Correspondence Hall of Shame, 2/17

With a twist. This one will be different from my usual, because there’s just one entry. And I will be balancing that with one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. I just feel like showcasing this one comment because it represents so much about people that I don’t understand.

On one of the kink sites I frequent, I have a reasonably detailed profile. In it, I make it clear that I’m a spanko, not a submissive, and if you’re seeking a “yes-sir-no-sir” type, you won’t like me. I also mention that while I’m sure your male appendages are lovely, I’m not interested in seeing pictures of them — I’d rather see your forearms/hands.

The other day, I got a message from Master Somebody-or-Another. His profile picture was a ginormous pair of breasts, nipples clamped and chained. Delightful. I went on to read:

Wow… you sure have a lot to say. Spanking would be just the start with you.

Having been the recipient of this kind of message for years, I didn’t need to run it through my Asshole To English dictionary to know what he really meant. In short, he was saying,

Wow… you have a big mouth. Spanking isn’t enough. Someone needs to tie you up, gag you and beat the opinions out of you.

Think I’m being too harsh? I don’t. Trust me, I know the type. Uber-Doms who don’t like strong women. I have had tops in the past say pretty much exactly this to me.

(sigh) I didn’t reply. I would have liked to ask him if those boobs were his, but I refrained. Here is my question, which I’ve asked again and again and again, but I never seem to get the answer.

Why did he bother writing to me? What’s the point? What’s the end game? Clearly, I’m not his cup of tea. Click, leave my profile, move on to the next one. Simple, right? But no. He goes out of his way to write something snide to me. What the hell for?

Same deal with the people who stop to write insults on people’s pictures on FetLife. I dunno… if I don’t like a picture, I click off of it and go look at something else. I don’t drop by to inform the poster that I think their photo sucks for whatever reason. And yet, others seem to think that everyone is entitled to their critiques.

I’m reminded of a man I played with a few times about five years ago. He said when it came to life, he had just one simple rule for himself: Don’t be a dick. He couldn’t stop others from being dicks, but he could make sure he wasn’t one. Okay. That works. Although I would change it to “don’t be an ass,” which is more unisex.

Why are we oriented to criticize rather than compliment? John and I were talking about this recently, regarding the workplace. He said in his career, he’d had plenty of bosses/supervisors who didn’t hesitate to criticize or tell you what you were doing wrong, but a precious few who took the time to dole out any sort of praise. Why? I’d had the same experience when I was in the workplace. I even remember asking a former boss about that; I was frustrated because the guy couldn’t say a word of praise about my work performance to save his life, but he sure was quick to point out mistakes. His answer? “I pay you, don’t I?” Yeah, because you have to, stupid. But a kind word now and then would go a long way in making me want to work harder for you.

So anyway, thanks but no thanks for stopping by, Boob Guy. Good luck in your search for doormats.

And now at the opposite end of the spectrum… A few weeks ago, I was at a local munch. Several of us were seated at a long table and many different discussions were going on. At one point, we were talking about FetLife and people were exchanging their Fet names so we could follow each other; when asked, I said mine is Erica_Scott. A man sitting across from me then blurted, “You’re Erica Scott?? I didn’t know you were Erica Scott!!” I said I am.

He then went on to say he was a huge fan, that he’d been following me for years. (I admit I was curious; if that was the case, how come he didn’t recognize me? Then it dawned on me: he’d never been looking at my face. :-D) I smiled and said thank you. And then he said:

“Wow. It’s like meeting a Beatle.”

Wow indeed. Holy crap. That took me aback… I think my mouth probably opened and shut like a fish and I must have blushed beet red. All I could do was stammer, “That is high praise indeed. Thank you.”

Damn. That was humbling. I’ve been lucky enough to receive some nice compliments over the years, but that has to be in the Top Ten, considering how much I worship that band and always have.

