John and I were in the mall on Saturday night, picking up some things for him. It’s been a long time since he felt good enough to walk around a mall, so we took full advantage. While in the men’s underwear department, getting t-shirts, I saw this and just had to take a photo.
Yes, really. Spanx for men. (Click on the photo for a larger version.)
Y’all have heard of Spanx, right? (How could you not?) Famous compression undergarments for women, so we can eliminate all signs of imperfection in our tight dresses and slinky clothes, pack that cellulite in like sausage casing, and look like movie stars. We can’t breathe, all that compression can actually cause organ damage over time, but what price vanity?
But… for men?? This I did not know.
“Firms Chest”! “Narrows Waistline”! “Targeted Compression”! Oh, and see that circle thingamajig in the lower right? Here’s a slightly blurry, but still readable closeup of that image:
Yup, that’s a Gut Gauge. You can choose your level of compression power. Apparently, this package contains the Turbo Trimmer.
This package should come with the fine print: “Oh, you are so not getting laid tonight if you wear this.”
Stop the madness, people. Put down the deep-fried bacon pizza and the triple mocha latte, extra-whip, and get to the gym if you don’t like what you see in the mirror. I guaran-damn-tee it will work better than packing yourself into these things. And, guys? In the 1950s, would you have worn a girdle? No? I rest my case. This is carrying metrosexual too far.
(P.S. Any of you grin and giggle inwardly whenever you say Spanx? Yup, me too.)