Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the category “Uncategorized”

Sorry… no tell-all here

nothingtoseehere

There is plenty to see, but I’m not going to post it. I know I’ve been saying for a long time that something bad happened to me last year. Let me clear one thing up, lest people think I’m over-dramatizing by revealing too little. I was not physically assaulted or otherwise bodily damaged in any way; I am not covering up for some scene “rape-y guy.” In short, I believed in, trusted and supported someone, and in turn, I got thrown into a world of hurt. Exiting my life as quickly as he entered it, his parting gift was a very long, painfully detailed, damning email — one he said he’d shared with our mutual friends. I had revealed my insecurities and vulnerabilities, and in this missive, they were all gouged with a rusty knife. Essentially, I was painted as needy, neurotic, narcissistic and manipulative. John was stunned, and pronounced it to be “character assassination.” I had no idea who had seen it, or what people were saying/thinking. My self-esteem and confidence took a nosedive.

After this, I dropped out of scene activity. With a couple of exceptions, no one came forward to ask me for my side of things. I sank further into depression until I couldn’t stand it anymore, and sought help. My new therapist said I gave away all my power and suggested I take it back, perhaps by blogging about it and telling my story.

So last week, over three days, I wrote the longest blog post I’ve ever crafted. I dredged up a year and a half of memories and feelings, wept a great deal, and chronicled what happened (but without naming names, or giving away unique personal details).

I then shared it with John. And he said, “This is well written, and all true. And if you post it publicly, no good will come from it, it will just stir shit up, and it will backfire in your face.”

That was hard to hear. But of course, he’s right. After all this time, who would believe me? On top of all the other faults ascribed to me, we could add “vindictive bitch” to the list. Drama queen. Troublemaker.

So it looks like I have to suck this one up, and deal the best I can. My scene life has definitely been altered. I cannot imagine going back to any national party at this point. Not if there’s any chance of encountering the person whose words gutted me. I should be stronger than this. I thought I was. But as time goes by and I don’t feel any different, it’s pretty clear that I’m not.

I know my truth, and John knows it.  I will have to be satisfied with that, and do the best I can to move forward.

On a positive note, it seems that B from Northern CA may be flying me to his place on a weeknight for a second go-round. Win-win, no impact on John’s time, and a wonderful adventure for me. Stay tuned.

Have you seen this woman?

mirror

She seems to have disappeared.

Only her beloved knows where she is these days. He’s the only person who can enter her abyss.

She hadn’t played in months. She wants to, very much. But hasn’t been able to ask for what she needs. Not since voicing her needs and revealing her vulnerability ended up gutting her.

She does her work. She works out. She functions. Always, she functions. But she’s frozen from within.

Can anyone find her? Perhaps this will help.

She used to look like this…

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But now, she mostly looks like this…

20180315_163758

If you find her, perhaps you can help her find her confidence. Her self-esteem. Her strength and bravery. Her belief in other people.

Perhaps you can tell her who she can trust.

It’s parody time again, kids…

xmasornament

What, you were expecting something sentimental and Yuletide-y? Do you know me?

Anyway… it will surprise no one to read that I’m not feeling the holiday spirit this year. I’m actually working on Christmas Day, by choice. 1. I’m a Grinch, and a Jewish Grinch at that. 2. John is invited to his sister’s house for Christmas dinner. He made an excuse for me without even double-checking if there was a ghost of a chance I might want to go. Good man. I am so done with those people. So he and I will exchange our gifts this weekend.

However, even though I haven’t done this for the past couple of years, I felt the need to carry on my past tradition of writing spanking Christmas carol parodies. This year’s offering is to the tune of “Sleigh Ride.”

Just hear those paddles paddling, crack-crack-crackling too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you
You know the hands are falling with miscreants calling “Boo hoo!”
Oh yes, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you

Pull ‘em down, pull ‘em down, pull ‘em way down, go
Right down to your toes
We’re starting with a bottom white as snow
Smack it up, smack it up, smack it harder, pow!
It’s getting red now
We’re spanking along with a song
Of a bratty girl’s dressing down

Our buns are red and rosy and sore and toasty are we
We’re planning pranks together like brats of a feather we’ll be
They’ll say “Oh, you’re in trouble!” and spank our bubble butts too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you

There’s a Red Room party at the home of Christian Grey,
He’s a poser but oh well we’re going anyway,
We’ll be writhing on laps of tops we love, and hoping they won’t stop
At the gathering while we watch the paddles pop: Pop! Pop! Pop!
There’s a stinging feeling nothing in the world can buy
When they pass around the spoons and straps and belts, oh my!
It’ll nearly be like a photograph in Janus Magazine
These wonderful toys that abound we’ll remember when we sit down!

