Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Yes, really

John and I were in the mall on Saturday night, picking up some things for him. It’s been a long time since he felt good enough to walk around a mall, so we took full advantage. While in the men’s underwear department, getting t-shirts, I saw this and just had to take a photo.

Yes, really. Spanx for men. (Click on the photo for a larger version.)

Y’all have heard of Spanx, right? (How could you not?) Famous compression undergarments for women, so we can eliminate all signs of imperfection in our tight dresses and slinky clothes, pack that cellulite in like sausage casing, and look like movie stars. We can’t breathe, all that compression can actually cause organ damage over time, but what price vanity? 

But… for men?? This I did not know.

“Firms Chest”! “Narrows Waistline”! “Targeted Compression”! Oh, and see that circle thingamajig in the lower right? Here’s a slightly blurry, but still readable closeup of that image:

Yup, that’s a Gut Gauge. You can choose your level of compression power. Apparently, this package contains the Turbo Trimmer.

This package should come with the fine print: “Oh, you are so not getting laid tonight if you wear this.”

Stop the madness, people. Put down the deep-fried bacon pizza and the triple mocha latte, extra-whip, and get to the gym if you don’t like what you see in the mirror. I guaran-damn-tee it will work better than packing yourself into these things. And, guys? In the 1950s, would you have worn a girdle? No? I rest my case. This is carrying metrosexual too far.

(P.S. Any of you grin and giggle inwardly whenever you say Spanx? Yup, me too.)

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18 thoughts on “Yes, really

  1. Great find! I haven't seen those yet. Whenever Ron is with me as we pass the women's lingerie section, he can't resist pointing them out and loudly saying, “Hey look, Spanx!” as if he was seeing them for the first time.



  2. Hermione — your Ron and my John sound a lot alike sometimes. 🙂


  3. Well,. as for me, I am strongly favouring any alternative solution involving spanks.

    Having said so, `so we can eliminate all signs of imperfection in our tight dresses and slinky clothes (…) but what price vanity?”made me do more than giggle inwardly. :-))


  4. MrJ — making people laugh makes me happy. 🙂


  5. Kelly on said:

    That's a crazy AND lazy way to get “fit” for either gender. I HATE skin tight clothing and feel more self conscious of my physique if I wear underwear or shirts which fit like straight jackets. The bulges STILL find their way to visible locations. LOL


  6. Kelly — I can see, as a woman, wearing them once in a while, if I'm all dressed up in a slinky gown and don't want underwear lines, bra bulges, etc. But otherwise, no thank you. And for men? No way!


  7. Anonymous on said:

    OK. You're in big trouble. I just sprayed unsweetened iced tea all over my computer. 😉 (ROFLMAO!!!!) Would you believe that Spanx has an official youtube channel? Funny the guys in the Spanx for Men testimonial video don't look they have the remotest need for the product.

    Thanks for the good laugh.



  8. Mike — you're right! Those guys are all personal trainers and male models — what the hell are THEY wearing Spanx for?? That's like having a Victoria's Secret supermodel promote Jenny Craig.


  9. Bobbie Jo on said:

    Erica, you are so funny! I love it! I am still laughing!


  10. Hi Erica — Thanks for sharing this made me giggle 🙂 Everytime I see the word Spanx I start laughing. I can't stand skin tight clothes UGH how I hate them.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade


  11. Bobbie Jo — glad you liked it. 🙂

    Jade — tight clothes are uncomfortable, I agree.


  12. Totally get the rush and the tingle seeing Spanx, yes ma'am…..agree totally.

    Sorry been swamped but hope all is well.



  13. Ron — hope you're well also.


  14. Every time I see Spanx in stores, I smile.
    Spanx for men – never.

    By the way, ever since I first saw Spanx I always wondered if the creator, Sara Blakely, is a secret spanko.


  15. Enzo — good question. After all, cute spelling notwithstanding, “Spanx” is a rather provocative name for bodyshaper undergarments, no?


  16. Spanxee on said:

    Erica: I love my Spanx for men briefs and boxer briefs. Though a little “pricey”, they are very comfortable. A devoted Spanxee


  17. Spanxee — well now. I guess someone who wears them would turn up sooner or later! 🙂


  18. Spanxee on said:

    Erica: Seems only appropriate to be “spanked in my Spanx” (although they don't remain up for long, if at all), don't you think? 🙂


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