Women and Topping — Can We Talk?

(Disclaimer: I do not intend this post to offend anyone, or make them feel defensive. This is simply a subject I’m passionate about, I want to speak my truths about it, and I would like others to as well. I hope you will share yours with me.)

You all know I’m a big fan of Jillian Keenan’s. I subscribe to her Patreon channel and I enjoy her videos. Her most recent two have been about “Spanko Self-Awareness” — the questions we all need to ask ourselves to determine what works for us in TTWD… and what doesn’t. In Part 2, released last weekend, she delves into some deeper questions. One of which is “Do I like a thing because I like it? Or because I like the attention it brings me?”

She does not posit this with any sort of judgment either way; it’s simply a request for self-honesty. The more we know about ourselves in this scene, the better choices we can make, and the more we can be our truest selves.

As this question is explored, she goes into a specific situation: namely, the pressure women in our scene receive to switch/top. She brings up the unfortunate fact of how women, as we age, are often devalued in society (and in the scene too… unless we learn how to top). Topping, for a woman in the spanking scene, may be a way to gain back some of that value. And value = positive attention. Let’s be honest — we all like attention, at least to some degree. (I’m not saying y’all are attention whores like me, but come on, it’s nice to be appreciated, no?)

This is a direct quote from Jillian, and I listened three times and wrote it down to make sure I got it right:

“No one is more popular at a spanking party,
or in more demand as a play partner,
than a woman who is holding a hairbrush.”

I don’t disagree with this at all. I think she’s right. But you know what? It pisses me off! I would happily accept “as popular as,” or “as much in demand as.” But more? Why? It doesn’t seem fair. And it’s especially not fair to those of us who have absolutely no desire to top.

Which brings me to my controversial question, and what might put some people’s noses out of joint. For all the spanko women out there, whether professionals in the industry or not, who transitioned into topping: I would love to know the percentage of those who did so because they genuinely wanted to, because they enjoy topping — and the percentage of those who started topping because they felt pressured to do so. Because they thought their continued acceptance in the scene hinged upon that.

Again, no judgment. Just curious. And yes, I know professionals can’t really answer me here. It would be detrimental for business if a spanking model were to publicly admit here, “Yeah, topping isn’t really my thing, but I had to learn to do it anyway because money.” A female bottom’s shelf life in the film/session industry is limited. A female top, on the other hand, can keep going well into her fifties and sixties. There may be exceptions, but generally, past a particular age, a woman needs to switch, or go behind the camera and produce, in order to remain competitive. The most successful women producers I know of do both.

I am a rebel in this scene. I have staunchly resisted two things that seem almost expected of women: 1. Switching, and 2. Playing with other women. I simply don’t want to, never did, and I never will.

But wait, Erica… what about that one time…? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone who’s been with me over the years knows damn well that I topped a young girl on video once, back in 2004. And yes, I played a mom. It was a very domestic scene, nothing sensual about it, her bent over the kitchen table and me with a wooden spoon. Why did I do it? Because I really, really, really wanted to be in this film — it was Spanking Epics’ premiere film, and I wanted in on it. It was a brief scene. And my reward would be getting to bottom later in the film.

But… I hated doing it. Hated every damn minute of it. I still can’t watch that scene. I sucked at it. And oh, the crap I took for it. “My three-year-old could spank harder than that!” Oh, and my favorites, along these lines: “Oh boy, you’re playing a mom already? It’s all downhill from here!” Screw that. Yeah, I played a frumpy widowed mother in 1912, with unflattering hair and clothes. But I also got to do this:

Yup, that was my old mom butt. Put that in your pipe and shove it. (Yeah, I know that’s not how the expression goes. I don’t care.)

However, aside from that, I somehow managed to carve out eighteen years of bottoming on video, even though I was well past the age most women do it. When I first started out, I took a look at some of the producer sites, and when it came to applying to appear on film as a bottom, I saw the same thing many times: “Women 18-35.” Well, humph. I was definitely past that. Fortunately, Shadow Lane didn’t have this limitation, and they happily cast me as a bottom in my first video (and three more after that). But at the time, that was a rarity. In later years, I think production companies let go of some of this ageism and several others cast me. However…

I am not immune to ageing. My body, face and skin have seen some changes. But I do have a few things going for me. I have a youthful air about me. I’ve shunned the sun for years. I keep myself fit with diet and regular exercise. And I made no secret of the fact that I had a face lift. So, I believe the average viewer, not knowing me personally (and not looking too closely), thinks I’m younger than I really am. And I believe that was, at least in part, one of the primary reasons I lasted as long as I did.

