Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the category “Facebook”

Social media, spankos, and me

It’s not secret that I’m a bit of a social media addict. I currently have nearly 15,000 tweets on Twitter (I’m not proud of this, BTW). I enjoy Twitter; it’s a fun way to stay connected with everything that’s going on, and I’ve made some interesting friends on there. I stay out of the flame wars and enjoy the hashtag games. But of course, it’s limited. You can’t exactly be profound in 140 characters. And oftentimes, as I’ve said before, it feels like the 21st-century techno version of talking to yourself.

Then there’s Facebook. Vanilla land, although there are many spankos on there. I straddle two fences there. I use Erica Scott, as I do pretty much everywhere. But because I have many vanilla friends on there, or spanko friends under their vanilla names, I avoid spanking talk and photos. Oh, there’s hinting and playing at it. But I’m discreet. What do I like about FB? I love to play Scrabble and Words With Friends. I like looking at my friends’ pictures. I’m a sucker for all the cute animal videos. I like keeping up with the authors of spanking e-books, as I copy-edit several of them. But I can only hang around there so often. The political and religious stuff is hot and heavy there and I find myself getting angry. I realize that underneath my anger is a lot of fear over what the hell is happening to us and what’s going to happen, but I can’t fix that and immersing myself in it is not good for me and my depressive tendencies.

Aaaaand then there’s FetLife. From which I’m still deactivated, and have been for about a month now. It feels a little strange, like there’s a hole in my online life. But I feel like in many ways, going there was like beating a dead horse. It simply wasn’t what it used to be: a fun place to connect with all my kinky friends, talk about spanking, share thoughts and fantasies and memories, make new friends. FetLife currently has millions of members; I was member number 16,919. So we go way back.

There’s a lot I don’t miss on FetLife. For example:

  1. “[Our party] is the best/most well attended/most inclusive party and has the most cool kids and spanking models!” “No, [party B] is!” “No, [party C] is!” “[Your party] sucks!” “No, yours does!” “No, yours!” “You suck!” “No, you do!”
  2. Dick pics, twat shots and wide-open back door pictures where you can practically count the feet of intestines.
  3. Endless pontificating from the handful of “experts” who could post the Gettysburg Address and have it land on Kinky and Popular.
  4. Stuff like “[A well-known top] is awesome, and if you don’t like him, then fuck you!” Worship of false idols.
  5. The never-ending barrage of accusations — an almost daily report of whose consent got violated. There was an epic flame war over a woman who claimed her consent was violated at a private spanking party. Why? Because the host jokingly referred to her as “naughty.” I kid you not. This one did this, this one said that… and the result is when someone really is raped/violated, it’s not taken seriously.
  6. Inappropriate comments and insults on women’s pictures. I say “women” because I honestly haven’t seen them on men’s photos, but I’m sure those exist too. Treating the spanking models like they’re sexy life-sized dolls there for your entertainment, rather than like the real people they are.
  7. “Which celebrity would you like to spank/be spanked by?” “What’s your favorite implement/position/word for bottom?” “Is spanking sexual?” being brought up and discussed for the 11,527th time in a new thread.
  8. Flaming, bullying and sock puppetry. So many fakes that one never really knows who and what is real.

Oh, but… I do miss things too. Such as:

  1. The way the community could band together when someone is in need. A couple of years ago, a beloved long-time member of the scene had a massive heart attack and nearly died. He was incapacitated and couldn’t pay a lot of his immediate bills. A GoFundMe (or something similar, I can’t recall for sure) was organized for him, with a goal of $10,000. That was surpassed in just two days. I think they ended up with about $17,000 for him. Another member had serious complications with a high-risk pregnancy and ended up giving birth prematurely — she too nearly died. A collection was taken up for her as well.
  2. Fun, silly, playful stuff, friends enjoying each other. One of my favorites: when our friend Piper was “grounded” from FetLife and a bunch of us were pleading with her top to “free” her and let her come back. Some of us even taped little videos of our pleas, including yours truly. I actually sang.
  3. Post-party discussions about our favorite memories.
  4. My wall filled with greetings on my birthday.
  5. Unexpected messages/comments that brightened my day.
  6. Connecting with my friends and feeling “a part of.” Right now, I feel disconnected and sad. I feel unmissed and insignificant. But then again, they are probably feeling like I abandoned them. I read a depressing meme on Facebook recently: Something along the lines of “If your disappearance didn’t affect your friends’ lives, then your existence probably didn’t either.” Ugh. Not what I needed to see.

So where does one go to connect online with other kinksters? Is that a place that simply doesn’t exist anymore? Is it all about photos and hookups and parties and little else? Part of me wants to go back to FetLife; another part says, “Why?” I know I don’t want to just yet, not when the national party season is in full swing. I’m not going to any of them and I don’t need to read about them.

