Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

What’s in a name?

Actually, quite a bit, if we’re talking about choices for scene/kink monikers. What prompted this? This week, I saw two of them that were such a turn-off, I wouldn’t even bother checking out the person behind them.

I’ve said before that I keep my profiles on the various kink sites, because I never know who’s out there and it never hurts to know more locals. I have many friends with whom I share TTWD, but so many of them are far away. One of said sites will sometimes email a notice to me if their algorithm somehow concludes that a potential match is brewing. So this week, I received this:

“Hey, Erica Scott! Have you met DrSausage? He’s ready to meet you!”

spraying coffee all over the screen  Dr. Sausage??? How does one get a doctorate in sausageology? Does the PhD stand for Perky Hard Dick?

When I tweeted about this, one of my friends cleverly replied, “But… he’s a doctor!” Which made me laugh. Suddenly, I was taken back over 30 years and remembering my mother, who had a dreadful habit of trying to fix me up. She’d attempted it many times, but her most egregious effort came one day when she called me and said I was going to be mad. I listened, feeling my blood pressure spike into emergency levels, while she told me about how she’d been at the beauty parlor that day and had struck up a conversation with a woman sitting next to her at the dryers. Turns out said woman had a single son. All my mother needed to hear was “single,” “Jewish,” and “doctor” — she didn’t even need a photo or any further description.

That’s right. She gave my phone number to this woman, who she’d known for about ten minutes. To give to her son, who she didn’t know at all.

I exploded. “How could you DO that?? You don’t know this woman! You don’t know her son! You don’t know anything about him — and you give my phone number to perfect strangers? And what kind of a man needs his mother to fix him up with unseen women?”

Her defense? “She seemed nice. And how bad could he be — he’s a doctor!”

Oy vey.

Yes, the guy called me, and I met him for coffee. Turned out he was cute, charming, funny and sexy, and we dated for a few years. And if you believe that, please allow me to sell you some magic beans.

Part of me was tempted to write to DrSausage and say, “Here I am, oh meaty one! Come and do your wurst!” But I decided against it.

And then, same week, I get, “Erica Scott, someone just checked you out!” I looked to see who it was.

GrannyLover.

Just shoot me now. No, wait. Shoot HIM. Yeah, I get it. He likes older women. But there needs to be a little finesse here.

News flash, pal. I don’t usually presume to speak for all women, but I’m making an exception here. There isn’t a woman on this entire f&#%ing planet who would find it a compliment, within a sexual and/or kink realm, to be referred to as “Granny.” “Mommy,” yes. I can certainly see that, even though it’s not my thing. But “Granny”? NO. What’s she going to do, bake you cookies until you beg for mercy? Knit you some ankle restraints?

I wanted to write to GrannyLover and attach a charming picture I found of a prim and proper white-haired grandma flipping the bird. But I decided against that as well.

Just another week in the life of a spanko. Have a great weekend, y’all.

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12 thoughts on “What’s in a name?

  1. You know Erica often times your humour often just hits the spot, like today; thanks for the laughs (especially the pun-filled humour – “…do your wurst”).
    Unfortunately, this seems like another reminder to stay away from kink sites. Yeah I think I should stick to my often-quiet commentary of my blog and like-minded blogs.
    Best,
    Enzo

    Like

    • Enzo — (snickering) Always happy to make friends laugh! And yes, it’s true, I often play up the down side of kink sites. However, to be fair, I have met many of my play partners over the years on them, and there are a whole lot of experiences I wouldn’t have had, had I not ventured forth into the risky but occasionally rewarding realm of such sites. So, there ya go.

      Like

  2. Well, at least there is some hope for the 2060s. 😉

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  3. Hi Erica

    I don’t know about sausage specialists, but sometimes (yeah I know like hens teeth) things aren’t all bad. My mother set up a date for me with a young woman she met on the bus. The was one excellent benefit I received from the date. The woman was gaga for Michael Crawford and talked me into taking her. I don’t know about the woman but Phantom is still among my favorite musicals and I do owe that to her.

    Emanuele

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  4. potomacker on said:

    All Milfs eventually become Gilfs. Embrace your immeasurable experience and hard won refinement, Ms. Scott.

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  5. My mother was terribly worried when I was about 20 years old and didn’t have a girlfriend and arranged a series of meetings with young ladies for me that were all a bit cringe making. Then she decided that since they hadn’t worked that I must be gay and in a way that was surprisingly broad minded for the seventies arranged a series of meetings with some nice young men (I have no idea why she thought they were gay). Mind you she may have had a point (about me being unable to find a partner) as I am still unwed which suits me fine.

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  6. Anonymous on said:

    Do you like the show “Mom”? Your wit reminds me of Allison Janney’s character. Last week’s episode was FULL of spanking references. She was “a bad girl” and got spanked by her boyfriend. Only downside is her adult daughter overheard the whole encounter due to “thin walls.” LOL

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  7. Emanuele — that’s a very good silver lining story, thanks!

    potomacker — I appreciate the compliments, and thank you. But I do believe I’d rather die than be called a GILF.

    Simon — what is it with mothers doing that?? Is it the be all and end all to see us paired? How about simply happy and fulfilled… or is that not possible without a mate? (sigh)

    A. — I LOVE Mom! It’s my second favorite current sitcom next to Big Bang.

    Like

  8. Anonymous on said:

    Dr. Sausage? I hope there was a link! Maybe he was an academic (or dentist) rather than medical doctor. Beware of offers for an oral exam.

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  9. Graham on said:

    do you know what kind of sausage Erica? Was it just plain pork or was something added? The one doing the rounds here which is fantastic is the hog roast [sage,apple and pork]pork and black pudding very good for a full monty english breakfast,and the welsh dragon,which has got leek[hence the welsh bit] and chilli[thats the dragon]

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  10. Anonymous — link, HA! I see what you did there.

    Graham — er… I never asked. And please don’t say “leek.” That will get me started on another unsavory subject going around lately.

    Like

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