Correspondence Hall of Shame, 1/12

It’s simply amazing. No matter how much things change, some things remain exactly the same. I still get this incoherent crud on a regular basis. And this latest batch is so out there, I can’t even decipher them well enough to make fun of them. But I’ll try.

Well hello and I’ve read your entire profile and I like your style, it made me smile and think how fun this will be I love spanking entirely and would be more than willing to participate in your shared passion in the art of spanking , I’m going to write you a long message so you reply, my name is not important , I’m tall white dog owner divorced resident in Xxxxxxxx,I have a drivers license and insurance and my tags are current , I have a cell phone with a number you will need xxxxxxxxxx is the line to call for a good spanking on the behind, you’ll be red as a cherry 🍒 I understand the desire and you’ll be so turned on and wet from the satisfying sting as your ear rings , I know you are not to be degraded or expect Sex from it but let’s be honest you know how turned on it makes me to see your sexy fine ass in that thong like seriously I could eat that ass all year long and write a song, I know ur fit I’m strong too I’m legit , my only concern is that your going to want to much sex when I’m here to do the spanking it gets me too turned on and I’d die leaving with blue balls have you ever considered getting red hot spanked buns covered in my hot glaze as I gaze like a old porno magazine page when I was in the 8th grade, Lol we’ll hope I made you laugh and really hope you write me back I’m vaxxed shave everything except part of my back I love to massage and relax while we share the hot bath I love to pamper and spoil myself love using oils all over myself and have plenty of paddles and whipping sticks some I even made myself they have there own shelf , ask back anything else you got my number it’s on to make the move hope you like to win bcuz with me you won’t lose !

WTAF is all this?? Where does one even begin with this pile of dreck? There is no way I could make this up, folks. It’s real. Covered in his hot glaze?? What, I’m a fucking Krispy Kreme donut now? He could eat my ass all year long and write a song? (I doubt it would be a reboot of “A Taste Of Honey.”) Well, he’s right about one thing… his name isn’t important.

If you enjoy spanking as much as I do then we are truly together know what the other one likes the best. spanking a woman and rubbing it in slowly and playing with all of her body checking how dripping wet she is getting from it. seeinf her eyes as she turns and looking at you the lust inthem glowinf for you to take her with everything you got. you ask yourself should i stop spanking her now and mount her or just keep going. I keep going she will orgasum really hard while getting spanked and grab you cock for all its worth and start sucking on it and not let go if you cum in her mouth she is happy to take it all in and swallow it all and keep sucking it then mount you and start fucking you really hard trying to cum herself more again. if she does she can pass out knowing she has her pleasure to the max. wink, always enjoy to the max and play safe

Oh, wake up, honey, you’re dreaming. Because in reality, if you try to combine spanking with oral sex, you just might end up in the ER with a detachment issue.

Let me bust that ass and talk dirty to you for an hour or so you down?

No. Next?

40 years in the live style.Going back to my days in the days in the Navy
the in 2010 I Shifted to the sights (ALT , BDSM)
Many HAVE come and gone.
The last one lasted 5 years, before leaving the life style(tract my for picking ones too young(:-)
I now need a now need a new sub

I’m glad to hear he’s into the live style. The dead style is so extra. As for picking ones who are too young, I’m reminded of a line I heard on a sitcom recently, regarding an old man marrying a very young woman: “What do you get for an old fool who marries a girl young enough to be his granddaughter? A new prostate?”

As a Dom, I like spankings, floggings, bondage, breast bondage, tit torture, body worship, role playing, age play (Daddy/little girl), massage (giving and receiving), 69, dildo & butt plug training, hot candle wax play, ANR/Breastfeeding, titty-fucking, and using & abusing all three holes of a submissive or slavegirl for My pleasure! };-)

As a bottom, I like spankings. Oh, and massages are nice too, with non-creepy people. You can take the rest of this crap and shove it in your own holes.

if i were to put you in a federal prison, your punishment would be 100 paddlings every day before breakfast

Another one who likes to dream big. And if I had to experience this fantasy, my breakfast of choice would be a procured cyanide smoothie.

(sigh) And how’s your New Year going? I am still adjusting to life without John. Perhaps I always will be doing that. I haven’t given up on the peach rose tattoo idea, BTW. Now I’m toying with the possibility of putting it on my chest over my heart instead of on my forearm. That way it will be a little more private, but I can still see it whenever I want. I’m meeting with a tattoo artist for a consultation on Sunday.