Just hear those paddles paddling, crack-crack-crackling too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you
You know the hands are falling with miscreants calling “Boo hoo!”
Oh yes, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you

Pull ‘em down, pull ‘em down, pull ‘em way down, go
Right down to your toes
We’re starting with a bottom white as snow
Smack it up, smack it up, smack it harder, pow!
It’s getting red now
We’re spanking along with a song
Of a bratty girl’s dressing down

Our buns are red and rosy and sore and toasty are we
We’re planning pranks together like brats of a feather we’ll be
They’ll say “Oh, you’re in trouble!” and spank our bubble butts too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with youuuu!

I should throw in a disclaimer that never have I ever heard anyone actually say “Boo hoo!” But you know, artistic license. And I made myself laugh when I transformed the line “There’s a birthday party at the home of Farmer Gray.”

In closing, remember, Grumpy Cat sings,

“Deck the halls with clumps of furballs
Fa la la la la, go elf yourself!”

grumpycat8

Have a great weekend, y’all. And all snark aside… I hope your holidays, whatever you celebrate, are happy. We could all use some cheer, I think. ♥

Happy whatever

If you celebrate it, Happy Thanksgiving! If you don’t, then happy Thursday.

IMG952018112295025944

I like the chief’s idea better, myself. 😀

I love being a woman…

… but sometimes, it fucking sucks.
I found this on Facebook. Make of it what you will. I am quite speechless.

“Be a Lady” They Said

By Unknown Author on Friday, January 12th, 2018

“Be a Lady” They Said…

Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.

“Be a Lady” They Said…

Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.

“Be a Lady” They Said…

Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so uptight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.

“Be a Lady” They Said…

Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife someday. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will someday. You’ll change your mind.

“Be a Lady” They Said…

Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.

Just “be a lady” they said.

– Author Unknown

Reality, you continue to suck

So last week was crazed with post-party work plus a cold. I figured after that, this week would be easier, right? Get back to normal, catch up with other things, friends, etc.

Ha.

Went to bed Monday night feeling fine. Woke up at 2:30 a.m. Tuesday, and knew something was horribly wrong. I felt like I’d been run over by a bus. I sat up, and the room spun. Nausea, cold sweat, everything. Oh, crap. What fresh hell is this now?

And did I mention I was still swamped with work?

Tuesday is a blur. Somehow, I dragged myself back and forth from my bed to the computer, and managed to get some work done before I’d get too lightheaded and have to lie down again. My consumption for the day was a bottle of Boost, a cup of tea and a few crackers. After sleeping on and off all day, I went to bed at 8:30 and slept for thirteen hours.

And so on through the week. Had to cancel appointments and plans — all I could do was sleep and work. And keep myself hydrated. Yesterday, I added some solid food to my diet of Boost and apple juice. Managed to do laundry. Took a brief walk. Still no appetite whatsoever. I even tried to tempt myself with chocolate, but I managed four malt balls and said “Forget it.” I could keep things down; that wasn’t the problem. But every bite or sip I consumed sat in my gut like a lead ball.

This morning — ah, what is this? What could this foreign sensation in my stomach be? A strange gnawing feeling… Ah! I remember! It’s hunger. So far, the cereal I ate is sitting comfortably, no bloating, no pain, no feeling like I swallowed a cannonball. I am cautiously hoping I’m on the mend. Enough already.

John keeps teasing about “birthday month” (it’s coming up, the 22nd), but what with work and illness, I’ve barely given it a thought. My stepmom emailed me and asked if I’d like to go to lunch next week, but I had to put her off. I need to get a sense of control back over my schedule, my life. Dare I hope for a birthday spanking at some point?

BLECCCHHHH! I feel like Shadow Lane was ages ago already. I feel like I’ve earned some fun. For now, just need to take it easy, finish up work and head over to John’s for the weekend. It will be nice to get out of here for a bit. There will be next week for getting back to the gym, etc. I’m just glad I was able to get work done and bills paid. Oh, and I even remembered to send off my quarterly estimated taxes. Yay me. It’s the little things. When you feel like you’re half past dead, the slightest accomplishments are akin to milestones.

So I’ll end this amazingly dull entry with one of the search phrases I found for my blog.

all natural spanking

Okay… as opposed to what? Spanking with polyester? I suspect this person might have meant au naturel (as in naked), but you know, stupid. 😀

Have a great weekend, y’all. Stay well. And if you’re anywhere near Hurricane Florence, please stay safe.

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