankings — sorry. No way. Not this year. But not to worry. I still had a nice birthday. Flowers, cake, gifts, texts, cards, and other greetings kept rolling in all that day and I was overwhelmed with love. ♥

So now, I’m finally starting to feel somewhat normal. I really don’t recommend this COVID thing, y’all. I mean, I didn’t even have to deal with shortness of breath or loss of taste/smell, but it was not fun. And it does tend to linger on even after you test negative. People kept telling me it was okay, I’d be okay, this is all normal stuff, but of course, I was nervous about long COVID, since that is so random. But now I think I’m okay. And even getting a bit of my spanking mojo back. COVID knocked all the desire out of me.

And just in time, my video with Jillian came out yesterday. So far, the feedback has been very good. We had chatted on and on for well over a half hour, but the final product clocks in at just under twenty-one minutes. Probably just as well, since people have such short attention spans these days. (Too Long: Didn’t Watch.) Of course, I have my usual mixed feelings about seeing myself on video. I make derpy faces when I’m listening, it seems. I widen my eyes and look like I’ve just been Botoxed. But hey, that fits in with the video subject (Aging in the Spanko Scene), so what the hell. (laughing) Considering I did not know what she was going to ask me and I had to answer everything off the cuff (we had agreed beforehand to do it this way, for a more spontaneous feel), I think I did a pretty decent job of it. I do wish I could have said even more — there really is so much to say on this subject, and I feel like we just scratched the surface. But hopefully I made some good points. Most important, I hope I convinced some people that we all have validity in this scene, at all ages, and these desires should be pursued and enjoyed without shame. Live life now.

WARNING: Controversial statement ahead. (I saw this disclaimer on one of Jillian’s videos and decided to borrow it.)

Getting older is not for the faint of heart. It’s damn hard. Yes, there are advantages. But I’m not going to sugarcoat any of it. The clichés like “Age is just a number” drive me up the wall. It isn’t. “You’re only as old as you feel.” Well, some days, I feel pretty damned old. And then there is this one, which sounds right, but it gets my back up for very personal reasons: “Getting old isn’t that bad when you consider the alternative.”

Um… yeah. Sometimes, it is. Because it’s not the years in your life, it’s the life in your years. Quality over quantity. Sometimes, the alternative is a blessing. It certainly would have been for my mother, who lost her mind, her dignity and her independence from dementia at age 84, but whose existence dragged on for another six years. Living longer doesn’t matter a damn if that life has no quality. You may be assured that you’ll have more years these days because of longer life spans, but you are not guaranteed health. Yet another reason to live your life as best you can now, and don’t wait to fulfill your fantasies and dreams. Because you never know.

*end rant*

Jillian, I don’t know if you’re reading this, but thank you. I admire you so very much, and I appreciate all you do for our scene. *big cyber hugs*

Have a great weekend, y’all. ♥

Women and Topping — Can We Talk?

(Disclaimer: I do not intend this post to offend anyone, or make them feel defensive. This is simply a subject I’m passionate about, I want to speak my truths about it, and I would like others to as well. I hope you will share yours with me.)

You all know I’m a big fan of Jillian Keenan’s. I subscribe to her Patreon channel and I enjoy her videos. Her most recent two have been about “Spanko Self-Awareness” — the questions we all need to ask ourselves to determine what works for us in TTWD… and what doesn’t. In Part 2, released last weekend, she delves into some deeper questions. One of which is “Do I like a thing because I like it? Or because I like the attention it brings me?”

She does not posit this with any sort of judgment either way; it’s simply a request for self-honesty. The more we know about ourselves in this scene, the better choices we can make, and the more we can be our truest selves.

As this question is explored, she goes into a specific situation: namely, the pressure women in our scene receive to switch/top. She brings up the unfortunate fact of how women, as we age, are often devalued in society (and in the scene too… unless we learn how to top). Topping, for a woman in the spanking scene, may be a way to gain back some of that value. And value = positive attention. Let’s be honest — we all like attention, at least to some degree. (I’m not saying y’all are attention whores like me, but come on, it’s nice to be appreciated, no?)

This is a direct quote from Jillian, and I listened three times and wrote it down to make sure I got it right:

“No one is more popular at a spanking party,
or in more demand as a play partner,
than a woman who is holding a hairbrush.”

