Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Facebook, stupid people, and me

With a title like that, you know there’s some snark forthcoming, no?

OK, so pretty much everyone and their second cousin is on Facebook, including a lot of fellow kinksters. Generally, when kinky folks are on FB, they fall into one of two camps. Some of them use their scene names, and promote their material (books, videos, blogs, etc.) that has to do with their kink. And others are there under their real names, and don’t speak of the kink at all — they are there to connect with family, coworkers, vanilla friends, etc.

Surprise, surprise — I don’t fit into either camp. I use my scene name, but I don’t promote my scene stuff. I don’t post pictures of my bottom, of spanking, or any links to videos. (I did post a sort of g-rated kinky picture once of myself in bondage, but then I took it down.) I don’t talk about spanking. I don’t feel the need to do so — I can talk about that here, on FetLife, on Twitter. I belong to a Spanking Authors group, but it’s private. On FB, I’m friends with a lot of different people, including vanillas, and even a couple of cousins. Everyone knows what I do; I don’t exactly hide it. But I don’t broadcast it, out of respect for vanilla people, or for kink friends who are trying to appear vanilla on FB. So why do I use my scene name, you might ask. Simple. I post pictures of my face. And I don’t want to broadcast my real last name out there, for all the stalkers and weirdos to see and say, “Ah! So THAT’S who Erica Scott really is!” My real name is for friends only.

Being the troublemaker I can be sometimes, I’ll hint at it. For example, right before Shadow Lane, I’ll post a status along the lines of “Going to Vegas for a long weekend to engage in activities we don’t talk about on Facebook.” ๐Ÿ˜€ ย But I won’t spell it out.

So what do I find particularly annoying on FB? When I post something that has absolutely zero, zilch, zip to do with spanking, and commenters try to make it about spanking. So much for subtlety!

Yesterday, I went to lunch with my stepmother, and we had an unusually handsome waiter. Damn, he was gorgeous. I joked with my stepmom about how utterly effed up it is that I think this guy is cute and then realize I’m old enough to be his mother. When I got home,ย I posted a status on FB about life’s “fuck me” moments, mentioning the server and that sickening joltย when it occurred to me that he could be my son.

People liked the post and made lots of fun comments. Until the bozo who wrote, “I hope your stepmom tanned your bottom for those thoughts.”

Uh, no. Because life is not a spanking video, dear. If it were, I’d be 18, my stepmother would be a gorgeous MILF-y 42 or so, and sure, that would be video fodder. Real life? I’m 58 and she’s 83. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.ย No one, but no one wants to see that. And if someone does, I don’t want to know who they are.

So, because I didn’t want to be rude (yes, that happens sometimes), I attempted to deflect his remark and steered things back onto the topic. But he wouldn’t give up. Today, he wrote that I should have at least gotten a “warming on the seat of my skirt.”

Oh, for Christ’s sake.

But before I could answer, someone else chimed in and told him to give it up, that this wasn’t about spanking, despite his clumsy efforts to make it so. And what does Bozo reply?

everything about eirica is about spanking she is a spanking model idiot

(Really? If you know so much about me, how come you can’t spell my name right, idiot?)

It still boggles my mind that some people think this way. Of course, if one is into spanking, especially if one’s career is centered around spanking, then every single thing they do and say and eat and drink and breathe and excrete comes down to spanking! Everything else — feelings, desires, relationships, hobbies, preferences, travels, travails, etc. — is just filler.

Newsflash, dumbass. No, everything about me is not about spanking. It’s part of my life, granted. A big part. But it’s not my whole life, period. Nor is it the whole life of spanking actresses, models, bloggers, authors. They all have various dimensions. They have likes and dislikes, loves and hates, favorite foods, children, mates, pets, allergies, childhood memories, songs they sing in the shower, nightmares, and all those other bits and pieces that make up the messy puzzle of human-ness.

Why would peopleย assume that anyone’s life is that one-dimensional? I guess they think that porn stars have sex 24/7 too, huh? Because, well, sex. That’s all there is, isn’t there? (sigh)

Yeah, I know. You can’t fix stupid. But it helps to rant about it every now and then. ๐Ÿ™‚

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42 thoughts on “Facebook, stupid people, and me

  1. Yep, saw the whole exchange – regretfully there are some truly socially inept people out there.


  2. Beautifully said!!! Bravo!


  3. Erica, I have always felt that your images have been the epitome of grace, class and beauty. Until this post, I have wrongly limited my opinion of your incredible sexiness, to the pictures that you tastefully post. Forgive my oversight.

    Your words, your outlook on things and the manner in which you express yourself are absolutely incredible, and as such have only served to deepen the not-so-secret, albeit innocent crush I have on you.

