Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Well, look who’s back

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It’s true. I have been toying with the idea of restarting this for a while now. And I’d keep deciding not to, because I felt a little silly after making such a grand exit over a year ago. So why am I back?

Because I still have things to say. I don’t know who will want to read them, but I need to express them. I need a place to call mine. Facebook? Forget it. That’s mostly for playing Scrabble/Words With Friends and a few other vanilla odds and ends. Twitter is fun and I’m very active there, but one can only say so much with 260 characters. FetLife? Meh. FetLife is a mixed bag these days. There are, quite literally, millions of people on there, the attention spans are short, and you never know how your writing is going to be received. Sometimes, it strikes a chord and you get lots of loves and comments. Other times, no one notices. And then there are the times when, if you say something controversial, you swat at a hornet’s nest and bring a fuck-ton of sting down on yourself. FetLife can be a fun, playful place to connect with kinky friends… and it can be a minefield. Here, I have a bit more control. Here, I can fully be myself and know that (hopefully) the people reading like me and want to see what I have to say.

So what’s happened in the past year and two months? Everything and nothing, I suppose. Life. John and I will be together twenty-two years next month. He is still navigating the Nine Circles of Hell with his job, and that’s a long story unto itself, but I’ll shorten it by saying that he’s doing the best he can, and is determined to stick it out there and take their money and his pension. Health-wise, the news is good; he is the strongest he’s been in years. His heart is doing well; it’s been three years since his surgery. He walks a lot and keeps fit. He got a device for his sleep apnea, so he is now getting the rest he needs. I still worry about him all the time, and it’s still stressful hearing about the daily BS he has to endure at work, but overall, I’m breathing a little easier.

Scene-wise, we still do our two parties a year. I wish we could do more, but my distaste over traveling hasn’t changed and we are being very careful about spending money, because who knows what the future will bring. I had pretty much retired from doing videos at the end of 2016, but a couple of months ago, Alex Reynolds got a special request from one of her clients for a custom video with me in it. Couldn’t say no to that! It was a joy to shoot again, with her man Paul Kennedy, one of my favorite tops.

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This will be released on the Northern Spanking site, but I don’t know when. And speaking of Northern, around the time we shot this, they released a video I’d shot with them in 2016. Paul plays my husband, a filmmaker… and I just happen to be a film critic. Who trashes his latest production. Small wonder the clip is called Critical Erica. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Here is a fun shot of the pullover — note Paul’s grim determination and my “righteous indignation” face.

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What else… I still get stupid correspondence. Today on Twitter, some weird guy kept insinuating himself into my conversations with stupid irrelevant comments, and then liking and retweeting his own comments! #BLOCKEDย  People still ask me scene questions, and I thought perhaps restarting this blog would make me more accessible. And let’s face it, I’m still a grumpy pain in the ass and like to rant about stuff, so this will be my outlet once again.

I didn’t order this coffee cup for no reason.

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One thing I am not going to discuss here? Politics. I made that mistake before and I will not do it again. That is what Twitter and Facebook are for. I want to keep this space on point, especially since I’m entering a different stage of life now and writing here will help me process things.

It is not easy being an older female bottom in this scene. I am well past the age where I can pull off being a Little or a Middle. Not that I ever felt comfortable in that head space anyway. When I was in my late 30s, I let friends dress me up as a schoolgirl and I went to a party like that. But instead of feeling cute or sexy, I just felt… foolish. It’s simply not me.

I get the appeal of Littles and Middles, I truly do. What’s not to like? They’re cute. They’re adorable. They’re playful and fun. They wear cute clothes. And they get a lot of attention and care-taking. I am a Responsible Adult. I am fiercely independent and don’t like asking for anything. I have never wanted a Daddy; I’ve always been attracted to younger men, so hardly a Daddy image. (Those of you who have read my book might remember the story of 32-year-old me and my rather torrid infatuation with my 22-year-old coworker.) I am not comfortable with appearing needy.

And yet, I am. Sometimes, dammit, I just want to be taken care of. I want to be spanked, cuddled, kissed, pampered. I want attention. And I don’t want to have to ask for it; I want it to happen organically. But what comes more easily to a Little or a Middle is not so easy for a Very Much Grown But Still Vulnerable Person. (What the hell would be a name for that, anyway?)