I don’t disagree with this at all. I think she’s right. But you know what? It pisses me off! I would happily accept “as popular as,” or “as much in demand as.” But more? Why? It doesn’t seem fair. And it’s especially not fair to those of us who have absolutely no desire to top.

Which brings me to my controversial question, and what might put some people’s noses out of joint. For all the spanko women out there, whether professionals in the industry or not, who transitioned into topping: I would love to know the percentage of those who did so because they genuinely wanted to, because they enjoy topping — and the percentage of those who started topping because they felt pressured to do so. Because they thought their continued acceptance in the scene hinged upon that.

Again, no judgment. Just curious. And yes, I know professionals can’t really answer me here. It would be detrimental for business if a spanking model were to publicly admit here, “Yeah, topping isn’t really my thing, but I had to learn to do it anyway because money.” A female bottom’s shelf life in the film/session industry is limited. A female top, on the other hand, can keep going well into her fifties and sixties. There may be exceptions, but generally, past a particular age, a woman needs to switch, or go behind the camera and produce, in order to remain competitive. The most successful women producers I know of do both.

I am a rebel in this scene. I have staunchly resisted two things that seem almost expected of women: 1. Switching, and 2. Playing with other women. I simply don’t want to, never did, and I never will.

But wait, Erica… what about that one time…? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone who’s been with me over the years knows damn well that I topped a young girl on video once, back in 2004. And yes, I played a mom. It was a very domestic scene, nothing sensual about it, her bent over the kitchen table and me with a wooden spoon. Why did I do it? Because I really, really, really wanted to be in this film — it was Spanking Epics’ premiere film, and I wanted in on it. It was a brief scene. And my reward would be getting to bottom later in the film.

But… I hated doing it. Hated every damn minute of it. I still can’t watch that scene. I sucked at it. And oh, the crap I took for it. “My three-year-old could spank harder than that!” Oh, and my favorites, along these lines: “Oh boy, you’re playing a mom already? It’s all downhill from here!” Screw that. Yeah, I played a frumpy widowed mother in 1912, with unflattering hair and clothes. But I also got to do this:

Yup, that was my old mom butt. Put that in your pipe and shove it. (Yeah, I know that’s not how the expression goes. I don’t care.)

However, aside from that, I somehow managed to carve out eighteen years of bottoming on video, even though I was well past the age most women do it. When I first started out, I took a look at some of the producer sites, and when it came to applying to appear on film as a bottom, I saw the same thing many times: “Women 18-35.” Well, humph. I was definitely past that. Fortunately, Shadow Lane didn’t have this limitation, and they happily cast me as a bottom in my first video (and three more after that). But at the time, that was a rarity. In later years, I think production companies let go of some of this ageism and several others cast me. However…

I am not immune to ageing. My body, face and skin have seen some changes. But I do have a few things going for me. I have a youthful air about me. I’ve shunned the sun for years. I keep myself fit with diet and regular exercise. And I made no secret of the fact that I had a face lift. So, I believe the average viewer, not knowing me personally (and not looking too closely), thinks I’m younger than I really am. And I believe that was, at least in part, one of the primary reasons I lasted as long as I did.

Don’t believe that? True story, and I am removing all identifiers. A few years ago, a production company received a request for a custom shoot, and the client specifically requested me in the bottom role. The producer told their client, “I’ll ask Erica, but I’m not sure if she’s still shooting. If she isn’t, would someone else work? How about [another model]?” The client’s answer?

“No, I don’t want [her]. She’s too old.”

As it happened, there was a fourteen-year span between me and the suggested alternative. And no, I don’t mean she was older. I mean she was fourteen years younger. Ouch.

So yeah, ageism is alive and well in the scene, just like in overall society. But forget about the professional world for now. What about average female bottoms, going to parties, enjoying bottoming to different play partners, but finding that as they get older, their play time somehow seems to dwindle? What to do? Oh, and one more point of irritation. There is an attitude that subtly worms its way through not just the spanking scene, but all types of kink — that being, if you are in a scene for X amount of time, you are somehow expected to branch out, to get into new things, to experiment further, to… I hate this fucking word… evolve. In other words, if you don’t grow in your scene, you’re stagnant and un-evolved? What if you just happen to like one thing, like one thing a lot, and are perfectly content sticking with that and have no desire to do other stuff? Why is that somehow considered “less than”?

