Hope everyone had a nice weekend.
John had his own theory about my Jekyll/Hyde correspondent last week. He said the reason why the guy was nice at first, and then changed so drastically, was because he had no intention of meeting with me. That first photo he sent me, of Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome with the shampoo-commercial hair? Fake. He’s really a 300-pound toad. (that probably wasn’t his real dick, either, but that’s beside the point.) Apparently he gets his jollies by engaging with women and messing with their heads, without having to actually meet them.
OK, that makes as much sense as anything else, I guess. “Why would he suggest you come right to his house to play, rather than meeting for coffee first?” he asked. “Because he knows most women won’t go for that. And if they do, he’ll give them a fake address.”
Takes all kinds, doesn’t it. Yeeeeesh.
So here’s a thought; someone suggested this a while back, but I can’t remember who it was. I have enough CHoS material accumulated from the past few years; what if I pull it all together, organize it and make a book out of it? I could have different chapters, like one just for the age comments, one for those special form letters that go on and on, one for entries from women (yes, I do have them), and so on. Could be fun. Perhaps I could have a chapter of contributions from friends, of their own charming missives.
Something to think about. I can’t seem to find any work, so perhaps that project could keep me from completely losing my mind.
Speaking of losing one’s mind… today at brunch, we were seated near one of the dreaded “large party” tables. Toward the back of the restaurant, there are booths on one side and then across from them are tables pushed together for big families and groups. Sometimes we get lucky and the groups are all adults, but not today. This time, it was a large group of mostly kids, chattering and blasting some game with music pumping on their iPad, laughing, kicking the chairs and making a racket. The two adults at the table ignored them, of course.
They left when we were halfway through our meal, and I realized I hadn’t taken a proper breath since we sat down. Heaving a sigh of relief, I settled down to enjoy the latter half of my brunch. Five minutes later, another (even bigger) party was seated… with even younger children. And a baby. Which was plunked in a high chair at the end of the table closest to us, naturally. He wasted no time in emitting those delightful ear-splitting shrieks that only babies can do, and throwing things on the floor.
“Finish up, honey, and let’s get out of here,” I hissed to John. Our server was so frazzled, she forgot to bring us our check and we had to sit there for several minutes listening to the cacophony.
By the time we got out of there, I was so thoroughly rattled, I walked down the wrong aisle in the parking lot. Got to the end of it where I knew I’d left my car, and… nothing. “John, oh my God, where’s my car??” I cried.
“Sweetie,” he said gently, turning me slightly to look over to the next aisle, where my car was exactly where I’d left it.
I swear, I just wanted to sit down in the middle of the asphalt and scream my head off.
Earlier this week, I was taking an online Myer-Briggs personality test, and one of the items was “Agree/Disagree: I am disturbed and distracted by outside noises.” There needed to be a third option for an answer: “That’s the understatement of the fucking universe.”
It’s not easy being me sometimes, folks. Especially the me who goes crazy with stress over noisy children/babies, loud neighbors, people who talk in movie theaters, music/TV blasters, barking dogs… Considering we live in a world that just hit a population of 7 billion, peace and quiet is getting to be a rare commodity that is attainable only by the very wealthy. (sigh)
Enough of that. It’s very quiet in my apartment tonight. I have a new neighbor moving in next door and I’m all freaked out about that as well, but for tonight, they aren’t here yet.
Tomorrow is Halloween. What’s everyone doing? Or did some of you have parties this weekend? I’m not really into it, myself — i think it’s for kids. But I do love the candy.
Apropos of nothing, if anyone else is feeling down or stressed, take a look at the little clip below. This commercial never fails to make me giggle. I love Jimmy Fallon, and it seems he’s met his match here! Where on earth did they get that kid??
I love how she says one of my favorite words. 😉 Night, y’all.