This time tomorrow…

…we’ll be on the road!

Pedicure done, bang trim done, laundry done, snacks purchased, rental car booked — picking it up this afternoon. Packing? Not done. But I will start pulling things together this afternoon/evening and do the final job first thing in the morning. As always, I will bring way too many clothes and about three times as many panties as I’ll actually need.

Here we come, 50 Freaks 2016! Midnight flogging scheduled for Thursday, and all kinds of fun stuff to follow. I can’t wait to see everyone. (50 Freaks has become quite the misnomer, as we’re about three to four times that large now!)

I will not be blogging while there, because it’s just too damn hard to do much of anything on my crappy old phone, but I’ll check for comments. My blog views have been at an all-time low for weeks now (sigh). I am hoping some fun posts when I return will perk things up a bit.

I’m as nervous as a cat in a room full of running vacuum cleaners, as usual. And I’ve been feeling sinus-y the last day or two, but I’m hoping that’s due to the fact that it’s been super dry here and windy, and it’s just irritation. No colds allowed this weekend, dammit! After we come home, I can catch pneumonia for all I care. But I want to be in top form for the next few days and max out on fun. John and I go to only two big parties a year, so they have to count.

Right. Must finish work. Then it’s time to drag half my wardrobe out onto the floor and the bed, and start trying on outfits and coordinating underwear.

Have a great rest of the week/weekend, y’all.

Another thing to cross off the spanko bucket list…

Participating in a custom video shoot!

My sister-pal Alex Reynolds offers custom shoots for clients who would like something shot just for themselves, with their chosen fantasies, dialogue, outfits, etc. It’s a very cool service option — you can read all about it on her blog, here. As you can see, I’m listed among the local models available, but I never figured anyone would request me.

But lo and behold — this weekend, I worked in a cast of seven for Alex’s client’s requested shoot; I will refer to him as Mr. W. He’d written a script about a private girls’ school, and guess who got to play the nasty, egotistical, over-the-top bitch of a governess? 😀

What amazing company — along with Alex and Mr. W., the shoot included Chelsea Pfeiffer, Christy Cutie, Harley Havic and Dorothy Burnette. It was quite elaborate with many scenes, both indoors and out, and several costume changes. Alex had rented Bordello of Decadence, a local BDSM play space, for the weekend, and we spent half the day there Saturday rehearsing and blocking, and then all day yesterday shooting.

I wish I had pictures to show you, but I don’t have any, and they wouldn’t be mine to show anyway. The schoolgirl uniforms were fully authentic, down to the ties and caps, and Alex even bought desks, which she, Christy and Dorothy were struggling to put together, a la IKEA, yesterday. We had a camera operator who clearly knew his stuff and was very patient, working with us to do/redo everything necessary.

No, I didn’t do any spanking, even though I was the school governess. I was there mostly to make life miserable for Headmistress Chelsea, and try to take over the school. I did have one very brief spanking scene when I was seducing Mr. W., but Chelsea caught us in the act and it ended quickly.

So much fun!! We had a lot of laughs all day, and everyone was in good spirits, even though some of us were dealing with physical discomfort — both Mr. W and Alex had colds, Chelsea had a hip injury and Harley had a swollen ankle and was limping around on a cane between scenes. Can I just stop here for a minute and rave about how incredibly well Alex pulled this whole thing together? She had a million details to deal with — bags and bags of clothes, scripts, props, furniture, implements, release forms, arranging for the camera guy and the rental of the space, coordinating everyone, making sure we had snacks and water, details, details, details. My governess getup called for a pillbox hat and gloves, neither of which I have, so she got them for me. A last-minute scene addition required me to be in conservative underwear — granny panties and a slip — and I don’t own those either, so she brought them for me. She had pages and pages of notes and to-do lists and was so organized. A shoot this complex has all the potential for something or another to go disastrously wrong, but we had none of that. I’d say the worst thing that happened all day was that a tub of hummus got knocked onto the floor. 🙂 (Not gonna say who did it, but it wasn’t me, for once!)

