And so it goes

Hello, everyone. Sorry for the absence.

After much thought, going back and forth, changing my mind and then back again, I have decided it’s time to bring this blog to an end.

I have been in the spanking scene for twenty-one years this month, and online for nineteen. I have watched many changes in what became known as social media. In the early days for spanking chat and exploration, there were what was known as newsgroups, and various chat rooms. Often the latter devolved into a bunch of silly cyber spanking, but one could find intelligent conversation if one looked carefully. Then, around 2000, give or take a year, those gave way to chat forums, such as those on MSN and Yahoo, the old Shadow Lane chat board, etc. People posted and chatted and shared and connected. I co-managed a successful forum for a few years and had a blast.

When the forums began to run their course, they were overtaken by a new phenomenon: the spanking blog. Soon, everyone and their second cousin twice removed was blogging. I joined this bandwagon in 2005, on what used to be the hopping place (!): MySpace. My blog there straggled along for a while, trying to find its audience, but there was so much competition. But then two things happened. One, I was listed by our blog queen, Bonnie, who made a point of spotlighting new blogs in her “In With the New” column. Things really picked up for me after that, but I still had a second holy grail to achieve. The buzz in the blogosphere was about a gentleman who went by the name of Chross, who had a weekly list of what he considered the most notable blog posts. If one was lucky enough to be “Chrossed,” they would be treated to a highly gratifying spike in blog hits. But how did one get on Chross’s radar, I wondered? I finally grew so frustrated that I wrote a post called “Who Do I Have to @#$% to Get on Chross’s List?” Apparently, that got his attention. 🙂

After that, wow. Views, comments, etc. skyrocketed. Until MySpace died, and I took the plunge and started a new blog on Blogger in 2010. I flourished there for years, getting Chrossed often, sharing adventures and party stories and photos and scenes and video shoots, as well as bits and pieces of my personal life. When Blogger threatened to censor or shut down all their “adult” blogs, I migrated to WordPress. Turns out it wasn’t necessary, since Blogger backed off, but I don’t regret it.

However, things changed yet again. Slowly but surely, the spanking blog was overtaken by the Tumblr blogs: pictures. Lots and lots and lots of pictures. The lengthy blog entry morphed into quickie sound bites, gifs and jpegs. Comments became likes and reposts. The spanking models, who all used to blog, now opened Tumblr accounts. Twitter came to be, and now, instead of writing party and shoot reports, people tweeted the action as it was happening. There were some exceptions who maintained their popularity (Hermione and Ronnie come to mind, as well as some of the DD/Hoh blogs and some author blogs) but it seemed that overall, the traditional written spanking blog had gone the way of the VCR and the variety show.

Even so, I figured as long as I had stories to tell, experiences to share, connections to make, I’d have an audience. For quite a while, my views remained high thanks to being Chrossed often. But now, it seems even our beloved Chross has given up the ghost. And the annual Spanking Blogg Awards, put together by John Osborne of Triple A, finally eliminated the Best Creative Blogger category last year because it wasn’t getting any nominations. I was lucky enough to win second place in 2015, that award’s final year.

After many years and thousand of words, kids, I’m fresh out of things to say. On topic, anyway. I don’t want to hash and rehash the same discussions; there’s FetLife for that. Scene-wise, things have changed for me. I no longer have a top, and I haven’t played since 50 Freaks in February. I go to two parties a year. I do not shoot anymore, and even if someone were to offer it up, I’m not sure I would do it. I don’t enjoy looking at myself on film anymore — those HD cameras are not kind! And as for my personal life, I have been dealing with a great deal of grief and challenges over the past few months, including an ongoing situation with John that is stressful and scary. But you know, I don’t want to go into that on here anymore either. I have ranted, raved, wept, opened up and laid myself bare (physically and emotionally) in these posts over the years. I think it’s time for that to end. Everyone has problems; they don’t want to hear mine. And if I can’t post on-topic fun stuff, there’s really no point in continuing.