Have a good weekend, y’all. Be safe. Hug your loved ones. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 5/12

Some sweet sentiments just in time for Mother’s Day! I haven’t posted one of these for a long time. Not because I’m not still getting this crap, but I just haven’t felt like exhibiting it lately. However, I recently got not one but two of those bizarre scroll-down blathering entries, and I just had to share. If I have to suffer through this, then you do too. 😛

i saw your profil and i like everything on it.
you look sexy and i like it. your words sounds good to me and i hope your really mean it and are not playing here. i hope your attitude is as beauty as your look. i hope you are into the lifestyle like i am into BD(SM), because i am not going for less.
i know, i am not half as sexy as you are, but i know, if you are seirious, i could be the best master for you. if you are the sexy slave i see, dressed like i like for the right situation, i will respect, admire and love you for that.
here are to many fakes and many are playing.
if you aspect that i will pay your for anything before meeting, you are wrong. i don’t wanna be rude, but i have to make that clear.
i will pay for relocation, if we click, but when i pay, it will happen the way i want it.
my experiences are here was good, because i met my all-in-one-slave years ago. after her death, i was mourn for long, got married and divorced very quick (to personal, but will tell you later) …. there are some reason.
if you are serious and want a man that will be proud to be on your side, to live a safe live, you want a strong dom and a good protector, wants to have a good, happy and active life, that i am the right one for you.
so, show me that you are the right one for me.
kiss you all over
sir Xxxxxxx

Some people can’t believe these are real, that someone actually sends me this kind of stuff. Trust me, I am not making up a single word. The only change I made was to x out his name.

If I aspect? The only thing I aspect is that people who correspond with me be somewhat literate. In my best Carol Burnett/Eunice screech: “Is that too much to ask???” As for everything else, sorry, pal, but I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know anything that’s to [sic] personal. And if you think you saw a sexy slave in my pictures, you need a visit to the optometrist. (What? Oh. That’s eye doctor, Einstein.)

I’m very impressed with that secy ass

Secy? You can’t be that impressed if you can’t even spell what it is.

Hey sexy lady I have read every word of your profile and I got to stay looking at your pretty red ass has got to be so excited

I think you meant “got to say,” not “got to stay.” Please, please don’t stay. My ass has got to be excited? How do you know how my ass is feeling? I mean, that’s pretty presumptuous of you.

I just got this last one yesterday, and I posted a snippet of it on Twitter, because it made my brain bleed. But here it is in all its glory.

I must be honest, all that yelling and name calling in the BDSM world, that bullshit isnt for me, But I will restrain your ass and toy you till your dehydrated from squirting your love seed all over my face, So the answer to your question is a yes,..I love to eat pussy,..and if your a multiorgasmic girl that isnt afraid of passing her limit,..perhaps we should chat? Do you ride a Motorcycle, work on motors, are you like me and happen to be in healthcare or even better are you too a ventriloquist? Perhaps when you have the time you will come and say hello,.until then, I’ll be patiently waiting to hear back from you,.

Oh, brother. Where do I start with this? Um… I never, ever asked you if you like to eat pussy. I asked if you knew what a spanko is. Not even close. Squirting my what? That’s about as cornball as “lady garden.” No, I don’t work on motors. I wouldn’t know a fuel pump from a water pump. Or what the hell a head gasket is. Although your post just made me blow my own head’s gasket.

What the heck is this about? ,. ,.. ,.. ,. ,.

And finally… WTAF? Am I a what? A ventriloquist? Yeah, sure, honey, I’m a ventriloquist. I guess that makes you the dummy.

I hope you have plenty of patience, because you’re going to be waiting… *checking watch* … forever. Does forever work for you?

Ye gods.

In other news, last weekend for the Spanko Brunch, Hermione asked what we think during a spanking. I didn’t participate, but I gave the question some thought. I guess I think a lot of things, until I go into subspace and then I don’t think anything at all. If he’s starting out too light and the warmup is going on too long, I suppose I’ll be thinking along the lines of “Jeezus, ramp it up already.” But one thing I have noticed many times when the scene is at that point where I’m just teetering at my limit, where I don’t want it to stop but my body can’t stand anymore, where I’m wondering if I can finish: I have a little encouraging voice within that counteracts the voice saying “Ugh, I can’t do this” with “Yes, I can do this. I’ve got this.” (Yes, I have a rich inner life.)

In a recent scene that went on for a long time, I was loving it, I was in amazing hands, but I was getting tired. I was reaching my threshold. I was this close to saying, “I think we need to wind down.” And then that cheerleader voice piped up with, “Like hell you do! You don’t need to stop anything! You can take it! You’re Erica Fucking Scott!”

