Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Where was I…

…oh, yeah. Having a really boring week. The only fun and exciting thing that happened this past week is fully vanilla and involves my family in a roundabout way, so I am not going to discuss it here. No Steve, due to him having his kids with him for spring break. So, rather than contrive something or another just for the sake of posting, I kept quiet. However, now I have something to say.

A couple of years ago, Alex Reynolds posted a brilliant piece about commenting on kinky photos. It’s worth a read, or a reread. After an experience I had this week, I’d like to add another point to it, if I may.

I’m going to state this up front, so I don’t get a bunch of defensive heat. I realize a lot of commenters mean well. Not all inappropriate comments come from dicks and wankers. In the following instance, I know that no one meant anything bad. This is merely a reminder to think very carefully about what you post to someone’s photo. Sometimes, even the most well-meaning remarks will come off as a critique.

I was feeling crappy last week, I admit it. It was yet another Steve-less week, I didn’t have anything interesting or fun to say, I felt lonely and frustrated. I wanted attention. Which is a recipe for trouble, because every time I deliberately seek attention, I end up getting the kind I don’t want.

It’s no secret that I have no compunction about posting pictures of my butt. Once in a while, I will post a naked picture. But overall, I’m self-conscious about showing my breasts. Not sure why, I just am. So I keep that to a minimum. Last Tuesday, on a whim, I took a few pictures in the bathroom after a shower. In one of them, I was looking intently into the camera, not smiling, and I thought the effect was kinda sexy/sultry. Plus I had my arms up, so my boobs looked perky and pretty. I messed around with the exposure, created a kind of arty effect, and I was actually quite pleased with the result. So I posted it on FetLife. Something different, I thought.

I got some “Loves” and a few nice comments. Then three different people expressed their thoughts… about my face. Apparently, I should have smiled.

Really?

A woman puts herself out there, bares her breasts, and you critique her facial expression??

The first comment didn’t bother me. The second one gave me pause. By the time the third one was posted, I was in tears. And completely down on myself.

“Yeah, Erica, see? This is what happens when you go attention-seeking. Give it up. Your day is over. You show your boobs and no one even looks — they just see your imperfect facial expression. You’re too damned old to pull off the sultry look. You just look tired and pissed off.” Yes, this is where my mind goes.

It didn’t help that at the same time, a lovely young woman, a friend of mine, posted a vanilla shot of her face. She looked beautiful… and she too was not smiling. She got several comments, all positive. Not one person said that she should smile.

Suddenly, the picture I had liked looked bad to me. My face looked angry and/or sad, not sexy. I felt foolish. And I took the photo down.

Yes, I’m hypersensitive. Yes, I probably overreacted. But come on. Again, and again and again and again, the point is: If you see a picture and want to say something nice, go right ahead. But if you don’t have something positive or uplifting or complimentary to say, then please don’t say anything. Just move on, and find a picture you do like. And when a woman makes herself vulnerable to you, takes a step out of her comfort zone, don’t tread on her ego. You have no idea how much your words can affect another person.

I’m embarrassed to admit how many tears I shed over this. I shared the photo with a couple of trusted friends who told me I shouldn’t pay attention to what anyone says, that I looked great and I should post for myself, not others. One friend commented that telling a woman she should smile is sexist. I don’t know if I necessarily agree with that, but he has a point. I mean, I don’t recall anyone ever commenting on a man’s picture that he’d look better if he smiled. Especially if he’s baring his chest at the time. Another person said I should put the picture back up. But I will not.

So, kids, that’s where I’m at this week. Hopefully next week will be better. I will see Steve again, get my head screwed back on straight, and life goes on. Meanwhile, I’m going to go hang out with the man who always thinks I’m beautiful and sexy. ♥

Have a great weekend, y’all.

