Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the category “masochism”

On my mind

Been thinking lately about the effect words and phrases have to those of us in the kink persuasion. How certain terms can push all kinds of buttons — positive and negative. How a word or set of words can mean something to one person, and something altogether to another. Many of these have been discussed again and again and I’m not here right now to discuss the psychology of what turns whom on or off. Just thinking about a couple of terms I take exception with, and why.

I was emailing with a top last week, one I hope to meet up with when we can finally get our vaccinations and life can return. I made an offhand comment about how I was concerned that I’ve lost my tolerance, not having played now for over a year. He wrote back, “Nah, it’s like riding a bicycle. Once a pain slut, always a pain slut.”

I don’t have a problem with the word “slut” when it’s used in this sort of context. As long as it isn’t slut shaming, I’m okay with it. However, I don’t think I’m a pain slut.

I’m a spanking slut. When it comes to that specific fetish and everything around it, I am insatiable. But do I crave pain?

No. Not really.

Is “pain slut” synonymous with “masochist”? I don’t consider myself a masochist. Maybe others do, because within the realm of spanking play, I play hard. But even despite that, I have plenty of limits.

When examining the various posts/tweets/etc. of fellow spankos, I see so many other things being discussed, everything from nipple play to bastinado. Face slapping to leg caning. It seems that many people who share my fetish also have a taste for other flavors of pain.

I don’t. Honestly, I hate pain. I have no tolerance for it, except on my bottom. Somehow, pain inflicted on my butt is wired into my endorphins and sexual feelings. But it’s shocking how little pain I can take anywhere else. When I read about nipple torture, for example, I practically fold in on myself. I can’t even stand to have mine touched, let alone struck, pinched or clamped.

My kink, my fetish, my love of pain has a sharp and singular focus. How many others can say this? I wish I knew more people like me. So many things I can’t relate to. I wish I could, but I can’t. And then, of course, people aren’t comfortable discussing their own predilections with me, because they know I’m not relating.

Regarding the gentleman’s comment, I wrote back and explained my preferred term and why. He understood. He also said that he hoped I hadn’t inferred any desire on his part to cause me any pain over and above what I want, and then when we play, it will be safe, sane and consensual always. I appreciated that more than you can imagine… and in particular, I loved that he said when, not if.

Moving on — in 2018, I chose to retire from shooting spanking content. It was time, I thought, and I don’t regret it. I don’t think I ever publicized what led to that decision. It was a lot of things… but it boils down to an essential two.

One, I no longer enjoyed the way I looked on camera. I used to. But in the last couple of productions I watched, I saw changes in my body and my skin that I found unflattering. Simple as that. And if I wasn’t enjoying this anymore, there was no reason to do it. It had always been about fun and self-expression to me.

And two… I saw a hateful person refer to me still doing videos as “granny porn.”

I’d never heard or seen that term before. It made me sick. MILF and cougar are bad enough. But this term was so unflattering, so mean, it really shook me up. I instantly envisioned those awful cartoons of the old Playboy magazines, with the horny, predatory old woman and her saggy boobs.

I then learned that was a real term, a real thing, a genre within porn. I started seeing women using the term. And that made me even sicker.

It’s bad enough living in a world where women aren’t supposed to age. But when some of us buck the trend and exhibit our sexuality past society’s cutoff age, we shouldn’t have to tolerate such degrading terms. And we sure as hell shouldn’t be perpetuating them.

I saw a performer I have always admired use that term about her work, and I begged her to please, please, please don’t refer to her good work that way. She replied that it was a standard term in the industry and she saw no reason to sugarcoat it.

No, don’t sugarcoat it. How about fucking eliminating it?

I am proud of the fact that I started shooting spanking content at an age where most bottoms have retired, and that I continued it for 18 years. But I didn’t want to become a joke, an object of ridicule. And to me, the terminology around older women doing fetish film is degrading. We’re made to look like fools.