When I was gathering my thoughts for what I was going to write, random memories of past scenes and tops were floating through my mind. I remembered a time about ten to twelve years ago, when my then play partner and dear friend and I were talking, for whatever reason, about childhood books, and he was shocked and appalled that I had never read The Little Prince. I don’t know why I didn’t, since I was a voracious reader as a kid and had read everything else that was popular, but I guess it slipped through my awareness. Anyway, the next time he came over, he brought me a copy. I was having a hard time that night, emotionally, as I recall; I don’t remember why. After we played and I had had a tearful release, he stuck around until I’d gotten undressed and he got me settled into bed. And then… he got on the bed with me, and read to me, from The Little Prince. I didn’t ask him to do that. I never would have thought of asking him to do that. But in that moment, it felt so soothing, so loving. I felt like someone else was taking over my cares for a while. I could fall, and he’d catch me. Because he wanted to, not because I asked him to. He just knew. What a sweet moment that was.

Because sometimes, adulting blows. Sometimes, life is fucking hard. And this is my escape. This is how I feel cared for, protected, loved. This is where I get to be that oh so bizarre and twisted and delicious combination of sexy adult woman and vulnerable, childlike person. I’m still kicking ass. I’m still working out. I’m still assing hands. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m tough. But inside is another story.

So… as I carry on, trying to figure out my New Normal and how to get my needs met, how to deal with insecurities and all the bullshit that comes with ageing, I hope you guys will stick around. Relate. Comment if you want. I don’t know how often I’ll post; when the spirit moves me and the muse bites, I guess.

It’s good to be back.

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42 thoughts on “Well, look who’s back

  1. bklynny0856 on said:

    Welcome back! Youโ€™ve been missed.๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜Š

    Like

  2. What a fun surprise to see this! Welcome back and I look forward to reading about this transition time, life in general, your spanking adventures and shenanigans, and keeping in touch in a more personal way than leaving a comment here and there on FB and FL. I’m already excited to read your next post.

    Like

  3. Chibob on said:

    Glad to see you blogging again. I hope you find it relaxing.

    Like

  4. Joseph Stevens on said:

    Brilliant news..good to hear!

    On Wed, 18 Jul 2018, 04:13 Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking, wrote:

    > Erica Scott posted: ” It’s true. I have been toying with the idea of > restarting this for a while now. And I’d keep deciding not to, because I > felt a little silly after making such a grand exit over a year ago. So why > am I back? Because I still have things to say. I don’t kn” >

    Like

  5. I can often relate to so many things you say. I love that youโ€™ve chosen to continue sharing your experiences again! Welcome back, Erica! โค๏ธ๐ŸŒน

    Like

  6. Jade Mathias on said:

    Hi Erica ๐Ÿ˜Šโ˜บ๐Ÿ˜ I am so happy that you are back I missed you so much โค I was hoping that some day you would come back, I will always read what you write I like it and it’s interesting, I am happy to hear that Johns health has been better than it ever was that’s awesome news ๐Ÿ˜ƒ you will always be my favorite in spanking videos like I always have said you are a true legend, they don’t make them like you anymore, I Love you my awesome friend ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜โคโคโค๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’— from Jade / Emily Jean

    Like

  7. bklynny — thank you. That’s nice to hear.

    Pam — thank you, my friend.

    Chibob — I hope I will.

    Joseph — thank you so much.

    Jay — you’re sweet, thank you.

    Jade — thank you for your kind words, dear.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Welcome back Erica!! I hope you knowbuou just made my day!!!

    Like

  9. Midwest Reader on said:

    Very happy to see you back writing again!

    Like

  10. Dalen256 on said:

    Erica!! So glad you’re back… I miss reading your stuff! I feel a certain connection with you, whether it be age or attitude (or both!) and you definitely have a follower in me! You are as awesome as ever!
    Dale

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  11. Welcome back, Erica! This is a pleasant surprise. As they say in showbiz: “Break a leg!”

    Like

  12. baker — aw, I’m glad!

    Midwest — thank you.

    Dale — you’re always so nice! Thank you.

