Missing a clip — Chross? Anyone?

I never saw a single episode of “Saved By the Bell.”

And now you’re probably thinking I’ve finally lost my mind, wondering what the hell that has to do with anything. Follow my train of thought. All roads lead to spanking.

On Monday, I read about the unfortunate passing of Dustin Diamond (cancer, not Covid) at 44 — he played “Screech” on SBTB. And in the write-ups about him, he was often mentioned alongside co-star Mark-Paul Gosselaar.

MPG played the preppy, bleached blond high-schooler Zack Morris in SBTB. These days, he’s virtually unrecognizable, playing the derpy New Age dad on “Mixed-ish.” But somewhere between the two roles, MPG was quite the hunk of sexy beast.

And it was during that period that he guest-starred in a 2010 episode of “Weeds,” and participated in possibly the hottest scene in that show’s history. When most people think of “Weeds” and spanking, they recall the OTK scene between Mary-Louise Parker and Demian Bichir in the back of a limo. IMO, the scene between MPG and MLP made the limo spanking look like child’s play.

The actual spanking portion of the scene is brief; actually a bare-bottom belting. But the whole thing is so freaking hot, with the most perfect buildup ever, the most perfect dialogue. The chemistry between the two of them sizzles the screen. I think I blogged about it way back when. Used to be you could find the entire scene online, including on Chross’s Movies and TV Database. I watched it many times.

So, the other day I had a hankering to watch it once again. Went to Chross’s database, found it, clicked View. “This video has been flagged.” Whaaaat??

Okay. Maybe it was somewhere else. I remembered the name of the episode was “Gentle Puppies.” I Googled everything I could think of. “Weeds Gentle Puppies bar scene Mark-Paul Gosselaar.” I found articles about that scene; apparently a lot of people agreed that it was steamy. I found a few pictures and a couple of gifs. But I could not find the clip at all, not even part of it, not anywhere.

What happened?? Have we gotten so damned puritanical that the clip was deemed too pornographic or something to leave online? Ugh!

For those who don’t recall the scene, I’ll do the next best thing — I’ll describe it. Perhaps it will jog some pleasant memories. To the best of my recollection (remember, I watched this a hell of a lot of times), Nancy (Parker’s character) winds up in an empty dive bar in the middle of the day. She makes herself at home, walking behind the counter and helping herself to a beer. The owner (MPG) then comes out and doesn’t look too pleased. She proceeds to sit at the bar, helping herself to peanuts and being thoroughly obnoxious to him. Another man comes in, sits down and starts watching the game on the overhead TV.

Nancy then pulls out a cigarette and starts to light it. MPG tells her there’s no smoking in this bar. She protests that there’s no one there, and he insists she can’t smoke. She then gestures at the sole customer sitting at the bar, “You mind?” He shakes his head. So she lights up anyway. MPG looks pissed. Then, abruptly, he turns off the TV and tells the other guy “We’re closed.” The man leaves, and MPG locks the door after him. Meanwhile, Nancy still sits at the bar, looking a bit apprehensive.

MPG slowly walks over to her, comes up right next to her. With one hand, he takes her cigarette and stubs it out, and with the other he roughly fists her hair. Oh. My. God.

Look at her face. She knows she’s in trouble.

And then the following dialogue happens:

MPG: I said no smoking. You don’t listen.
Nancy: No… no, I don’t.
MPG: Do you need someone to make you?
Nancy: Mmmhmmm…

Holy crap. Not since “You’re going to grow up, all the way, right now” has a bit of spanko dialogue made me so weak in the knees. Then the scene jumps to Nancy’s bare bottom bent over the bar, and MPG is thrashing it with his belt.

Aaaaand then the next thing we know, they’re both naked and he’s going at her like a wild stallion. Glasses are crashing and smashing and no one cares.

The scene ends with him clinging to her from behind, and Nancy, ever the grifter and opportunist, is slipping an expensive-looking watch from his wrist onto hers.

