Not a whole lot going on at the moment. April was mostly dreck and I’m glad it’s over. However, things seem to be on the upswing. I got my car back (eight days early!) and you can’t even tell what happened to it. And John is finally recovering from an abscessed tooth with the infection spreading into his sinuses and his lungs. The tooth is pulled, he was put on industrial strength antibiotics, and I can finally breathe and drop my shoulders.
The one exception in the massive suckiness that was April — I finally got to meet my dear friend Jay after being online friends for nearly nine years. It is amazing, the friendships you can forge on this Internet thing. ♥
And this made me giggle. If I were a dog, this would be me. Right down to the “stupid.” 😛
A bit of background for those who don’t know, or who don’t recall. I’ve been with John for 27 years this August. I love him to bits. However, I can’t say the same for most of his family. I like his one brother and sister-in-law, and one of his grown nieces. His two sisters? Can’t stand them. His pervy brother-in-law? Ugh ugh ugh. His other niece and two nephews? I can take or leave. They were all brats growing up, and none of them ever showed John any respect, because their parents didn’t either. I put up with this dynamic for years, through a gazillion holidays and gatherings — birthdays, graduations, weddings, showers — until two events: John’s open heart surgery, and his mother’s passing. Some of the behavior around these events was so unforgivable, I told John that, aside from the exceptions mentioned above, I was done with his family. Period. He respected that, and over the past few years, he went to an occasional Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner without me.
Another bit of background: For years, his eldest sister and her creepy husband used to throw a huge Christmas bash every year, with live music, a crap ton of alcohol, and a ginormous rowdy crowd. I hated these parties; they were loud and obnoxious and something unpleasant always happened — I got my feet stepped on, my boob grabbed, a drink spilled on me. I mostly sat on the sidelines at these things and I guess I never looked all that happy about being there. One year when the party invitation arrived, John’s BIL added a note at the bottom; something along the lines of: “Tell Erica she should feel comfortable at this one; we’ve invited a group of librarians.”
Cut to the present. John’s nephew, who moved to Denmark a few years ago to work for Lego, met and married a woman there about six months ago. They’d already had a wedding, but then they flew here to have a second ceremony for all the family and friends that weren’t at the first one. (More swag, right?) We got the invite and I thought, oh, crap. I can’t skip this. I need to show up with John for support. So I steeled myself to see some people I haven’t seen for years, whom I can’t stand, and put on a face for a few hours. Be pleasant. Smile. And get it over with.
We almost didn’t go. John developed a chest cold last week and he was coughing and wheezing, not sleeping, and we figured it would be rude to expose over a hundred people. But then he went to the doctor, had a chest x-ray and other tests. No Covid, x-ray was clear, and the doc said it should just run its course and no, he wasn’t a walking contagion. And a couple of prescription meds helped his cough and he felt better. Sooo… we went.
Have to say, this was quite the affair. It was at a country club, posh digs. There was a cocktail hour at 5:00, and then after 6:00, we all got seated in the dining room for dinner, speeches, dancing, pictures, etc. One very cool aside — every flower you saw, whether it was the centerpieces at the dining table or the roses on the cocktail tables, was made of Legos. John and I were seated at a good table, with his brother, SIL, and the niece we like and her boyfriend. Of course, one of the witch sisters was on John’s other side, but he made the best of that. I ignored her. During the evening, we found out the bride and groom had already been here for a couple of weeks, and there had been a few family/friend gatherings. John said, “I guess they lost my email and phone number.” My heart hurt for him. Ugh. He deserves so much better than this.
I did a lot of people watching. One thing that shocked me was how much, and how badly, some of these people aged. I thought it was just me, but then John’s brother was talking with me and he said that it was strange for him being here, seeing people he hadn’t seen in years, and how most of them were “barely recognizable.” Then he added, “Except for you; you always look the same!” I thought that was sweet. But yeah. I guess alcohol and poisonous souls age people.
Later, after dinner and speeches, the dance floor was opened. You can always tell who has had the most to drink once the dancing starts — the really wild, uninhibited dancers are flying to their own tune. I have to say I loved the music — it was a mix of 60s, 70s and 80s, with a few current songs thrown in. We mostly watched (one guy actually got down on the floor and break-danced), but John and I did dance to a couple of numbers. We were off to the side slow-dancing when John’s BIL came by and remarked in passing, “Wow, check out that wild dancing. You’ll need to buy a new pair of shoes tomorrow.”
Again… Fuck. You.
I brought that up to John later, and he quipped, “Well, what did he expect? I was dancing with a librarian.” Then he added, “You know the irony of all this? They think we’re so staid and boring — if only they knew the kinds of parties we’ve been to. They couldn’t even begin to touch some of the things we’ve done.”
Yeah. If only they knew. If they could see the other side of quiet, boring Erica the stiff, and John the socially awkward brain-iac engineer.
I wanted to say to John’s BIL: “Hey, J. You think you’re such a big deal with your cool hipster friends and your pontificating at every gathering and your wild parties? Ever been to a party where you see this?”
“And yes, J, that’s me on the far left on the bed, and on the right in the bubbles. Put that in your library book and shove it.”
Of course, they’ll never know any of this. But sometimes, it sure is fun to imagine their faces if they found out. “Whaaaat? Johnny, our weird little brother and his stick-up-her-ass girlfriend? You mean they don’t go to the Pocket Protector Convention? They’re… kinky?? They’ve actually done stuff we haven’t even dreamed about in our most drunken, weed-fueled bacchanalia? Say it isn’t so!”
(sigh) Hopefully this is the last of the family events for a while. I’m glad we showed up. But yeah. I still don’t like most of these people. Some things never change.
About a week ago, someone on FetLife posted that she’d love to see some shout-outs from others about the good tops they know. In the past few years, there has been so much upheaval and acrimony on FL, many accusations of assault, consent violations, etc., and I thought her suggestion was a great idea. The good guys deserve to be acknowledged! So I wrote something about one of my favorite tops, one I’ve known for years, who is no longer on FetLife, but is known by many.
Circumstances beyond his control have taken him from our circles, and I miss him. So I thought, why stop at FetLife. Why not give him his own tribute here? I will not use his real name here. His public scene name was InspectHerHide. I will simply use his initial M.
I’ve lost track of how many years I’ve known him. We first connected via email. He was newly divorced, and was just beginning to explore his spanking side, something he’d buried for years. He’d found my email address online and contacted me. We began a correspondence; he asked lots of questions, and I answered them to the best of my ability. Eventually, he decided to attend his first spanking party — Shadow Lane, of course. I encouraged him to find me there. I felt like I already knew him.
