Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the category “relationships”

The waiting…

…is the hardest part, as the old song goes. I am in that pre-play mode, edgy, restless, uncertain about details but with plans in place (sort of), and I’m jumping out of my skin. The urge to play is very strong these days, and when it’s so close I can practically feel it, it’s very hard to concentrate on things. You know, like work.

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First, regarding B, he has invited me back up north to play, during the week of July 22. I suggested Wednesday-Thursday, like we did last time, which would be the 24-25. He said he will look into flights and so forth. I have not heard back with a confirmation, but I am assuming (hoping!) it’s going to be a done deal. Another quickie adventure! This time, I think it will be a lot easier and less nerve-racking, as I know what to expect, the right train to get on, the ins and outs of the airport, where to find the cheapo parking, how to get an Uber, etc. Oh, and B has promised me a “special non-punishment caning” when I visit. Hmmm. I am eager to experience this — I think I have before, but it’s been a long time. The cane can actually be quite sensual when it’s used lightly, rhythmically. However, I’ve also been promised another strapping, so there will be all sorts of feels. And to that I say, bring it! 😀 I look forward to seeing him again.

And second, I had a coffee date last week. I had mentioned a local man contacted me on Alt.com and his message was actually articulate, respectful and friendly, and he attached a photo with no dick in sight. I replied, and after a few messages, we moved to email and exchanged various bits of stories and information. He is a switch, very much into spanking, sounds like he’s had a fair amount of experience. After about a week of emails, he suggested we meet for coffee, and suggested last Friday morning. Despite living not far from me, he works two jobs and has a very busy schedule, so I had to be flexible, although Fridays are tough for me because I’m busy wrapping up work and getting ready to head for John’s. So we agreed on Friday.

Then, last Tuesday, I had no work. This always gets me a bit edgy and I was trying to come up with things besides a workout that I could do with the free time. D had just confirmed our Friday coffee, and I casually wrote back that I wished it could be today, since I’m at loose ends with no work. He then came back with the suggestion that he could leave work early and meet me later at 5:00 that day, if I liked. Yes, please! I was at the gym when I got that message, but I was almost done and it was about 2:30, so I had enough time to finish up, go home, shower and change, and get myself to the meeting place at 4:50, where I got a coffee and sat to wait.

He showed up at 4:57 (prompt! That’s a huge plus with me). And since he was coming from work, he was in a suit and tie. I know I’ve talked about this before, but there is always that “Mystery Date” moment — (Christ, I’m dating myself) — “Will he be a dream? (ahhh…) “Or a dud?” (uggghhh…) I mean, you exchange pictures online, but you never know until you see each other up close and personal. I think we both had an “ahhh” moment, if I could judge by the look on his face. So, first hurdle overcome. Whew.

He got his coffee and suggested we sit outside, since it was nice out and no one else was out there, and I said sure. The next hour flew by, while we talked about a lot of different things. The conversation was easy, friendly, no awkwardness. And I knew I was in trouble when I couldn’t stop looking at his hands. Large hands, with blunt-tipped fingers. I imagined him removing the suit jacket, unbuttoning the cuffs of his crisp white shirt and rolling up his sleeves. Slowly. Fixing a stare on me the whole time.

Breathe, Erica.

When we said goodbye, he said he would contact me soon with the some ideas of when we might arrange some time to play, and gave me a hug. We had exchanged phone numbers. But of course, I’ve had these meetings before where I don’t hear a word afterward. I figured now all I could do was wait and see.

The next morning, I got a sweet follow-up email from him. Said it was nice to finally meet, that he enjoyed talking with me… and that he had wanted to ask during our visit if we could go back to my place and play, but he wasn’t sure of the etiquette. But we’d have to do it soon.

Well.

I wrote back that I’d enjoyed meeting him as well, and my only problem today was that I was having trouble focusing on work for some reason.

He wrote back with this:

Well, we will have to schedule something soon so that we can get you re-focused. I wouldn’t want you neglecting your work. That would be very naughty, & I love to punish naughty girls. 

Okay, scrape me off the walls and the ceiling now…

Later that day, he sent another message, asking if by any chance I was free the next day (Thursday), because he might be able to swing something at noon — hopefully his arm. Oh, crap. Of course, I would have a hair appointment at noon! And my hairdresser is always booked way in advance, so there was no postponing it. (sigh) Sooo… in the interim, I sent him a couple of my fiction stories, since he said he liked reading about my adventures.

And then Friday, he wrote back with feedback to the stories. He liked them. Talked a bit more about some of his experiences. And then ended with this:

We will have to find some time soon. By Monday hopefully I will know if there is a day next week we can play. I can hardly wait to feel that sexy bottom of yours warm up under my hand.

Holy freaking mother of God. How in ever-loving hell was I supposed to concentrate on work now?? Somehow, I did get my work done and sent before I had to pack it in to go to John’s. And then it was time to table everything for the weekend.

