Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Good thoughts, please

This might be my last update for a while. I really don’t have anything good to post, and the situation here is a bit dire.

The Bobcat fire in Southern California is close to John’s town. It is up in the hills above several foothill communities, and John’s is one of them. I was there with him this weekend, and yesterday, we were told to leave. John is staying at his condo in another county, and I am back at my apartment.

The air quality is poor everywhere, some places worse than others. In John’s area, everything smelled like a barbecue. Mercifully, at my place, the sky is hazy but there is no smell.

Last week began with my A/C that was out for two days when we had triple-digit temperatures, and it ended with my car costing $1550 in various repairs and maintenance. John was healing from a pulled tooth and an infected thumb, and I was dealing with three large, weepy, angry ant bites on my leg with itching that nearly drove me nuts. And now, compared to this fire hanging over our heads like a specter, last week was a picnic.

The entire West Coast is on fire, it seems. Washington and Oregon are badly impacted too. There seems to be no end in sight.

I am home working. Trying to keep my head and not lose it in panic and fear. And anger. Because this didn’t have to happen. And neither did the extremity of the Covid epidemic that’s keeping us from our loved ones at this highly stressful time.

Four years ago, I cried all night in fear, not knowing what exactly I was afraid of but feeling a sense of doom. Now I know exactly what I feared. All this. Living hell, truly. And I’m an atheist and don’t even believe in that crap. But if this isn’t hell, I don’t know what is. Out of control fires. Riots and protests and shootings. An out of control pandemic, with a so-called president who knew how bad it was but lied to all of us.

And that bloated monster is here in CA right now, blaming us for the fires. Go do your fucking hate rallies, you murderous lying bastard. We don’t want you here.

I know other people I love are suffering. This has been an awful year for just about everyone I know. Many tragedies and losses, illnesses, pain. It’s hard to feel like you can ask for support when everyone else needs it too. So… I’m just hunkering down and hoping. I’m not budging from my apartment, where it is quiet and safe. I will work. I need to pay my bills. Play is the furthest thing from my mind right now, so there’s no point in trying to keep up a spanking blog. When/if life calms a bit, I will get back to it.

Please hold a good thought for me. I am so scared.

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31 thoughts on “Good thoughts, please

  1. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. We had numbnuts here yesterday in LV with his maskless and non-socially distant blowhard fest. Can’t wait for our #’s to go up. Stay safe.


  2. I think at times like these is when we really DO need to reach out for emotional support from our loved ones. Yes, many of us are also dealing with problems and a crisis or two, but we are still capable of supporting and loving those closest to us. A kind word, a text to let you know you are thought of and loved, a card – supporting one another is the only way we’ll make it through some of this crap.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thinking of you, stay strong and stay safe. xx


  4. Love you sis, this too shall pass. We were already displaced by the smoke once this summer, hoping not again. I hope John’s place escapes the danger. Other people having a hard time too doesn’t negate the need for support, and empathy isn’t a finite resource. In fact, the more we practice it, the more there will be. It’s ok to reach out, we love and want to support you. Definitely know what you mean about that sense of dread on election night, and yet it’s so much worse than any of us could have ever imagined. There was even a part of me hoping hard that he’d turn out to not be so bad, ha! Big hugs, and wishing you at least a little peace to make it through this very strange and challenging time. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. No one should ever feel “less than” when they feel the need to reach out. We all need each other. From experience, I know how incredibly comforting it can be to know you’re there and just a text away. You’ve been a light in my darkest moments, and I hope to be the same for you. I love you, SIS.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. gemstrong — thank you. I will try.

    Lily — you’re the sweetest. It’s hard for me to reach out, especially now. But I know you’re right. Thank you. ♥

    Jay — you know, it’s not so much a feeling of “less than,” for me. It’s more like, ugh, so and so is already stressed out and hurting and tense and worried and what have you, so I don’t want to add my problems to theirs. I know mine are valid… but everyone else’s are too! (sigh) But I am grateful you’re there. I love you too. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • It might help to look at it as mutual support, as opposed to adding your problems to theirs? Sharing burdens can make the load easier for everyone. Of course, there are times we’re too overwhelmed by our own problems to get super involved in what’s going on with our friends, but we can still care, and be there to whatever degree is reasonable/possible. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sending thoughts and good vibes your way. I’m so sorry you are having to go they all this. Will start doing a rain dance. I’m here if you ever want to email. Would love to know how you are doing. And John too


  8. Quai Franklin on said:

    I’ll always hold good thoughts for you. You’re often on my mind and in my heart whether you’re writing or not.