    Mitch — oh hell, I hope not. That’s all I need! winking

    Like

  13. rj Marsh on said:

    Erica, It is good to see you back!! we were friends on Fet & we were both friends with Zelle!!!
    You sure look Great!!!! your behind looks like that of a 26 year old!…. You were talking about getting older!……… don’t worry, you age Well!
    RJ

    Like

  14. Erica, its great to have you back. This place is really addictive, both as a blogger and as a reader so bring it on.

    Like

  15. Anonymous on said:

    Thank you for starting your blog again, Erica! I have sorely missed your eloquent writings and eagerly await your next update. You write about coming to Terms with your current self, and Here is something I often wonder about…whenever I imagine myself, I see my younger, sixteen to thirty year old face and body rather than this broken down 63 year old woman. Does anyone else experience this? Ps please feel free to correct my punctuation ๐Ÿ™ƒ madame editor

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  16. So VERY nice to see you back, I know many have missed you Erica !!! Sorry for the delay in telling you this, so WELCOME red colored BACKSIDE…

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  17. RJ — oh wow, Zelle. There’s a name I haven’t heard for a long time! I miss her. Thank you.

    Don — I will do my best.

    Anonymous — Hmmm. I don’t like to imagine myself at that age range, because I was especially miserable and anorexic during those years. In some ways, I look and feel better now than I did when I was younger. But others… I still keep looking down and thinking, “Why the fuck are my mother’s arms sticking out of my sleeves??” sigh

    wthwing — thank you! I hope you’re right.

    Like

  18. Kelly on said:

    Welcome back. Missed you.

    Like

  19. We are very happy to have you back.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    Like

  20. Kelly — thank you!

    Ronnie — always so sweet, thank you.

    Like

  21. Dear Erica, it’s so good to have you back. You have been reinstated on my blogroll and I will be eagerly awaiting your updates. Any play partners on the horizon?

    Hugs,
    Hermione

    Like

  22. Anonymous on said:

    What a wonderful surprise! I’ve missed your posts and look forward to reading them again. Welcome back!

    Like

  23. Terri on said:

    Erica, welcome back! So happy to see you backโ€”I TRY to follow you on Twitter, but I lurk there worse than I do in the blogosphere.

    Terri

    Like

  24. Hi Erica,

    Speaking for your many dedicated readers, we love you, we love this place, we love your experiences, and we love all of the wisdom, cleverness, insight, and snark you share.

      "Iโ€™m still a grumpy pain in the ass and like to rant about stuff..."
    

    And that, we love that too! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so happy that you’re back!

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

    Like

  25. Brian on said:

    Really happy to see you back. Hope the writing is relaxing and appreciate you sharing your experience with us.
    Brian

    Like

  26. Terri — Twitter is overwhelming if you’re trying to follow just one person. It’s more of a multi-tasker site. I’m amazed I do well on it, as I hate multi-tasking.

    Bonnie — and I love you too!!

    Brian — writing is therapeutic for me. It’s nice to just blow off my thoughts and if they resonate with people, all the better.

    Like

  27. Renรฉ H Bischof on said:

    Welcome back Erica,
    I have missed you with all those other friends you didn’t even know you had. But now life is great, you are back and we can look forward to your “adventures” in what we all like. Thank you.
    Renรฉ

    Like

  28. I’m new to you, i’m glad I came over. Looking forward to reading here more.

    Like

  29. Anonymous on said:

    To answer the question in your opening pic: Yes I did ๐Ÿ™‚
    Wellcome back Erica.

    Like

  30. Renรฉ — that’s so nice, thank you.

    Fondles — welcome!

    Anonymous — thank you; it’s nice to know I was missed.

    Like

  31. Yorkie69 on said:

    It’s about time! I have missed you dearly Erica.

    Yorkie

    Like

  32. Graham on said:

    hey Scotty,
    real nice to see you back, you`ve been missed, hope all is well

    Like

  33. Well, you know I missed you – so yes, I’m happy you’re back here – not least bcause you apparently are in better shape.

    Like

  34. secretspanko on said:

    I know i’m late to the party but the fact that you’re blogging again has brought a huge grin to my face. Miss you.

    Like

  35. Great to see you back and looking forward to reading you posts

    Like

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