Don’t believe that? True story, and I am removing all identifiers. A few years ago, a production company received a request for a custom shoot, and the client specifically requested me in the bottom role. The producer told their client, “I’ll ask Erica, but I’m not sure if she’s still shooting. If she isn’t, would someone else work? How about [another model]?” The client’s answer?

“No, I don’t want [her]. She’s too old.”

As it happened, there was a fourteen-year span between me and the suggested alternative. And no, I don’t mean she was older. I mean she was fourteen years younger. Ouch.

So yeah, ageism is alive and well in the scene, just like in overall society. But forget about the professional world for now. What about average female bottoms, going to parties, enjoying bottoming to different play partners, but finding that as they get older, their play time somehow seems to dwindle? What to do? Oh, and one more point of irritation. There is an attitude that subtly worms its way through not just the spanking scene, but all types of kink — that being, if you are in a scene for X amount of time, you are somehow expected to branch out, to get into new things, to experiment further, to… I hate this fucking word… evolve. In other words, if you don’t grow in your scene, you’re stagnant and un-evolved? What if you just happen to like one thing, like one thing a lot, and are perfectly content sticking with that and have no desire to do other stuff? Why is that somehow considered “less than”?

I’m digressing. My point is, between the ageism and the pressure to evolve, female bottoms have a challenge being true to their inner desires. That at some point, even if it’s not a desire that comes naturally and organically to them, they feel pressure to top.

So, ladies… who out there would be willing to admit that, while you might enjoy topping on occasion, it’s not really and truly your thing, that your true love is bottoming? Who would confess that they initially tried it not out of desire, but out of feeling pressure? Again, this is not a judgment thing. I’m trying to establish just how prevalent and pervasive the pressure to switch/top is. Also, I’d like to know, if you started out doing it out of pressure, did you grow to like it? Or did you simply accept that it’s now something you do, and you keep doing it because 1. it gives your friends pleasure, and 2. you feel like you’re more in demand/more highly valued in the scene because of it?

And of course, if you top because you love it, because you always wanted to, then more power to you! Enjoy your ageless popularity. Hell, I’ve often said I wished I were more versatile and liked to do more things in our scene. More fun to be had, right? But I’m simply not. I had to make my choices. And I wonder about the choices of others sometimes. Peer pressure — and the pressure to maintain one’s perceived value, even if that’s just in our own head — is powerful AF.

Post #1000!

As many of my long-time readers know, I started blogging on MySpace many years ago, and when they tanked, I switched over to Blogger in 2010. Since then, my combined posts on Blogger and then WordPress have reached a whopping one thousand. Can’t believe I had that much to say, and I’m still going at it.

What to write for #1000… I had some good suggestions, and thanks to everyone for those. I finally decided to do a tribute post to all the men I’ve worked with in video over the years. It will be a fun retrospective for me, and hopefully for you too.

So that there is no appearance of favoritism, I will post them alphabetically.

Danny Chrighton

It’s fitting that he is first, because not only did we shoot “When Danny Met Erica,” together, but we were play partners and the best of friend for three years, before he moved out of state. We’re still in touch periodically and I hope to see him at a party one of these days. He is dear to me, and I’m so glad I have our video as a souvenir of our time together.

“Coach” Daniels

“Coach” and his partner, Ms. Burns, AKA Veronica Daniels, worked for Real Spankings Institute, then branched off as The Spanking Couple. About ten years ago, they did a filmed interview with me, and Coach and I did a spanking/caning scene. He dubbed me “Great Scott,” which tickled me. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter they were both outed in the scene and all their material was taken down. But I still have the clip and pictures, and a fond memory.