It’s all part of the “where do I go from here” thing I’ve been dealing with. I had a sense of belonging for a very long time, something I spent most of my life without. Now, I am questioning where I belong. With John, of course. With Steve. In video archives. But where else? That’s a rhetorical question — I’m not expecting any answers. The spanking community is and has been important to me for a long time, and I want to continue to be a part of it, to contribute to it. I’m just not sure how.

Anyway. Enough of this meandering. I have to go get a pedicure. Tomorrow, I’m going with John to his high school’s 40-year reunion and he wants to show off his “hot girlfriend.” (Looking at my sloppy self at the moment and thinking “WTF??”). I don’t think he needs me there, really. He has a good job, a good career, two residences, and will probably be the only guy there who is still fit and trim and has hair. But what the hell… it’s just a couple of hours. I won’t know anyone there, but I’ll smile and nod and fake my way through it. Like I did for years and years at his family events, of which we have been relieved, thank you very much. And I’ll get to go home with the best guy there. ♥

Have a great weekend, y’all.

Facebook, stupid people, and me

With a title like that, you know there’s some snark forthcoming, no?

OK, so pretty much everyone and their second cousin is on Facebook, including a lot of fellow kinksters. Generally, when kinky folks are on FB, they fall into one of two camps. Some of them use their scene names, and promote their material (books, videos, blogs, etc.) that has to do with their kink. And others are there under their real names, and don’t speak of the kink at all — they are there to connect with family, coworkers, vanilla friends, etc.

Surprise, surprise — I don’t fit into either camp. I use my scene name, but I don’t promote my scene stuff. I don’t post pictures of my bottom, of spanking, or any links to videos. (I did post a sort of g-rated kinky picture once of myself in bondage, but then I took it down.) I don’t talk about spanking. I don’t feel the need to do so — I can talk about that here, on FetLife, on Twitter. I belong to a Spanking Authors group, but it’s private. On FB, I’m friends with a lot of different people, including vanillas, and even a couple of cousins. Everyone knows what I do; I don’t exactly hide it. But I don’t broadcast it, out of respect for vanilla people, or for kink friends who are trying to appear vanilla on FB. So why do I use my scene name, you might ask. Simple. I post pictures of my face. And I don’t want to broadcast my real last name out there, for all the stalkers and weirdos to see and say, “Ah! So THAT’S who Erica Scott really is!” My real name is for friends only.

Being the troublemaker I can be sometimes, I’ll hint at it. For example, right before Shadow Lane, I’ll post a status along the lines of “Going to Vegas for a long weekend to engage in activities we don’t talk about on Facebook.” 😀  But I won’t spell it out.

So what do I find particularly annoying on FB? When I post something that has absolutely zero, zilch, zip to do with spanking, and commenters try to make it about spanking. So much for subtlety!

Yesterday, I went to lunch with my stepmother, and we had an unusually handsome waiter. Damn, he was gorgeous. I joked with my stepmom about how utterly effed up it is that I think this guy is cute and then realize I’m old enough to be his mother. When I got home, I posted a status on FB about life’s “fuck me” moments, mentioning the server and that sickening jolt when it occurred to me that he could be my son.

People liked the post and made lots of fun comments. Until the bozo who wrote, “I hope your stepmom tanned your bottom for those thoughts.”

Uh, no. Because life is not a spanking video, dear. If it were, I’d be 18, my stepmother would be a gorgeous MILF-y 42 or so, and sure, that would be video fodder. Real life? I’m 58 and she’s 83. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. No one, but no one wants to see that. And if someone does, I don’t want to know who they are.

So, because I didn’t want to be rude (yes, that happens sometimes), I attempted to deflect his remark and steered things back onto the topic. But he wouldn’t give up. Today, he wrote that I should have at least gotten a “warming on the seat of my skirt.”

Oh, for Christ’s sake.

But before I could answer, someone else chimed in and told him to give it up, that this wasn’t about spanking, despite his clumsy efforts to make it so. And what does Bozo reply?

everything about eirica is about spanking she is a spanking model idiot

(Really? If you know so much about me, how come you can’t spell my name right, idiot?)

It still boggles my mind that some people think this way. Of course, if one is into spanking, especially if one’s career is centered around spanking, then every single thing they do and say and eat and drink and breathe and excrete comes down to spanking! Everything else — feelings, desires, relationships, hobbies, preferences, travels, travails, etc. — is just filler.

Newsflash, dumbass. No, everything about me is not about spanking. It’s part of my life, granted. A big part. But it’s not my whole life, period. Nor is it the whole life of spanking actresses, models, bloggers, authors. They all have various dimensions. They have likes and dislikes, loves and hates, favorite foods, children, mates, pets, allergies, childhood memories, songs they sing in the shower, nightmares, and all those other bits and pieces that make up the messy puzzle of human-ness.

Why would people assume that anyone’s life is that one-dimensional? I guess they think that porn stars have sex 24/7 too, huh? Because, well, sex. That’s all there is, isn’t there? (sigh)

Yeah, I know. You can’t fix stupid. But it helps to rant about it every now and then. 🙂

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