    Life is so tough for so many of us. Your asking for support is absolutely appropriate, if only to convey that you are one of us.

    Stay you. Stay strong as I know you are. We’re with you.


  9. KB — thank you so much. Rain would truly be a miracle right now.

    Quai — that was extraordinarily kind and made me cry in a good way. Thank you. ♥


  10. Just want you to be safe and happy. These are hard days, but 2021 is looking up. Hang in there!


  11. You have got your priorities right Erica, take care.


  12. Rich — I hope you are right.

    Fiona — I’m trying to. Thanks.


  13. Bob in Wisconsin on said:

    Holding positive thoughts for you from afar in Wisconsin, Erica. While my loved ones and I are not directly affected by fire danger, as you and John are, I share your dim view of the state of our nation and its dismal lack of sane, even remotely competent, leadership. So, I try to take heart in small glimmers of good news.

    Here’s some of that from my perspective. For the first time in its 175-year history, Scientific American has made an endorsement in a presidential election. The magazine’s editors say in the October issue that they felt “compelled” to back Joe Biden to unseat Donald Trump, citing Trump’s handling of COVID-19 and his skepticism of expert opinion and mainstream science on issues such as climate change.

    This isn’t intended as a political diatribe, just an acknowledgment that there are still voices of sanity left in this country. I hope that bits of encouraging news such as this, coupled with consoling comments like those above from your many friends, give you some solace and help to calm your fears and anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bob — Scientific American is John’s favorite magazine. He will be very pleased to hear this, thank you.
      I need sanity. I feel so afraid of everything around me, on every level. It’s hard to stay in the moment and focus on what I can do, which is work, breathe, and hope for things to get better.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. It’s a miserable time, indeed.
    Your persistent courage and sense of humor, used in this case not for cracking jokes but for hanging onto some perspective, have often been strained to their limits as you got through. I hope letting you know again that I care helps, even with a lack of some bold encouraging pronouncement.
    So, sending my love.


  15. Dave — of course it helps. You’re a good friend and a very kind person. Compassion from loved ones goes a long way. ♥


  16. I feel for you, Erica. You are going through hell right now and it’s okay to cry and be frightened. We are all frightened about what will happen if the orange toad decides to declare himself emperor for life.
    Stay safe.


  17. I haven’t checked my rss feeds for A couple days and just saw this… I hope you’re ok. My parents (Dad’s got COPD) are huddled down in Oregon, some of their friends have lost houses. There’s a lot to be worried about. Wishing you well.


  18. Xen — ugh, I’m sorry about your parents. So fire, the Bobcat fire has increased greatly in size but it’s moving in another direction. Not good by any means, but it looks like John’s house might be okay. Unless the wind changes, which is always possible. I really hate this…


  19. 0thistle0 on said:

    Awww, you locked the FFS thread as I was grading today’s troll… I sorely neglected my cat to write it, I shall share anyway, and you may do with it what you will!

    (sighs, disappointed)

    I admit, I expected at least a modicum of effort…..this troll reads like it was written on the bus on the way to school because it was forgotton that it was due first period.

    It lacks even basic references to global warming, our alien lizard overlords, or the obvious QAnon conspiracies; and fails to even mention the influence of satan….let alone the required comparison to hitler.

    Truly, the Dan Quayle of trolling.

    D-, and thats being generous.

    (tries to smash coffee cup on the floor in a rage, only to realize its styrofoam)


  20. Erica,

    Sorry I’m late to the party, but I wanted to send you another care package of positive thoughts. Belated happy birthday and Shana Tovah!

    Life is still crazy, but it’s better when you know people love you! ❤

    Appropriately socially distanced hugs,


  21. John from Australia on said:

    Still thinking of you Erica, with the most optimistic possible thoughts…
    In spite of the darkness ranged around the globe…


  22. Hi Erica – Today is the first day I have seen your blog. I sensed the desperation you have from what you wrote. I live on the east coast so don’t know the experience of living through wild fires. I hope that you are doing better and staying safe.

    I am a Christian. Would you mind if I prayed for you and John?

    Thanks, Mike


    • Mike — hi. Sorry you had to discover my blog when I’m in a bad way. It’s been a rough year. Right now, we are safe from the fires.
      Praying is a very personal choice. I am an atheist and do not believe in it. But if you do, and you want to do that on our behalf, I am flattered and say thank you. ♥


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