Swear to God. Those words went through my head. And of course, I then lasted until he ended it. 🙂

Have a great weekend, y’all. Happy Mother’s Day to those who celebrate it. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 2/17

With a twist. This one will be different from my usual, because there’s just one entry. And I will be balancing that with one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. I just feel like showcasing this one comment because it represents so much about people that I don’t understand.

On one of the kink sites I frequent, I have a reasonably detailed profile. In it, I make it clear that I’m a spanko, not a submissive, and if you’re seeking a “yes-sir-no-sir” type, you won’t like me. I also mention that while I’m sure your male appendages are lovely, I’m not interested in seeing pictures of them — I’d rather see your forearms/hands.

The other day, I got a message from Master Somebody-or-Another. His profile picture was a ginormous pair of breasts, nipples clamped and chained. Delightful. I went on to read:

Wow… you sure have a lot to say. Spanking would be just the start with you.

Having been the recipient of this kind of message for years, I didn’t need to run it through my Asshole To English dictionary to know what he really meant. In short, he was saying,

Wow… you have a big mouth. Spanking isn’t enough. Someone needs to tie you up, gag you and beat the opinions out of you.

Think I’m being too harsh? I don’t. Trust me, I know the type. Uber-Doms who don’t like strong women. I have had tops in the past say pretty much exactly this to me.

(sigh) I didn’t reply. I would have liked to ask him if those boobs were his, but I refrained. Here is my question, which I’ve asked again and again and again, but I never seem to get the answer.

Why did he bother writing to me? What’s the point? What’s the end game? Clearly, I’m not his cup of tea. Click, leave my profile, move on to the next one. Simple, right? But no. He goes out of his way to write something snide to me. What the hell for?

Same deal with the people who stop to write insults on people’s pictures on FetLife. I dunno… if I don’t like a picture, I click off of it and go look at something else. I don’t drop by to inform the poster that I think their photo sucks for whatever reason. And yet, others seem to think that everyone is entitled to their critiques.

I’m reminded of a man I played with a few times about five years ago. He said when it came to life, he had just one simple rule for himself: Don’t be a dick. He couldn’t stop others from being dicks, but he could make sure he wasn’t one. Okay. That works. Although I would change it to “don’t be an ass,” which is more unisex.

Why are we oriented to criticize rather than compliment? John and I were talking about this recently, regarding the workplace. He said in his career, he’d had plenty of bosses/supervisors who didn’t hesitate to criticize or tell you what you were doing wrong, but a precious few who took the time to dole out any sort of praise. Why? I’d had the same experience when I was in the workplace. I even remember asking a former boss about that; I was frustrated because the guy couldn’t say a word of praise about my work performance to save his life, but he sure was quick to point out mistakes. His answer? “I pay you, don’t I?” Yeah, because you have to, stupid. But a kind word now and then would go a long way in making me want to work harder for you.

So anyway, thanks but no thanks for stopping by, Boob Guy. Good luck in your search for doormats.

And now at the opposite end of the spectrum… A few weeks ago, I was at a local munch. Several of us were seated at a long table and many different discussions were going on. At one point, we were talking about FetLife and people were exchanging their Fet names so we could follow each other; when asked, I said mine is Erica_Scott. A man sitting across from me then blurted, “You’re Erica Scott?? I didn’t know you were Erica Scott!!” I said I am.

He then went on to say he was a huge fan, that he’d been following me for years. (I admit I was curious; if that was the case, how come he didn’t recognize me? Then it dawned on me: he’d never been looking at my face. :-D) I smiled and said thank you. And then he said:

“Wow. It’s like meeting a Beatle.”

Wow indeed. Holy crap. That took me aback… I think my mouth probably opened and shut like a fish and I must have blushed beet red. All I could do was stammer, “That is high praise indeed. Thank you.”

Damn. That was humbling. I’ve been lucky enough to receive some nice compliments over the years, but that has to be in the Top Ten, considering how much I worship that band and always have.

In other news, this weekend is the Oasis spanking party in Las Vegas. Several of our friends are there. Of course I have mixed feelings, including that damned icky FOMO business, wishing I could just pop in to get some hugs and spanks and see some dear faces. But I know I made the right call. I’m just getting over being sick. The last time I went six months ago, I got Covid. In my vulnerable state, I’d probably come home sick again. Plus, I’ve needed to step back recently, as I’d talked about in an earlier post. Sooo… part of me will be there in spirit. I hope everyone there is having a blast and the turnout is spectacular. The other part will be with John, celebrating a belated Valentine’s Day, and I am looking forward to that very much.

