Look What I Found!

Someone on Twitter called my attention to these shirts. I have no idea where they come from, but this is a real and available product. Too funny!

Check them out here. Although I really don’t want to handle anyone else’s problems, thanks. I have my own share of them!

You know, I’ve really been craving spanky talk and writing, but I can’t think of anything new to say right now. I mean, what hasn’t been talked about thousands of times? Hopefully I will have some new experiences soon — working on the local top thing. Fingers crossed! And Shadow Lodge will be here before you know it.

Have a great weekend, y’all. Be safe. Lots of crazies out there.

I Meme What I Say

I’m bored, so… Remember these? They were all the rage back in the MySpace days. I usually posted them with snarky answers. Ronnie saw this one recently and posted it. (Because I’m an editor and can’t leave anything alone, I changed the UK to US spellings and fixed the typos.)

1. Are you a top, bottom, or do you switch?
I’m a 100% bottom.

 2. Do you like to be spanked?
Um… duh?

 3. Knickers or no knickers?
You mean panties? Either/or. At play parties with dozens of people around, I prefer to keep a thong on. In private, start over them and then pull them down.

 4. Have you been spanked more than once in a day?
Is Trump orange?

 5. How do you like to be spanked?
Often. By someone who knows how.

 6. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Put myself down.

 7. What’s your spanker’s favorite implement?
This nasty little wooden hairbrush with ridges on the back. I hate that thing with a passion.

 8. Do you have to count your spanks?
Sometimes I have. I’d rather not. Unless it’s a final countdown and I’m eager to get it done.

 9. Your favorite implement, and favorite position for a spanking?
A man’s leather belt, and OTK. (But with the belt, I prefer to be lying on a bed or bent over a couch/chair.)

10. Are your weapons of ass destruction on display?
No, I have mine in a closet and in a drawer.

11. Your most dreaded implement, and worst position.
Two hard limits: Heavy wooden frat paddles, and the diaper position. No freaking way.

12. Do you have to wear a particular pair of knickers to get spanked in?
No. Just like to wear pretty, lacy ones. Cheekies are my favorite.

13. Do you have any pictures of your spanked bottom?
Well… hundreds? Thousands?

14. Are you being spanked right now?
Ya know, every one of these memes has at least one incredibly stupid question. This is it.

15. Name one thing you get spanked for?
Breathing.

16. Do you name your implements?
I don’t. But I had a top who named his two horrible paddles Conse and Quences.

OT: Happy Birthday, Dad

I don’t go off-topic very often. But since today would have been my dad’s birthday, and Father’s Day is on Sunday, he’s been on my mind and I felt like sharing a memory.

My dad and I had a lot of rough years. We got quite a bit closer near the end of his life, but there were still gaps in our communication. There was a lot I didn’t know about him. One thing I did know what that he didn’t really like buying greeting cards. He preferred to write something himself. I seem to recall that on my 30th birthday he wrote me a poem, rhyming “thirty” and “purty,” but I couldn’t find that one.

Last year during the pandemic, I was cleaning out some drawers and came across some correspondence with him that I’d forgotten about, odds and ends of letters. I posted this one on Facebook, but what the hell, it’s going here too. In 1993, this was my dad’s idea of a Christmas card. I liked this, typed on plain white paper and all, better than any of the seasonal treacle I usually received.

I guess you guys can tell where I got my humor. ♥ And damn proud of it.

Have a great weekend, y’all. And Happy Father’s Day to those who celebrate it.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/11

Happy Friday, kids. Don’t know about any of you, but I had a rotten week and I feel like blowing off a little steam. So I thought I’d share the latest crop (or crock, if you will) of inappropriate missives.

This first one is a little different. It actually starts out okay… but then shows how quickly these things can go so far sideways it makes your head spin. It’s from Spanking Tube, which I’m not on that often, but every now and then I get a notice of a friend request or message. This guy sent one message, asking if I’d ever be interested in sessioning with him, and could we have an online dialogue. Sure, what the hell, I said okay, let’s talk.

His second message (mind you, I didn’t even know his name yet) began as follows:

If you really wanted to get together for an on or off camera spanking session I do offer room accommodations as well as some spending money as a reward for your cooperation with the session. I know meeting up with a big 6 foot 4 man with muscles like me can be intimidating for you. So if you wanted to build some trust beforehand that is great. But was thinking we could arrange something based on what you want as well.

Sounds okay so far, right? Yeah. Read on.

