Guess what I need??
OK, kids. Enough of this off-topic sh… stuff. Vanilla is too depressing and politics/religion is too incendiary. Time to get back to basics.
Who wants to play a game? This is a really simple one: Guess What Erica Needs.
1. John is still killing himself with ridiculous hours this week and I’m driving him crazy with my worrying. Guess what I need?
2. After doing three batches of work for my new client, I invoiced them this week… for a whopping $122. Hot damn! I’m rich! Now I can pay for about four days of next month’s rent! (heavy sigh) Guess what I need?
3. We had a nice couple of days’ break from the extreme heat (it actually got down to the 90s! Break out the Snuggies!), but tomorrow, it’s back up to the 100s. Guess what I need?
4. I spent four hours yesterday dealing with public transportation to get downtown to an appointment that took 15 minutes. My bouncy, noisy, rattling bus ride home was enhanced by a man sitting a few feet away, having a very animated conversation… with himself. Guess what I need?
5. Last night, someone on FetLife referenced “Fifty Shades of Grey” while discussing things one could do to add extra zing to a spanking. Now even FetLifers are using that pile of dreck as a reference?? I wanted to reach through the computer screen and throttle people at random. Guess what I need?
6. I am so irritable, I’m actually talking back to commercials on TV. An ad for seasoning came on, claiming that “Life is a pulled pork sandwich.” WTF? OK, Madison Avenue. Life is a lot of things, but it most surely is not a fucking pulled pork sandwich. I don’t even like pork, pulled or otherwise. Does that mean I’m dead? So yes, I shouted at the television screen. Guess what I need?
Time’s up! What did you guess?
Was it this?
Good guess. I’m sure many think there are times I could use a straitjacket. But no, try again.
How about this?
OK, that’s a close second. Very little in this life that stuffing oneself with chocolate won’t ameliorate, at least for a little while. Not a win, though.
Oooh! This for sure, right?
Hmmm. It’s not the right answer, but if I had a money tree, I certainly wouldn’t cut it down.
Now for those of you who guessed I need a whole freaking lot of THIS:
You go to the head of the class!
(That’s Tubaman Paul, by the way, doing the honors.)
It’s only Wednesday? Can’t I bypass the rest of this damn tedious week and get to the good stuff??