So we met in person, and had instant chemistry. A single man at these things is sometimes received with suspicion (which is a damn shame), but he did well for himself at this first party, making friends. And then it came time for us to play for the first time. It was Saturday night after the ballroom dinner/dance, so we were all dressed up. In the party suite, he approached me, and we went into one of the bedrooms to do our scene. He was in a suit, so he took off his jacket, folded it and laid it on the bed. Then he said, “Don’t touch my jacket.”
Of course, I reached out and poked it.
“I said, don’t touch my jacket.” I poked it again. Spanking commenced. But he kept stopping, turning to look, and repeating, “I told you not to touch my jacket! Stop touching my jacket!” Which, of course, I kept doing.
Until I got tired of that. “Fine!” I snapped. “Let’s remove the temptation, shall we?” Then I snatched up his jacket and flung it across the room, where it landed in a heap on the floor.
That did it. With lightning speed, he pushed me off, went to retrieve his jacket, came back, pinned me down and really lit into me. Other people were watching and I heard one guy say, “Daaaaaaamn!” And I was laughing through the entire thing. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
He kept coming to parties, and we played every time. After a while, we developed a pattern where, whenever possible, we were each other’s first scene of the weekend, and sometimes each other’s last. I loved playing with him. He was creative, funny, conscientious, knew just when to push and when to lighten up, and his techniques were flawless.
He could always make me laugh. I recall one Sunday night, end of the weekend, when we’d done our final scene and he was giving me aftercare. I was already starting to feel a bit droppy and I was in tears. He leaned close and said, “Wanna see something?” I nodded. He then sheepishly showed me his right palm. It was mottled and red, with spots that were beginning to bruise and other spots that looked like the skin was close to breaking. Clearly, he’d overused his hand this weekend. And then he quipped, “For once, someone can say this and it’s true — this hurt me more than it hurt you.” I started cracking up and the tears were forgotten.
I certainly returned the favor. What do I love, kids? Making tops laugh when they’re trying their damnedest to be all serious and stern. During one scene, he was really trying to be toppy, keep a straight face. I said something or another, and he scolded, “I don’t like your inflection!” I snapped back, “I don’t have an inflection! I did once, but I took penicillin.” And he lost it. Heehee.
A few years ago, we all met a lovely young woman named B who came to her first party. She reminds me of the Shakespearean line: “Though she be little she is fierce.” She couldn’t have been more than 100 pounds soaking wet, but she was strong, feisty, spunky, and smart. Everyone fell a little bit in love with her at that party… including M. He ended up marrying her.
I was friends with both of them on FetLife and Facebook. It was great fun following all their adventures, both kink and vanilla. They both loved travel and the outdoors, and they’d post lots of pictures and mini-videos on FB. I still crack up, remembering one where they were traveling somewhere in the South and they were trying a Southern specialty, boiled peanuts. They didn’t like them in the least. I can still see B’s face and hear her voice blurting, “They taste like feet!” (For the record, I agree with her. I love roasted peanuts, peanut butter, etc. But boiled peanuts are disgusting.)
The last time I saw them was February 2020, at a Vegas party. They came late, and I felt bad because my first scene wasn’t with M this time. I was anxious to see them, wondering when they’d arrive. When someone told me, “Erica, M is looking for you,” I was overjoyed. I found him, got one of his massive enveloping bear hugs, and all was right with the world.
And then Covid hit.
B was a nurse. She got Covid early on, before there were any treatments, vaccines, when people barely knew what the hell it was. But she was young, healthy, strong… she’d be okay, right?
She never got better. She developed what’s now known as long Covid, as well as POTS. Life became an odyssey of doctor visits, tests, constant probing, and of course, people giving advice. Months went by, then a year, then two. A vital young woman ended up in a wheelchair, with no strength to do much of anything. She had to be carried everywhere. Her nursing career, for which she worked so hard, was over. And M became her full-time caregiver, along with working full-time himself.
For a while, I could still keep up with them on social media. M posted updates. He’d still come on FetLife sometimes and comment on pictures. John and I sent them little presents now and then. I felt like if I could still read about them, they were still somewhat in my life. But then they both removed their FL and FB accounts.
Last week, I got to thinking about them after the FetLife tribute, so I texted M, just to check in and say hello. He texted back. The news was not good. Long story short… not only is B continuing to deteriorate, but now, what with all this never-ending stress and grief, M’s health is suffering too. He said he was tired. And what could I say? There were no magic words, nothing that would help. I miss you. I love you. I’m sorry. He said he loved me, and then went silent. There was nothing else to say. And I wept.
Sometimes, life just fucking stinks.
I will most likely never see either of them again. They are in another state; it’s not like I can just pop by with some soup and some hugs. And he will not see this. But I hope that somewhere within, he knows he made a difference. He brought a lot of people joy, including me. He mattered. They both did. They still do.
Over the years, several pictures were taken of M and me at the parties. Here’s the very first one, from (I think?) 2012, in the ballroom on Saturday night. I wish I could show his face, as he had such a joyous smile on it.
A couple of years later, we were playing in one of the suites, and afterward, I stayed in position, both of us so relaxed, we didn’t want to move. I’d bent one leg and put my foot up in the air, and he’d ended up resting his face on it. We were surrounded by others and one person thought it was so cute, he took pictures. (That’s John’s arm off to the side.)
I treasure these pictures and others, and so many memories.
I love you, M. Thanks for being one of the good ones.
I think I’m finally ready to attempt writing this. Sorry for the long delay! I hope I haven’t forgotten anything important in all the craziness of work and COVID that ensued after I came home. But better late than never. Settle in. Get a refreshing beverage. This is long.
It was a great party, I had fun, and I have zero regrets. COVID be damned. I needed to do this, and I’m glad I did. But of course, I’m also glad we chose to leave John out of this one. I would have been beside myself had he caught this. Me? I’ll live. He might not have.
Of course, it was a strange weekend without him. I missed him a lot. I had a lot of different moods throughout the three days there, and spent more time by myself than I normally would have. But I had prepared myself for this well in advance and was determined to go forward with it, with all the confidence I could muster. I tried to replace my nervousness with a calm curiosity — what would it be like? New party, new hotel, a lot of new people, flying for the first time rather than driving. I wanted to be open to the new experiences and feelings. And also… be prepared in case it simply was no longer the same. That was a very real possibility. Things are different. I’m different. It’s been a long time. But I’d never know unless I tried.
