Missing a clip — Chross? Anyone?

I never saw a single episode of “Saved By the Bell.”

And now you’re probably thinking I’ve finally lost my mind, wondering what the hell that has to do with anything. Follow my train of thought. All roads lead to spanking.

On Monday, I read about the unfortunate passing of Dustin Diamond (cancer, not Covid) at 44 — he played “Screech” on SBTB. And in the write-ups about him, he was often mentioned alongside co-star Mark-Paul Gosselaar.

MPG played the preppy, bleached blond high-schooler Zack Morris in SBTB. These days, he’s virtually unrecognizable, playing the derpy New Age dad on “Mixed-ish.” But somewhere between the two roles, MPG was quite the hunk of sexy beast.

And it was during that period that he guest-starred in a 2010 episode of “Weeds,” and participated in possibly the hottest scene in that show’s history. When most people think of “Weeds” and spanking, they recall the OTK scene between Mary-Louise Parker and Demian Bichir in the back of a limo. IMO, the scene between MPG and MLP made the limo spanking look like child’s play.

The actual spanking portion of the scene is brief; actually a bare-bottom belting. But the whole thing is so freaking hot, with the most perfect buildup ever, the most perfect dialogue. The chemistry between the two of them sizzles the screen. I think I blogged about it way back when. Used to be you could find the entire scene online, including on Chross’s Movies and TV Database. I watched it many times.

So, the other day I had a hankering to watch it once again. Went to Chross’s database, found it, clicked View. “This video has been flagged.” Whaaaat??

Okay. Maybe it was somewhere else. I remembered the name of the episode was “Gentle Puppies.” I Googled everything I could think of. “Weeds Gentle Puppies bar scene Mark-Paul Gosselaar.” I found articles about that scene; apparently a lot of people agreed that it was steamy. I found a few pictures and a couple of gifs. But I could not find the clip at all, not even part of it, not anywhere.

What happened?? Have we gotten so damned puritanical that the clip was deemed too pornographic or something to leave online? Ugh!

For those who don’t recall the scene, I’ll do the next best thing — I’ll describe it. Perhaps it will jog some pleasant memories. To the best of my recollection (remember, I watched this a hell of a lot of times), Nancy (Parker’s character) winds up in an empty dive bar in the middle of the day. She makes herself at home, walking behind the counter and helping herself to a beer. The owner (MPG) then comes out and doesn’t look too pleased. She proceeds to sit at the bar, helping herself to peanuts and being thoroughly obnoxious to him. Another man comes in, sits down and starts watching the game on the overhead TV.

Nancy then pulls out a cigarette and starts to light it. MPG tells her there’s no smoking in this bar. She protests that there’s no one there, and he insists she can’t smoke. She then gestures at the sole customer sitting at the bar, “You mind?” He shakes his head. So she lights up anyway. MPG looks pissed. Then, abruptly, he turns off the TV and tells the other guy “We’re closed.” The man leaves, and MPG locks the door after him. Meanwhile, Nancy still sits at the bar, looking a bit apprehensive.

MPG slowly walks over to her, comes up right next to her. With one hand, he takes her cigarette and stubs it out, and with the other he roughly fists her hair. Oh. My. God.

Look at her face. She knows she’s in trouble.

And then the following dialogue happens:

MPG: I said no smoking. You don’t listen.
Nancy: No… no, I don’t.
MPG: Do you need someone to make you?
Nancy: Mmmhmmm…

Holy crap. Not since “You’re going to grow up, all the way, right now” has a bit of spanko dialogue made me so weak in the knees. Then the scene jumps to Nancy’s bare bottom bent over the bar, and MPG is thrashing it with his belt.

Aaaaand then the next thing we know, they’re both naked and he’s going at her like a wild stallion. Glasses are crashing and smashing and no one cares.

The scene ends with him clinging to her from behind, and Nancy, ever the grifter and opportunist, is slipping an expensive-looking watch from his wrist onto hers.

Ring any bells, kids? Any ideas where this scene could be found? Hell, I’ll purchase the entire episode if I have to. This one is a keeper. Weeds, Gentle Puppies, 2010. Anyone?

RIP, Robert Horton

When I was brand new to spanking, nearly 20 years ago, and first learning about the wealth of material out there, a man I met from the ad I’d placed (the same one that John answered) loaned me a bunch of VHS tapes. One was one of the old Cinema Swats compilations, a series of spanking scenes from mainstream movies and TV.

