Not having a good day
I had planned to post something a lot more interesting and thought-provoking, but that will have to wait. Something else just took precedence and I need to get it off my chest.
You all remember my talking about the recent flame wars on FetLife, with a certain person who upset a lot of others and whom I took on publicly because I couldn’t stand how she was insulting my friends. That has died down in the past couple of weeks; this person left the group where all the wars were occurring, and we’ve moved on with new topics and so forth.
But just now, I received email from the FetLife caretakers. It reads as follows.
Because of the ongoing problems between you and sassyPGH, this email will serve for what we call a FetLife Restraining Order, in the hopes that it will help resolve any further problems between the two of you. What this does is request that you both, from this point on, cease speaking of (directly or indirectly), to, or about each other. We’re asking that you pretty much ‘pretend’ that the other person does not exist on the site. And yes, an email just like this one will be sent to them as well. 🙂
We will also request that both of you remove any other posts on FetLife about one another. If we come across any ourselves, we will remove them without notification or a warning (if they are from the past), and WITH notification and a warning (if they are from this point forward).
If this FetLife Restraining Order is violated in any shape or form, or if either you try to circumvent it, a warning will be issued. If the behavior continues, someone may be removed and banned from the site. We really hate to do that, but we hope that by creating this restraining order, both of you can get back to enjoying FetLife without any further problems. After all, having fun is what living a FetLife is all about!!! Well, as long as you define fun as… but we digress!
If things come to light that need our attention or if you have any questions, please feel free to email us.
I can’t believe this. I’ve been served with an online restraining order. Like some sort of stalk-y, creepy troublemaker. It makes me feel sick.
Here is what I wrote back:
I am very distressed and saddened by this. It has never been my intent to be regarded as a troublemaker on FetLife. I love the site and as you can see from my profile, I support it financially. As you can also see, I have many friends, so in general, I am not disliked.
I’m not normally a combative person; I avoid conflict like the plague. But SassyPGH is a dreadful person — critical, judgmental, opinionated, passive-aggressively nasty, and if you check her records, you will see many arguments and flame wars in which she’s been involved. She has insulted my friends many times, and one thing I cannot abide is seeing my friends insulted. I leap to their defense.
If you check back through the threads in question, you will see that, other than malcontent, I never resorted to calling her names. She, on the other hand, has referred to me and my friends as “pissy, petty narrow-minded bitches,” “pathetic attention whores” and people who expect others to “kiss our royal paid-for asses.” She threatened on a public thread to out someone’s private information. (Unfortunately, the moderator took that post down.)
I have gone back into past threads, but I don’t see any way to remove my posts. But I promise you there will been no new ones anywhere on FetLife regarding her, or even hinting at her, from now on. I admit I’m feeling a bit paranoid, like I’m being watched. It’s not a nice feeling. However, I will cooperate fully, because I like this site and I would hate to lose it.
I feel like I’m going to have some sort of Big Brother-ish presence, overseeing all my posts to make sure I’m behaving myself. Perhaps that’s paranoid of me, and I’m making a much bigger deal out of this than it is. But I’m just so damned upset right now.
There has been other nastiness on FetLife recently, and while I’m not directly involved with that, I’m friends with the person involved, so I’m guilty by association. I wonder if someone else reported me, just for malice. Again, I know that sounds paranoid, but with some of the crap going down online these days, nothing is impossible.
I don’t want to be banned from FetLife. I have fun there and it keeps me in touch with so many friends. But right now, I’m feeling very icky about it. And very sad.
Not a good day, indeed. And I didn’t even get Chrossed, dammit! 😦