Friday: I woke up at 5:00 a.m. showered, washed my hair, blew it out, drank coffee, and finished packing. My flight was at 9:00, but I wanted to get to the airport two hours early, so I was on the road by 6:15. That felt weird — it was still dark out, and the roads were nearly empty. I made it to Burbank in plenty of time, found the Economy parking lot, and shuttled to the Southwest entry, where I checked one of my bags. I hadn’t flown since 2019, but the whole rigmarole came back to me and it passed without incident. I found my gate and then bought a bottle of water ($6 and change? Are you @#$%ing kidding me??), and settled in to charge my phone and people watch. A couple nearby had brought their dog! You know me and dogs… of course, I had to go over there and ask if it was okay to say hello. They were very nice, and I hunkered down to pet a very sweet, mellow dog with the softest coat (a Jindo, which is a Korean breed).
Flight was brief, which was merciful, since I could only find a middle seat and it was tightly packed. Plus, the young woman on my right kept falling asleep and laying her head on my shoulder. (Actually, that was kind of sweet. I tried hard to keep still and not disturb her. At least she was wearing a mask!)
I’ve never been to Las Vegas Airport. Holy crap, what a zoo! It was hot as hell, my bags were heavy, and I couldn’t find the Uber area to save my life. I ended up in the shuttle/taxi area, but then they told me I was in the wrong place and I needed to backtrack and go in another direction. (groan) When I found the Uber/Lyft area, it was mobbed with people, but I called for my Uber and they were able to find me. Thank goodness it took only about ten minutes, because I was dying of the heat. The driver was very sweet, helped load my stuff, and I collapsed into the back seat. “Do you need anything?” he asked. “Just air conditioning,” I gasped.
We arrived at the Tuscany Suites in ten minutes, and I went in. It was only 11:30 and check-in time was 3:00, but I had called beforehand to ask if I could have early check-in and they said it shouldn’t be a problem. After I got checked in, they directed me to my building. This was a very neat hotel, made up of separate, lettered buildings they called villas. Our party had three villas — C, F and G. The party suites were in building G, and my room was in C. Huffing and puffing, I managed to shlep my increasingly heavy bags to the building and to my room. Damn, did John spoil me — he never, ever let me help with the bags. I was lucky if I got to carry my own purse.
And of course, because I am a dork, I couldn’t figure out how to open the hotel room door. I had a card, but where was the key card slot you slide it into? (To be fair, there were key card slots in 2020, when I last attended a party.) I finally had to ask a maid, and she showed me where you tap the card. Oh. Duh. Finally straggled into my suite and closed the door, put the stuff down and turned around… and here’s the first thing I saw.
Wait… what? At first my addled brain thought they came with the room, but then I realized of course they didn’t. Somehow, John had arranged for me to arrive to these. Damn, I love that man. ♥ ♥ ♥ I texted him immediately, fighting tears, and thanked him. He, of course, denied doing it. (“Was there a card?” “No.” “Then how did you know it’s me?” “Because you never provide a card!”)
I then took stock of the room. In this hotel, all the rooms are suites, so this was much bigger than we were used to. It had a little living room area, a dinette and kitchenette along with two beds and the typical bathroom area. One thing I did notice right away — despite the wall unit AC blasting away, the room was warm. Uh oh. What was up with that? I did some scoping around, and figured out the problem. First, the AC temp was set too high. Second, it was on low instead of high. And third, there were two large windows in the room with blackout shades, but the shades were wide open and allowing the Vegas sun to bake the room. So I made all the necessary adjustments, and unpacked. (Yes, I unpack in a hotel room.) By the time I was done, it was around 1:00, and the ice-breaker/registration event I wanted to attend wasn’t until 4:00. So I figured, perfect time for a nap, right? Nope. Yeah, I was tired, but I was also keyed up and excited and overheated, and I just couldn’t come down enough to fall asleep. Oh well. Onward.
I found the room where they were having some ice-breaker games and registration, got my badge (which would be worn the rest of the weekend), and found a few familiar faces. Let the hugs begin! The party had actually been going since Thursday, but a lot of people came on Friday like me. I had heard there would be hors d’oeuvres, which there were, but I didn’t realize there would be a cash bar, and I didn’t bring my purse. I needed water, and a very lovely person offered to buy me a bottle. Thank you! ♥ Did some mingling, and enjoyed watching the ice-breakers — a spanking version of Musical Chairs, and then a truly demented scavenger hunt where we all got into teams and were asked to come up with the craziest things (your best drawing rendition of the Last Supper? Three different colored socks tied together end to end??). My team came in dead last — boooooo! But we gave it our best try.
This gathering was over a little after six, and the party suites would be open at eight, so I decided to go back to my room to chill out a bit. They had asked for volunteers to help during the party, and one of the requests was taking shifts as door guards, making sure only those of our party came in. (The security at this event was amazing! They were so thorough — there was no chance of party-crashers.) I had signed up to do the 9:00-10:00 shift, in front of the elevator. I figured it would be the perfect way to get to see everyone.
I changed my clothes, put on makeup, and headed to the G suites. The entire G building was ours and ours alone, so we could make all the noise we wanted. They had two party suites directly across the hall from one another, and so the guests meandered back and forth (and also hung out in the hallway when the rooms got too crowded).
What can I tell you about the first day/night? You already know it — greetings, greetings, and more greetings! A million hugs! Oh, that felt so good. There were faces I didn’t recognize, but also plenty of the ones I knew, and it was so good to see everyone again. I grabbed a spot on one of the couches while I could, and just observed things for a while until I had to go take my guard post. Each of the two rooms had bins filled with ice and water/drinks, plus other bins of snacks. All were portion controlled, individual packages, which made it a lot healthier than having communal dishes of candy and what have you. I think (?) they had beers, but the huge spread of all kinds of liquor was no longer. Which is for the best, I believe.
Anyway, I ended up next to a man who looked familiar — that happens a lot at these weekends — but I don’t recall meeting before. His name was Matt; he seemed to know me, and chatted with me a bit. He asked if I’d played yet, I said no, and then mentioned that I was due to do a guard shift in about fifteen minutes. “Well,” he said, “would you like a warm-up scene, first of the weekend?” He seemed nice — why not? I almost never do my first and last scenes with people I don’t know, but what the hell, I was doing everything differently this time. He took me into one of the bedroom and gave me a lovely hand spanking. And what was I thinking the whole time? (“Why have I not played with this man before??”) He was awesome! Perfect technique, and not super hard, which was just what I needed at the outset of things. Great start!
