Good thoughts, please
This might be my last update for a while. I really don’t have anything good to post, and the situation here is a bit dire.
The Bobcat fire in Southern California is close to John’s town. It is up in the hills above several foothill communities, and John’s is one of them. I was there with him this weekend, and yesterday, we were told to leave. John is staying at his condo in another county, and I am back at my apartment.
The air quality is poor everywhere, some places worse than others. In John’s area, everything smelled like a barbecue. Mercifully, at my place, the sky is hazy but there is no smell.
Last week began with my A/C that was out for two days when we had triple-digit temperatures, and it ended with my car costing $1550 in various repairs and maintenance. John was healing from a pulled tooth and an infected thumb, and I was dealing with three large, weepy, angry ant bites on my leg with itching that nearly drove me nuts. And now, compared to this fire hanging over our heads like a specter, last week was a picnic.
The entire West Coast is on fire, it seems. Washington and Oregon are badly impacted too. There seems to be no end in sight.
I am home working. Trying to keep my head and not lose it in panic and fear. And anger. Because this didn’t have to happen. And neither did the extremity of the Covid epidemic that’s keeping us from our loved ones at this highly stressful time.
Four years ago, I cried all night in fear, not knowing what exactly I was afraid of but feeling a sense of doom. Now I know exactly what I feared. All this. Living hell, truly. And I’m an atheist and don’t even believe in that crap. But if this isn’t hell, I don’t know what is. Out of control fires. Riots and protests and shootings. An out of control pandemic, with a so-called president who knew how bad it was but lied to all of us.
And that bloated monster is here in CA right now, blaming us for the fires. Go do your fucking hate rallies, you murderous lying bastard. We don’t want you here.
I know other people I love are suffering. This has been an awful year for just about everyone I know. Many tragedies and losses, illnesses, pain. It’s hard to feel like you can ask for support when everyone else needs it too. So… I’m just hunkering down and hoping. I’m not budging from my apartment, where it is quiet and safe. I will work. I need to pay my bills. Play is the furthest thing from my mind right now, so there’s no point in trying to keep up a spanking blog. When/if life calms a bit, I will get back to it.
Please hold a good thought for me. I am so scared.