Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the category “helpful hints”

Some things never change

No matter how many years you spend in TTWD, no matter how many experiences you have, how many things you try, how carefully you hone your own personal interpretation of your chosen kink to where it is fulfilling and joyous… there’s always going to be some nitwit out there telling you you’re doing it wrong.

A few years ago when I was playing regularly with He-Who-Is-No-Longer-In-The-Picture, we used to shoot a lot of goofy videos of our play, some of which I posted on Spanking Tube. One especially popular one was when I’d written a spanking parody of the Beatles song “If I Fell,” and he made me sing it on video — while being spanked.

I still get occasional comments on that one, positive ones saying that it was funny and entertaining. And then yesterday I got this — verbatim, poor grammar and missing punctuation intact:

A spanking not supposed to be fun its supposed to make her correct her bad behavior

Oh, yeah? Says you, illiterate one. Although you’re probably right in one respect: I doubt that spanking or any other kind of kink play is fun when you’re involved.

Who the hell are you, or anyone else, to say what spanking is “supposed” to be? Who are you to deny the unbridled joy that some of us feel indulging in a favorite pastime and fulfilling our desires? Spanking — and all other forms of kink/BDSM/what have you — means myriad things to countless people. There is no “supposed to.” There is no “one true way.” And to impose your rigid (and unsolicited) view and dump on someone else’s pleasure is most unwelcome.

Just a reminder, to anyone out there reading who is new to all this: Don’t let others tell you how you’re supposed to do this thing. Discover for yourself, through trial and error, through following your instincts, what works for you. If it’s discipline, great. If it’s for fun, that’s also great. If it’s a complex mix of the two, have at it. What pushes your buttons and brings you floaty joy, as long as it involves consenting adults, is what it’s supposed to be.

Tell you what, stupid stranger. I’ll go on doing my thing the way I like doing it; if that’s “bad behavior,” oh, well. Report me to the kink police, why don’t you. Or better yet, why don’t you work on correcting your bad grammar and mind your own fucking business, hmmm?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Monday. Today, it is cold, dark and rainy outside. I have my heater running, warm clothes on, a full fridge, classical music serenely playing in the background, and plenty of work to keep me busy. I don’t have to go anywhere; I can work out in the apartment gym if I want to. I am safe and insulated and at peace in my little bubble.

I know the rain will end, outside life will encroach, and I will need to leave my bubble and re-enter a world that feels ugly and unkind to me. But for this moment, I wish I could stay in here forever.

Erica’s Helpful Hints — the Monday edition

Greetings, readers. Tonight I present some suggestions about what you might not want to do during a spanking (or maybe you might, as I did — snicker), courtesy of New Guy and me and tonight’s festivities.

When you’re over his knee, it’s probably not a good time to laugh at him when he calls you a smarty-pants. You might end up a smarty no-pants. (No, I can’t take credit for that; he’s the one who said it.)

And don’t let him stick the camera in your face as your head is dangling toward the floor.

So attractive.

Even though you think your readers may be bored with the ottoman pictures week after week, be careful what you ask for. He may put you in a much more uncomfortable position.

Oh, and this probably isn’t the best idea either…

When he finally lets you up from that godawful kneeling-in-chair position, it’s probably not to your best interest to express your gratitude by blurting, “You suck!!”

You’ll just end up in yet another position.

And when you’re in this position and he’s hovering over you, oh, it’s soooo tempting… but resist the urge to lift your heel and verrry gently but strategically place it where it would send him through the ceiling if you were to kick. You may find yourself counting strap strokes and repeating after each one: “That was a really bad idea.”

What else… oh! When he’s futzing around with the camera, which means he’s taking a break from smacking you, shut up about it! Don’t heave a sigh and groan, “Oh, get on with it already, for God’s sake.”

And finally — When he says, “Hey, I just got an idea!” don’t answer, “Did it hurt?”

(Aaaaack! It’s the dreaded mush-butt!)

This concludes tonight’s Helpful Hints. You’re welcome.

Repost: By Special Request!

Over a year ago, I posted the following entry on my old MySpace blog. (Jeeez, now that I’ve been here for a while, I can’t believe I blogged on that site for so long. Blech!) I also put it on FetLife, but my buddy Zelle has requested that I repost this on here, for those who aren’t Fet members and for my new readers who didn’t see it the first time. Sooooo… if you’re already seen this, my apologies, and you can blame it on Zelle! 😉  (Kidding, honey!) And if it’s new to you, hope you enjoy it.

So, without further ado, here is a repost of Proper Behavior During a Spanking: Erica Style. You can consider it another installment of Erica’s Helpful Hints.

I’ve been reading more blogs lately. A while ago, a snippet from a DD (Domestic Discipline) blog was posted in a blog entry called This and That, a collection of snippets from several blogs. Following are five rules, according to DD/HoH (Head of Household) practitioners, for proper behavior during a spanking:

1. One must lie still during chastisement, and not attempt to wiggle out of the way of the spanking.

2. One must not try to block with her hands. This is so dangerous, especially if an implement is being used.

3. Unless you are asked a question you should remain silent, other than repentant tears and sobs.

4. Do not attempt to fight a punishment. If you are told to lie over your HOH’s knee so he may begin, just do it.

5. For HOH’s: lecture, lecture, lecture. This is one of the most critical things in DD. A lecture can make a difference between tears and stoic behavior.