Then I was off to sit by the elevator. I was joined by JC, who was one of the security people for this party, and he and I chatted and caught up. I was right; sitting there was the perfect place to see everyone as they came and went. The halls were clamorous, with rambunctious bottoms striding up and down, singing 90s songs (Friday night was “90s night,” although I didn’t dress for it because I had no clue what to wear) and announcing that they could do whatever the hell they wanted. I got to greet lots of people, everyone who came by had their badge, and I enjoyed my shift, even when it extended past an hour because no one showed up to relieve us! JC went to find out what had happened, and it turned out that the shift change person was at the elevator downstairs! Oh well… no problem. I had been approached by a gentleman named Andy, with whom I’d played at the party in 2020 and enjoyed thoroughly. He asked when I would be sprung from my post, and he had that evil glint in his eye — what could he have in mind…
When I went back to the rooms and freshened up, he was waiting for me, and we went into one of the bedrooms to play. Oh, that was fun. He was playing with my skirt, slightly lifting it, yanking it back down, inching it up again, then down again… I said, “You know, you can lift that, it’s okay!” I mean, really, being spanked over clothes is so tedious. He just kept on teasing and I finally blurted, “Just lift the damn thing already!” (Oh, Erica, you’re so demure and ladylike.) And he did. A wonderful spanking ensued, and then, after he smoothed everything back in place, just like he’d done the last time, he swooped me up in his arms and twirled me around and around. I love that!
That was it for my play on Friday night, just two scenes. I was a little disappointed at the slow start, but figured I had to be patient. The weekend had just begun. Also, even though I knew the party was going to go long into the night, the long day finally crashed in on me and I started fading around 12:30. The FOMO part of me said, “Noooo, it’s too early, you can’t go, you’ll miss stuff!” But the reasonable adult part said, “There are two more days and nights. You’re exhausted. If you push to stay up later, you’ll just feel lousy.” So, I picked myself up and left, meandering back to my room. I think it was somewhere between 12:30-1:00 a.m. when I went to bed.
Saturday: Before I get into that, I should do a brief review of the strange nether region I found myself in at this party. I mean, for years, I knew where I stood at these things. People knew me. Or they knew of me. I had a solid group of regulars to hang with. I knew the drill of the events. I knew the hotel. Blah blah blah.
Now… all new territory. I was by myself. The venue and events were unfamiliar. And as for the group, that was a mix. A percentage of the people knew me. Another percentage knew of me. And yet another percentage knew neither — I was a stranger. And the weird part was that I didn’t know how those percentages fell. So every single time I walked into a room this weekend, I didn’t really know where I stood. And — I can’t keep emphasizing this enough — I didn’t have John to fall back on.
I suppose there are some thinking, “What’s the BFD?” That’s okay. I know I’m sounding a bit melodramatic. But those who know me, and know these parties, get it. It was weird. Not bad, not good, just… different and strange.
Anyway… I slept in on Saturday. This party had a lot of events scheduled all throughout the days. However, many of them were based on role play, age play, or both, and while those are hugely popular, that’s not a good fit for me. One event was for POC — I didn’t qualify for that. Another was FF — nope. So you get the picture. I didn’t attend too many things, so I had a lot of free time on my hands.
After showering and dressing, I realized that the day before, I hadn’t had a single proper meal. All I did was graze all day on snacks I brought to my room (peanuts, grapes, pretzels) a couple of hors d’oeuvres, and a Nutri-Grain bar in the party suite. I needed fuel. But… I didn’t have anyone to go to lunch with.
So what, Erica? You want lunch? Go take yourself to lunch.
The hotel had a very nice diner called Marilyn’s Café, and I meandered over there, getting a table by myself in the corner. There I sat, catching up with everything on my phone and enjoying a healthy breakfast. I’m not usually one to take pictures of my food, but I thought my breakfast was unusually picturesque. Egg white omelet with veggies, fruit cup, multi-grain toast with jam, and really good coffee. Great service, too!
Almost forgot — before lunch, I ran into M in the hallway. I had discovered a blister forming on my toe, which I didn’t want to get worse, so I had called the hotel to see if they had Band-Aids. They did not. But when I found M and mentioned needing a Band-Aid, she said she had some, so we went back to her room to get one for me. And then of course I realized I hadn’t put my badge on, so we traipsed back to my room to get it! (There was a lot of walking this weekend. Which is fine by me, since that’s the only working out I did.) Then I went with her to the gift shop so she could buy a bottle of water, and we parted company.
There was a vendor fair starting at 3:00 in the suites, so I went back to my room after I ate and got ready to attend that. Upon leaving my room, I saw Madame Samantha lingering in the hallway. She was waiting for assistance, having locked herself out of her room. I ended up hanging out with her until she was let in, and then went into her room and we spent the next hour chatting and catching up. She then headed to shoot with Sarah Gregory, and I headed down to the vendor fair. That was pretty low-key. But the main event of the day was ahead. On my way back to my room, I ran into my friends K and Adalia from Jillian’s Discord group in the lobby — they had come on a one-day pass so they could attend the Saturday night festivities. Enthusiastic hugs ensued.
The return of the ballroom dinner/dance! Dressing up! The Vegas parties had not done this for many years, so it was like a throwback to another time. They had a very cool backdrop set up so people could take pictures, and we were all encouraged to dress our finest. Soooo… I pulled out a dress I had buried in my closet, one I’d only worn once, and that was to a BDSM dungeon event. Over the top? You bet. Perfect for this? Yup. When it was time, I got dressed, put on full makeup, primped and fussed with my hair, and then I was ready to go. First, of course, I took a selfie for John, so he could be the first to see me.
Yes, it was covered with sequins. And you can’t see it, but it had a tie-up, corset-style back. How did I get myself into it without someone to tie it for me? It wasn’t easy. I had pre-tied it perfectly before putting it on, and then I just struggled into it. When there’s a will, there’s a way.
I made my way to the main building and then upstairs to our ballroom — gorgeous! People were milling around inside and in the hallway, and I greeted several friends. We all looked so good! Men in suits, women in gorgeous dresses — festive and fun! Here’s a shot with three friends — Jada on the left OKed showing her face, while M and S preferred to remain anonymous. Aren’t we spiffy?
There was a lot of oohing and aahing over each other’s outfits, and pretty soon, people were lining up to take pictures in front of the backdrop. My friend K was in a stunning, off the shoulder white sequined dress, and with me in a black sequined dress, I just had to get a shot with her. Can’t show her pretty face, but trust me, she is such a cutie! ♥
I also took a picture with one of my favorite tops, who I’ve mentioned in several party blogs — Roy. Soooo good to see him again! But he said, “Don’t put this on the internet,” and I must respect that. More on him later.
