Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the category “CHoS”

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 8/6

I swear, these guys are more relentless than Covid. No, they won’t kill anyone, but some of them sure do make me sick.

This first one isn’t the usual CHoS entry, but I figured it was worth a mention. A while back, I got a message on FetLife from a local man, saying he hoped we could connect. I didn’t like his FL name — I won’t post it, because I’ve always sworn I wouldn’t identify these people and I won’t start now, but suffice it to say it sounded like he thinks women exist to be receptacles for his bodily emissions. Anyway, I went to take a peek at his profile.

Ye gods.

He specializes in humiliation, degradation, objectification, “squirtology” and “bimbofication.” He “provides asshole stretching upon request.” PAWGs automatically go to the front of the line. (Do you need to Google it? Don’t bother. Phat Ass White Girls.) And he belongs to a long list of awful sounding groups; here are just some of the Cs:

Clit Discipline
Clit Enlargement
Clit Spanking
Clit Torture
Clit Worship
CPT (Clit and Pussy Torture) — The female version of CBT

And don’t even get me started on his pictures. Yeah, I don’t think so. I didn’t reply to him. And normally, that would be the end of it. Except last week, I got this:

hi again
i am still hoping to connect with you

(Why??)

I didn’t want to hear from him yet again, so I sent back three words:

No, thank you

Nothing wrong with that, right? Clear and to the point. Polite.

And then I got this:

oh dear did i just crash and burn on take-off?
thanks for letting me know.
i’ll just wait for the fire crew to get here

Really? Really?? Am I seriously getting butt-hurt, passive-aggressive indignation from this clown with his House O’ Filth profile? Hey, buddy… maybe you should stretch your own asshole. Then you could pull your head out of it.

Moving on…

Iwould love to enjoy spanking you, but with no sex at all I dont see why I would

Um… okay. And you bothered writing this to me because?

Will u be my little anal slut 😉

No.

You are write hun. OTK is the best. One ca play with all of a woman parts and drive her nuts and have her pussy dripping wet when it’s checked here and there. I like to do that every time to a woman. you can finger her every now and then teasing her. This is what I do.

Do you have a point, hun? No? Then I’m going to add you to my CHoS and delete your ass. This is what I do.

My idea of playing with you would be to get you very wet, keeping you soaked and even during a spanking sliding a few fingers or tongue down to flick the bean and make you cum

Flick the bean? Is that anything like flick the Bic? And for the quazillionth time — what part of “I’m not seeking sex” was unclear?

And finally… get your Advil ready for this one. I redacted the personal information.

hello i am a 62 year old Dominant Master/man from [city/state] i am a sex addict and love to spend hours with a warm and horny woman just making each other feel good i live alone in a older home in a small city i work 6 days a week for about another five years i love the outdoors i have a large yard i am also a smoker and not just tobacco my email is [whocares] ido have hangouts i do seek a ltr and would love to see if you could be it now i must add this to save time i wont send money dont waste your time if that is what you are after sorry i can send a plane ticket to me if we click

(clutching head) Is a side effect of too much weed making a person forget how to use punctuation? Let me get this straight: I’m supposed to get on a plane to Bumfuck, Egypt in order to meet a semi-literate stoner sex addict? No, pal, I don’t want your money. I want spanking. Which you didn’t mention even once. So I ask yet again… did you read my damn profile??

(sigh) I need to get back to work now and see if I can regenerate all the brain cells that died reading this crap. Have a great weekend, y’all. Please be safe. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/11

Happy Friday, kids. Don’t know about any of you, but I had a rotten week and I feel like blowing off a little steam. So I thought I’d share the latest crop (or crock, if you will) of inappropriate missives.

This first one is a little different. It actually starts out okay… but then shows how quickly these things can go so far sideways it makes your head spin. It’s from Spanking Tube, which I’m not on that often, but every now and then I get a notice of a friend request or message. This guy sent one message, asking if I’d ever be interested in sessioning with him, and could we have an online dialogue. Sure, what the hell, I said okay, let’s talk.