Have a good weekend, y’all. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 8/19

It’s been a while, but I’ve been busy collecting these. The freaks have come out in droves lately, it seems. So happy Friday, and here’s a whole new batch of treats guaranteed to make you lose your lunch.

I’ll start with this one, since I just received it this morning:

Hello sub Erica.. pretty submissive..When did you last serve?

Serve what? Coffee? Petits fours and tea?

I would not only spank your bottom but pinch your tits at the same time

You would, huh? Try it and then gawk in horror at the stumps left of your fingers.

LOVE your red ass! best thing about you it seems! Dont tell me im too young to have my turn at it one day

All right, I won’t tell you that you’re too young. You’re too stupid. And WHADDAYA MEAN, my ass is the best thing about me? What about my trachea? And I’ve been told I have a damn splendid uvula as well.

But wait, then he adds this:

MMMMMMM I want that ass perched high ready for abuse………YES

OK, Junior, now you’re getting tedious. Bye bye.

Hi, good morning! I want to submit you and tame and enslave you. Do you have a video cam to serve your master?. Think about it and then tell me yes it is your destiny to be mine and to belong to me. Think about it better a virtual master that fills you with attention and makes you feel the joy of experiencing true submission, rather than staying for a long time in the showcase in the Alt cow market. If you are not looking for an improvement in your economic situation in submission or slavery and you really have a submissive soul that dreams of the collar, please consider my proposal

Yeah, I know, this is a form letter. But do these guys even bother to give the profiles a cursory glance before they send this crap out en masse? rolling eyes

You lost me when you said your not a yes sir no sir lol

And you lost me when you misused “you’re.” Why do these idiots tack LOL on? Are they really sitting there laughing out loud at how incredibly clever they are?

Here is this installment’s instance of “WTF was he trying to say?”

I would love to spank that ass years

Any guesses? For years, perhaps? Or “that ass of yours“?

Wish I was close by. I so much into spanking. Doing it makes me nut in my pants

Yeah. If you’re getting the same visual I am, this is about time your lunch starts coming up.

Swollen red freshly spanked. Mmm I’d eat your pussy and ass like crazy

You’re crazy if you think I’d let you.

I want that ass available to me always

And I want my 30-year-old skin. That’s not happening either.

Finally…

Hey- what kinds of domination turns you on? humiliation ? ..Does your pussy get slick and dripping wet as you are being spanked and used by a strong hand and a thick hard cock? .. your pussy juices running down your hot ass and between those nice long legs as you are punished and made to submit ? 

Well, since you asked… No. No. NO. Scram. As Groucho Marx once said, “Go, and never darken my towels again.”

In other news, two weeks and counting till Party Time. I think the nerves are starting to set in. On Saturday night, they are having a fancy ballroom dinner/dance, with a “Red Carpet” photographer. People are encouraged to realllly dress up. In my closet collecting dust is a very snazzy LBD that I’ve worn only once, and that was to one of our rare excursions to a dungeon party, so no one in my scene has seen it. I pulled it out and tried it on — yes, that’s the dress. However, I might have to enlist the help of a gal pal or two, to yank me out of my hotel room on Saturday night in case I lose my nerve.

For now, must focus. Work to do. An apartment that won’t clean itself. Remain calm so I don’t go into the party weekend with any goddamn hives. Zen… vagus nerve breath… whewwwwww. Have a great weekend. y’all. Be safe. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 4/22

Happy Earth Day. You know, sometimes I can’t believe I’m still posting this particular column. But no matter how much change happens, some things remain the same. Dicks will be dicks. And speaking of which…

i love you already. i wanna tie you, use you and abuse you, as i make you gag on my cock..i wanna clamp your nipples, and make you scream as i pull them slowly, while you gag on my cock.

Notice how he mentions gagging on his cock not once, but twice. A bit fixated on our size, are we? I get the sense that if I were to encounter this guy, I’d be gagging long before his member was introduced.

Here’s a charmer — a guy who took exception to my political stance and wrote me a long, drawn-out, racist pro-Trump screed. I’ve clipped just a portion of it here:

Enjoy the crime ridden slums of what used to be a great place to live…sunny SO CAL…you should join BLM and let the brothers use your ass for target practice…LOL

(sigh) Don’t you just love people who laugh at their own so-called humor? Although in this dude’s case, I think instead of Laughing Out Loud, LOL stands for Lord Of Logorrhea. (Go on, look it up.)

John said I should have answered that the murder rate is much higher in red states than blue, so before I could enjoy living in a crime-ridden slum, I’d have to move to one. But nahhh… didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of an answer, so I just hit “Block.”

Do you want to be my bitch?