    Well played beautiful lady!


  4. Hope you blocked him and removed his comments!


  5. Anonymous on said:

    You can’t fix stupid and he is a prime example of that. Trying to figure out why he felt the need to make such inappropriate comments is mind numbing. You have so much class and grace….maybe he just wanted to try to rattle you? With any luck he will get a hobby and be gone.


  6. reneeroseauthor on said:



  7. Your (hopefully former) Facebook friend obviously doesn’t know you very well. He not only can’t spell your name but he also don’t know that you only play with men. (Sorry I couldn’t resist.) Every time I read about something like this I say to myself thank God I’m not on Fetlife or Facebook.


  8. Morganna — thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚

    SH — you’re so sweet!

    Geeeeee — nah. I leave the yucky stuff up so the whole world can see how stupid these people are. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Anonymous — I dunno. It didn’t quite seem like a deliberate rattling thing. He was simply determined to steer the conversation his way, and couldn’t understand why that was inappropriate. So, more like a clueless dumbass thing. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Renee — you said it!


  9. Mike — don’t be sorry; it’s true, after all! ๐Ÿ™‚


  10. I can almost say “ok he didn’t know any better” after the first comment After the respectful hints he still didn’t give it up? At that point I would say he’s just being a jerk.


  11. spankaholic — yeah, I’d say the same. Once is a mistake, twice is being Dickensian.


  12. As you know, his one dimensionalism annoyed me, too. I was also disenchanted with his arrogant assumption that he knows, better than others, what you think, like, talk about, etc. You handled it well and he (finally) dropped it.

    I imagine it is a recurring issue for those in the public eye with people who read your blog, FB posts, FL posts, or have seen your videos, thinking they now know all about you personally. That would be tough, even for an attention loving, um, person.


  13. Pam — yeah, he was quite the expert on all things Eirica. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  14. That is the love/hate relationship with the internet I haveโ€”it brings you in touch with so many people you would have never been friends with. But then there is also the whole wide world of idiots it exposes you to.

    I also saw the whole exchange and thought you handled it well!


  15. Casey — thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have the same relationship. I don’t like the idiot factor, but on the flip side, I’ve met so many amazing people I never would have known. Overall, it’s a good trade-off. But you know, some days…


  16. Man, facebook people make me crazy sometimes. Like, a lot of the time, honestly. They… just don’t get it, do they?!


  17. Years of comments, events and ‘love our lurkers’ days and this is the post that finally makes me actually comment on a spanking blog for the first time. Kudos, Erica.

    I used to follow a lot of blogs, but a lot of them have fallen by the wayside for me. As time went on I found I got a little jaded and found it hard to read through yet more ramblings of some beautiful unique snowflake struggling in a mean old world and fishing for compliments constantly. The millions of spanking picture blogs took over, and very few blogs actually had anything to say.

    I think at some point I realised that I was a grown up (honest) with an every day life, and although my kink is a big thing it isn’t the defining point in life. I found it harder to sift through the crap and cringed at people putting cheap, tastless captions on the same pictures.

    I realised recently that your blog is one of the only ones I still actually read. Is it for the pictures? Well, I certainly don’t mind those… but this post explained why I keep coming back. Erica is a grown up (yeah, sorry) who lives a life where people get ill, work sucks, the weather gets hot, the shitty plumbing breaks, the neighbours are nosey – and she also shares a kink that I have too and can relate to how I see the world.

    A friend recently had the same face lift procedure you had and I was able to tell her that I had “read somewhere online” about the experience and what she could expect. What she would go through and not to worry about the recovery process if it took longer than she expected.

    I understand my wife better because I’ve had an insight into the strong, weak, confident, insecure, self sufficient, needy flip-flopping bat-shit crazy that is a grown woman sharing her feelings in writing that better explains the emotional rollercoaster of life than any tacky self help book or daytime TV “doctor”.

    THIS is why I keep reading. Yes, the pictures are great (duh) and of course I’m here for the “action”, but it’s the human day to day content that keeps the blog alive. The thought of someone posting like a sweaty fat man in a trenchcoat is baffling.

    That said, I have often wondered how (or if at all) I would approach a spanking ‘celebrity’ if I saw them in the real world. I can only imagine the brain fart that the pondlife of the internet must have when they see their idolised performers in the real world.

    Sadly Facebook seems to blur that line between “lurid corner of the internet” and “place where you talk to your mum”. Given some of the dumb, life-destroying, idiotic mis-steps I see people make on Facebook every other week, I’m surprised you don’t have it worse than you do.