His second message (mind you, I didn’t even know his name yet) began as follows:

If you really wanted to get together for an on or off camera spanking session I do offer room accommodations as well as some spending money as a reward for your cooperation with the session. I know meeting up with a big 6 foot 4 man with muscles like me can be intimidating for you. So if you wanted to build some trust beforehand that is great. But was thinking we could arrange something based on what you want as well.

Sounds okay so far, right? Yeah. Read on.

Like if you are alright with having your rectum spread wide open with inspection gloves for rectal thermometer readings / enemas, receiving seated hand strappings with a large heavy duty rough leather strap, etc. I am quite stern when in a session and can really command authority with an authoritative voice and no nonsense style of dishing out pure discipline.

blinking Um… what’s that now?

Talk about 0 to 360. Ye gods. Is it just me, or is that a mighty big assumption, figuring a session would naturally segue from a simple spanking into… all that? Mind you, I know some people would enjoy it. However, introducing major anal at the gate before you’ve even told a woman your name is… disconcerting, to say the least. No, thank you. I like the stern bit and the authoritative voice (although “command authority with an authoritative voice” is redundant), but leave my rectum out of it, please.

Back to the usual dreck:

I love the blood and scars on your beaten ass …You’re so pretty …I want to fuck you up and hurt you

The what on my what? Okay, clearly this wasn’t intended for me. I may very well have hundreds of pictures out there, but there isn’t a single one with blood and scars. It’s not my play style. Soooo… NO. Thanks for saying I’m pretty, but no.

 I love to spank a nice ass then eat it and finish with a robust fucking. <Smile>

You want a side of fava beans with that? You are not eating any part of me, sorry.

Nothing like reddening a sweet looking ass and spreading it wide to slide into. Lol

(sigh) Are you sensing a theme here? And oh, did I mention that the above two entries came with, uh, illustrations? Yup. As if I needed a picture drawn, both had graphic depictions of the described activity. Good grief.

From a complete stranger:

You are long overdue a long spanking … you are fiesty and unruly and playful and need to be manhandled… over my knee… your panties yanked down and your arms firmly pushed into the small of your back and spanked hard.. long and hard. and I will feel you up to see how wet you get.

Oh, you will, huh? Presumptuous much? By the way, you might want to rephrase this, cookie. It reads like you want to spank my arms. And FFS, learn how to spell fEIsty.

And finally, this one isn’t just obnoxious, it also seems to be a victim of Autocorrect.

Love a sassy little b**** the lights are ass reddened before she gets f*****

The asterisks are not mine, BTW; this is exactly how it was typed. So… HUH?? Took me a minute, but I figured “the lights are” was intended to read “that likes her.” At least that would make sense. Still rude, though.

The fun never stops, does it. I am so ready to kiss this week goodbye. Thanks for helping me laugh at this nonsense! Have a great weekend, y’all. Be safe. ♥

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 4/23

What, did you think I’d croaked or something? Nah. I just didn’t have anything new to post, other than the broken record about waiting for vaccines and wanting to play and so on, and I know that was tiresome, so I decided to be quiet until I actually had something else to say. And in the meantime, of course, the pervos weren’t quiet, so here’s a new selection for you.

I.would warm those bare booty cheeks up.real.good with the.belt.and after I would definitely cuddle u n my arms and kiss u why I’m softly rubbing and caressing all over that bare booty

You would, huh? Would you also explain all those random periods?

YOUR NEW MASTER AND KING Ok Great If your Real and looking for a relationship Lets talk OK This is DADDY Xxxxxx from Xxxx Xxxxx Ca. Contact me at xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com and give me all your info with pic and when can we meet this week for real

Make up your damn mind — are you master, king, or daddy? Never mind, I don’t want any of those. Yes, I’m real. Unfortunately, I’m afraid you are too. No, thanks.