I wandered about a little, saying hello to people and exclaiming over their clothes. The stunning Snow Mercy was there — with her dog! A poodle puppy. Of course I had to pet her, and she chewed on my hand and gave me kisses. I saw Sarah G and her new hubby John Osborne — we talked briefly, and she said something unexpected that touched me. If I ever changed my mind about shooting again, they’d have me back in a heartbeat — she said no one plays the bratty wife quite like me. Damn. I’m not going to take her up on it — there is no going back — but that was sweet to hear. ♥ John took a picture of Sarah and me — she was in purple sequins — but I haven’t gotten that.
We chose our tables/seats and sat, watching people mill about the backdrop, greeting one another. I sat between Jada and TallAndStrict (AKA the artist formerly known as Ralph Marvell). I should mention that we hadn’t seen Jada in many years and it was such a treat catching up with her and hanging out. We first met her in 2009. Some things never change — these parties are such a whirlwind of faces, past and present, and they all come at you so quickly. I hope I’m remembering everyone.
The buffet dinner was very nice, with something for everyone, including vegetarian and healthy choices. And for dessert, they had an assortment of mini-pastries, all kinds of goodies, each one about two-three bites (yours truly took three of them, thank you very much). There was a cash bar, but I just drank water. I usually like to have a glass of champagne at some point at these parties, but I eschewed that this weekend, being alone. John always watches out for me when I get a little tipsy.
And speaking of John… in the spirit of honest reporting, the bad with the good, I had my first droppy moment after dinner. The music and dancing started, and people filled the dance floor. Not everyone went up there — in fact, it was the same small group of people who danced nearly every dance. Because the music was nearly all the same style. In the past, the dance selections have been a mix, with current blending with classics for those of us of the AARP persuasion. Not so this time. So I sat at the table, thinking okay, I’ll just talk with people, but it was too loud with the music to hear yourself talk. At that moment, I missed John fiercely. I wanted him there with me. And I could feel my mood plunging.
Okay, Erica. What now? You could stay here and be miserable, hoping for a different outcome, or you can exit, go back to your room, and get ready for the party suites. What’s it going to be?
I chose to leave. It was getting near the end of the ballroom time anyway. I’d made my appearances, had my dinner, gotten my pictures. Time to keep moving on. And to get some play in already!
I changed into a more casual dress, traded in my pumps for flat sandals, and went to the party suites, which were hopping. The night is a blur now, but I know I played three more times. The first time was with T&S, who I have not played with in many years. We had some fun reminiscing about when we first met, and how he’d autographed my butt with a Sharpie. I said I should have never washed my butt again, which cracked up the entire room around us. After that, I watched a beautiful double-team scene with Zoey on a massage table (they had a couple of tables set up in each suite, for flogging/caning/strapping scenes), and when I complimented John O. afterwards, he said, “Wanna be next? Hop up.” Sure! Hadn’t played with him for a long time either. It was a fun, floaty scene, lots of different implements and sensations, finishing with some caning (not hard, though — more sensual, which was perfect). Yum!
And then there was Roy. I was chatting away with a few people when I saw him come in. He caught my eye and winked at me, but didn’t approach yet. But I knew he would. Sure enough, soon, he walked behind me, brushing my shoulder on the way, peeked into one of the bedrooms, then gestured for me to follow him in there. “Excuse me,” I cheerfully told my friends as I exited the conversation.
As always, he was worth the wait. So good. Not a complicated scene, just a good long OTK hand spanking, but our chemistry is amazing. He could have gone on for hours and I wouldn’t have complained. Every time I thought the scene was winding down, he’d say, “Few more?” I’d say “Yes, please,” and it would continue. It was interspersed with caresses and snippets of conversation, easy, comfortable. I love love LOVE when a scene comes together so perfectly.
Sadly, I didn’t get to play with him again. The poor guy woke up the next day feeling sick to his stomach and he took an early flight home. (No, it wasn’t COVID; I checked on him later.) Maybe he had a touch of food poisoning. But at least we had one wonderful scene.
After that, I figured that was my high note for the night, so I didn’t play anymore. I did stay in the suites for a while longer, though. Piper plopped down on the couch next to me at some point and we had a bit of catch-up talk — she and JC are two of my favorite people. But then she was unceremoniously hauled away by Mistress Josephine for a caning, which she bratted all the way through. It was hilarious.
And there it was, that moment where you realize you’re tired AF, you’re running on fumes, but you don’t want to leave because you’re having fun and you might miss something. That hit me about 2:30 a.m., sitting around with a group of friends who all looked as exhausted as I was, but no one was making a move to leave. (“Lightweight! Sleep is overrated! The party is still going!”) But. I couldn’t sleep super late, because there was Strict Dave’s Spanking Court the next morning. I still had one more full day. So once again, Adult Erica took charge, and I bid everyone goodnight.
damn, this is long…
Sunday:After finally getting to sleep at nearly 4:00 a.m., the alarm the next morning was particularly rude. But Dave’s Court is a no-miss, a party staple. So I straggled out of bed, showered and dressed, and went to the hotel coffee shop for some caffeine fortification. Unfortunately, everyone else had the same idea, and the line was long. (groan) So I stood there, semi-comatose, and waited my turn, finally getting some coffee and making my way to the room where Court was taking place. I needn’t have worried about being late, though — there was a hiccup, a missing power cord. One of the party organizers had to hunt one down, which took a while, and we started 40 minutes late. But of course, it was well worth the wait. The usual assortment of funny, bizarre cases, and Dave was his brilliant, dry-witted self.
In the past, I have often been taken to Court for various bratty things, and always had fun pleading my case. This year, I was not. I didn’t expect to be, of course, but it still felt a little sad. It was also kind of sad to me to realize that, watching all the cases ensue, I did not know most of the participants. Ch-ch-changes…
After Court ended, the strange feelings remained. Once again, I felt at a loss for what to do next. Usually, this would be the time John and I went to a late lunch with our friend M or whoever else happened to be going. I tried mingling a bit, but it seemed that every conversation I tried to enter fell flat. No matter what I did, this was how I felt at the moment.
(Perfect image, no?)