    Keep doing what you do


  18. Erica , you are absolutely right. “SPANKO’S, do have other interests, but some folks cannot except that fact. For me two other interests was travelling this beautiful big wide world of ours, 150 different countries, I have visited in my lifetime, And yes, dancing, amateur wise was another be it a tango, cha cha, rhumba, waltz, fox trot, swing , or folk dancing, just to name two of my beloved interests. XXX Luv ya.


  19. What strikes me most, is that your FB experiences are less hilarious / disturving / weird that those at FL.


  20. anonymous on said:

    My God what an IMBECILE! NO ONE knows you better than you. I get that he’s in awe of your spanking contributions but it’s like he’s trying to have some elevated sense of what makes you tick. Or he was making a lame attempt at “bratting” you?

    My Facebook posts are open minded about any number of topics but I’ve never divulged my spanking passion there. I have been involved in many fun crazy non spanking adventures in my lifetime AND have made jokes about needing a spanking when I’ve done something wild and crazy but I’m sure my FB friends wouldn’t think twice about it other than me just being funny, outrageous and entertaining in their eyes. I doubt they can tell how deep rooted my spanking passion is because I agree with you. There is ALOT more to most peoples’ lives than the subject of spanking.


    • Anonymous — here’s the really weird part. The guy apparently produces his own spanking videos and has four sites. You’d think an “insider” would know better, wouldn’t you? I mean, is HIS whole life spanking? (who knows, maybe it is)


  21. This clip from Blazing Saddles is always useful:
    People of the soil


  22. Yep, I saw that, too. Which is why I’m glad FarceBook made it possible to delete inappropriate and deliberately idiotic remarks, and people..


  23. Hi Erica,

    One of your many admirable attributes is your out-ness. You live so much more in the world than I ever could. I often feel as though I am two people. One is a spanko, writer, and occasional community organizer. One is a grandmother, gardener, and theater nut. The first Bonnie can be found on FL and blogs. The second has a face and spends time on Facebook. Never the twain shall meet, I hope.

    I sometimes lament my split personality. I wish I could have crossover friends. I long to tell one group about exciting events over in the other world. But I know I can’t do that. It would be too easy for someone to connect the dots and complicate our lives. Years ago, I shared some personal information with the wrong person and had a stalker actually come to our house and talk with our then teenage daughter. Randy and I agree that this must never happen again.

    As I ponder the corners of my proverbial closet, you explore the boundaries of being out. Even though we made very different choices, the dilemmas we face are surprisingly similar. How can we be true to ourselves without inviting unpleasant and moronic people into every aspect of our lives? Where does the wall belong and how tall must it be?

    There are no easy answers here. Thanks for sharing this great topic.



    • Bonnie — you’re right; no easy answers.

      You and I are similar, and yet there is one profound difference that I think made our choices so polarized. You are a mother and grandmother; I am not. I didn’t have to consider family in my decision to be public. Also, bear in mind that I use a pseudonym. It’s certainly not foolproof, but I make damn sure that my face is not associated with my real name, just the fake one.

      Yes, the morons abound. Some days, it gets to me. And then other days, I get lovely rewards, like the comment I received from J, above. Or from any of the other wonderful people I never would have known had I not put myself out there (yourself included).

      Part of the reason I chose to make this blog so personal is because I want people out there to know we’re REAL… and we’re so much more than just our butts. ๐Ÿ™‚


  24. That last sentence couldn’t be more true. One of the nicest most intelligent and articulate girls I’ve ever met is a spanko. A hobby or interest is just that a hobby or interest. It doesn’t completely define someone.


  25. That’s one of the reasons I’m not on Facebook. As Judge Judy once said, “Beauty fades, but stupid is forever.”



  26. Sweetsong on said:

    Erica, my love, I see that maths isn’t your strong point – you can’t possibly be a day over 48. Ten smacks on your delicious bare bottom for those ten misplaced digits! ๐Ÿ˜‰


  27. Sweetsong — LOL — I do suck at math, but I know my own age! (And I wish you were right about it!)


  28. Jadelyn Mathias on said:

    Hi Erica โ™ก This guy is a major MORON and I agree he was being a jerk ๐Ÿ˜ฆ like you said we may be Spankos but we have other interests as well. Another thing I agree on you can’t fix STUPID LOL ๐Ÿ˜‰ He can’t even spell your name correctly he is real brilliant NOT ๐Ÿ™‚ HAHAHAHAHA LOL Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade / Emily Jean xxxxx โ™ก


  29. Jade — yeah, spelling my name right is pretty basic. ๐Ÿ™‚


  30. Erica,
    As usual your articles seem interesting to read. It also reminds me why I prefer to remain under an assumed name. Sorry people seem to be so one dimensional.
    Take care…


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