I am only looking for my all-in-one-slave: my partner, my love, my best friend, my whore, my bitch, my slut, my slave , i am an extraorthinary master, because both worlds will be work together. Most of my life will be shared – only a few things will need time. But i am a touchy person and also very body focused – also when we will know you are my girl

She’s a partner! She’s a love! She’s a best friend! She’s a whore! She’s a bitch! She’s a slut! She’s a slave! She crawls on her belly like a reptile… oh, wait, wrong song. To find such a woman would truly be extraorthinary. Sadly, I am not that woman. Move along.

You seek very hard use and long term slavery? How masochistic are you? You very obedient?

No. Not. No.

My subjects end up with a darkee color as Im I’m applying a lot more speed and impact force to it. Not to brag about but several of my subjects pee without them knowing.

Your subjects? Are we talking about this “king” shit again? And… um… can someone please explain to me how making someone pee without their knowing it (and really, how the @#$% is this possible) is something to brag about?? If I were ever OTK and peed on a man, I think I’d commit suicide from sheer mortification.

And finally, this isn’t really a CHoS entry; it’s not rude or obnoxious, but it made me giggle. It was a friend request on FetLife.

Him: Hi, Erika. I’m @xxxxxxxxxxxxx on Twitter. We’ve been friends for years. ………. Hello!!! *big virtual hugs*
Me: Hello! Soooo… we’ve been friends for years, but you don’t know how to spell my name? 😉
Him: Oops
.

I accepted his friend request. It’s all good.

So, what’s been going on? Mostly work and dealing with the wait for vaccines. At the beginning of the month, I finally became eligible, so I made an appointment immediately and got my first Moderna vaccine on April 5. John got his a few days prior. I will be getting my second one on Monday, May 3.

And on Monday, May 17, I have a play date. First time I’ll be playing since February 2020.

My friend in Oregon has been keeping up regular correspondence with me this whole time, and never wavered in his desire to come visit me when it became safe. He will be driving, so no Covid exposure. He’s fully vaccinated. And I am fully confident that I’ll be in great hands. I have not seen him for several years, but I have fond party memories of him, and emailing with him has been very enjoyable.

When we made our plan earlier this week, this was part of his email correspondence. No shame here…

Nice slow warmup until you are glowing an all-over red.
Then a good, long, hard hand spanking.
We will see how you are doing, and then bring out the strap or leather paddle.
Once I have you wiggling nicely, we can move to the hairbrush and we can push just a bit.
Mmmm…I am soooooo looking forward to that!

Oh, good Christ… me too. fanning self furiously

The pandemic is far from over, but I believe we’re turning a corner. I think the wait and caution will be well worth it. Both John and I managed to escape this damn thing and we’re still being extra careful. My gym reopened, but I put a freeze on my membership for six months. I’ve worked out at home for over a year now and I don’t feel the need to go back when they’re only operating at 10% capacity and there’s a million regulations and restrictions. And even though restaurants are back up for eat-in business, we’re still getting takeout.

I mean, let’s get real here. I love some individuals with all my heart, but people on the whole? I’m in no rush to rejoin society. As I said in a tweet a while back: I can’t wait to get my vaccines. Then I can stop avoiding people because of Covid, and go back to avoiding them because they annoy the fuck out of me.

Have a great weekend, y’all. Stay safe.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 2/5

First CHoS of 2021, and it’s a special one. Most often I do a collection of these, but every now and then, I get a single one that is so outrageous, it merits its own column. Today’s entry is one of those.

To refresh your memories, one of my peeviest peeves is The Form Letter. You know the kind I mean; the ones that are so clearly sent to multiple women, probably at random, just to see if anyone takes the bait. They’re overly long, way too detailed, and completely impersonal. Usually what the guy is talking about has nothing to do with what I seek.