Ring any bells, kids? Any ideas where this scene could be found? Hell, I’ll purchase the entire episode if I have to. This one is a keeper. Weeds, Gentle Puppies, 2010. Anyone?

Things are never as simple as they seem, are they?

As you guys may remember, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do with “When Danny Met Erica,” the video Danny and I shot and produced together. For a few years, Shadow Lane was distributing it for us, but they’re no longer distributing other people’s material. Same deal with other video companies.

So I thought, OK, since everyone seems to have a Clips4Sale store these days, I might as well join in. I wrote to Tony and asked what I needed, since he had the master DVD. He said he’d break it up into three clips for me and then, if I had a C4S store set up, he’d upload them for me, or send me a disk, whichever I preferred. Very nice of him.

I’d heard setting up the C4S account is quick and easy. Not quite.

First, they require a scanned file of your ID, plus a scan of one of your bills (with your real name and address on it). I still don’t have a scanner. I meant to get one — I’ve been researching all-in-one printers and had finally narrowed it down to the exact make and model that I want. And it’s out of stock everywhere. I called Epson and they said it’s back-ordered, and they’ll email me when it’s in stock. So, still no scanner.

OK, that’s an inconvenience, but doable. I just have to go to Fedex/Kinko’s and use their scanner. However, there was another requirement. I have to have a minimum of 10 clips to establish a store.

I don’t suppose they’ll accept 3 instead of 10, huh? Even if I ask real nice? Blech.

So I checked out Spanking Library. I didn’t see any minimum requirement there. But they said it’s mandatory to give an address where 2257 documentation is available.

OK, I know what 2257 is — that’s the bit where you have to prove all people on camera were over 18. I don’t have documentation and papers and photos and all that crap like the studios keep — it was just a private little thing between Danny and me. He did put the 2257 notice in the video, because that’s required. But I have no address to give them. Mine? Sure, I could do that, but what happens if they ask me to produce papers?

So forget them too.

Dammit! All I want to do is sell this film somewhere. It’s too good a piece of work to not be available. And it breaks into three perfect clips, since it’s comprised of three separate scenes.

Wish I were more savvy about these things. It’s rather frustrating.

Oh well. In other news, I got an unexpected reprieve this weekend. John’s sister and brother-in-law, for whatever reason, didn’t have their annual holiday blow-out party this year. They’ve done it every year for the past 30 years or more, and I’ve gone with John every year since I’ve known him. I’ve written blog accounts of a couple of them, too. Basically, it’s the same scenario each time: tons of people, live music, food I don’t like, lots of noise, copious quantities of alcohol and pot, people getting progressively louder and drunker as the night goes on, dancing in a tiny area where there isn’t enough room and people crashing into each other and stepping all over each other’s feet, and me wishing we could go home. Yes, I know. I’m such a fun party girl.

I think I mentioned this before, but John’s bro-in-law once made fun of me in the party invitation, writing, “You’ll like this one, Erica — we’ve invited several librarians and we’ll be playing chamber music.” Asshat. What can I say — I’d much rather spend a few hours with a couple of good friends, a good meal and some champagne. Have a conversation during which I don’t have to scream over a racket. I really can be fun in that kind of scenario. Honest. And if you think I’m some uptight librarian type, you lecherous boob, I’ve got a few websites I can show you.

One more bit of news: Since Late Bloomer came out, I’ve had a resurgence of sales for What Happens to Naughty Girls? However, I’ve been informed that it’s no longer on sale at Amazon.com. No worries, as it’s still very much available from its original site at Lulu. If you click on the picture of the book on the right (just below the picture of Late Bloomer), it’ll take you directly to its Lulu page.

And don’t forget, y’all — if you’ve read LB and you liked it, and you haven’t already done so, please drop by the Amazon page and leave a review. I have 15 so far, and every single one helps. Thanks. 🙂

Anyway, tomorrow is the last chance before Hanuchristmakwanzadanivus for ST to spank the Scrooge out of me. Let’s see if he makes any progress.