Know Your Audience, Part 2

A couple of weeks ago in Know Your Audience, I wrote about receiving unsolicited fantasy scenarios from strangers. I stressed how important it was to have some sort of awareness of your recipient’s preferences before you sent them something that might resonate with you, but not necessarily with them. Did I also mention that it might be a good idea to proofread the damn thing before you send it? I believe I did.

Well, it happened again. This is possibly one of the worst examples I’ve gotten. And I’m sorry, kids, but if I have to read this shit, then so do you. 😛 Here it is, in all its error-riddled glory. (I was going to type [sic] after every mistake, but then it would be twice as long.)

I call you in the office and you see Jill, Patty and Bob are there. I ask you to take a seat and explain to you that these other employees , who have worked at the firm longer, are complaining about your behavior and attitude. I tell you that I appreciated your work but we need to all get along harmoniously in the office. You beg for the job back and the other girls sitting there with arms folded indicate to me, no way. Patty blurts out that you are just a spoiled brat who thinks she can always get her way by flirting and hanging on the guys. Jill agrees and you say, that you’ll stop it, you promise. Then Jill comes up with an idea, that fine she can stay but she has to be punished and disciplined, like you did to Cathy when she first came. You look surprise as this sounds a little infintile, yet arousing. You ask what happen to Cathy, and Patty tells you, Steve turned her over his knee and gave her a spanking in front of everyone in the office. It was panties down and the back end of a hairbrush. I ask you calmly if you would be willing to be disciplined in front of these workers. The thought drives you wild and you can’t believe this is happenning………….

You agree, and I tell you to come her. I grab your wrist and in no time, you are over my lap in front of the 3 workers. They cheer me on as I lift your skirt up to reveal a garter belt, thigh high stockings and nylon purple panties. The spanking immediately begins as you kichk and squirm in your high heels. Spank Splat Whap, Smack!!!!!!!!! Splat, Swap, Swat, Spank!!!!!!!! you wriggle and squirm as the others giggle. Cathy yells out, take her panties down and use the hairbrush. You shudder as Jill comes over and lowers your panties around your knees and hands me a very solid oak hairbrush from her purse. The scent of female arousal is everywhere. Both yours and theirs. Bob is trying to hide his tent, but you totally feel me throbbing against you, while I sit in the chair. Because the hairbrush will sting, I take my right Leg and hook your right leg, while pinning your right arm in the middle of your back. You feel helpless, yet extremely vulnerable as the hairbrush comes crashing down on your beautiful bare behind:Smack, Swat, Slap, Spank!!!!!!!!! You wriggle and squirm but there’s no where to go except rub against my lap. Juices are flowing from everyone as the girls and now Bob cheer me on: Swat!!!!! Smack!!!!!! Splat!!!!! Spank!!!!!!! Oweeeee you cry out like a little naughty school girl over her teachers lap.

(tipping Advil bottle and grabbing a glass of water)

Where do I start with this? Well, let’s see, I’ll just grab stuff at random. Patty, Cathy, Bob? What is this, a 1950s sitcom? Although I don’t think Bob had a “tent” in one of those shows. Or that “juices flowed” from Patty and Cathy. Eww. And really, do we need all those sound effects? Or fifteen exclamation points after each one? Purple nylon panties?? And overall, could this be any cornier? I spent three minutes of my life reading this and I want them back.

For the love of God, don’t send me this crap! I know you’re over there in Mom’s basement nursing your toadstool chubby over this, but you’re making me sick. Stop. Just stop.

(sigh)

Yes, I’m craving spanky stuff. But if I ever reach a point where getting drivel like this is pleasing to me, please just put me in a home. Better yet, shoot me.

Hope everyone is staying safe and well.

Confession

For what it’s worth, for the dozen or so of you who still read my blather, I’m admitting to a moment of weakness and foolishness. Nothing came of it, but I figured it was worth looking at anyway.

Like it or not, we’re still in the middle of a pandemic. Even with things reopening, I don’t think it’s safe to be in crowds of people. John and I are continuing to do takeout. I’m going to put a hold on my gym membership. The curve of the first wave never flattened and now they are talking about the second wave. I don’t think this is going away anytime soon. Ergo… even if Shadow Lodge goes ahead with the party in Vegas over Labor Day, John and I will not go.

I would consider carefully playing one on one with a trusted partner, though. If I could meet one who was willing to be patient, take things slowly, observe all the safety rules, etc.