Last week, I got one of those. As far as the writing goes, aside from a few typos, it’s not the usual misspelled gobbledy-gook. But wait till you read it. It’s mind-boggling.

I only contact the slave that I am seriously interested in. And I am very, very interested in you.

I am exceptional, direct, and decisive. I used to be good enough and never take a position. Now, in life and everywhere, I dwell in the ultimate. Private homes, yachts, aircraft, vacations, parties are the fruit of the exceptional. And as the exceptional does, I am always on great adventures that is only made possible by living life with NO Limits.

By definition the ultimate has No Limits. Limits are for the masses and fake masters, not the Masters of the Universe.

By the way, speaking of limits, those with planes and yachts live in the entire world with no limits, hence living life to the fullest, while those without live in their box (apartment) and waste their lives. Yes, having multiple homes “going home” and “safer at home” means travel and freedom. And yes, yachts and planes are homes.

You want a master with No Limits. And a master with no limits with life, must have no limits with you. A slave must be a Master’s great possession.

I seek my permanent slave to match. Sexually, physically, domestically, loyalty, and to sacrifice all unconditionally and with 100% NO Limits. TPE Total Power Exchange and Total Slavery.

Most slaves, even before 2020, waste their lives. Live a rut, partial existence in a coma. Most masters as fake. Most Masters truly are not the master of even their own lives. Screaming masters at night and employee slaves by day, weighing limited options caused by limited finances and limited time that persists through their lives enslaving them, directly due to their lack of vision of abundance and life of No Limits. And now, with closures and the online future here, most masters are “masters” of their apartment, not their balcony, as long as they are quiet as a mouse, follow the government, apartment complex, noise and behavior rules. Yes, they are masters of the universe in the hallucinations of their mind, as they age away in their monthly rented apartment box. OMG.

Issues, age, looks, absolutely takes a back seat to attitude and 100% unlimited unconditional loyalty and self-sacrifice. With the right attitude anything can be overcome and I always overcome everything.

I am driven to live the Ultimate Life. The ultimate of anything is Unlimited with No Limits. Only an idiot would consciously choose a wasted rut life in a coma as most do.

1) Read my profile
2) Look over my albums and pics
3) Tell me if you have the right attitude
4) What is your name and cell # to talk to move forward?

Holy crap.

Well, first, because I’m a non-paying member, I can’t read his damn profile, nor can I look at his pictures. However, I can see how many he has. Most guys on Alt, if they have a picture at all, have one or two, maybe three. At the most, a half dozen. This guy has twenty-four.

Second… Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Really? Am I supposed to believe this is real? Is any woman out there stupid enough to buy any of this?

I get fantasy, truly I do. But reality is always firmly in the picture. Real life has limits. Life has responsibilities. So, I’m seeing one of two scenarios here. Either this guy is a rich trust fund baby who’s never had to work a day in his life and thinks he can buy someone, or he actually lives in one of those “boxes” he bangs on and on about and he’s completely full of it.

Every time I reread this thing, I notice something else. My favorite part? The last sentence: “What is your name?” There it is, solid proof that he doesn’t bother reading profiles, that he just sends this out at random. My name is right there; it is my profile name. Crystal clear.

How sad to go through life so completely pickled in contempt for mere mortals and how we live. Can you imagine how someone with this level of arrogance and superiority would actually treat a woman?

I almost never answer any of these, as you know. But this time, I couldn’t resist. So I send back one word. “Seriously???” And attached this picture.

I didn’t expect to get an answer. But two days later, he replied. “Yes, seriously. 100%”

Wow. Okay. I’m done. Carry on, Your Majesty. And good luck to you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit here in my coma until tomorrow, when I go to visit my boring and mundane beloved who owns only two residences, no planes, no yachts. I can live with that, though. I get seasick. And overinflated egos tend to nauseate me as well.

