About John, and Valentine’s Day

Since this is Valentine’s Day weekend, I thought I’d play along with a meme that’s been floating around out there — 15 questions about my man.

1. Name a favorite movie of his. Do you like it, too? If he doesn’t have a favorite movie, substitute a TV series. 
John likes Schindler’s List a lot. He was especially impressed that Steven Spielberg took no salary for the film, instead donating all proceeds to founding Shoah for holocaust survivors. I have seen it and appreciate it for being a brilliant movie, but it’s hard to like, since it’s so depressing.

2. Tell us something you cook or bake that gets him so happy. Do you add something special that makes your recipe unique?  
I don’t cook, but I bake brownies for him periodically. I substitute applesauce for the butter — the richness of the chocolate and nuts compensates for that and they are (marginally) healthier, but still tasty. He prefers that version to the one with butter.

3. What does he wear to bed? 
Nothing.

4. Does he have or has he ever grown a beard or mustache? Did you (or do you) like it or not? 
Yes, several years ago, when he was working at home. I liked it a lot! But he’s been clean-shaven for years and I like that look on him too.

5. If they were going to make a movie of him, what actor would you pick to play him? 
A slightly younger version of Harrison Ford.

6. Who is neater around the house, you or him? Then give us a sloppy example. 
John and I are both OCD about things around the house. He is very clean, always vacuuming, mopping the floor, etc. He insists on making the bed as soon as we get up, while when I’m home, I never make mine unless company is coming. But John has a lot of clutter, a lot of stuff crammed in drawers and closets and piled up in places, which drives me nuts. I hate clutter.

7. If you could buy him tickets to any concert (even if it’s from the past), what musician or group would be singing or playing? 
David Bowie. Or Jimi Hendrix.

8. Does he wear a wedding ring? Do you care? 
We’re not married, so no.

9. How old was he and how old were you on the day you met? What else do you remember about that day?
I was 38 and he was 37. I remember everything about that day. 🙂

10. If he is the one to choose an ethnic restaurant for dinner out, would it be Chinese, Indian, Mexican, French, Italian, Greek, or …?  
Japanese (he’s crazy about sushi). Chinese or Italian sometimes too.

11. Does your man know how to dance? Is it something you both enjoy? 
Eh… not really. I’m not much of a dancer either, so we mostly just enjoy a slow dance, which is little more than hugging and moving around in a circle.

12. If you were going to choose a dress in a color just to please him, what color would it be?
Red, or black.

13. Do you (or did you) like his mother? Why or why not?
(shrugging uncomfortably) I didn’t actively dislike her, but I didn’t really like her all that much either, for various reasons. Probably best not to elaborate.

14. Name a famous person he really admires.
Living — Stephen Hawking. Not — Albert Einstein.

15. How does he take his coffee or tea?
Black coffee, or with cream, no sugar.

Valentine’s Day is a bitch of a holiday, you know. The romantic in me loves it, but the realist sees it for what it is — a commercial holiday that pressures people (men in particular) to pull out all the romantic stops, and God help the ones who don’t. It’s a day where, if you’re not coupled, you feel like a loser as you’re bombarded with ads and banners and window displays of hearts and flowers. It’s a day where we celebrate love, when we should be celebrating it every day of the year.

When I was younger and very much alone, I hated Valentine’s Day. People at work would make such a deal about it, talking about their dates and mates and so forth, and I would actually call in sick that day so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Then I’d drown my sorrows in chocolate and hate myself even more, and fantasize about having someone to love.

And now I have someone, and have had that someone for many years. You know what? Life and love are not Valentine’s Day. Relationships are hard work sometimes. Along with the love and the intimacy, the sweetness and the joy, the companionship and closeness, there is stress and grief and conflict. There are days when I struggle, when I briefly long for an uncomplicated life of solitude. Then I remember how many years of that I had, and how miserable I was. (sigh) It is what it is.

Erica’s rambling again. Just remember, friends, this weekend and always — you’re loved. By someone, probably by many someones. It’s not about a calendar date; it’s about the day to day. The big picture. Always try to keep an eye on that, when you’re in down times. I will try as well.

And if all else fails, nothing wrong with a little of this:

(Yes, of course it’s Photoshopped. A gift from a friend.)

Have a great weekend, y’all.

 

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