A week or so ago, I heard from a man on FetLife who, at first, sounded exactly like who I was seeking. He wrote well. He loved spanking. Our world views were on the same page. He’d been isolating and took the pandemic very seriously. He was attractive, fit, educated, healthy, didn’t smoke or do drugs. And he was local, had his own place where he could host. In his profile and in his introduction to me, he stressed about how he believed in taking the time to establish trust and a connection, and that there was no rush. It seemed he was experienced in the scene and had been around long enough to know what was what.

He said nice things. Didn’t just say that I’m attractive, although he stressed that many times. Said I sounded like I had a good head on my shoulders, that I was smart, seemed like a lot of fun and he thought we’d get along well. He said, more than once, that I was “perfect.” So, I wrote back. We exchanged two or three brief messages. So far, so good.

Then last Friday, he sent me a message that threw me for a loop. Said he wouldn’t meet anyone for coffee right now, not with the virus and particles everywhere and so forth. However… I could come to his place and we could sit outside on his balcony, see where chemistry takes us.

I’m sorry, what??

Okay, this is BDSM 101, kids. You meet publicly first. Coffee, a drink, a meal, whatever you are comfortable with. You do not just up and go to a man’s house right off the bat when you don’t know him, or know of him through trusted others. Period. I couldn’t believe he was suggesting I do this.

So I wrote back, telling him I was sorry, but I couldn’t possibly do that. That I’d been meeting play partners for over 24 years and vetting them in public first. (There have been a couple of exceptions over all those years, but that’s exactly what they were, exceptions. And I’d had good communications with the men beforehand.) I said it seemed we both had much to offer, and hopefully we could figure out a way to move forward, carefully. That I understood “cabin fever” (his words) very well, but that I had to be safe.

Didn’t hear back. Five days went by. Then I got a message that was in a very different tone from all the others. It was part resentful, and part coaxing.

He said we were at an impasse, because I wouldn’t “step out of my comfort zone,” because I wouldn’t “bend a little.” That trying to meet with me was like trying to push a boulder up a very steep hill, and that he found “endless emails” frustrating. And then, he painted a sexy, tempting picture of what could happen if I would just come over, take his hand, and… so on.

I didn’t reply. But I was really, really angry and upset, and wasn’t quite sure why, besides the obvious that the guy’s a manipulative jerk.

Here’s where the confession part comes in.

I think I was rattled because, deep down inside, a part of me wanted to cast caution to the wind, ignore everything I knew, and just go “have an adventure.”

I mean, fuck it. I’ve been holed up for months. I haven’t played since February. Every damn day is some sort of bad news. And there is nothing to look forward to in the near future. Here was my chance to break out a little, go do something wild and forbidden and sexy and have some damn fun for a change. To feel sexy and free and attractive and naughty and just forget all this shit for a couple of hours.

And the fact that even a tiny part of me felt this way was horrifying to me. I know better than this! No, I wasn’t going to do it. But damned if I didn’t want to, just a little. Because I’m only human.

Anyway… turned out it didn’t matter. The morning after he’d written that latest message to me, I woke up to another one.

I’ve decided that it’s just too complicated to continue — good luck with all and be safe.

In other words: “You didn’t do things the way I wanted, so you’re not worth any more of my time.” Also: “I know you’re going to say no, so I’ll reject you first.”

Bastard.

Before I put this behind me, I had to have a final word. I wrote back:

Your profile reads: “I like to go slow at first to develop a genuine connection, kindred spirits, feelings and trust.”
And yet, after a few brief exchanges in which I know next to nothing about you, you expect me to ignore one of the cardinal rules of BDSM, show up at your home without meeting you first. When I politely decline that, you throw up your hands, say “fuck this,” call our messages “endless emails” and I go from perfect to a boulder on a steep hill.
Everything about this has a clear message: “If you don’t give me immediate gratification, I can’t be bothered with you.”
Thanks for the early warning, I guess. I am a person of value and worth bothering with. Sorry you didn’t think so.

Didn’t hear anything back, of course. He’s moved on to find someone more gullible, more lonely and in need. I may be all three of those, but I’m not stupid. I. Know. Better. All emotions and desires aside, I know what’s right and what’s safe. He wasn’t.

And, as many people (including John) reminded me yesterday, it’s fortunate that he revealed who he really was this early on, before I got further invested. Or worse.

So why am I writing this? I guess because I’m reminded that, no matter how much experience we have, no matter how much we know better, we can still be swayed. We can still fall prey to a vulnerable moment and ignore our instincts, or want to. That these are scary times and a lot of us are not thinking clearly. These are the times when narcissists and predators can thrive. Don’t let them. And if someone tries to make you feel like you’re not worth bothering with, fuck them. (Figuratively speaking.) Because you are. And the people who don’t care to take the time, who just want what they want and want it now — their loss.