In other news, this weekend is the Oasis spanking party in Las Vegas. Several of our friends are there. Of course I have mixed feelings, including that damned icky FOMO business, wishing I could just pop in to get some hugs and spanks and see some dear faces. But I know I made the right call. I’m just getting over being sick. The last time I went six months ago, I got Covid. In my vulnerable state, I’d probably come home sick again. Plus, I’ve needed to step back recently, as I’d talked about in an earlier post. Sooo… part of me will be there in spirit. I hope everyone there is having a blast and the turnout is spectacular. The other part will be with John, celebrating a belated Valentine’s Day, and I am looking forward to that very much.

Have a good weekend, y’all. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 8/19

It’s been a while, but I’ve been busy collecting these. The freaks have come out in droves lately, it seems. So happy Friday, and here’s a whole new batch of treats guaranteed to make you lose your lunch.

I’ll start with this one, since I just received it this morning:

Hello sub Erica.. pretty submissive..When did you last serve?

Serve what? Coffee? Petits fours and tea?

I would not only spank your bottom but pinch your tits at the same time

You would, huh? Try it and then gawk in horror at the stumps left of your fingers.

LOVE your red ass! best thing about you it seems! Dont tell me im too young to have my turn at it one day

All right, I won’t tell you that you’re too young. You’re too stupid. And WHADDAYA MEAN, my ass is the best thing about me? What about my trachea? And I’ve been told I have a damn splendid uvula as well.

But wait, then he adds this:

MMMMMMM I want that ass perched high ready for abuse………YES

OK, Junior, now you’re getting tedious. Bye bye.

Hi, good morning! I want to submit you and tame and enslave you. Do you have a video cam to serve your master?. Think about it and then tell me yes it is your destiny to be mine and to belong to me. Think about it better a virtual master that fills you with attention and makes you feel the joy of experiencing true submission, rather than staying for a long time in the showcase in the Alt cow market. If you are not looking for an improvement in your economic situation in submission or slavery and you really have a submissive soul that dreams of the collar, please consider my proposal

Yeah, I know, this is a form letter. But do these guys even bother to give the profiles a cursory glance before they send this crap out en masse? rolling eyes

You lost me when you said your not a yes sir no sir lol

And you lost me when you misused “you’re.” Why do these idiots tack LOL on? Are they really sitting there laughing out loud at how incredibly clever they are?

Here is this installment’s instance of “WTF was he trying to say?”

I would love to spank that ass years

Any guesses? For years, perhaps? Or “that ass of yours“?

Wish I was close by. I so much into spanking. Doing it makes me nut in my pants

Yeah. If you’re getting the same visual I am, this is about time your lunch starts coming up.

Swollen red freshly spanked. Mmm I’d eat your pussy and ass like crazy

You’re crazy if you think I’d let you.

I want that ass available to me always

And I want my 30-year-old skin. That’s not happening either.

Finally…

Hey- what kinds of domination turns you on? humiliation ? ..Does your pussy get slick and dripping wet as you are being spanked and used by a strong hand and a thick hard cock? .. your pussy juices running down your hot ass and between those nice long legs as you are punished and made to submit ? 

Well, since you asked… No. No. NO. Scram. As Groucho Marx once said, “Go, and never darken my towels again.”

In other news, two weeks and counting till Party Time. I think the nerves are starting to set in. On Saturday night, they are having a fancy ballroom dinner/dance, with a “Red Carpet” photographer. People are encouraged to realllly dress up. In my closet collecting dust is a very snazzy LBD that I’ve worn only once, and that was to one of our rare excursions to a dungeon party, so no one in my scene has seen it. I pulled it out and tried it on — yes, that’s the dress. However, I might have to enlist the help of a gal pal or two, to yank me out of my hotel room on Saturday night in case I lose my nerve.