Also, I made the mistake, in a time of weakness, of writing political posts on here. Please. Can we all agree that there’s enough of that shit out there everywhere you look? I mean, really — using a spanking blog, of all things, to push one’s political agenda is arrogant, self-serving and a big waste of time, don’t you think? So I do apologize for that bit of foolishness.

I am not taking this blog down. I want to preserve it, because I’m proud of it. I would like people to be able to refer back to it, reread posts they liked, enjoy the pictures, etc. My life, my heart and my soul are in these pages. So it will remain intact, even though I won’t be adding to it any longer. I will always be grateful for my readers, all the comments, all the feedback. Without you guys, we writers might as well be talking to ourselves. And hey, I even appreciate those hapless dumbasses who gave me so much wonderful CHoS fodder. One more for the road? Sure, why not…

Hi I would like to spanking you hardly but it is turning me on and in the end which will be not short time I would like to have sex or atleast blowjob becouse I don’t want go away horny and I don’t want jerkoffing if you are okay with that or you have some other way to make e come and relax after when I spanking you hard and long tell me

(sigh) Some things never change, I guess. I suggest you come the way you always do — in your mama’s basement in front of your sticky keyboard. And for the last time, fuck off.

I don’t get as much of this nonsense nowadays, but I still see it. Recently, Alex got a critique on her Tumblr that she is neglecting to post pictures of her anus. She’s nicer than I am: I would have replied that if this person wants to see an asshole, they should look in a mirror.

Some of you have my antiquated (but still functional) AOL address. My gmail address is at the end of the About Me section here. I’m still out there, on Facebook, Twitter and FetLife. I have always welcomed polite and civil correspondence (and no, you do not have to agree with me, just don’t be a dick about it), and that will not change.

So what should be my last gasp? Perhaps I’ll just say screw it and reveal all… my real name, my family, the TV shows they worked on…

…

…

…

wait for it…

…

…

…

ready?

…

…

…

Come on, you didn’t really think I’d tell all that, did ya? Besides, I wanted to go out on a Big Bang. 😛

And so this hard-edged, tender-hearted, snarky spanko bids you farewell, in this venue at least. Have a great life, y’all. ♥ ♥ ♥  Thank you for reading.

50 Freaks 2016, part 3

OK, enough already with this; I need to finish it. No excuses today, as I have finished my work and I’m also feeling somewhat human again. There are still tons of pictures I haven’t gotten yet, but oh well. I have to record this before my fevered brain forgets everything.

Saturday was the most up-and-down day, I think. Poor John has stomach distress during the night and wasn’t feeling well when we got up. There was a gathering Joe calls TTYL (Tights, Thongs, Yoga pants and Leggings) in the suite from 1-3, so we went for a quick bite in the café. (They closed Café Siena, which really bummed me out — I loved that place! But they sorta resurrected it in a smaller version now called, most originally, The Café.) I got John some Pepto-Bismol and he managed to eat some breakfast, but he wasn’t looking good. When we arrived at the suite at 1:20 for TTYL, there were about six people there. I took one look at John, slumped on the couch, and made a decision. “Come on,” I said.”Let’s go back to our room. Nothing is happening here, and we both need sleep.” He protested once, weakly, then gave in.

Damn. I had really cute leggings on, too.

Anyway. We slept through the afternoon, missing all of TTYL. At 5:00, they were having Club Finn, a new gathering for this party, which was to be a kind of a spa setting for the spankees (massages, baths, chocolates and other treats, sensual flogging, etc.). Normally, I would have loved to try this, but I was so worried about John and feeling disconnected again. Had it not been for SC and Alex texting me to ask where I was, I might have gotten back into bed and slept through until dinnertime. SC asked if we were “ready for a bath,” and there was no way I was going to turn down a repeat performance of our bath time last year, so I pulled myself together and met them at the suite, which was now hopping.

Unfortunately, the big tub was already in use. But SC took one look at my face and said, “Let’s go use the tub in our room. It’s smaller, but I think we need some girl time.” So the three of us left the main suite and headed by to SC & Alex’s room. Yes, the tub was substantially smaller, but it was still lovely. I felt myself relax and my spirits perk up as I sat with my besties and had some down time and giggles.