Michael Donovan, AKA The Villain, AKA the Court Disciplinarian

When Spanking Court was filming (sadly, they are no longer), I was lucky enough to do a six-clip story arc with them. Michael and I were friends and occasional play partners then, so it was a joy to be able to work with him. We did a little video on our own as well, “The Villain Strikes Erica Scott,” which I now have in my Spanking Library clips. I had so much fun with him, and with everyone involved in SC.

Steve Fuller

Now retired, Steve was quite the shining star in the video world, working for several companies, and I had the extreme pleasure of being his very first co-star, in Shadow Lane‘s “The Spanking Professor.” I also worked with him for Spanking Epics, doing a couple of their “spanklets” and being part of an ensemble with him in the Being Keith Jones Trilogy. I really liked Steve and miss seeing him in videoland!

Keith Jones

What can I say about Keith — he was my very first co-star, back in 2000 for Shadow Lane, and we went on to do five full-length videos plus a spanklet for Spanking Epics together. Working with him was amazing and we had a lot of fun times, both shooting and playing at parties. He was the one who gave me the nickname “Bionic Bottom.” (It’s not so much anymore, but it was for years!) 🙂 Here I am gleefully pointing out where I’d nicked him after beaning him with a prop bottle. (Actually, I felt awful about that, but he was a good sport!)

Paul Kennedy

I love this man; he’s a good friend to John and me, and he’s the partner of my dear friend Alex Reynolds. I met him in 2009 at a Shadow Lane party, and have wanted to work with him for years. Finally got my chance when Pandora Blake came to L.A. and shot us in “The Workaholic” for Dreams of Spanking. It was a fun shoot, full of energy and snappy dialogue, and great spanking (hand, hairbrush, belt).

Ralph Marvell

Of all my co-stars, I’ve known Ralph the longest; we met in 1999, became friends, and shot “Spank Thy Neighbor” for Shadow Lane in 2001. We got a little frisky at the end of that video, and the first time I watched it was quite the experience, sitting between Ralph and John and blushing from head to toe. We’re still buddies to this day.

(Jesus, those granny panties… not of my choosing!)

Stephen Lewis

I shot two films for Northern Spanking with Stephen, and he was a blast. He was a wonderful sport, even when I was throwing his slipper at him or dumping M&M’s over his head, and he and I had crackling chemistry and repartee on screen. He had the ability to meet all my smart-assery with his own jabs, which made it all the more fun.

Devlin O’Neill

Devlin and I did one shoot together, Shadow Lane‘s “Stand Corrected,” and it was quite the memorable experience. We wrote the script, and we did a road trip together from L.A. to Vegas. Both of us had terrible colds, but we soldiered on, sucking down Sudafed and throat lozenges, and made it through a vigorous shoot. Devlin was a sweetie, and we had a lot of laughs during our long drive to and from Vegas. He even let me eat ice cream in his car, which he teasingly told me not to mention, because his littles at the time were not allowed to do so! (That was eleven years ago, so I think it’s OK to mention it now!)

John Osborne

The busy top of Triple AAA Spanking (and partner of Sarah Gregory), John and I have shot several videos, both for his site and for Sarah’s. John is a lot of fun to work with; he’s sweet and funny and I enjoy playing with him off camera too!

Paul Rogers

In 2010, I flew to Connecticut to shoot with Sarah Gregory and Paul, for both her site and his clip site Spanking 101. I was with them four days, shot a lot of content and had a marvelous time. Paul and Sarah treated me like a queen and we ended up with some great stuff. Paul is one hell of a spanker, too — I trashed his hand, but he trashed me pretty good too! (In the best possible way, of course.)

Uncle Bob

I shot a few clips for Uncle Bob’s Woodshed clip site a few years ago, including a fun one called “Sweet Revenge” in which I blistered Bob’s hand. 😀  Ah, I love it when that happens. I’ve known Bob for many years and it’s always fun to see him at parties.

Richard Windsor

Rich and I did a little bit of filming together: we shot a vignette for Pixie’s “Cause For Paws,” a quickie clip advertising my book back in 2011, and a two-part interview for Spanking Tube. Even though the experiences were brief, they were great fun.