How ironic that his final words to me were “Be safe,” when he wanted me to be anything but. However, I will say the same to all of you. Please. Be safe. In these tough times, where so many of us are feeling vulnerable, uncertain, alone, scared, angry — keep your head. Keep your ears and heart open to your inner voice that knows best.

Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. And Happy Father’s Day to the dads. ♥

 

 

 

Know your audience

Yes, I know I’ve talked about this before. But it seems that in these days of isolation and boredom, where people are itching for titillation and entertainment, it could use a refresher course.

This isn’t exactly CHoS material, which is why I’m keeping it separate. But it’s equally annoying. I like a fantasy scenario as much as the next spanko. I’ve read many and I’ve written quite a few. BUT. When you write and publish a spanking story, whether it be in a book or on a blog or wherever, you leave people the choice whether or not to read it. Generally, people pick and choose what they read according to what particulars float their boat. Sounds about right, no?

Until you get the guys (and yes, in my case, it’s always guys) who don’t know you, who have never corresponded with you (let alone played with you), who just feel like getting their rocks off by directly presenting their fantasy to you under the guise of “Hey, I wrote this just for you,” when you know damn well they probably dashed it off to a hundred women just to see who took the bait.

And, lucky me, these scenarios are almost always cringe-worthy on every level.

Here’s an example I received recently on FetLife. I had never had any contact with this man, other than a brief exchange of “hellos” on the site, but then he presented me with the following, completely unsolicited.

I am a huge role play, daddy daughter top too. If I may beg your indulgence (and I know you’ve probably played the little girl in your videos a lot and maybe even this same exact scenario) … So, my favorite scenario is scolding the lady for her indiscretions before the spanking (make her feel like a little naughty girl) and telling her that she needs and deserves a good ole fashion OTK bare bottom spanking. Telling her that’s long over due and much deserved, etc. I would then tell her to go upstairs to our room and prepare for her spanking (she would know the drill; all her clothes off, but her panties) and wait for me in the corner sitting on the ‘spanking chair.’ I would make her wait for 10 or 15 minutes before entering our room to give her the scolding and OTK. I would then enter the room and say, ‘it’s spanking time, young lady and you’re going to get a good one.” And, ”you won’t be sitting comfortably for quite a while after I am done with you, young lady.” I would ask her does she know why she’s getting spanking and ask her what happens to naughty girls under my roof, etc. And, then scold her some more before putting her over my knee and pulling her panties down and spanking her bottom rosy red as she bawls loudly (hopefully; if not, she may want the brush). When done, I would tell her to go back to her corner with her panties still down and lecture her on why she got the spanking, and that next time it will be harder and longer, etc. I then would come back in the room and comfort her. PS: The ‘spanking chair’ will always be in the corner of our room so she would be reminded each and every time she see’s it of what the consequences will be if she misbehaves again. What do you think? What would you add here in this scenario? I am just curious coming from a professional spanko bottom as you. I really respect and cheris your sage knowledge of the spanking kink!

Good lord. Pass me the barf bag.

So what’s the problem? I mean, besides the fact that it is horribly written and crammed with cheesy, clichéd corn? Well… in the very beginning, he says he knows I have probably often played the little girl in my videos. In what universe? Anyone who has known me, or known of me, for more than five minutes in the scene knows that I have never played a little girl, that I am not a little in private, that I’ve never participated in a scene like this in all my 24 years in the spanking scene. It. Is. Not. My. Thing. When you have a specific kink such as age play, know who you’re writing to before you dash off an elaborate scenario such as this. (And FFS, try proofreading it first.)

In case you’re wondering, since he did ask for feedback, I answered briefly.

“Never once have I played a little girl. I am not into the DD/lg dynamic in the least.
Know your audience.”

He didn’t answer. Buh-bye. I checked him out on FetLife again after a couple of weeks and saw that he was posting overly personal and cheesy comments all over the freaking place on many women’s pictures. (sigh) Some people just don’t learn.

And while I’m on the subject of clichés… Look, y’all. I like a well placed “young lady” or “you won’t sit down for a week” or what have you as much as the next bottom. But notice I said “well placed.” Some tops know when the time is right for these phrases, when they are hottest, when they are effective. Others spew them like rote Spanking 101 phrases, almost like there’s a checklist they have to tick off. Hint: Less is more. Subtlety and timing are key.