I’m digressing. My point is, between the ageism and the pressure to evolve, female bottoms have a challenge being true to their inner desires. That at some point, even if it’s not a desire that comes naturally and organically to them, they feel pressure to top.

So, ladies… who out there would be willing to admit that, while you might enjoy topping on occasion, it’s not really and truly your thing, that your true love is bottoming? Who would confess that they initially tried it not out of desire, but out of feeling pressure? Again, this is not a judgment thing. I’m trying to establish just how prevalent and pervasive the pressure to switch/top is. Also, I’d like to know, if you started out doing it out of pressure, did you grow to like it? Or did you simply accept that it’s now something you do, and you keep doing it because 1. it gives your friends pleasure, and 2. you feel like you’re more in demand/more highly valued in the scene because of it?

And of course, if you top because you love it, because you always wanted to, then more power to you! Enjoy your ageless popularity. Hell, I’ve often said I wished I were more versatile and liked to do more things in our scene. More fun to be had, right? But I’m simply not. I had to make my choices. And I wonder about the choices of others sometimes. Peer pressure — and the pressure to maintain one’s perceived value, even if that’s just in our own head — is powerful AF.

On my mind

Been thinking lately about the effect words and phrases have to those of us in the kink persuasion. How certain terms can push all kinds of buttons — positive and negative. How a word or set of words can mean something to one person, and something altogether to another. Many of these have been discussed again and again and I’m not here right now to discuss the psychology of what turns whom on or off. Just thinking about a couple of terms I take exception with, and why.

I was emailing with a top last week, one I hope to meet up with when we can finally get our vaccinations and life can return. I made an offhand comment about how I was concerned that I’ve lost my tolerance, not having played now for over a year. He wrote back, “Nah, it’s like riding a bicycle. Once a pain slut, always a pain slut.”

I don’t have a problem with the word “slut” when it’s used in this sort of context. As long as it isn’t slut shaming, I’m okay with it. However, I don’t think I’m a pain slut.

I’m a spanking slut. When it comes to that specific fetish and everything around it, I am insatiable. But do I crave pain?

No. Not really.

Is “pain slut” synonymous with “masochist”? I don’t consider myself a masochist. Maybe others do, because within the realm of spanking play, I play hard. But even despite that, I have plenty of limits.

When examining the various posts/tweets/etc. of fellow spankos, I see so many other things being discussed, everything from nipple play to bastinado. Face slapping to leg caning. It seems that many people who share my fetish also have a taste for other flavors of pain.

I don’t. Honestly, I hate pain. I have no tolerance for it, except on my bottom. Somehow, pain inflicted on my butt is wired into my endorphins and sexual feelings. But it’s shocking how little pain I can take anywhere else. When I read about nipple torture, for example, I practically fold in on myself. I can’t even stand to have mine touched, let alone struck, pinched or clamped.

My kink, my fetish, my love of pain has a sharp and singular focus. How many others can say this? I wish I knew more people like me. So many things I can’t relate to. I wish I could, but I can’t. And then, of course, people aren’t comfortable discussing their own predilections with me, because they know I’m not relating.

Regarding the gentleman’s comment, I wrote back and explained my preferred term and why. He understood. He also said that he hoped I hadn’t inferred any desire on his part to cause me any pain over and above what I want, and then when we play, it will be safe, sane and consensual always. I appreciated that more than you can imagine… and in particular, I loved that he said when, not if.

Moving on — in 2018, I chose to retire from shooting spanking content. It was time, I thought, and I don’t regret it. I don’t think I ever publicized what led to that decision. It was a lot of things… but it boils down to an essential two.

One, I no longer enjoyed the way I looked on camera. I used to. But in the last couple of productions I watched, I saw changes in my body and my skin that I found unflattering. Simple as that. And if I wasn’t enjoying this anymore, there was no reason to do it. It had always been about fun and self-expression to me.

And two… I saw a hateful person refer to me still doing videos as “granny porn.”

I’d never heard or seen that term before. It made me sick. MILF and cougar are bad enough. But this term was so unflattering, so mean, it really shook me up. I instantly envisioned those awful cartoons of the old Playboy magazines, with the horny, predatory old woman and her saggy boobs.