I had one interesting encounter — the day before, a very nice man had approached me, looked at me quizzically, and said, “You’re kinda famous, aren’t you?” I laughed and made the “so-so” gesture with my hand. I guess he figured it out, because then he came up with me with a couple of young women in tow and enthusiastically introduced them to me, saying I was a “famous spanking model” and that I had been “immortalized” in caricature. He then pulled up a picture on his phone to show them — aaaaand there I was, in all my Dave Wolfe glory, from one of his birthday toons for me:
That was flattering… but also kind of awkward. I mean, that picture is fourteen years old. Shortly after that, someone accidentally bumped me and splashed a cup of water down the front of my sundress. (No biggie; it was only water.) And as I looked around, figuring that was my cue to leave, I didn’t see anyone I knew — people had dispersed. And I really, really didn’t want to go to lunch alone once again.
It seems every party has a moment of emotional meltdown. This was mine. All the insecurities, missing John, feeling old, wondering where I fit in, etc., etc., ad nauseam came rolling in waves… and I went back to my room and cried. Here it was Sunday afternoon and I’d only played five times, didn’t have a mark on me — that was unheard of. I texted John, saying it was a good party, but I was lonely and missed him and was struggling at the moment. At least I didn’t lose it in front of anyone. He texted back and then I settled down a bit.
Okay, Erica. Two things left — the afternoon pool party, and the Sunday night party blowout. You can sit in the room and feel sorry for yourself, or you can take a few deep breaths, shake it off, rest, and then get ready for the pool.
I had some snacks, then briefly napped. The pool party was from 4:00 to 7:00, so that was a nice break time and one in which I pulled myself together and was determined to make the most of what was left. In yet another burst of courage, I donned a bikini that I haven’t worn in twenty years, put my sundress over it, and went to the lap pool, which had been reserved just for our party.
Well. Things turned around after that. That pool party was so. Much. Fun. Of course, since it was an outdoor pool on hotel grounds, we couldn’t play. But we could make all the noise we wanted, be silly, say whatever wanted without being overheard. I’m not sure how many of us ended up at this gathering, but we all splashed around, playing water volleyball and riding around on inflatable pool toys. It was about 110 degrees, and the pool water felt exquisite.
And speaking of pool toys, our good friend IMLX had brought what is apparently the mascot of the Seattle spanking group — Sea Chad, the Wonder Whale. Sea Chad is gender fluid and has their own account on FetLife. I got to ride SC twice, once by myself, and once with two other women behind me on SC’s back. I do have a picture of that, but the other women in the picture wished not to be publicized, and they look so damn cute that I didn’t want to blur their faces, so I think I’ll just keep that private. But here’s a shot of me on a pink flamingo, with Sea Chad photo-bombing behind me. (Photo by IMLX)
Side note about Sea Chad: When I was riding SC, IMLX was pushing me around the pool, and he was going to back me up to get me away from the volleyball players. As he did so, he bellowed, “Backing up the whale!” To which I yelled, “Hey! I resent that!” (Yup, he’s never going to live that one down…)
I wandered about in the water, striking up conversations, and had several very nice ones. Saw one of the veteran members, Amy, and we had a sweet chat, sharing memories of Tony Elka. Got to catch up with my video hubby Stephen Lewis a bit. I also introduced myself to one of the party organizers (FetLife name Melville) and we had a great talk. She told me all about how this venue came to be, and how instrumental Eve Howard had been in helping them snag it. After we were banned from the Suncoast (and I still don’t know exactly why), finding a new, kink-friendly venue was a challenge. So this was a huge coup, and they worked hard for it, this new Oasis team. Kudos to them. I told her how impressed I was with how well organized everything was, and she was grateful to hear that.
I stayed in the pool until 6:45 and my fingers looked like prunes. Got out, dried off, put my sundress and shoes back on, and made my way back to my room. There had been hot dogs and grilled cheese sandwiches from Shake Shack provided at the pool, but I had passed on that. So once again, I didn’t eat a proper meal on Sunday. But it was okay. I had KIND bars and peanuts for protein, grapes for energy, and chocolate, so I had all the important food groups.
Here’s a bit of weirdness: right before the party, I had a fresh pedicure. (My polish was called Lucky Red; perfect for Vegas!) I went into that pool with ten perfect toenails. Nearly three hours later, I looked down and saw that the polish on two of my nails was completely gone. Not chipped — I mean gone. WTF? Did the chlorine eat off my polish? That’s a little scary. And so much for keeping the pedicure nice for a while! *grumble*
I showered and washed my hair, got into a casual Sunday night outfit, and headed for the final party later that evening. I had decided I was going to play through, and not go to bed. I needed to call for an Uber around 4:00 a.m., and there was no point in trying to get a couple of hours’ sleep. I’d just stay up until it was time to leave, go pack and check out, and go straight to the airport and home. I could sleep once I got there. That decided, I stopped by the gift shop on my way there for a 20-oz. bottle of Diet Coke, for the caffeine.
I’d made another decision. Throughout the weekend, I’d felt off and uncomfortable because I wasn’t getting a lot of requests to play. There were a lot of handsome young men, new to me, who I would have loved to play with, but there was no way I was going to ask them. And a lot of my old favorite familiars weren’t there. But by Sunday night, I thought, screw it. You want to play? Ask, dammit. The men are as intimidated as you are, especially in the party climate now, post #MeToo and the huge and devastating uproar that blew through our scene last year.
With that in mind, I found a comfy couch spot in one of the suites and struck up a chat with the man sitting next to me (FetLife name: Joker10). He was not new, but hadn’t been to the parties for a while. I had watched him doing a Florentine flogging the night before and was impressed with his technique. He was a lot of fun to talk with and we covered a lot of topics. He asked me if I liked flogging, and I said yes, very much, but it’s hard to find people who can do it well. He said he would be getting his toy bag later, and I thought, there you go, Erica. There’s your Sunday night end-the-party flogging. Lovely. I told him I’d see him later, and he said, “Okay. Behave yourself.” To which I said, “What for??” I mean, really? Was there any other answer?
IMLX and I had been chatting on and off all weekend and he made a point of telling me, “Find me on Sunday night so we can play!” He knows how distracted he gets and he didn’t want the opportunity to pass. So when I was sitting and chatting with Jada, I saw him come in, and beckoned him over. “So are we going to play, or what?” He assured me that we were, but first, he was being called upon to take a picture of someone’s scene, and then he was all mine! Okay… I waited for that, and then he approached once again, rambling about how busy he’d been and how time had gotten away from him as usual and so on and on… “Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah, let’s go!” I interrupted. (You have to understand my relationship with IMLX — it’s much the same as a lot of the other bottoms. He is a great guy, a great player, and one hell of a great sport, because we all give him shit like you wouldn’t believe. But he knows we love him.) T&S overheard that, burst out laughing and said, “You never change, do you!” “NO!” I hurled back on my way into the bedroom.