Have a good weekend, y’all. Be safe.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 11/27

Been a long time since I’ve posted one of these. But of course, no matter what’s going on in the world, there are three things you can always count on: Death, taxes, and tacky messages on the internet.

What’s one of my all-time favorites, kids? The form letter with too much information. This one was sent to me not once, not twice, but three times.

I am a kinky Italian/S. American switch. As a Dom, I like spankings, floggings, bondage, breast bondage, tit torture, body worship, role playing, age play (Daddy/little girl), massage (giving and receiving), 69, dildo & butt plug training, hot candle wax play, and using & abusing all three holes of a submissive for My pleasure. If this sounds good to you, and if you like my pix, please reply and send me pix (face shot and full body shot).  Feel free to send Me explicit pix, especially if you want to see Mine.  };-)  Please email your pix to [email deleted] . Please include your screen name and the site name in your email. Cheers,  [name deleted]~ cell [deleted]  kik: [deleted] Hangouts & Skype: [deleted]

First… Blecchhh. Second, notice how many things I had to redact. Hey, paisan, you forgot to give me your social security number. Third, call me picky, but I’d kinda like to play with a man who thinks of me as a whole person, not “three holes.” Vaffanculo.

I would love to be your sissy slut, and I could give you total control of my dungeon, if you ever decide to visit Las Vegas, you have a place where you could stay and be worshiped, I would love to be your sissy cum slut, but also willing to switch if Mistress wishes. I’m very curious, and I am looking for my dominant Mistress/Switch.

The above falls under the heading of Read. My. F@#$ing. Profile. ‘Nuff said.

I’ve read your profile and yes, you’ve made my cock ache to ravage and fuck! I do crave a very intense wild hot kinky adventure of pure orgasmic bliss. If you’re truly ready to explore uninhibited sexual pleasure, let’s chat about the potential.

Dude. I just want a spanking, not the freaking Kama Sutra. Sorry I can’t help you with your aching cock; perhaps you should take matters into your own hands.

Hi there…I’m into spanking OTK….but that only makes my cock hard….and would want to penetrate that red, rosey ass after a thorough OTK spanking…

Yeah… you can’t always get what you want. But thanks for sharing. (shuddering)

Hi how are you my names Xxxx:P This is gonna sound weird lol but would you be down to give me a wedgie for being a nerd lolllll I would love to spank you so hard in return 😉 but if not it’s fine I wouldn’t wanna make you do something you aren’t comfortable with 🙂

Too late, pumpkin. Just having to read this made me uncomfortable. Also, apropos of absolutely nothing — wouldn’t lolllll mean “Laughing Out Loud Loud Loud Loud Loud”?

And finally, this one falls squarely under the “WTF????” heading:

are you willing to set aside time for me
to get acquainted with your FEMININE ODOR…???

My WHAT???
Honey, you come anywhere near my feminine bits, and the only odor you’ll get acquainted with is pepper spray. GTFOOH.

Sheeeeeeesh.

Switching gears, I’d like to be serious for a moment. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. As we all know, this has been one hell of a year and being thankful was a challenge to say the least. But then I got an e-card from my stepmother, we exchanged a couple of emails, and I know exactly what I’m grateful for this year, along with the usual (John, friends, home, job, etc.)

My stepmother was born during the Great Depression. She’s seen one hell of a lot in her 89 years, and while her body is very uncooperative these days, her mind is as sharp as a tack. She’s very politically aware, and four years ago when the syphilitic shitbag began his reign of kakistocracy, she was in utter despair. Sometime during the first year, she wrote this to me:

“I was born during one of the country’s darkest times, and now it looks like I’m going to die in another.”

That was hard to read. I cried a lot. She was going through a laundry list of health issues, and I was so afraid that despondency would compound the problems and she’d give up. I worried about her constantly, and even more so after the pandemic hit and I couldn’t go visit her. Before that, I hadn’t seen her for a long time because she’d had several surgeries and wasn’t up for seeing anyone.