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23 thoughts on “Where was I…

  1. I hate sound like a broken record, but: Just say NO to FetLife and all other forms of social media. Period.

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  2. CarolBeth on said:

    Oh Erica! I feel for you. I have a resting bitch face (RBF). I can’t count how many times people see me and say “smile.” I usually just give them a a f*** off look. Sometimes I tell them I don’t want to or when THEY give me something to smile about I will. Just because a person – male or female – does not smile doesn’t mean they’re sad, mad, pensive, angry, whatever. If everyone went around smiling all the time, we’d all look like lunatics.

    Anyway, I think you look great in every picture I’ve ever seen. Yes, even when your face was puffy after surgery. I didn’t see the pic on FetLife, but I’m sure your friends were correct when they said it was a great photo.

    I appreciate that you shared the reason why you hadn’t blogged. I was getting concerned. It had been too long.

    Hopefully you’ll have a Steve day soon to perk you up!

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  3. poppamark on said:

    Ok; I am one of the people who said you should smile. I am kind of horrified that it effected you this way. Keep in mind I knew you were having a bad time and in my mind I was kind of hoping my comment would do just that; make you smile.
    Men sometimes speak and insert foot in mouth. Hell its a wonder I don’t accidentally kick my teeth out I do it so much.

    You must know by now I adore you. I am not alone. I do not think anyone intended anything hurtful but it sometime might seem that way.

    I loved the picture but I also love your smile, I guess I missed your intent. You have lovely breasts that women 25 years younger would love to have.

    Speaking for myself; I would never ever intentionally say anything mean or hurtful to anyone one who shares their photos with us. In fact it is a pet peeve of mine that insensitive people say such things in their comments.

    I am sorry this caused you distress as I do not think any of the comments were intended too. I know mine wasn’t.

    I offer my apology beg for forgiveness on behalf of stupid men everywhere!

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  4. Mike — I do hear you, and I understand. But I still think that would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. (Granted, the bathwater is often pretty gross and needs tossing.)

    CarolBeth — I thought I got rid of my RBF with the face lift, dammit!! 🙂 Ah well. It wasn’t so much the smile thing alone. It was the smile thing when… hey, boobs!!! Who the hell looks past breasts and picks on a face? (heavy sigh)

    Mark — I know you didn’t mean it. That’s why I prefaced what I wrote with the disclaimer that I know some people mean well. Your comment was the kindest of the three; at least you also said that I looked beautiful (but I should smile). The other two didn’t bother with trying to soften it. So please don’t feel bad anymore, OK? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I could say that your friends were right, that the deplorable person who wrote these words is not worth a second of your, or anyone’s, attention. But I know you know. So I just give you a firm hug and drink my Friday whiskey on a great next week, especially for you.

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  6. MrJ — thank you. I honestly don’t think anyone was deplorable, not this time. Misguided, more like. I don’t like whiskey or other hard liquor, but a drink does sound good!

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  7. Anonymous on said:

    I didn’t see the Fetlife photo(s) you posted recently, but I certainly admire your lovely breasts in the Topless Tuesday image, smiling or not 🙂 I know you must be much more comfortable exposing your spanked bottom in social media. A lot of us do respect the vulnerability you and others feel sharing images “farther from home” and the trust in the viewers that they’ll be treated respectfully. Also, I think none of us are immune to inserting a foot or three every so often…

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  8. Anonymous — so true, including Yours Truly. 🙂

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  9. anonymous on said:

    I’m so contrary whenever anyone utters that “command” to SMILE at me. If I LOOK pissed off it’s because I AM pissed off and no attempts to change my mindset are successful until I am ready. LOL!!!!
    I also feel that positive comments are the only welcome comments pertaining to photos. If you don’t like what you see, then MOVE. ON.

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  10. I saw the FL photo, thought it was very artistic, honestly would not have been able to tell you whether you were smiling or not, but did not post a comment. Nor did I see the 3 questionable comments (I must have seen the photo soon after you posted it).

    As all your actual friends know, underneath your professional persona lies a sensitive, emotional, sometimes insecure woman who reveals her heart to others, but gets it hurt all too often. Personally, I love that vulnerability. But then again, you have been my dear friend for over two decades, and can’t think of anything about you that I don’t love.