For now, must focus. Work to do. An apartment that won’t clean itself. Remain calm so I don’t go into the party weekend with any goddamn hives. Zen… vagus nerve breath… whewwwwww. Have a great weekend. y’all. Be safe. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 4/22

Happy Earth Day. You know, sometimes I can’t believe I’m still posting this particular column. But no matter how much change happens, some things remain the same. Dicks will be dicks. And speaking of which…

i love you already. i wanna tie you, use you and abuse you, as i make you gag on my cock..i wanna clamp your nipples, and make you scream as i pull them slowly, while you gag on my cock.

Notice how he mentions gagging on his cock not once, but twice. A bit fixated on our size, are we? I get the sense that if I were to encounter this guy, I’d be gagging long before his member was introduced.

Here’s a charmer — a guy who took exception to my political stance and wrote me a long, drawn-out, racist pro-Trump screed. I’ve clipped just a portion of it here:

Enjoy the crime ridden slums of what used to be a great place to live…sunny SO CAL…you should join BLM and let the brothers use your ass for target practice…LOL

(sigh) Don’t you just love people who laugh at their own so-called humor? Although in this dude’s case, I think instead of Laughing Out Loud, LOL stands for Lord Of Logorrhea. (Go on, look it up.)

John said I should have answered that the murder rate is much higher in red states than blue, so before I could enjoy living in a crime-ridden slum, I’d have to move to one. But nahhh… didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of an answer, so I just hit “Block.”

Do you want to be my bitch?

No. (Brevity is the soul of get-the-fuck-outta-my-face.)

Is it okay if I masturbate while looking at your pictures?

Why are you bothering to ask, when it’s pretty obvious you’re already doing so?

I would love to help make you’re tushy red 🙂

Ew ew EWWWWW. And yes, I’m more grossed out by that stupid baby word than I am by the fact that he doesn’t know “your” from “you’re.”

Hi, I do not live next to you but I would love to have fun with you if you want of course, I am looking for someone to control me in a video call and tell me what to do and how to do and I will listen to everything she tells me to do, if you tell me to bring hand quickly or slowly or insert finger or swallow Whatever you tell me is done

(sigh) For the gazillionth time, a little louder for those in the back: I. Am. Not. A. Domme. Whatever I tell you? Okay. Go waste someone else’s time.

And finally… Y’all know how we sometimes doctor our bottom pics with little stickers or emojis over the more revealing bits? Well, in my case, I’m really not fond of the proctologist’s view. So I’ve been known to cover that in my bare bottom pictures. However, someone found an older pic of me on FetLife before I learned how to edit photos. And they posted this comment:

strokes butthole

Really? Honey, I certainly hope you’re referring to stroking your own butthole. Because if you even think about touching mine, your nickname will forever be “9 1/2 Fingers.”

Every now and then, I feel the need to remind everyone that I do actually get some wonderful messages from people, and that I’m not Negative Nellie every damn minute. A woman on FetLife wrote to me asking if she could quote something I’d written, and ended with this:

We haven’t officially met yet but we have many friends in common. I do hope our paths will cross some day as I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you and because I can tell from your fet and twitter that you are one hell of an amazing human!

I told her this made my day. ♥ For all the suckage, there is good to be found on the internet.

Have a great weekend, y’all. Stay safe.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 1/7

Welcome to the first CHoS of 2022. Are we all settled into the new year? Hangovers long gone? Good. Here’s another set of headaches.

I would love to give you a nice coconut oil massage and eat your ass and pussy really good and give you all 10 inches of my thick cock real nice and deep and perhaps make you squirt all over it 😉 would love to give you a solid spanking

I don’t suppose you would love to give me a comma or a period somewhere in this mess, would you? banging head on desk I like how he tacks on a spanking like an afterthought.

How much and how hard do you let a special man wail on your ass?

I really would rather a man not wail on my ass. I prefer the raining of blows on it, not tears. (It’s whale, stupid.)

You seek real time Master to Own you 24/7 TPE long term?
You always been submissive and obedient?
Been owned before?
How much pain can you take?

reaching for Advil bottle
No, I do not.
I never have been.
No.
A lot. But not from you.