So… now it’s Monday, and the wait continues. The uncertainty lingers. The flight for B is not yet reserved. The play date with D is yet to be determined. And so I wait, and wait, and wait… and wonder what’s ahead. Wondering if it’s finally my time, after a really long-ass bleak year, for the most part. Hardly daring to think that maybe my luck is swinging in a different direction, if there will be more good times, people to count on, interact with and enjoy. Or will it all get jerked away again, because that’s how life seems to go? Because there’s still a part of me that doesn’t believe I get to keep good things? That the tastes of them that I’ve received recently are just flukes?

Fuck that.

I. Deserve. Good. Things. And good people. So, deep breaths. And patience.

Stay tuned…

Reflections on relationships

Next week, on Thursday, John and I will be together for twenty-two years. On Friday, we will head for yet another Shadow Lane party. That’s sort of become our anniversary celebration. I will be very busy for the next week or so, so I figured I’d squeeze in a post here so y’all won’t think I’ve disappeared.

John and I never married, and we don’t live together. And yet we have been through so much in our years. Countless laughs, many tears. Many of life’s passages, including the losses of both our parents, job losses/transitions, and an illness and open heart surgery that nearly took him from me. When I first met him, he was living in an apartment; now he owns two homes. We’ve shared so many things, so many events. To this day, he still makes me laugh like no other. To this day, no one knows me better than he does.

We love each other. ♥

Here is the part that continually baffles me. I must be doing something right, being able to maintain this relationship for so long. And yet, it seems I cannot keep any other kind of relationship for any length of time. Friends, play partners, etc. They come into my life, they exit. Sometimes the exits are dramatic, sometimes they just fade out. Sometimes they ghost. Sometimes, they’re still there, but otherwise preoccupied. Online, I have several people who enjoy communicating with me. People who don’t even know me send me beautiful words like these:

I’m writing to make sure you understand that there are many, many people out there just like me who appreciate and admire you. You may not know this, but you’ve been an inspiration to so many of us, with your blog, with the films you’ve been in, with your humor and honesty. With your politics. Also, if you’ll forgive me, your incredibly spankable bottom. 🙂

The above is real, and it moved me to tears. But if I’m this wonderful, why don’t people stay?

And for those who are wondering who I’m talking about — please don’t. This post is cumulative. This post is, sadly, about many.

Is this just the nature of today’s relationships? Are we all so busy, so distracted, so caught up in social media and work and life’s constant barrage of insanity that we don’t have time to invest in lasting closeness? Are we torn in too many different directions? The irony is that in today’s age, it’s easier than ever to connect to people. You don’t even have to go anywhere. You can Skype, you can text, you can email. You don’t even have to talk on the phone if you don’t want to (and I don’t). It takes mere seconds to fire off a text to someone. A “Hi, really busy, but thinking of you,” or “Hi, just wanted to say I love you.” And yet, we’re more disconnected than ever.

Or is it that I’m a fatally flawed human who can’t keep people in my immediate circle? Am I not interesting enough, in person? Fun enough? Kinky enough? Available enough? Are John and I together this long because we’re both social square pegs and birds of a feather and all that?

Because I am an introvert and somewhat reclusive, it’s true I don’t open my heart to many. I don’t have the time or patience for acquaintances and small talk. But when I do open that door, it is fully open; I am loving, supportive, deeply loyal. Lately, I’m beginning to wonder if I should simply seal my heart away for good. Because there isn’t much of it left. Over the years, so many people have come in, taken what they needed, and left the rest behind. I’m getting too old for this shit.

So, another party. The sweet torture of being thrust into three days of noise and crowds, feeling overwhelmed, and talking more in those three days than I do in six months — and yet loving it because I’m among my people. Because I can play to my heart’s content. As seems to be the case every damn time now, I haven’t been spanked for a couple of months, so I’m feeling out of condition and worried that the play will be too much for me. And of course, then there’s the other part of me that’s afraid the people I want to play with, won’t want to play with me. But I’ve gone through the proper motions. I bought new panties and a couple of new dresses. I will get my hair cut, get a pedicure. Fake it till you make it (although I detest that expression).

My heart is not in it right now. But I will take my body into it, and hopefully my heart and spirit and joyous spanko side will follow. I will have my beloved with me. The man who has stayed.

Enough of that. Work has gotten busy again, for which I am grateful. Sorry I’ve been MIA.  For those who want to see pictures, here ya go. My new panties.

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And here’s a butt shot from a few months ago. No, I haven’t let myself go and disappeared into a vat of bonbons. I’m too fucking vain for that. :-Þ

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Part of me thinks it may have been a mistake to start this blog up again, but I’m not going to make another dramatic exit. I will write when time allows and when the spirit moves me. When I have something to say.

Until then, have a good weekend, y’all. And be kind to each other.

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