September already?

Time flies, even when your life has been blown to smithereens.

But I’m not going to talk about probate, houses, condos, spending a ton of money, legal documents, the parade of contractors and repair people, and all the other crap my days are filled with lately.

This weekend I got to take a break. Friends came from out of town to visit me. I will be discreet and private about details; they know who they are.

I didn’t have to do a thing. They were simply here to be with me, as much as I needed. They got an AirBnB five minutes from my apartment, and all I had to do was drive between us. We went out for meals at places I love and that I thought they’d like (and they did), watched YouTube clips and a movie, talked, shared laughs and many hugs. Yes, I was able to laugh.

And… I played. One scene, but quite thorough. Hand, hairbrush, strap. I wasn’t sure how I’d react. I wasn’t sure how my tolerance would be after all this time. But that all melted away a couple of minutes into it. I trusted him, felt his compassion, and I let go and cried.

Oh, damn, I’ve missed that. I didn’t realize just how much.

Last week would have been John’s and my 27th anniversary. You all know the significance of peach roses with us… he gave them to me for every occasion. It was our personal signature flower.

So imagine my shock, delight, and tears when my friends showed up with a bouquet of peach and white roses for me.

I am not fishing for compliments here, just being honest. I don’t care for this picture. I look at it and see a smile that doesn’t radiate in my eyes, which are swollen. But I’m posting it anyway, because the flowers are so gorgeous. And I’m so grateful.

Tough times ahead. My birthday. His birthday right after that. The holidays. And so, so much work with his estate. But at least for a couple of days, I got to have a break. I got to play, I got to laugh, I got to be hugged. And I didn’t have to travel for it or do much of anything… which is good, because I just don’t have it in me to put out much effort right now.

It’s good to have friends. ♥ Also, it’s good to know that this thing I love so much still works for me. Now, I just need to find a local trusted play partner.