Like if you are alright with having your rectum spread wide open with inspection gloves for rectal thermometer readings / enemas, receiving seated hand strappings with a large heavy duty rough leather strap, etc. I am quite stern when in a session and can really command authority with an authoritative voice and no nonsense style of dishing out pure discipline.

blinking Um… what’s that now?

Talk about 0 to 360. Ye gods. Is it just me, or is that a mighty big assumption, figuring a session would naturally segue from a simple spanking into… all that? Mind you, I know some people would enjoy it. However, introducing major anal at the gate before you’ve even told a woman your name is… disconcerting, to say the least. No, thank you. I like the stern bit and the authoritative voice (although “command authority with an authoritative voice” is redundant), but leave my rectum out of it, please.

Back to the usual dreck:

I love the blood and scars on your beaten ass …You’re so pretty …I want to fuck you up and hurt you

The what on my what? Okay, clearly this wasn’t intended for me. I may very well have hundreds of pictures out there, but there isn’t a single one with blood and scars. It’s not my play style. Soooo… NO. Thanks for saying I’m pretty, but no.

 I love to spank a nice ass then eat it and finish with a robust fucking. <Smile>

You want a side of fava beans with that? You are not eating any part of me, sorry.

Nothing like reddening a sweet looking ass and spreading it wide to slide into. Lol

(sigh) Are you sensing a theme here? And oh, did I mention that the above two entries came with, uh, illustrations? Yup. As if I needed a picture drawn, both had graphic depictions of the described activity. Good grief.

From a complete stranger:

You are long overdue a long spanking … you are fiesty and unruly and playful and need to be manhandled… over my knee… your panties yanked down and your arms firmly pushed into the small of your back and spanked hard.. long and hard. and I will feel you up to see how wet you get.

Oh, you will, huh? Presumptuous much? By the way, you might want to rephrase this, cookie. It reads like you want to spank my arms. And FFS, learn how to spell fEIsty.

And finally, this one isn’t just obnoxious, it also seems to be a victim of Autocorrect.

Love a sassy little b**** the lights are ass reddened before she gets f*****

The asterisks are not mine, BTW; this is exactly how it was typed. So… HUH?? Took me a minute, but I figured “the lights are” was intended to read “that likes her.” At least that would make sense. Still rude, though.

The fun never stops, does it. I am so ready to kiss this week goodbye. Thanks for helping me laugh at this nonsense! Have a great weekend, y’all. Be safe. ♥

So… what would you say?

There are two types of spankos who exist on Facebook: people who use their real names and keep their FB pages and posts vanilla, or people who are open about their kink and often (but not always) use a fetish-y name. I got a friend request there from a guy with a regular name, but he had spanking pictures all over his page, so I figured okay, we’re kindred spirits and I accepted the request.

I then had access to his full page and when I scanned down it, I saw this:

Jesus, Murray and Jehoshaphat — before I could ponder that, first I had to scrape myself off the floor and the walls and go take a cold shower. What is it about a handsome man in a suit?? (BTW, no, this isn’t the FB guy.) After that, just for grins, I posted the picture on both FetLife and Twitter to see what others might have to say about it.

One FetLife friend commented: “This is easy. ‘You’ll wrinkle your suit, Sir.’ ” That one cracked me up.

But then a Twitter friend reminded me about this recent post regarding my awkward incident with a top’s dress pants. So of course, now I had my own answer.

“Well, sir, you may have a very uncomfortable encounter with your dry cleaner after I spooge your slacks.”

Of course, then he’d probably still spank me and then order me to take the damn pants to the dry cleaner myself.

Which, by the way, I would do. Because there’s just something about a handsome man in a suit… wait, I already said that. Dammit.

On a completely different note, this FB guy I friended sent me a message, saying hello, thanks for accepting the friend request, and was I into spanking as well. I said yes, I was, but I tend to be very subtle about it on FB out of respect for vanilla friends.

He then replied, “Cool. Are you trans?”

Um… what?

Okay, maybe I’m out of touch. Is this a standard “getting to know you” question now?? Or was this wildly inappropriate to ask right out of the gate? I am truly baffled. It’s not the question that bothers me; it’s the timing of it. “Hi, nice to meet you, are you trans?” Jeeez.

After sitting in stunned silence for a moment, I wrote back that I am a cisgender female, and that’s a very odd question to spring on a perfect stranger. He replied that he meant no offense and then dropped the conversation. Good grief.

Sometimes, I just can’t with people.

(sigh) Have a great weekend, y’all. Be safe. ♥