I want my hands all over your behind. Maybe my tongue too. I love your behind. Need to meet it soon.

(sigh) You do realize that said behind comes attached to an entire person, right? It’s not like I can detach it and FedEx it to you.

I was gonna call you beautiful but they say that beauty comes from inside and I haven’t been inside you yet.

No. You didn’t. You did not just write this to me. dumping handful of Advil into my mouth

And finally… this one is a bit of a departure. It was not written directly to me. But I was made aware that it was written about me — that I was being discussed in, shall we say, less than flattering terms. So I checked it out. Here’s the best part of it.

That girl is the most fowl[sic]-mouthed, idiotic, bitch there is, bless her heart.

Well now. (Fowl??? For cluck’s sake.)

I read on. Someone spoke up for me (thank you ♥), and then there was backpedaling, claiming that this was merely an example of how you can say the most vile things and then nullify them with heart blessing. To this, I say “Bwak bwak.” Which is hen-speak for “Bullshit.”

Ah, so many things I could say. But a friend of mine said it best. I was musing to him that since this individual is clearly obsessed with me and I’m living rent-free in their head, perhaps I should give up my apartment. And my friend replied, “Why would you want to live in such a small and ugly place?”

Boom. And mic drop.

Haters gonna hate. And now, because I’d like to cleanse my mind of this garbage, I’d like to end on a positive note. I do get a lot of nice messages too. A Twitter friend sent me this last week.

[You have a] ‘dont give a fuck’ attitude (but you do about good/sensible things), you know what you want from friends/people/politics/life *and* you also have inadvertently introduced me to the love of my life. I’m not the type to use and toss others aside, I hope you know that and I want you to know that you bring me immense happiness and joy even from afar.

Now, you see, that sort of thing makes it all worth it. ♥

By the way, my marks are all gone. I thought I’d have them through the weekend. I am a resilient little warrior.

Have a great weekend, y’all. Please be safe.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, Thanksgiving Edition

It’s the day after Thanksgiving, so here’s a bunch of leftover turkeys for you. And I’m damn thankful I don’t know any of them.

mmmm hello gorgeous, curious would u allow a man to watch u poop

Mmmmm would u please scat.

Here’s one of my favorite types who turn up now and then — the tops who think I’m a little snot who needs to be broken. Clearly, if you’re not a mewling doormat, you’re an annoyance.

I think I could have fun (at your expense, of course). I checked out one of your videos. I’d love to spank you and your attitude.

Oh hi, [notoriously sadistic scene asshole], is that you?

what a SWEET ,,,SWEET ,,,SEXY ,SEXY ,,ASS in those purple panties ,,,,oh my god ,,,,and i see your ass is red too ,,,mmmmmmmmmmmm

Dude, stop jacking off over your keyboard. Your comma is sticky.

I recently asked a question on Alt regarding men who contact me then disappear. I then received this:

In answer to your status, in regards to why men play games in this site. 1. They are simps, pusies! The generation of wimps is terrible. Take it from an old school Mann vet those player punks and seek a real man
2. They are frauds, fakes with nefarious agendas
3. Time wasting little boys who don’t know how to actually be aman let alone a dominate one.
My 2 ¢ worth

Anyone who paid two cents for this was overcharged. Sheesh. What a pusie mann. Riddle me this: How the hell did this moron know how to spell nefarious??

Good afternoon my sexy vixen I would love so much to taste that beautiful ass of yours fuck your shoes at the same time what size shoe do you wear

Uh… my shoes would be way too big for you, honey. May I suggest you get a pair of doll shoes.