BUT. Here we are, four years later. Her surgeries were successful and she’s feeling much better. She did it… she stuck around and outlived the Agolf Twitler presidency. I am so, so relieved and thankful. And I hope I get to see her soon. ♥

Stay well and safe… and have a great weekend, y’all.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 7/24

kiddingcat

You know, I usually wait until I’ve collected a few of these monstrosities before I write a new CHoS. But I just got a message that has me so flabbergasted, so squicked, I think I have to give it its own column.

Okay, so I’ve been around spanking and BDSM for a little over twenty-four years now. I think I’ve seen or heard it all… until I realize I haven’t.

Hi Erica, you have a very lovely body. I love spanking. But I also enjoy other forms of inflicting pain including paintball, staple gun, etc. Would love you to consider expanding beyond just spanking.

(blinking rapidly)

Wait… what? Did I read that correctly?

(looking again)

You want to do what to me?

You want to shoot paintballs and staples at me?

Are you out of your fucking MIND???

You want to shoot sharp little objects into my body at a high velocity. Objects that will not only break my skin, but embed themselves in it and most likely have to be surgically removed? And I’m supposed to “broaden my horizons” to somehow find that acceptable? Really?

On what planet?

This is a suggestion for the hardest of hard-core masochists, not a spanko. How on earth did he make that leap?

As for paintball, long before John, I dated a gamer. He and his buddies played paintball about once a month, and he had the full protective gear. I’d see him after these games, see all of him. The bruises were astounding. Huge, dark purple things, sometimes as big as grapefruits. And this was with protective gear on. I don’t even want to ponder upon what would happen to uncovered flesh.

I know, I know, I really shouldn’t be this shocked. I mean, there is no limit to the kinky fuckery out there. But I really can’t wrap my head around someone thinking that I might say, “Hey, I love spanking, so yeah, it follows that I’d love to be shot with staples, have at it!”

And what the holy hell is the “etc.”? Paint a bulls-eye on my ass and shoot arrows at it? Tie me down and then aim a really annoyed porcupine at me?

(deep breaths)

I didn’t answer this gentleman. But I’d like to suggest that he give himself a sriracha sauce enema and then go sit on a toilet seat made of Legos.

Enough of that. In other news, my mood has not been great. (Can you tell??) Too much bad news and not enough good. Too many people scared and upset and hurting. Every day it seems I experience some sort of mood swing, going from tears to anger to free-floating panic. Then I calm down and regain perspective. Until the next day, when I do it again. Such is life in the U.S.A. right now.

I am grateful I see John once a week. He is the only human contact I have. He is the only person I’ve hugged in about five months. I haven’t even petted a dog in all this time. I miss that too.

And of course, I miss playing.

In the midst of this, I heard from Mr. Woodland today; he texted me. You might remember him as a local friend I played with at parties and had over to my place a couple of times. He asked if I was playing these days — said he’s trying to stay safe, but he’s going a little stir crazy. Wanted to know my take on what would be safe, play-wise, and if I’d like to play with him again if I feel safe in doing so.

Would I ever! But… yeah. Can’t ignore the gigantic viral elephant in the room.

I said we should keep in touch, and discuss precautions. I didn’t say yes and I didn’t say no. It would depend a lot on what he’s been doing, where he’s been, etc. I got the impression he’s been isolating at much as I have — hence the cabin fever.

I will talk about this with John tomorrow. It would be sooooo wonderful to play, and with someone I trust and who knows how. Oh my God, he’s so good with a belt…

How far do we go in trying to stay alive? Do we completely stop living? This goddamn thing is going to be with us for a long time, it seems. I have no idea how to come to terms with it and how to navigate what was once no-brainer situations. (sigh) I know that parties are completely out right now, no questions. But how risky is one-on-one play if you know one another?

Not decisions for now. It’s another weekend. Take care and stay safe, friends. ♥

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