So far, so good

Birthday week has had some lovely treats already, and it’s not even the actual date yet. John sent me roses early, and then yesterday, Steve came over to take me to a pre-birthday lunch and he brought flowers as well! Don’t they look pretty?

(Steve said: “I’m glad John’s are better. That’s as it should be.”) ♥

We went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch. I was wearing a long dress and Steve teased me at the table about taking off my panties and handing them to him. There were too many people around and I just laughed. However, after we ate and Steve went to use the restroom, I impulsively slipped off to the ladies’ room. There was a woman and her child in there, so I went into a stall, took off my panties, and came back out. Once outside, I gleefully handed Steve my underwear. And yes, we had a long walk back to the car, all the way across the outdoor mall, down some stairs, and walking through an underground parking lot. All the while, he was twirling my bright pink panties on his finger, showing them off, stuffing them in his pocket and pulling them back out, and acting like an adolescent horn-dog. It was so cute. 🙂

Aaaaaand of course, once we got to my car, in a crowded garage filled with cars coming and going in several directions, he wanted a picture. Well, as they say, “Pics or it didn’t happen.”

More about what happened when he got me home at a later date (yes, spanking was involved). I have to get back to work. 😀

Time for another road trip!

Much as I prefer to remain indoors, Steve loves the outdoors. And I must admit, when he coaxes me outside on occasion for our little trips, we do have fun. He knows some very pretty places and he had spent some time researching somewhere we could go that was a bit secluded. Plus, although the sun was shining brightly and the sky was pure blue, it was in the 50s yesterday, so he figured not a lot of people would be out and about on the particular trail he’d chosen.

He picked me up yesterday about 10:45; I wore jeans, sneakers and a sweater, and carried a hoodie (inside which I’d wrapped two small implements, by his request). We had a nice drive up Topanga Canyon, which led us to a winding road we took for several miles and put us deep into the Santa Monica mountains, overlooking the ocean. We parked, and hiked up a short trail, maybe a half-mile or so. A lot of it was on an incline, so it was a mini-workout. I was grateful for my hoodie, because the cold was pretty biting. But it was worth it when we reached the top. Such incredible views!

The above doesn’t do justice to the blue of the sky. There was also a bizarre circling of stones, which I guess had some sort of spiritual meaning to it. So I struck what I thought was a spiritual pose.

Unfortunately when we first got there, there were a few people. First there were two women who were taking pictures, and then they left, only to be replaced by two more women. We waited and waited, taking vanilla photos and drinking in the view, until they left as well. Then Steve led me off into the bushes, on a very narrow path that ended at a sharp drop. We stopped there… and he told me to take off all my clothes.

Y’know, it’s not like I was surprised by this — I mean, he’d told me that’s what he envisioned when we went on this hike. Part of me wanted to do it, but the other part was screaming, “Wha?? What if someone comes? It’s freezing! This is too risky! I don’t wanna!” But yeah, I kinda did. My exhibitionist side was nudging the worry-wart side out of the way.

My first shock was when I took off my shoes and socks. The dirt path was covered with small stones and bits of branches, and they cut into my feet! Steve, although he’d thought of pretty much everything, had not brought a blanket or a towel. Argh. So I pussy-footed around, trying not to injure myself as I stripped. He took a few shots while I was still in my underwear — I kind of like the attitude in this one. 🙂

But of course, the underwear had to go too. Shivering and exhilarated and scared to death all at the same time, I struck poses.

Of course, we had to have a spanking-themed shot, so everyone could see that the top was fully clothed! (eye roll) And really, could I be any whiter?

(Yes, I have a spine curvature. But I guess most people aren’t focusing on that. Hope not, anyway.)

But then Steve, who was constantly keeping a lookout toward the opening into the bushes, hissed, “Someone’s coming!” Oh my God. I freaked out, snatching at my clothes, fumbling with them as I put them on, my hands shaking. “Where are my panties?” I screeched, not seeing them. “Shhhhh,” he said, indicating them on top of my pile of clothes, and I hurriedly stepped into them, then yanking on my jeans and my sweater over my head. “Deep breaths,” Steve reminded me. I braced myself against him as he helped me put my socks and shoes back on, then he went to look again. “Sorry, babe,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. He went the other way.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My nerves snapped and I actually wept. Don’t get me wrong; I loved what we did and I would do it again. But sometimes, this risky fun stuff is nerve-racking! Fortunately, both Steve and John know I get freaked out about stuff (John calls me his panic bunny), and they take it in stride. Once we walked out of the bushes, sat on a bench and I drank a little water, I was fine, and back to good spirits once we started the hike back to the car.

Driving back, the views were so spectacular, we pulled over a couple of times to take more pictures. I took this one with my cell — I think my crappy little phone camera actually captured the blue of the sky better than Steve’s fancy one with all the bells and whistles!