Okay, Erica, I hear people thinking. Since you’re such an expert, give us an example of well placed, what you consider hot.

All right.

End of last year, I met a man for coffee. We stood in line, ordered, and then I went to reach for my wallet. I always offer to pay my share; I never assume.

Now, he could have said: “Young lady, you even think about touching that wallet and I’ll take you outside to the car, bare your little bottom and give you a spanking you’ll never forget.” Oooh, yeah, that would tick off about four of those check boxes.

He didn’t. Because he knew that would have been a bit much right out of the gate.

Instead, he didn’t even look up from his own wallet, but very quietly said, “That stops right now.”

My hand, poised over my wallet, froze. And with those four words, so subtly delivered, I needed a change of underwear.

Spanko talk is a lot like humor. If you’re too heavy-handed with it (if you’ll pardon the expression), it does the opposite of what it’s meant to do.

And that concludes today’s installment of Erica’s Helpful Hints. By the way, if I sound grumpy, it’s because I fucking well am. Back to work with me. Hope everyone is staying safe and well.

 

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/5

That’s right, kids. Through pandemics, through riots and protests, through this entire freaking 2020 apocalypse, what never goes away?

You know it! Here’s a fresh crop of weirdos for your blog-reading pleasure.

Yummy!! You have an absolutely exquisite ass and I LOVE to spank a delicious ass and make sure NEVER to skip the inner cheeks!

Uh… guess what, pal. You’re never getting anywhere near the outer cheeks, let alone the inner ones. Blech.

I think this next one was on drugs. Or maybe he’s just an asshole.

I continue to video taped the abuse that your enjoying. In front of you is your newest mistress. Clad in her thigh high boots.
She orders you to lick and kiss her boots as a small snake is placed over your shoulders. As you get to the top of her boots. You catch the aroma of her pussy juices as you beg to eat her raw ****. She tells you ” NO” your not worthy of her honey as she forces you to suck on the the tip of the strapped on dildo. she then kisses you as I fuck you from behind. You are now allowed to cum.. as you finally get your wish of chewing on her clit, and fingering her ass.. When done, you are ordered to clean up the sexual mess that was made in nakedness of our presence.. as me and your new Mistress fuck each other, as we laugh at your whoreness…SUCH A SUBMISSIVE SLUTTY WHORE!!!

Yes, I edited out that four-letter word I hate so much. I don’t want it on my blog. As for the rest… are you fucking kidding me???? Mistress? Strap-on? Submissive? Snake?? In what universe? Know your audience, pervies. This one made me crave a hot shower immediately. I repeat, blech.

Aaaaand then there’s this guy:

Hello, we far enouigh apart it would never happen but my spanking method is to lube up ass hole and pussy . Stick thumb up ass hole and two or three fingers in pussy and bend you over my knees and spank your ass cheeks one at the time till they are cherry red while rubbing fingers together on the inside of you.
Just my way. Let me know what you think.

Well, since you asked — I think that’s one of the most disgusting spanking scenarios I’ve ever read. And trust me, honey — you could live next door and it would still never happen. You like double penetration so much? Put a gag in your mouth and stick a dried corncob up your ass. Unlubed.

I don’t usually do this with the CHoS, but I feel like it this time — I got a very nice correspondence this week, and completely unexpected.

Beautiful smile! You are a very attractive and sexy woman.

Well, damn. Thank you. I needed to hear that. ‘Cause you know what? After months of isolation, I’m not feeling attractive or sexy. My hair is overgrown, frizzy, and streaked with gray. I can’t remember the last time I wore makeup or put on something pretty. I’ve been living in sloppy, over-sized clothes. And the longer this goes on, the longer it feels like the New Normal. Covid-19 is showing no signs of leveling off; it’s still on the rise. And now, with all the protests and people crowded together, you know damn well there’s going to be a huge spike in cases. I’m thinking we can pretty much kiss the rest of 2020 goodbye, and it’s only June. People are angry and hurting and scared and it’s hard to imagine that we’ll ever be able to joyously and freely congregate again.

So, my spirits are flagging a little. I take my bits and pieces of humor and kindness wherever I can, and pass them on whenever I can. Because it’s all I can do. And keep moving forward.

Be safe, y’all. And do yourself a favor… turn off the news and social media for a while now and then. Because marinating in this suckage every waking hour is bad for our health. Watch your favorite old movies. Read a book. FaceTime your friends. Whatever floats your boat, so that you can forget all this crap for a while. ♥