Reflections on 2013
The blogosphere has been sort of Holiday Lite lately. I’m having a quiet New Year’s Eve Day; was supposed to see Steve, but the poor man finally succumbed to the stomach flu his son brought home on his holiday visit. Blech. Rotten timing. So I figured I’d take the created gap of free time and reflect a bit on the past year, quickly scanning over the last 12 months of blogs. Pardon me while I ramble.
On the down side, there were a lot of tears. Such is the mercurial life of a depressive. There was a great deal of worry about John and his health issues. There were ups and downs with Steve. There was the usual host of money/job worries, hurts and disappointments, insecurities and doubts.
But on the plus side, there were many fun times too. John and I went to two wonderful scene parties (50 Freaks and Shadow Lane). I got to shoot three times, and I published another book. Made some new friends. Wrote a lot of thought-provoking posts, here and on FetLife, and even made it to the #1 spot on Kinky & Popular with one of them. John and I had a terrible scare with a potential blackmailer, but we seem to have dodged that and we’re very relieved and grateful. And I now know that Steve is here to stay. He’s proven to me that I’m not just some temporary stopgap until his Ms. Right comes along. I may not be his girlfriend, but I still matter. I am not dispensable.
I still vacillate, wondering what my place is in the scene, in the blogosphere, in the general scheme of all things kink-wise. A few months ago, the good folks at Cane-iac started putting out a newsletter, and they asked if I’d like to have a regular feature in it. I was delighted to be asked, and we decided to make it an open-ended thing, calling it “Ask Erica.” Readers were invited to send in a question for me, and for each newsletter issue, I’d choose one and answer it. Those whose questions were selected would get a discount on the order of their choice.
Well. The first issue, we got five or six questions. The second, just a couple of CHoS-worthy queries, so I answered another question from the first batch. And the third issue, nothing.
They asked me if I’d like to change the column to “Erica’s Corner” and simply write about whatever I thought people would want to read. It was very sweet of them, but I didn’t want to beat a dead horse. Clearly, people out there had run out of questions to ask me. I’d answered them all. And if they want to read my writing, that’s what this blog is for. I didn’t need to take up space on Cane-iac’s newsletter.
So yeah, sometimes I wonder. I think about Bonnie, who just announced her retirement from blogging, much to our great sadness. She will be missed, but she felt it was her time, that all her best posts had already been written. I wonder if it’s the same thing with me, if I should retire too.
But you know what? I don’t want to. I love writing. I love blogging. I love sharing my thoughts and feelings, and getting feedback on them. There will always be something fresh and new to say. And there will always be new readers who haven’t heard it all before.
There will be play, there will be parties, there will be fun spanky thoughts, ready to unfold and experience. I’m not ready to say goodbye to any of it. Looks like y’all are stuck with me, for better or worse, for a while.
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, as you know. I simply try to look forward and keep myself open and ready for what’s to come.
John’s heart surgery is on hold indefinitely, since (knock wood) it’s not an urgent need and he’s managing to keep himself functioning with diet and exercise, and keeping his weight down. For now, his plan is to 1) get the rest of his dental work done (he had a bad tooth pulled, and now that that’s healed, he needs to get a post and crown), and 2) deal with his sleep apnea, which was recently diagnosed. We thought his chronic exhaustion was due to his heart, but it turns out that the quality of his sleep is very poor. So he’s currently exploring which will be a better solution: a CPAP unit or a dental device.
I hope to find more work next year. But in the meantime, I’m hanging in there. And say what you want about Obamacare, but thanks to the new laws, I was able to switch to another plan that’s a little cheaper. Now instead of insanely exorbitant, it’s merely too expensive. 🙂 I could have gone even cheaper, but then I’d have high deductibles, and I don’t want those. This new plan has no deductibles. And I’ve gone from $1205 a month to $782.
Speaking of shoots, the little quickie clip I shot for Amateur Spankings is up on their site. This photo cracks me up; I guess it was taken during the portion when Gary was scolding us off-camera for blowing off our scheduled session. I’ve got my “Who, me???” righteous indignation face on.
And finally, since I’m randomly blathering about things that make me happy, I received a certificate from the Writers Guild of America, on my father’s behalf. They recently chose a list of the 101 best written TV series in the past seven decades, and The Carol Burnett Show was #37. For the sake of discretion, I covered up his name and replaced it with “My Father” in this photo scan. But I just had to share it, since I’m so very proud.
It looks much prettier than this in reality; the border and the logo are in gold. I need to find a nice frame.
John is working today, but later, after he comes home, I’ll go over there after I pick up some food for our dinner. We’ll watch a movie, see the ball come down, toast each other with champagne at midnight. I look forward to it. And along with being with my love, I will silently toast my top Steve as well, looking forward to another year of play and wonderful connection.
So, happy 2014 to my friends, loved ones, readers, commenters, lurkers. I hope the new year brings you joy and peace. ♥