Anyway. That was lovely. And now I can stay inside for the rest of 2016. 😀

Steve got me home around 1:30, and I was able to work all afternoon until it was time to meet Alex and SpankCake for dinner. We hadn’t had one of our nights out since mid-December, so we were overdue. It seems 2016 is starting well for all of us: John’s health is better so I’m not as stressed, Alex is engaged (squeeeeee! so exciting!), and SC has a new job and a great new top. We made all sorts of naughty plans for our time in Vegas at the end of the month. Can’t wait!!

But for now, it’s back to work with me.

Yesterday’s play, and my strange paradox

Well, one of them, anyway. I have many, I guess.

Steve and I had a lovely visit. If you were to see us together at first, you’d think we were just a couple of old pals getting together to catch up. We sit side by side on my couch and we take turns talking about the past week, about our relationships and life situations. Sometimes we’re quite serious. And then, after a while, something shifts, Steve gets that look on his face, and I know it’s time. Seamlessly, we transition into play mode.

As we begin to play, more transitions happen. Before my endorphins kick in, I struggle with the pain as it explodes into my senses, despite the slow buildup. I squirm and twist my feet together and mash my face into the pillow, reminding myself to breathe. “Squirm all you want,” he’ll say. Then it changes — the overwhelming burn morphs into a glow, and instead of wanting to shy away from the impact, I raise my body to meet it. Steve, ever reading my body language, knows when it happens and that he can ramp things up.

Yesterday’s round two was simple, just three implements. Three distinct sensations (crop, wooden paddle, Lexan paddle). I didn’t need to do or say anything; we had no roles or fake issues we were acting out. I didn’t sass. It was all about sensation and connection this time. Maybe not as amusing to read about, but intense just the same.

Then there’s the picture-taking. And that’s when the paradox comes in. My exhibitionism vs. my discomfort with graphic shots.

It’s no secret that I like having sexy pictures taken of me. But when they veer into the graphically sexUAL, I shut down. I wonder why that is. I’m not a prude. I don’t have issues about bodies, male or female. But for me, photos are sexier and more attractive when things are left to the imagination. I am not comfortable with displays of graphic nudity from people I don’t know. And I’m not comfortable with my own display of them, either. When it comes to professional videos, and the photos/screen shots taken from them, I have to accept that the “money shots” will be plentiful. But with my own stuff? I don’t reveal. I tease, I provoke, but I don’t stick it in your face. Why? I don’t know. As I’d mentioned in a previous blog, I’ve appeared fully naked on video only once in sixteen years. And the purpose of that was not to be sexy per se, but to say “fuck you; this is what fifty looks like” to the world of ageists.

Yesterday, at the peak of our scene as I lay over the pillows on my bed, Steve opened the nightstand drawer, retrieved my vibrator and handed it to me. Face down, oblivious to everything around me, I then proceeded to give myself three orgasms while he watched. And took pictures.

Steve takes two kinds of pictures; the ones for me, that I’ll use for my blog, for FetLife, etc. And then the ones he says are “just for him.” The last thing he does before he leaves is copy the day’s photos from his camera onto my computer. And after he’s gone, the first thing I do is go through them — and immediately delete the graphic ones. I don’t like them. He thinks they’re beautiful. But they make me squirm. Why would I want to look at a close-up shot of myself masturbating? (Rhetorical question, folks. You don’t have to answer.) I think naked bodies can be beautiful… but I don’t think genitalia are in and of themselves all that attractive, especially close up. Who knows… it’s a strange paradox, and a weird disconnect. I suppose it’s along the same lines of how I love to be spanked in front of other people, but I don’t want to have sex in front of other people.

Yeah, I know. I’ve talked about this before. But every now and then, I feel the need to explain myself. Maybe because some may think I’m a hypocrite, because I post provocative photos, but don’t care for theirs. I guess, for me, it’s about the level of provocation, and how much intimacy is revealed to strangers.

Am I making any @#$%ing sense, or does it all sound like a big confused rationale? Meh.

Anyway… true to form, here are non-graphic shots from yesterday.

Flash on:

And flash off:

And as usual, the camera didn’t pick up the redness very well. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

Back to work for me. Happy Hump Day. And, according to Twitter, Happy #NationalChocolateCakeDay. (Of course, for me, every day is #NationalChocolateCakeDay.)

It’s June — time for another road trip

Yeah, I’m still here. Figured I’d take a break for a while, and come back when I finally had something fun and on topic to post.

So, after two weeks of vacation (some vacation! poor guy got a raging sinus infection while he was away), Steve was back and ready to break my spanking fast. It was a beautiful day, sunny but not super hot, so he decided it was Road Trip time again. He picked me up at 10 a.m. and we were off to the beach in Malibu, via Topanga Canyon.

Steve is definitely testing my exhibitionist side lately. When we arrived, he found what we thought was a perfect little nook, a patch of parking right next to a small bluff of rocks that led to the water. He parked/angled the car so the passenger side was right up against the edge, and with the door open, the view was occluded to passersby. Really, it was.