I then learned that was a real term, a real thing, a genre within porn. I started seeing women using the term. And that made me even sicker.

It’s bad enough living in a world where women aren’t supposed to age. But when some of us buck the trend and exhibit our sexuality past society’s cutoff age, we shouldn’t have to tolerate such degrading terms. And we sure as hell shouldn’t be perpetuating them.

I saw a performer I have always admired use that term about her work, and I begged her to please, please, please don’t refer to her good work that way. She replied that it was a standard term in the industry and she saw no reason to sugarcoat it.

No, don’t sugarcoat it. How about fucking eliminating it?

I am proud of the fact that I started shooting spanking content at an age where most bottoms have retired, and that I continued it for 18 years. But I didn’t want to become a joke, an object of ridicule. And to me, the terminology around older women doing fetish film is degrading. We’re made to look like fools.

On Twitter, there’s a guy who does nothing but post spanking pictures from other people’s work and then captions them with insulting and embarrassing descriptions. “Fat MILF gets her ass spanked.” “Grandpa teaches a lesson.” One time, he posted a photo of me with Danny Chrighton… and captioned it, “Erica Scott plays with her son.” Really?? For fuck’s sake, Danny’s eleven years younger than I am. Is it really that outrageous? Men shoot with women one half to one third their age, but a woman can’t shoot with a man who is a few years younger without evoking that kind of ageist crap? I really didn’t want any more of that, and I could see the writing on the wall: it wasn’t going to go away. As time passed, it would only increase. The bad would outweigh the good. The compliments would dwindle while the mean-spirited critiques would escalate. Time to stop.

What’s my point? Women out there in the industry, particularly those of you who are no longer in your twenties and thirties — please don’t perpetuate this terminology. We can’t change society, but maybe we can change a few minds. Maybe if we don’t condone degrading terms, fewer people will use them. One can hope.

I’d love to hear what people think about either of these terms I’ve mentioned, even those who disagree. I miss spanko chats, truly I do. I feel like play and enjoying this thing I love is so tantalizingly within reach. Maybe another month or two? Fingers crossed.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 9/20

Yup, I’m still getting this crap, kids. I guess some things never change. And I suppose, in a perverse way, I should be grateful. After all, there will more than likely come a day when I’m bawling, “Why isn’t anyone perving me anymoooooore??” (eye roll)

MMMMMMM you like black cock you like to get your pussy pound deep and hard and fuck hard….. you like taboo

MMMMMMM… I like my butt spank. Bye now.

hi you looking to meet and get knotted let me know if your interested i have a trained pet

WTAF is getting knotted? Never mind, I don’t want to know. Buzz off, Junior. (Did I mention this one is 25?)

This one is in response to my never-ending lament about how I hate the “compliment” of someone saying I look good “for my age.”

I think your ass looks very nice for any age,,,,, I do think it would look nicer with a good spanking and a dick shoved up in it tight

(looking around) I’m sorry. I’m trying to discover who asked you what you think. Tight? You wish, honey. I get the feeling your tiny little member wouldn’t be tight in a thimble.

And finally, while we’re on the “of a certain age” BS…

Ready to start your cougar training?
ever thought about you being a live in full time?

You ready for me to claw your fucking face off?? And to answer your question… well, let’s review. I love my boyfriend of twenty-three years, and I still have no desire to live with him. So why in nonexistent deity’s name would I think about living with the likes of you?

I will say this for the twenty millionth time: Calling a woman a cougar is not a compliment. Knock. It. OFF.

Moving on, but speaking of age, I have another birthday this Sunday. Christ, didn’t I just have one? 😛 This week, feeling droppy after my intense experience with B last week and also feeling the birthday blues, I was so hoping I could play with D. Alas, it was not meant to be. He’s still around… but inaccessible. Working insane hours all week, and the only free time he has is on weekends… and I’m not around then. (sigh) Color me frustrated. (What color is frustration, anyway?)

Yesterday afternoon, speak of the devil, D texts me out of nowhere from work. He’s never done that before; he always emails. For about a split second, I wondered if maybe he was going to say, “Hey, if I take the afternoon off, you wanna play?” but I knew that was ridiculous. Responsible adults don’t do stuff like that. No, he was just saying hi. And then he segued into how he’s been “reminiscing” about our last scene. (Five weeks ago already!! Where the hell does time go??)