The only thing I feel a little bad about was that I had trouble with my lines. I had a fair amount of dialogue — big chunks of it, in fact — and had had just a couple of days with the script to memorize it. Days where I was super busy with work and didn’t have much time. It’s been several years since I’ve worked with a script; I used to be really good at memorizing lines, but I don’t seem to be anymore. So we did some cheats — white boards, scripts laid out on desks like they were school papers, etc. — but I still blew my lines repeatedly. However, in editing, they cut out all the flubs and piece everything together, so none of that will show. But I still feel like I could have done a much better job. (sigh) Mr. W. was very nice and assured me that it was all fine. (To be fair to myself, others struggled with their lines too!)

The movie was actually pretty funny. We even had a “dream sequence,” with Alex, Harley and Christy cheerleading topless, and me in my underwear miming doing lewd things with a cane. Yes, really. I also had to fake being shot in the ass with a pea shooter (no peas were actually shot, but pea shooters played a big part in this film).

I had not seen Chelsea for a few years, so it was awesome to hang out with her again! ♥

We convened at noon yesterday and were done by 7:00 — not bad at all! As per usual after a shoot, where adrenaline is running high, I dropped hard and was yawning and feeling boneless. And of course the @#$%ing freeway was crawling on the way home. What the hell? Where are all these people going on a Sunday night?? But I finally got home, unpacked, and crashed.

No Steve tomorrow, once again. He’s still sick and doesn’t want to take a chance in infecting me. (sigh) This means I haven’t been spanked in a month; no pre-party warm-up. I’m screwed. (But I’ll deal. I’m a trouper that way.)

Thank you thank you thank you, Alex and Mr. W! 🙂

“I will not…”

I don’t write lines. I never will write lines. My mother made me write lines when I was a kid, and that’s one of my many hard limits in this scene of ours. But if I were to do so, here’s what I would write 100 times:

I will not engage with fucktards on Facebook.

I know better than this. Truly, I do. Without going into all the sordid details, today on FB, a friend posted an article about a loony-tune teacher in a certain location I will not mention, and I commented that I never wanted to go there. Then some idiot chimes in out of left field: “Good cause your [sic] not welcome.”

Aaaand I was off. I engaged. Granted, he was much worse, calling me a bitch three times. But I did ridicule his crappy spelling (grammEr, anyone?) and call him stupid. 😀

I apologized to my friend for the flame war on her post. Meanwhile, the jerk-off got in the last insult and then blocked me. Coward.

Why do I bother with this?? I know I can’t fix stupid. Why why why do I let stupid people suck me in and pull me down onto their slimy level? Arggghh.

Have I mentioned lately that I need a @#$%ing good spanking?? I am out of control, kids. Less than a week, and I’ll have all I can handle and then some. And I can forget about all the morons for a while.

Meanwhile, here’s what I wish I had posted to that idiot before he jumped ship:

And he can go sit on himself.

Have a great weekend, y’all. 😉

Silly (and very old) startle

Y’all know what spanko startles are, right? When you’re watching something mainstream and you hear some sort of verbiage or reference to our most enjoyable kink.

Yes, I realize no one under 40 (perhaps 50) will remember Groucho Marx, but this is from an unsold pilot he did in the early 1960s called The Plot Thickens. In it, a video of a murder mystery is shown, and then the suspects are gathered and it’s up to a panel of “experts,” Groucho included, to determine who the murderer is. Once it’s been discovered that Lois, the femme fatale wife, was the culprit, check out the host’s reaction:

I have this as an extra on a DVD of Groucho’s old quiz show, You Bet Your Life. I remember years ago, Danny Chrighton and I were watching it, and when Jack Linkletter said, “You naughty, naughty murderer!” both our heads snapped up and our eyes widened at the same time. Ah, we spankos are so wired.

“You caught me!” “Yeah, I caught you!” (and of course, I’m imagining that he added “and now I’m going to spank you, you little murdering minx!”)

Once again, can you tell I have spanking on the brain? One more week till Vegas!

Guess what’s on my brain?

It’s been a while, kids. Two weeks ago when Steve and I had our outdoor adventure, the focus was more on exhibitionism and very little on spanking. Last week, Steve was away on a ski trip. And this week, he has a cold.