Mind you, I am not posting these to ridicule them. Clearly, there are folks who follow these rules and believe in them. Whatever works. However, for those of us who are on the not-so-submissive side, these rules are not applicable. Therefore, as a public service, I hereby offer my own version of How To Behave During a Spanking.

1. You are not a sack of potatoes. Kick those legs. Pound the carpet/bed/couch. Squirm. Wriggle. You’re going to get spanked anyway, so why make it so damned easy for the top?

2. Reaching back with your hands is not a good idea. Not because it annoys the top, but your hand might get clobbered and that really hurts. So keep them in front of you. Of course, if a wayward elbow or fist happens to connect with the top’s shin, that’s OK.

3. This is a spanking, not a visit to the library. You don’t have to be quiet. Use your voice. Scream and yell. Fuss, cuss and whine. The only exception to this is if your top asks you to repeat some ridiculous phrase, like “Thank you, Sir.” Then you should remain silent. Or improvise. If you’re clever, you can make “Fuck you, Sir” sound sort of like “Thank you, Sir.” They’re both one-syllable words that end with k.

4. Put up a little resistance beforehand. Why should you accept your fate with such stoicism? It’s going to hurt either way; at least you’ll have the pride of knowing you tried to avoid it. Argue, reason, plead, refuse to cooperate. Don’t remove your own clothing. If he wants anything up/down/off, he can do it himself.

5. Tops: Scold all you like. Just bear one thing in mind — no matter what you say, all we hear is blah blah blah.

6. Bonus tip: Implements are wretched things and deserve no respect whatsoever. If one is placed within your reach, fling it across the room. If one is broken on you, gloat and cheer. If your top asks you to kiss one, blow raspberries on it.

So, what did we learn? How about a little pop quiz?

1. When a top asks you, “Why am I spanking you?”, you answer: a. Because I was a bad girl, Sir. b. I don’t know. c. Because you’re an ass.

2. If a top says, “Stop kicking!” you: a. Stop kicking immediately. b. Tearfully plead, “But it hurts, Sir, I can’t help it.” c. Snap, “Stop spanking!”

3. When a top tells you to pull down your panties, you: a. Immediately pull them down, and take off your dress for good measure. b. Look at him pleadingly and say, “Please, not my panties!” c. Snap, “Pull them down yourself! Is your hand broken?”

4. If a top asks, mid-spanking, if you have anything to say, you reply: a. I’m sorry, Sir. b. Please, no more, it hurts. c. Yes. Go f*** yourself.

5. If a top bruises/blisters his hand spanking you, you: a. Kiss his hand, then promptly fetch him an implement to finish the job. b. Promise you’ll be better, so next time he won’t have to spank so hard. c. Laugh your head off and call him Edward Sissyhands.

I don’t think I need to post an answer key — y’all know me well enough to know what the right answers are.

No need to thank me for this PSA, folks. I am here for you.

Erica’s Helpful Hints #6

Do not watch spanking videos with your top. Bad, bad move. They’ll get evil ideas and you won’t make it to the conclusion of the video without getting flipped over.

However, if you must take your chances and watch anyway, then for the love of God, make sure to avoid the following. When the top on the screen inevitably spouts one of those oh-so-familiar lines like “Is this getting through to you?”, do NOT turn to the top beside you and ask, “Why do you tops all say the same stupid crap?”

There might very well be a spanking in stereo.

Yes, that is my butt times 2 — in the foreground AND on the TV!

One more thing, folks: In case you haven’t heard, Brushstrokes is doing his annual Spanking Awards, and the list of 10 nominees for Best Spanking Blog of 2010 went up yesterday here. Much to my surprise and delight, I’m among them. This is the first time I’ve been nominated and several of my favorites are included on that list, so I am honored indeed.

Chross will win (and deservedly so); he’s far ahead of the others. The poll is set up so that everyone can submit just one vote, so runner-up remains to be seen. Sooooooooo… if you like this blog, and you haven’t already voted for one of my esteemed co-bloggers, show me some love and vote for me? 🙂 Pardon the Hollywood-ish cliché, but just being nominated is very exciting. Thanks!

Erica’s Helpful Hints #5

Spankees, we’ve all been in this situation: You’re OTK, the spanking has ramped up and you temporarily quiet down in an attempt to absorb it. And then your top crows, “No sass? Wow! I think I’m finally getting through to you!”

So smug. :-Þ

Tempting as it may be, it’s probably not in your best interest to twist around, pinch his arm and say, “Wake up. You’re dreaming.”

It’s damn fun, though. 😀

Erica’s Helpful Hints #4

Just tell him that you were scratching the bridge of your nose. You’re allowed to have an itch, aren’t you? Well, aren’t you?

That’s your story and you stick to it. 🙂

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