On Twitter, there’s a guy who does nothing but post spanking pictures from other people’s work and then captions them with insulting and embarrassing descriptions. “Fat MILF gets her ass spanked.” “Grandpa teaches a lesson.” One time, he posted a photo of me with Danny Chrighton… and captioned it, “Erica Scott plays with her son.” Really?? For fuck’s sake, Danny’s eleven years younger than I am. Is it really that outrageous? Men shoot with women one half to one third their age, but a woman can’t shoot with a man who is a few years younger without evoking that kind of ageist crap? I really didn’t want any more of that, and I could see the writing on the wall: it wasn’t going to go away. As time passed, it would only increase. The bad would outweigh the good. The compliments would dwindle while the mean-spirited critiques would escalate. Time to stop.

What’s my point? Women out there in the industry, particularly those of you who are no longer in your twenties and thirties — please don’t perpetuate this terminology. We can’t change society, but maybe we can change a few minds. Maybe if we don’t condone degrading terms, fewer people will use them. One can hope.

I’d love to hear what people think about either of these terms I’ve mentioned, even those who disagree. I miss spanko chats, truly I do. I feel like play and enjoying this thing I love is so tantalizingly within reach. Maybe another month or two? Fingers crossed.

The Masochism Tango

If you’ve never heard this classic from Tom Lehrer, have a listen. Granted, masochism is broadly played for laughs here, but what exactly is masochism?

This blog was prompted by a snippet of conversation last week with The Villain. During a pause in the proceedings, I’d asked him if he was a switch. “I’m a sadomasochist,” he answered. “Isn’t that what we all are?”

“No,” I said. “I have no desire to inflict pain on anyone.” “Ah,” he replied, “you’re a masochist, then.”

I must have made a face, because he added, “You don’t like that term, do you.” “No, I really don’t,” I said. “I mean, I don’t get off on pain for pain’s sake. I don’t get wet when I stub my toe. But when it comes to spanking pain, I’m like ‘gimme gimme gimme!'”

He just heard the “gimme gimme gimme” part and cheerfully complied. The conversation fell by the wayside. But I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

Here is the Dictionary.com definition of masochism:

gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one’s own actions or the actions of others, especially the tendency to seek this form of gratification.

This sounds fairly broad, doesn’t it? Wouldn’t the implication be that a masochist is gratified by pain, period? Not a highly specific type of pain? What about the psychological aspects of said pain — does that enter into the masochism equation?

I’ve heard that a spankee who claims he/she isn’t a masochist is in denial. I don’t think I’m in denial; I don’t object to the term per se. I just think in some cases of certain types of bottoms, it’s inaccurate.

Yes, I am gratified by having pain inflicted on my bottom. But it’s so much more than that — it’s about head space, power exchange, chemistry, emotions. And take that pain anywhere else on my body, and I go through the roof.

I have known of some hardcore masochists who can absorb (and get off on) all varieties of pain, the more the better. Their bodies are canvases for torture. Me? I hate pain. First sign of a headache, I’m running for the Advil bottle. I’m scared of dentists. I love spanking, but other forms of BDSM? Nyet.

If I were a masochist, wouldn’t I enjoy this?

Oh hell, no. The one time someone briefly tried this on me, the only thing I got out of it was the urge to thrust my heel back and rearrange his teeth.

And don’t even get me started on this:

I can’t even bear witness to breast play, not of any kind, let alone endure it. Four words — learn them, and learn them well: Leave_the_girls_alone.

But some of this action?

Yeah, baby. Bring it.

If I were a masochist, just into the pure gratification from pain, would I be so damn picky about my play partners? Would the attraction and chemistry be so important — I mean, as long as the guy is a pain delivery system, does anything else matter? Oh, and what about technique being important? So he has crappy technique and couldn’t hit the side of a barn accurately, so what? Wouldn’t that make it all the more masochistically exquisite? “Ooooohhhh… you wrapped that strap all the way around my thigh — do it again, please please please?”

I don’t seek pain. I seek spanking. And if it were just about the pain of spanking, I could just as easily self-spank. Or, as mentioned, play with any Joe Blow with a hand and a lap.

Oh, and that degradation/deprivation/humiliation business? Big fat “no thank you” to that as well.

So, here’s my question, fellow bottoms: What does masochist mean to you? And more important, do you consider yourself one? Why or why not?

EDIT: Guys, I know this could be a somewhat controversial topic — let’s be nice, OK? Don’t make me be toppy; I really hate that. 🙂

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