As in the size of riding crops! (WTF did you think I was talking about?)
Steve showed up at my door yesterday brandishing a crop I hadn’t seen before; he said he’d rediscovered it going through some of his stuff. The first thing I noticed was that the tip, while leather (there is no way I will allow a rubber-tipped crop; I’ve experienced that and don’t want to again), was very small and skinny, until the broader tip of our favorite. Uh oh. I’ve been around implements long enough to know that oftentimes, smaller means more painful, because it concentrates the sensation in smaller areas.
I was right.
Yesterday was intense anyway, for various reasons. I’m so damn stressed lately; things going on with John that I’d rather not go into (his work), plus all the anger and negativity everywhere over this @#$%ing election. Just the other day, I was called a “leftist Jew” on Twitter. I felt overwhelmed with tension and was fairly bursting with it when Steve arrived. We talked for a long time and I wept before he even touched me.
I also wept during our scene, and afterward. I guess I needed to.
But oh, that crop. I hate that thing! It’s nasty! I like sting, but this sting is different, since it’s so concentrated. It felt like I was being stung by multiple bees, again and again. I tried my best to keep still, to not squirm and writhe, but it was a challenge. Breathe, I thought. Settle. Accept. Take it in.
Feel. Just feel. Then you don’t have to think.
Afterward, I was drained and tired, so drowsy. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep all afternoon. But I had to be all adult-y and stuff and work.
Someone suggested yesterday that I stay off all social media for the next two weeks. But I know I can’t do that. However, I no longer watch the news, or even any of the talk shows. I don’t want to hear about what’s going on. I have retreated into nostalgia — lately, I’ve been watching MeTV, AntennaTV and the Buzzr channel (old game shows). Although it’s pretty surreal to watch an 80s Johnny Carson show and hear him mention Trump. Some things never change…
Ugh. Must go work out. Must copy edit. And tonight’s reward, a new Law and Order: SVU episode. Last week it was pre-empted… for that fucking debate! 😛