Oh, damn, that was such a fun scene. It’s been a long time since the two of us played, and I have to say, his hand is wayyyyyy stronger! Years ago, we played at Boardwalk Badness and I very slightly assed his hand. (You’d think it was blistered and bleeding beyond recognition, the way the poor dear was carrying on.) No such occurrence now! But of course, variety is the spice of scenes, so he took off his belt too. Delicious. Wonderful long scene, loud and exuberant and filled with laughs. I felt that unmitigated joy once again. There is nothing like it.
After that, I wandered about the suites, had a bit more chit-chat, and then saw Paul Kennedy. You all know how much I love playing with Paul. I don’t know why I was being so reticent, waiting for him to ask — probably because he usually does. He has a way of just coming up to me in a crowded room and spiriting me away with a beckoning finger. However, when that didn’t happen, I thought, well, you wanna wait passively and see if it does, or do you wanna be proactive? Since the theme of the weekend was the latter, I asked him. And of course, he said yes, no hesitation. *beaming*
We chose a bedroom, I took down my cropped jeans, and settled in for a long OTK hand spanking. He built me up slowly, lighter at first, then adding in flurries of fast and hard, going down onto the upper thighs as well. After a nice long while of that, I heard him murmuring to me to get up, so I pushed myself up, and saw that he had laid out pillows on the bed for me to lie on. Then he showed me a wicked-looking two-tongue tawse. Gulp.
Without preamble, he calmly asked me a simple question: “Do you want marks?” I didn’t have to think about it. My answer was: “From you? Yes.”
Oh my. Ow ow ow. That thing really had a fierce bite. Especially on my thighs. I called forth all my fortitude for the last set of strokes, delivered evenly, measured, perfect. As Paul always is. ♥
Another side note, speaking of Paul: Have I mentioned how freaking adorable Alex Reynolds looked every time I saw her? I haven’t? Well, she did. It seems she is living her very best life these days, happily married and in love, a loving stepmom, a beautiful new home (filled with cats!), all the good things. It made me happy to see. It brought back memories of being at their wedding, which had been a complete joy for both John and me.
And finallyyyyyyy (Jesus, it’s about time, Erica) — I floated out of the bedroom, where I saw Joker10 wrapping up a flogging scene, so I plunked myself down on the carpet nearby and waited my turn. I didn’t have to wait long. After stripping down to my underwear, I laid on the massage table. He took one look and said, “Wow, you’ve been a bad girl.” Why, yes, yes I have! He asked some questions about limits, and showed me a pair of gloves with long silver claws at each finger, asked if some sensual play was okay with those. You know, I don’t usually like sharp things. They scare me. But there was something about this guy that made me instantly trust him. I can’t explain it; it’s just one of those things that happens, and I went with it. So I said yes.
WOWWWWW. My instincts did not fail me. J10 was wonderful with the floggers, and then, he ran the claws carefully over me — up and down my back, into my hair, down my legs, and yes, on my tender butt. It felt shivery and sensual and a little tickle-y and a lot very good. Perfect, perfect end-of-party scene. “What planet are you on?” he asked as he wrapped it up. “Mars,” I mumbled. He brought me a piece of chocolate for my blood sugar, and I took my time savoring it before I finally got up and put my clothes back on.
But wait, there’s more. (Whaaat? Oh, FFS… Sorry, readers. Just a little longer.)
Throughout the evening, I’d been running into Piper, who said that JC wanted to play with me (to which I said most emphatically yes), but he was working security and we kept missing one another. Now it was quarter to three and I was walking around saying my goodbyes. JC thought I was just saying goodnight — he didn’t know I was leaving for the airport. “Can we do a quick scene before you go to bed?” he asked. I said I wasn’t going to bed, this was it, I was on my way to the airport after I packed. “Oh, then we have to do a quick scene! I won’t make you late!” Sure. Let’s do it.
What a great little scene — did I mention I really love JC and Piper? He then announced, “I’m making this quick because I know your time is limited and you have to get going, so I don’t want to read anything on your blog about how JC sucks, that I end scenes too early!” I laughed… yeah, like I’d ever say that. You reading this, JC? You rock!
And then that was it, the final round of goodbyes. Went back to my room, where I had already piled everything up neatly, ready to throw into my bags. But of course, I had to get a selfie of my butt first! I mean, I hadn’t gotten any butt shots all weekend, and it’s not a spanking party without that.
Nine scenes in three days. Not as much as usual. But then again, I don’t know if I could have taken a whole lot more. And they were all good scenes. I’m not complaining.
Had to leave the flowers, sadly. Checked out, and then sat outside at 4:00 a.m., the air hot and thick and muggy, and called my Uber. They dropped me right off at the Southwest entrance, I checked my bag, did the TSA check-in, and went to my gate. What did I see right in front of it? A 24-hour Einstein’s Bagels kiosk. At that moment, at that ungodly hour, not having eaten and existing on fumes, nothing sounded more exquisite than a toasted cinnamon raisin bagel with jam and a cup of hot coffee. So I waited in line, bought my treat, then sat down, plugged in my phone, and wolfed down the bagel. After that, I just relaxed, too tired to read anything, until my flight at 6:30. This time, I got an aisle seat. Good thing, because that half-hour squeezed into that tiny seat with my sore butt and my aching exhausted body was one of the most uncomfortable half hours I could imagine! Christ, how did I manage to fly home from shoots back East?? But then it was over, I got my bag, and shuttled to my car. When I staggered in my front door, it was 8:30. I sent a few “I’m home!” texts, and then I went straight to bed, where I slept six hours.
Aaaaand you know the rest. That was Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday I was slam-jammed with work, Wednesday night I started feeling bad, and Thursday morning I tested positive. I have been home for the past several days — no John this past weekend. I had a couple of really uncomfortable days, slept a lot, and then it dissipated into feeling like a mild flu or cold. I’ve been able to work, which was very good, because I was so busy. Now I’m caught up. And as of this moment, I’ve had no fever all day, I still have a deep cough but it’s not out of control, and I haven’t taken any Advil or Tylenol all day (whereas I took it around the clock before). So I’d say I had a mild case. Thank goodness for vaccinations and boosters. Oh — and if a positive spin can possibly be put on COVID? I’ve been too damn sick to feel any post-party drop!
It was a weekend of myriad experiences, old and new, happy and sad. Many emotions. But again, absolutely no regrets. I’d do it all over again.
Recently, our incomparable Bonnie wanted to make her blog list a little easier to navigate for new readers, so she asked everyone to nominate their favorites. Then she compiled a list of 40 MBS Readers’ Choice blogs, which she highlighted in orange on the roll so that newbies could find the well-read blogs more easily. Yours truly apparently was nominated several times and made the cut.