Personally, I thought a lot of the scenes were silly and contrived, the spankings looked fake, etc. Until one particular scene came on. From a western I’d heard of but never seen, Wagon Train, starring an actress I knew of (Susan Oliver) and an actor I’d never heard of (Robert Horton). The episode was called “The Maggie Hamilton Story.”

I sat mesmerized as this handsome, hunky, dark-haired cowboy with the calm voice and the steely eyes faced down the impertinent runaway who had pulled a gun on him. Unbeknownst to her, he’d already removed all the bullets. And then he spoke one of the yummiest, toppiest lines in the history of spankdom: “You’re going to grow up. All the way. Right now.”

The spanking looked real. You actually saw contact, and he lifted her dress and spanked on her pantaloons — pretty risqué for 1960. But what really did it for me was what he did after the spanking, when she apologized and began to cry. He took her in his arms and comforted her. My heart melted like butter on a skillet and other parts got kinda warm and squishy too. So. Damn. Hot.

I watched that scene again, and again, and again. I even searched the Internet for an old VHS tape of the full episode, which I bought.

I didn’t develop an affinity for Wagon Train — westerns weren’t my thing. With one exception, I never watched another episode. But I never stopped loving that one scene.

I just read that Robert Horton has passed away at age 91. I know, I know. He had a good long life. But I always liked knowing that this sexy man who was such a small and yet important part of my spanko awakening was still around, still with us. It makes me cry that he isn’t anymore.

If there’s anyone left in the spankosphere who hasn’t seen the scene I’m referencing, you can see it here. (thanks, Chross)

RIP, you beautiful sexy man.

 

 

Spanking on "The Office"

Any fans out there of the NBC-TV show The Office? If you are, and you watched last night’s season premiere, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you’re not, bear with me.

The Office is a bizarre show to begin with; you either get it or you don’t. Michael Scott (played by the brilliant Steve Carell) is an incompetent idiot of a boss, and we’ve all had one (or more) of those, so we relate, laugh and empathize with the office workers, all of whom are pretty damned quirky themselves (some more than others). In last night’s episode (appropriately called “Nepotism”), Michael had hired his 20-something nephew Luke to be the new office assistant, and the kid was the worst, most obnoxious screw-up in office history, insulting everyone and incapable of getting even the simplest of tasks right (he’s sent out to get ice cream for everyone, and he returns with one small container of soy ice cream and a bag of bagel chips).

Anyway, after much protest from the employees, Michael finally loses it with Luke (who is annoying people with a laser pointer), bends him over a desk and gives him a spanking in front of everyone. You can see the clip here.

OK… I’ve been reading the online reviews of this episode, and the general consensus (with a few exceptions) seems to be that the spanking scene was hilarious. That’s what the average vanilla viewer thought. What did spankos think?

I cringed. I laughed a little, but mostly, I cringed.

OK, I hear the hollers of “Homophobic!” out there. That’s not it. To be fair, most current mainstream spanking scenes have made me cringe rather than feel excited. I didn’t like the spanking scene from Community last year, which was F/F. I freaking hated the two spanking scenes from Californication. And I didn’t even like the Weeds spanking, even though it was M/F and the spanker was yummy. His technique was godawful — he looked like a flailing marionette and he spanked one cheek over and over. But I digress. The fact that this spanking was M/M wasn’t the issue; it was just creepy to me overall.

Why? Because (my opinion here; yours may vary) once again, spanking has been played for ridicule and laughs. It was an embarrassing scene, topped off by the nephew running out of the office crying (!), and the employees re-enacting the scene, mocking it. Some would say it made the character Michael Scott look stupid and inappropriate, which it did. (The damn fool referred to what he’d done as “capital punishment.”) But it also made spanking into something silly and inappropriate too. As a spanko, this bugs me.

Am I taking this too seriously? Or did others have the same reaction? I’m genuinely curious.

There are some spankos out there who rejoice at these scenes, cheering and saying, “Spanking is becoming more mainstream!” No, it isn’t. It’s used as a tool to get laughs or to be titillating (“ooooh, look, how naughty“). If you’re uncomfortable with something, what’s a good way to defuse that discomfort? Make fun of it. That’s what I feel is happening here.

If this is the best they can do, then personally, I would prefer it if the mainstream would leave us the hell alone and leave the spanking scenes to the experts.

What do you guys think?

On another note, thanks to everyone — here, on FetLife, on Facebook, via email and elsewhere — who sent me birthday wishes this week. I was really floored by all the greetings and I wish I could have bottled that blissful feeling and saved it for a sad day. All kidding, sassing and clowning aside, my heart was very full indeed.

Have a great weekend, y’all.