And finally — oh, this one’s a charmer. On Alt, because they insist you state an age, I list mine as a lot older. I then say I’m not really that age and if they want to know, they can meet me, have a look and judge for themselves. Of course, there’s always the ones who don’t bother reading the profile, just look at the picture and the age. Hence this:

if that was a 87 year old ass this old boy Sir Xxxxx would drag his balls over broken glass just to smell where u pissed

I would rather be force-fed green bean casserole until 2022 than endure another moment of that imagery in my head. Perhaps sharing it with all of you will rid me of it. You’re welcome.

Hope everyone who celebrates it had a happy turkey day. Have a good weekend, y’all. Be safe. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 8/6

I swear, these guys are more relentless than Covid. No, they won’t kill anyone, but some of them sure do make me sick.

This first one isn’t the usual CHoS entry, but I figured it was worth a mention. A while back, I got a message on FetLife from a local man, saying he hoped we could connect. I didn’t like his FL name — I won’t post it, because I’ve always sworn I wouldn’t identify these people and I won’t start now, but suffice it to say it sounded like he thinks women exist to be receptacles for his bodily emissions. Anyway, I went to take a peek at his profile.

Ye gods.

He specializes in humiliation, degradation, objectification, “squirtology” and “bimbofication.” He “provides asshole stretching upon request.” PAWGs automatically go to the front of the line. (Do you need to Google it? Don’t bother. Phat Ass White Girls.) And he belongs to a long list of awful sounding groups; here are just some of the Cs:

Clit Discipline
Clit Enlargement
Clit Spanking
Clit Torture
Clit Worship
CPT (Clit and Pussy Torture) — The female version of CBT

And don’t even get me started on his pictures. Yeah, I don’t think so. I didn’t reply to him. And normally, that would be the end of it. Except last week, I got this:

hi again
i am still hoping to connect with you

(Why??)

I didn’t want to hear from him yet again, so I sent back three words:

No, thank you

Nothing wrong with that, right? Clear and to the point. Polite.

And then I got this:

oh dear did i just crash and burn on take-off?
thanks for letting me know.
i’ll just wait for the fire crew to get here

Really? Really?? Am I seriously getting butt-hurt, passive-aggressive indignation from this clown with his House O’ Filth profile? Hey, buddy… maybe you should stretch your own asshole. Then you could pull your head out of it.

Moving on…

Iwould love to enjoy spanking you, but with no sex at all I dont see why I would

Um… okay. And you bothered writing this to me because?

Will u be my little anal slut 😉

No.

You are write hun. OTK is the best. One ca play with all of a woman parts and drive her nuts and have her pussy dripping wet when it’s checked here and there. I like to do that every time to a woman. you can finger her every now and then teasing her. This is what I do.

Do you have a point, hun? No? Then I’m going to add you to my CHoS and delete your ass. This is what I do.

My idea of playing with you would be to get you very wet, keeping you soaked and even during a spanking sliding a few fingers or tongue down to flick the bean and make you cum

Flick the bean? Is that anything like flick the Bic? And for the quazillionth time — what part of “I’m not seeking sex” was unclear?

And finally… get your Advil ready for this one. I redacted the personal information.

hello i am a 62 year old Dominant Master/man from [city/state] i am a sex addict and love to spend hours with a warm and horny woman just making each other feel good i live alone in a older home in a small city i work 6 days a week for about another five years i love the outdoors i have a large yard i am also a smoker and not just tobacco my email is [whocares] ido have hangouts i do seek a ltr and would love to see if you could be it now i must add this to save time i wont send money dont waste your time if that is what you are after sorry i can send a plane ticket to me if we click

(clutching head) Is a side effect of too much weed making a person forget how to use punctuation? Let me get this straight: I’m supposed to get on a plane to Bumfuck, Egypt in order to meet a semi-literate stoner sex addict? No, pal, I don’t want your money. I want spanking. Which you didn’t mention even once. So I ask yet again… did you read my damn profile??

(sigh) I need to get back to work now and see if I can regenerate all the brain cells that died reading this crap. Have a great weekend, y’all. Please be safe. ♥