So yes, I am flattered and pleased. Why embarrassed? Because I’ve barely written a damn thing all year and I haven’t even touched this site for over a month. (sigh) What can I say? Life has interfered. I have been busy with work, and with other chores such as turning my clocks back. No, not an hour (it’s not Fall Back time yet) — I mean to 1950. Don’t worry. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject, aside from the fact that it has broken my heart and made me sick.
There hasn’t been much to write about; Covid still continues to put a damper on things, although we are fully vaccinated. We still practice a lot of caution, since John is vulnerable. And people who think it’s over are sadly mistaken. But I am hoping that as boosters improve and the strength of the disease weakens a bit, we can begin to live again. I would say at this point I am not scared of getting Covid; it’s like getting a flu. But I am terrified of the mysterious and unpredictable long Covid. A friend of ours has had that for a couple of years now, and her life is essentially ruined. She is only in her early 30s.
However, despite all this, we managed to have a joyous time a couple of weeks ago, when we attended the wedding event of dear friends. It was a three-day event at a resort/hotel (rehearsal dinner Friday, ceremony/dinner/dancing Saturday, buffet brunch Sunday); we came for two days of it. It was held outside, on a picture perfect sunny day, and people came from all over to attend. I would say about fifty people were there, and for those who couldn’t make it, the wedding was streamed live on Zoom.
It was so much fun to get dressed up, to see old friends and meet new ones, and GET HUGS! Lots and lots and lots of hugs! I quite literally had friends running across the lawn to fling themselves into my open arms. Damn, I’d missed that! The ceremony was beautiful, the bride was truly radiant, and hey, I even got to play a little — with the groom, no less! 🙂 No, I’m not going to provide details on who. IFKYK.
They had a photo area for all of us, so John and I took this goofy picture. I was holding up a sign that read “HIS,” but of course, Klutzy McDork held it up wrong.
After over two years of practically being hermits, this felt good. And of course, it made me want to attend the Vegas party over Labor Day. Sadly, the party scene is still very much divided and angry these days. Someone was called out and banned… and now there is backlash against the person who did the calling out, which is damned unfair and wrong. I know all parties involved… I know what and who I believe. But what I think doesn’t matter a damn in the overall scheme of things.
So… do we go? Do we not go? Sooo many people I want to see. But again, the Covid thing, the crowded rooms, the close contact. Ugh. I hate this. But I have a couple of months to decide.
For everyone who voted for this blog on Bonnie’s survey, thank you. Why do you read this? And what would you like to see? Obviously, things have changed — I can no longer write about shoot adventures and so forth. But I still have a lot to say. I just have to determine who wants to hear it.
What happens when you apply makeup, but then end up haplessly screaming and smashing your face in a pillow?
… and then this, an utterly derpy but blissful face, surrounded by walk-of-shame hair.
Yes, it was another delicious spanking session. A wonderful time was had by all.
I arrived at C’s hotel room at 11:30 last Friday morning. We sat and talked for a while, catching up with everything. And then it was time to play. He hadn’t brought many implements this time, just two London Tanner straps. Oh, and a thick wooden brush of some kind, but I took one look at it and just said, “No.” With the way I’d marked the week before, I didn’t think I could take that. (Plus, I didn’t want to.)
C thought it would be fun to take pictures throughout the various stages, rather than just at the end. So this was the “before” picture:
Then a nice, long, thorough OTK warm-up commenced. He brought me up so slowly, I really couldn’t tell when he started ramping things up. I was pleasantly warm and squirmy when he took this:
Just a bit of color. Then things got a bit more serious. His hand is a force to be reckoned with on its own, and when he goes full bore, it’s not for the faint-hearted. (Or the faint-assed.) He was concerned because I was starting to mark already (!!), so he spread it around, moving onto my thighs more. “Little more sensitive there,” he mused. Gee, ya think? Oy vey.
I had no concept of how much time passed, but by the time the OTK/hand portion was done, I was already quite toasty. But I still had the two straps coming…
I realized later that this angle makes my legs look weird — like two drumsticks! Oh well. And yes, we did take a final picture after the straps, but… I think some people were a little squeamish about my marks last week, so I’ll just stop here, photo-wise. 🙂
We then transitioned onto a pile of pillows under my belly and moved onto the strap phase. I don’t know how long that went; it seemed to simply flow into an escalation of sensation, pain and pleasure. My noises escalate too — I start out with small grunts, which grow louder, and when I am reaching my peak, where the pain is almost unbearable but not quite, when my body and mind are challenged and pushed and exhilarated, the grunts morph into a continuous guttural scream, which is when I have to bury my face in the pillow so the cops won’t get called.
I love that point. I love how I feel extreme power in that moment, if that makes any sense. My body is strong and resilient, but I am soft and trusting enough to give myself over in this fashion. It’s my choice, I want it, and a trusted partner is giving it to me, while feeling his own pleasure and power in our connection. Is there anything better?
When I get to my tipping point, I start babbling. Mostly I say “Please” over and over. It’s not “Please stop” or “Please don’t stop.” It’s just “Please,” and I can’t explain it. But that’s my tell. And around that time is when I break down in tears. That is exactly what happened on Friday. I didn’t know where they came from; I hadn’t been feeling particularly weepy that week. But there they were.
And then it was over. In my haze of tears and endorphins, I felt his hands rubbing lotion on me. I was aware of tissues pressed into my hand. It was a long time before I raised my head and spoke again, and he didn’t rush me. He simply curled up next to me and held me close. Let me come down at my own pace. And then we just hung out, cuddling, talking, relaxing. Returning to Earth.
I think I left around 3:30. I had arranged for the day off work, but I still wanted to get a little bit of it done just to stay on top of things. C, with his usual thoughtfulness, checked in with me later that evening, and then again the next morning. My reply:
“Feeling spacey this morning, sleepy, sore, tender. In other words, great! As always, thank you.”
Of course, what goes up, must come down. I’ve been feeling very droppy the past couple of days. But then I hear C saying, “It’s such a joy to come see you,” and I smile.
Can be loving, affectionate, loyal, quick-witted, playful, sensitive, empathic, tenderhearted, mercurial, stubborn, sarcastic, impatient, perfectionistic, contrary, opinionated, cranky, antisocial, restless, kinky, exhibitionistic, rebellious, incurably flirtatious, or any combination of the above, depending on the day. Questions/comments/want to say hello? email@example.com