No. (Brevity is the soul of get-the-fuck-outta-my-face.)

Is it okay if I masturbate while looking at your pictures?

Why are you bothering to ask, when it’s pretty obvious you’re already doing so?

I would love to help make you’re tushy red 🙂

Ew ew EWWWWW. And yes, I’m more grossed out by that stupid baby word than I am by the fact that he doesn’t know “your” from “you’re.”

Hi, I do not live next to you but I would love to have fun with you if you want of course, I am looking for someone to control me in a video call and tell me what to do and how to do and I will listen to everything she tells me to do, if you tell me to bring hand quickly or slowly or insert finger or swallow Whatever you tell me is done

(sigh) For the gazillionth time, a little louder for those in the back: I. Am. Not. A. Domme. Whatever I tell you? Okay. Go waste someone else’s time.

And finally… Y’all know how we sometimes doctor our bottom pics with little stickers or emojis over the more revealing bits? Well, in my case, I’m really not fond of the proctologist’s view. So I’ve been known to cover that in my bare bottom pictures. However, someone found an older pic of me on FetLife before I learned how to edit photos. And they posted this comment:

strokes butthole

Really? Honey, I certainly hope you’re referring to stroking your own butthole. Because if you even think about touching mine, your nickname will forever be “9 1/2 Fingers.”

Every now and then, I feel the need to remind everyone that I do actually get some wonderful messages from people, and that I’m not Negative Nellie every damn minute. A woman on FetLife wrote to me asking if she could quote something I’d written, and ended with this:

We haven’t officially met yet but we have many friends in common. I do hope our paths will cross some day as I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you and because I can tell from your fet and twitter that you are one hell of an amazing human!

I told her this made my day. ♥ For all the suckage, there is good to be found on the internet.

Have a great weekend, y’all. Stay safe.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 1/7

Welcome to the first CHoS of 2022. Are we all settled into the new year? Hangovers long gone? Good. Here’s another set of headaches.

I would love to give you a nice coconut oil massage and eat your ass and pussy really good and give you all 10 inches of my thick cock real nice and deep and perhaps make you squirt all over it 😉 would love to give you a solid spanking

I don’t suppose you would love to give me a comma or a period somewhere in this mess, would you? banging head on desk I like how he tacks on a spanking like an afterthought.

How much and how hard do you let a special man wail on your ass?

I really would rather a man not wail on my ass. I prefer the raining of blows on it, not tears. (It’s whale, stupid.)

You seek real time Master to Own you 24/7 TPE long term?
You always been submissive and obedient?
Been owned before?
How much pain can you take?

reaching for Advil bottle
No, I do not.
I never have been.
No.
A lot. But not from you.

I want my hands all over your behind. Maybe my tongue too. I love your behind. Need to meet it soon.

(sigh) You do realize that said behind comes attached to an entire person, right? It’s not like I can detach it and FedEx it to you.

I was gonna call you beautiful but they say that beauty comes from inside and I haven’t been inside you yet.

No. You didn’t. You did not just write this to me. dumping handful of Advil into my mouth

And finally… this one is a bit of a departure. It was not written directly to me. But I was made aware that it was written about me — that I was being discussed in, shall we say, less than flattering terms. So I checked it out. Here’s the best part of it.

That girl is the most fowl[sic]-mouthed, idiotic, bitch there is, bless her heart.

Well now. (Fowl??? For cluck’s sake.)

I read on. Someone spoke up for me (thank you ♥), and then there was backpedaling, claiming that this was merely an example of how you can say the most vile things and then nullify them with heart blessing. To this, I say “Bwak bwak.” Which is hen-speak for “Bullshit.”

Ah, so many things I could say. But a friend of mine said it best. I was musing to him that since this individual is clearly obsessed with me and I’m living rent-free in their head, perhaps I should give up my apartment. And my friend replied, “Why would you want to live in such a small and ugly place?”

Boom. And mic drop.

Haters gonna hate. And now, because I’d like to cleanse my mind of this garbage, I’d like to end on a positive note. I do get a lot of nice messages too. A Twitter friend sent me this last week.

[You have a] ‘dont give a fuck’ attitude (but you do about good/sensible things), you know what you want from friends/people/politics/life *and* you also have inadvertently introduced me to the love of my life. I’m not the type to use and toss others aside, I hope you know that and I want you to know that you bring me immense happiness and joy even from afar.

Now, you see, that sort of thing makes it all worth it. ♥

By the way, my marks are all gone. I thought I’d have them through the weekend. I am a resilient little warrior.

Have a great weekend, y’all. Please be safe.