Robert Wolf

Last but definitely not least, Robert (Lily Starr’s hubby) and I have shot several clips together for Lily Starr Spanking, including “The Devil Wears a Red Bottom,” “The Online Menace” (in which I blistered his hand as well), and one of my favorites, “The Secret Life of the Kinky Wife.” He’s a sweetie (as is his lovely wife!).

I do need to mention Amateur Spankings — I shot for them, but the spanker likes to stay off camera and I don’t know what name he uses publicly, so it’s best that I leave it at that. But it was fun and he’s a nice guy. 🙂

Honorable mention: There is one man I’ve always wished I could have shot with, and that’s Eric Strickman, AKA Uncle Eric. He and I have never met, but we used to IM a great deal and we even talked on the phone a couple of times (those of you who know me, know what a rarity that is). Why did I want to shoot with him? Just look at him!

I’ve been so very lucky, working with such talented men. They gave me more memorable experiences than I can count and brought me much delicious pain and even more delicious pleasure. Thank you all. ♥

That’s it for #1000. I don’t know if I have another thousand in me, kids, but as long as you want to keep reading, I’ll keep writing.

Have a great weekend, y’all.

More photo no-nos

I’m on a roll here, kids. Since I critiqued unfortunate butt shots earlier, now I’m moving on to another potential photo disaster — the awkward screen grab face.

A little photo 101: When producers shoot videos, they of course will want stills to post on their sites, on FetLife, Tumblr, etc. to advertise their work. There are two ways to attain photos — one, you shoot stills between/after the video scenes, and two, you get “screen grabs” from the videos. With a variety of software available — some of it free — one can play a video, freeze the action, and capture what’s on the screen as a still shot.

There are advantages to both methods. Obviously, a still shot is more posed and perfect and the participants can tweak it to achieve the right look. But there is an immediacy and authenticity to screen grabs, capturing the action in ways that a posed shot simply can’t.

HOWEVER: screen grabs also capture the people mid-sentence, mid-grimace, mid-scream, whatever. And the face can be frozen into something that looks utterly ridiculous. When taking screen grabs, the grabber should consider all aspects of the photo — the position, the action, and yes, the facial expression. But alas, oftentimes the latter is ignored, as evidenced by the plethora of screen grabs I found of Yours Truly out there.

Yup, this time, I’m featuring my own self in the Bad Picture Examples. Enjoy.

My first example is a comparison between a good screen grab and a bad one. This is from the DVD box of Spanking Epics’ “Trouble in Carson’s Gap,” with Keith Jones:

You can tell this is a screen grab, not a posed shot — my hair is messed up, I’m not looking at the camera, but it has a wonderful sense of immediacy. However, in yesterday’s search, I found this little gem. Same scene.

What the hell? I look stoned!  Who looked at this and thought it was a good screen grab?

While we’re on Spanking Epics, here’s a shot from “The Reckoning.” Keith looks fine. But what the hell am I doing?? Neck exercises?

This next one made it very clear to me that someone is out there trying to make me look stupid. Here’s a grab of me, with Devlin O’Neill, in Shadow Lane’s “Stand Corrected.” WTF is this face about? (sorry, lousy picture quality, but even a good resolution couldn’t save this)

Who put this up, dammit??? I look like a chicken trying to lay a square egg.

And finally, a comparison between a well-taken still and a poor screen grab. This is one of my favorite photos from Pandora Blake’s Dreams of Spanking, “The Workaholic,” with Paul Kennedy:

If I do say so myself, how perfect is this? I’ve got my classic “righteous indignation” face on, Paul is giving me a deliciously toppy scowl, the hairbrush is in action, our body positioning is spot on. This picture makes me happy.

But then, there’s this floating around out there — why, I don’t know:

Why? WHY? Instead of looking pained and furious, I look like I was just force-fed cottage cheese. At least this one is an equal opportunity insult, since Paul looks kinda goofy too. 😀

What’s the message here? Please, people — producers, videographers, amateurs who love screen captures — choose your end product wisely. A piece of footage will have literally hundreds of screens you can grab as a still. Make the extra effort to freeze the shots where everyone looks good… rather than making us look stunned, stoned, stuporous, or like mouth-breathing morons. OK? Sheesh.

Have a great weekend, y’all.