It started out like a normal Monday night. I put out a bowl of candy and greeted ST when he arrived. He was a little late, saying the traffic was bad. Before he even put his stuff down, he said he needed to use my bathroom.
I did think it was a little strange that he took his toy bag in there with him, but I figured he was in such a hurry to go, he didn’t even think about putting it down.
Several minutes passed, and I wondered what was going on. Finally, the door opened, but there was no sign of ST. Instead, a masked stranger leaped into my living room.
(gasp!) Super Spanko! Who the hell was that?? As you might imagine, he didn’t give me any time to think about it. I’ve never been spanked by a superhero before. It’s quite surreal, let me tell you. And for whatever reason, I couldn’t stop laughing.
“You think this is funny?” he thundered. “You won’t laugh for long!”
“Wanna bet?” I snickered, giggling so hard I could hardly catch my breath.
First I was over his knee for a while. Oh, the horror!
“Are you learning anything?” he scolded in his gravelly superhero tones.
“Yeah,” I gasped. “I’m learning that I really, REALLY need to be more careful about who I open my door to!”
“That’s right. I thought that issue had already been addressed, by that wonderful man, Mr. [ST’s last name].”
“Who??” I said.
“You know…I believe he goes by the name Spanko Tango. Great guy. Great spanker!”
“Oh, him,” I yawned. “He’s not so great. I’m still opening my door to strangers, so obviously I didn’t learn anything.”
Wrong thing to say. Over the ottoman I went. Still couldn’t stop laughing, though. Here’s me, laughing my head off at Super Spanko.
He blustered that he wasn’t going to stop until I confessed that I was a Naughty Girl, and that naughtiness doesn’t pay.
“It does TOO pay!” I jeered. “I’ve gotten paid for naughtiness lots of times! I’m getting paid for it this Saturday!”
Unacceptable. He broke out the heavy artillery.
“Does it pay?” “Yes!” “Does it pay?” “Yes!” “Does it pay?” “Yes!” “Does it pay?” “NO, goddamn it!”
What can I say. Wood works wonders.
“My work here is not quite done,” he said. “You need 15 more of these. And you will have to count them!”
“Why… because you can’t?” I quipped. Damn, I’m a fool sometimes. But it’s so worth it. 🙂
Afterward, he dramatically announced that at last, his work here WAS done, and he left… but he didn’t go out the front door, he went into the bathroom. Weird. But I guess even superheroes have to pee.
Once again the bathroom door opened, and this time, ST emerged. “Sorry I took so long in there,” he apologized. “I wasn’t feeling very well.” TMI, honey. Really. I don’t know what you were up to, but I had one hell of an adventure while you were gone. Who was that masked man?
We relaxed for a while, chatting away and eating chocolate. Perfectly hysterical end to a hilarious night? Weird Al Yankovic was on the radio, and they played something of his I’d never heard before. What is it about polka music that’s so damn funny? And his polka parodies of rock songs absolutely slay me. I was laughing myself sick with this, so I hope y’all like it too — Bohemian Polka. Happy Halloween!