Steve found a small area cut into the side of the bluff, one where he thought it would be perfect to sneak in some arty (read: naked) shots. However, before we could scope it out, another vehicle pulled up, and a young couple got out. I scrambled back into my clothes, and we waited to see what they would do. Sure enough, they climbed down onto the rocks and proceeded to shoot a bunch of pictures. Argh! We waited and waited for them to leave, but all they kept doing was changing positions. While we bided our time, we took a couple of vanilla shots…

The above area was where Steve wanted to take the naked shots, but alas, it wasn’t to be. When that couple finally seemed like they were going to leave, another large vehicle parked nearby, and spilled out an entire family — dad, two kids, and mom ready to pop kid #3. @#$%!! So much for our private nook. We piled back into his car and drove off to find another spot.

Upon selecting another place to park, we scrambled into the rear of the SUV and got into some spanking action. Damn, did I need that. I struggled a bit, my tolerance a bit rusty, but with some deep breaths and letting go, I was able to sink into my zone and embrace the pain.

I so love that moment when my brain stops screaming “Stop!” and begins pleading “More….”

Steve got a new camera, a wide-angle GoPro. I’m not sure if I like it or not. He can hold it in one hand and snap shots as we’re playing, which is neat, but some of those wide-angle shots are really bizarre. And unflattering, I think. Here’s one he loves, and wanted me to post. I think it makes me look like a big-footed freak! What do you guys think?

I like this action shot much better. Now that’s what I’m talking about… let’s get to the spankin’!

As before, we had shades up on the windshield, blocking the view, and the back windows are tinted so we could see out, but no one could see in. People came really close, too. One couple parked behind us at one point, and were taking pictures — the guy stood right at Steve’s back bumper. We were mere inches away! He couldn’t see us, but he would have been able to hear us, so we froze until he went away.

Even though it was nice and cool at the beach, the back of Steve’s SUV quickly got stuffy and warm, and he was literally dripping sweat onto me toward the end. So we reluctantly had to pull ourselves together, climb back into the front seat and head out. The AC felt amazing on the drive home, and I was blissfully tingly.

For those who have been asking about John (and thank you for doing so), he is back at work. He is tired a lot, but that’s to be expected. I had to stay home last weekend, because I had a slight cold and there was no way I was going to risk him getting it, so I’m very eager to see him tomorrow. ♥

So 2015 is half over. I’m hoping the second half will be smoother sailing…

Outside the comfort zone

Those of you who have been following me for years, have read my book, etc., know that I have a bit of exhibitionism in me. I love playing in front of others. I’m obviously not camera-shy. And years ago, I sashayed down the bike path at a local park in the moonlight, wearing nothing but heels and stockings. So I guess, buried deeply within my careful and meticulously planned self, there’s a teeny part that enjoys taking a little risk too.

However, one place where I’ve never taken risks is where I live. Yes, I play inside my apartment and I’m sure neighbors have heard and wondered. But outside my door, I don’t mess around. John used to love to do naughty things in my hallway when we were leaving or coming home, like pull up my skirt, or loudly smack my butt. To these I would jerk away and hiss, “I have to live here!” Same thing with Steve. He always makes like he’s going to pull me out the door in nothing but my underwear (or less), and I parrot that identical phrase to him.

Yesterday, after we were done with a very thorough hand spanking, Steve said, “We’re going to go a little outside your comfort zone today.” My first reaction was to tense up, on the defensive. “Look at me,” he said, and I did. “It will take about five seconds. Will you trust me?” How bad could it be if it only took five seconds, I thought. Slowly, I nodded.

He got his camera ready, took off my top (my pants were already off, obviously), and told me to go into the corner by the door and strike a pose with my arms over my head. Ummm… OK. Didn’t see the harm in this, since I’ve done it many times before.

“Good,” he said. Then he unlocked and cracked open my front door. “Now go and do the same thing in the hall.”

I stepped back. No way. With all those doors that could open any second?

He didn’t order; he knows that’s not my style. He convinced. “I can hear if someone is coming, and if I hear a door opening, I’ll push you back inside,” he said. “I’ll go into the hall first, make sure the coast is clear. Then I’ll say ‘ready, set, go,’ you jump out, I’ll snap a picture and you can dash back inside.” Again, he asked, “Will you trust me?”

That’s when my mind clicked over. This wasn’t about exhibitionism. This was an exercise in trust. I knew I didn’t have to do it if I really didn’t want to, if I didn’t feel safe, if I was afraid. And that’s exactly why I did it. Because I do trust him.

So when he gave me the cue, I scooted out the door, struck a pose, and as soon as I heard the camera click, I was back in my living room, my heart pounding.

He was right; it didn’t take more than a few seconds. But it pleased him so much. And yeah, I was a little thrilled too. I’ve forgotten lately what it’s like to let go, be a little crazy.

We then headed into the bedroom for my “reward.” No, not that kind of reward. I’m a spanko, remember? This kind of reward.

And then all was well in my little world for a while.

In other news, John is now up to walking for an hour twice a day. Of course, after each one, he is exhausted and has to take a nap, but it’s progress. I’m looking forward to when he can get some of his tone and muscle back. He’s so very thin right now…

Back to work with me. Happy hump day.