    Sorry you had such a low week. I am always a PM or email away . . .

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  11. Hi Erica,

    I missed your sexy photo on FL, but if you like them, I have no doubt they were excellent.

    After years of seeking to please others, I’ve stopped, or at least slowed down a lot. What I do in this cyber community now is mostly for me. If I like it, I post it. If not, then no one will ever see it. As you well know, there are people who really like to judge and criticize. I’ve decided that I haven’t time in my life to even consider their words, let alone respond.

    So I say, post the content that makes you feel happy, satisfied, or engaged. As you do so, please know that your thousands of loyal fans cheer the arrival of each brand spanking new dispatch. As for that noisy minority, who cares?

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

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  12. Erica, I never worry at my age, I”m 82 years young, and between you and me, but don’t tell anyone, I still look like Paul Newman, and Dustin Hoffman ? Of course some people tell me I might remind them off Edward G. Robinson. But then, they are all nice Jewish boys. So who cares. By the way, have you seen Sophia Loren lately, She has a voluptous ASS just like yours. WUNDERBAR, I luv ya.

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  13. Anonymous on said:

    I so agree and I am so grateful you continue to blog I have followed you for years and don’t comment much but trust me when I say what ever you post is appreciated and you have improved my life and I’m forever appreciative and grateful for every word you write!

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  14. A. — being told to smile reminds me of my office years when I wasn’t allowed to have a bad day. “You need to smile! Your face is upsetting people!” Then don’t look at my face, and screw you!

    Pam — you are so sweet. Thank you. ♥

    Bonnie — wise words indeed. Believe it or not, I have learned to care a lot less as the years have gone by. Now, when I can truly say “I don’t care, period,” then I’ll feel like I’ve arrived! (and then I’ll fall in the bathtub and die, most likely)

    Six — no, I can’t say I’ve looked at Sophia Loren’s butt lately. So I’ll take your word for it. 😉

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  15. Anonymous — what a nice thing to write. Thank you so much.

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  16. Bobbie Jo on said:

    You are sexy and beautiful. Your beauty isn’t only your face and body, you have an inner beauty, too. I love reading whatever you write because you have things to say that have a lot of meaning. You have helped me more than you know.

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  17. sweetsong1 on said:

    Erica, you are always beautiful, no matter what the expression on your face. Or your bottom… 😉

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  18. Jadelyn Mathias on said:

    Hi Erica ♡ I agree with everyone else that you are beautiful weather you are smiling or not 🙂 People can’t expect ladies to smile 24/7 for example I been sick for 3 year’s and 5 months and some people tell me to smile and be happy but I don’t feel like it, I feel like I am going to drop, I’m like I feel like death etc that’s nothing to be happy and to smile about 😦 You are beautiful inside and out my dear friend, We are always going to have people online that are going to say mean things, They don’t care about others feelings. I go through it all the time even on chat.I cried so many tears as well.Those bloody idiots are not worth our time. I Love you so very much ♡ You are the GREATEST ♡ Hugs always from naughty girl Jade / Emily Jean xoxoxoxo ♡

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  19. Bobbie Jo — thank you, my friend.

    Sweetsong — shucks. 🙂

    Jade — thanks.

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  20. Anonymous on said:

    Hi Erica

    You’re gorgeous. I think any man who would cut down naked pictures of you is trying to hide the fact that he’s gay. Don’t let them deprive the rest of us, the more naked pictures of you the better.

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  21. Anonymous — LOL. Nice try! But thank you.

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  22. I am sorry for the inappropriate comments made to you. I did not have the opportunity to view the post but did view your “Topless Tuesday” photo. I must say that your breasts appear loaded with charisma. It would be an honor to meet them in person. Of course it goes without saying that your bottom is quite charismatic too!

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  23. bklynny — it’s OK. Hmmm… charismatic body parts! *grinning*

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