In times like these, I find that pretty much anything and everything makes me think of spanking. Can any of you relate? I’m sure you can.

Yesterday, I had my first appointment with a new chiropractor. I have lifelong back issues and I have been seeing one chiro or another since I was twelve. Recently my regular guy closed his practice, and I’ve been searching for a new one. Finding a good chiropractor can be quite the needle search, as many of them want to claim your body and soul and have you lying on their tables in perpetuity.

But I liked this new guy. He was quite jovial, but clearly knew his stuff, and he’d gotten several five-star Yelp reviews. He kept marveling at how “little” I was, which is ridiculous, but I guess he does get to wrestle some rather sizable bodies. Plus, he’s a big bear of a man at about 6′ 3″. “What do you weigh, about forty pounds?” he joked as he manipulated my spine.

At one point he left me for a minute or two while he checked on another patient, and then popped his head back in the door.

“You doing OK there, little girl?”

I am embarrassed to admit the ridiculously intense jolt of arousal I felt when he said that. Of course, because it’s a phrase a grown woman might hear during spanking play. Even though I’m not into age-play, the phrases “young lady” and “little girl” have always pushed my buttons. I covered up my embarrassment by answering, “Wow, it’s been a while since anyone has called me that.” (Actually, it hasn’t.)

It was pretty amusing when he was checking out my sciatica and commented that I had a lot of tightness in my butt muscles. Gee, I wonder why. I wanted to ask if twenty years of regular ass pummeling affects the surrounding muscles and tissues, but refrained.

Then last night, Jimmy Fallon had one of his “Tight Pants” skits. For those of you who are unfamiliar, it’s one of those comedy bit that is so dumb, it’s funny. Basically, Jimmy lives in a small town where he’s the only one who wears tight pants, and so he dances around in tight white jeans, a brightly colored shirt and a bowl haircut, bragging about his tight pants. Then someone else — a guest star — will challenge him, also wearing tight white jeans and a bowl haircut. Challengers have included Will Ferrell, Christina Aguilera, and of course, the greatest ass in tight pants, Jennifer Lopez. Jimmy always ends up getting threatened and chased out of town.

In case you’d like to see the short sketch, go here (it’s worth it just to hear Lopez call Fallon “a little bitch”). But be forewarned: the inane “Tight Pants” song will worm its way into your brain and never leave.

So of course, all this business of tight pants and butt wriggling makes me think of next week’s spanko extravaganza in Vegas, where I will get to wear my own tight pants (and have them taken down). I want and need this party so badly, I’m jumping out of my skin.

And finally, a blast from the recent past — remember my Spanking Court clips? I had mentioned a while back that although the studio was out of business, their entire clip library was being re-edited and re-released, little by little. Last week, I saw on Twitter that they released one of mine — the one where the judge ordered the court disciplinarian to give me 200 strokes with a heavy wooden paddle for mouthing off. Holy crap. I think that was the hardest scene I’ve ever done on video, and it was the first one where I cried on camera. You can read about it here. Aptly, the clip has been named “For Crying Out Loud.” So of course, memories of past shoots have flooded my brain.

So there will be no pre-party warm-up for me. But it’s OK. Just have to get through this week and next, and my massive itch will be scratched repeatedly.

Hurry hurry hurry February 25!

OT: ♪ My Fishy Valentine…♫

I guess if you don’t like fish, you’ll think this is gross. But I loved it. John and I were shopping at Whole Foods today and went to the fresh fish department to get some salmon.

Apparently someone behind that counter had extra time on their hands, and really loves Valentine’s Day.

Check it out: My heart is filled with scallops…

Heart-shaped salmon patties and crab cakes! (By the way, those flecks of weird colors in the salmon patties are jalapeno peppers and Cheddar cheese. Um, no. Do not do this to my salmon, ever. Blech.)

A kiss and a hug, courtesy of tiger shrimp and Dungeness crab:

And my favorite — Kissin’ fishies and heart-shaped trout.

And no, John didn’t give me fish for Valentine’s Day. Just See’s Candy and roses. But I thought his gifts had a whole lot of sole. 🙂

Hope y’all had a happy heart day.