Oh, yeah?

Then he typed out a few of those memories. Nothing graphic, just… well. Yeah, I remembered them too.

And then he had to go on a conference call. Bye bye.

Well, hell. In a lather, I texted Jay and asked how the hell I’m supposed to work now after getting texts like those. She wrote back that I should tell him to stop reminiscing and start reenacting.

Oh, I liked that. I liked that so much, I emailed it to him later. I told him he had distracted me from work, that I’d been so flustered that I had to stop and do a workout. That he really should stop that. No, really. Stop it some more.

He wrote back, laughing. “Sorry about that.” Oh, sure. Sorry, my unspanked ass. Then he added that as soon as this work crush eased, “reenacting” was a top priority for him.

Of course, I have no idea when that might be. It could be next week. Or next month. Or next year.

Sigh again. So no birthday spanking session for this girl. Sucks.

But I will be with John my whole birthday weekend, and I’m sure he’s got something or another up his sleeve. So I’m going to head over there later and immerse myself in birthday attention. ♥ Fun stuff.

Have a great weekend, y’all. (I would say “happy start of fall,” but here in Southern CA, we don’t have fall, just extended summer!)

What’s in a name?

Actually, quite a bit, if we’re talking about choices for scene/kink monikers. What prompted this? This week, I saw two of them that were such a turn-off, I wouldn’t even bother checking out the person behind them.

I’ve said before that I keep my profiles on the various kink sites, because I never know who’s out there and it never hurts to know more locals. I have many friends with whom I share TTWD, but so many of them are far away. One of said sites will sometimes email a notice to me if their algorithm somehow concludes that a potential match is brewing. So this week, I received this:

“Hey, Erica Scott! Have you met DrSausage? He’s ready to meet you!”

spraying coffee all over the screen  Dr. Sausage??? How does one get a doctorate in sausageology? Does the PhD stand for Perky Hard Dick?

When I tweeted about this, one of my friends cleverly replied, “But… he’s a doctor!” Which made me laugh. Suddenly, I was taken back over 30 years and remembering my mother, who had a dreadful habit of trying to fix me up. She’d attempted it many times, but her most egregious effort came one day when she called me and said I was going to be mad. I listened, feeling my blood pressure spike into emergency levels, while she told me about how she’d been at the beauty parlor that day and had struck up a conversation with a woman sitting next to her at the dryers. Turns out said woman had a single son. All my mother needed to hear was “single,” “Jewish,” and “doctor” — she didn’t even need a photo or any further description.

That’s right. She gave my phone number to this woman, who she’d known for about ten minutes. To give to her son, who she didn’t know at all.

I exploded. “How could you DO that?? You don’t know this woman! You don’t know her son! You don’t know anything about him — and you give my phone number to perfect strangers? And what kind of a man needs his mother to fix him up with unseen women?”

Her defense? “She seemed nice. And how bad could he be — he’s a doctor!”

Oy vey.

Yes, the guy called me, and I met him for coffee. Turned out he was cute, charming, funny and sexy, and we dated for a few years. And if you believe that, please allow me to sell you some magic beans.

Part of me was tempted to write to DrSausage and say, “Here I am, oh meaty one! Come and do your wurst!” But I decided against it.

And then, same week, I get, “Erica Scott, someone just checked you out!” I looked to see who it was.

GrannyLover.

Just shoot me now. No, wait. Shoot HIM. Yeah, I get it. He likes older women. But there needs to be a little finesse here.

News flash, pal. I don’t usually presume to speak for all women, but I’m making an exception here. There isn’t a woman on this entire f&#%ing planet who would find it a compliment, within a sexual and/or kink realm, to be referred to as “Granny.” “Mommy,” yes. I can certainly see that, even though it’s not my thing. But “Granny”? NO. What’s she going to do, bake you cookies until you beg for mercy? Knit you some ankle restraints?

I wanted to write to GrannyLover and attach a charming picture I found of a prim and proper white-haired grandma flipping the bird. But I decided against that as well.

Just another week in the life of a spanko. Have a great weekend, y’all.