Pictures, you say? But of course. Thanks to E for assuming camera duty.

Jeez, my poor butt. Me on the right, Alex center, SC left. There is one more that’s a little naughtier, but I haven’t gotten SC’s OK to post that yet. Maybe later. 😀

I came back to our room to wash my hair and dress for our dinner at the Steakhouse. We’ve booked the banquet room at that restaurant every year and it’s always delightful; we’ve even had the same server each year. John managed to get up and dressed, insisting he was OK to go, but I didn’t believe him; he was white as a sheet. When I was ready, we met at SC & Alex’s room, then went to 960, where our group gathered and then trooped down to the Steakhouse.

There was a change this year, which was a bit off-putting. We’d always had access to the full menu, so we could have lots of variety, order sides, share stuff, etc. This year, the management decided to get pissy and tell Joe that he had to accept a limited Prix Fixe menu at a flat $50 per person, beverages not included, no substitutions. Humph! Fortunately, one of the choices was salmon, so I was fine. But still. John, who was getting sicker by the minute, managed to coerce our server into just bringing him a salad, no dinner. However, he only made it through a few bites of his salad before he put down his fork and looked like he was going to face plant right into it. I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Please,” I begged him. “Don’t put yourself through this. Go back to our room and go to bed.” He always tries to be so damn stoic, but this was ridiculous — he was clearly very sick. Finally, he gave up, handed me some cash to pay for dinner, and left.

The rest of the dinner was a little subdued for me. I had good company: Across from me were E and SC, Alex, and Maddy Marks and her man Siq (yes, that’s pronounced “sick”). To my right were Princess Kelley and her daddy MrOMK (who very kindly shared his chocolate cake with me). But I missed John. Still, I was relieved he’d stopped pushing himself and given in to go rest, and my salmon was delicious, so I made the best of it. We all looked really nice, having dressed up. There were many LBDs, but Alex was in fire-engine red and Maddy was in white. Me? I bucked the solid color trend altogether — I wore stripes.

After dinner, I went back to our room to check on John; it was around 10:15, I think. He had been sleeping, but woke up and seemed to be doing a little better. I told him I’d be going to the suite and he should stay and rest. He asked if I was going to change out of my finery into something more comfortable, and I said not yet — they were have a midnight presentation of the Spanking Blogg Awards, and there would be pictures, so I would get into PJs after that was done. He said he would try to make it to that. I went down to get him some more meds, came back up and gave them to him, freshened up and then headed to 960.

What can I say about the awards presentation, other than it was one of the highest points of my weekend? I won 2nd place Creative Blogger and 3rd place Lifetime Achievement for a spanking model. The latter was especially mind-boggling, considering I started out doing this as a lark and never imagined I’d end up doing it for 15+ years. And Joe, bless his heart, had gone all out; he’d had trophies made for not only the 1st place winners, but 2nd and 3rd as well. So he made a nice little presentation of it. And of course, John did make it. The applause that resounded when my name was called was especially gratifying too. ♥

Afterward, the winners in attendance piled into the hallway where the lighting was better and others weren’t around, so people could take pictures, including John Osbourne of TripleAAA, who put this whole awards thing together on his blog and to whom we all owe a huge thanks! It was a little crazy with so many cameras on us and all the rotations of models, producers, etc. — we didn’t know which camera to look at! But here’s a nice shot of some of us, and someone already gave us IDs. As you can see, Michael Masterson, the kingpin of Real Spankings, was in our midst. It was great to finally meet him. He’s not a party-goer, so this was new for him. I think he had a blast.

Here, we were clearly confused as to where to look!  🙂 Eve is in the center and John Osbourne is on the left.

There were many more, but this is all I have so far. So many wonderful winners and I was so very thrilled.

John seemed OK to sit quietly on the couch and observe, so I milled about. Eve Howard shot this pic of T&S and me — I was a bit horrified when she sent it to me. I looked utterly exhausted, my face in shadows. I tweaked with the lighting and exposure and made myself look human, but still tired. I think the lack of sleep and worry over John was taking its toll. Still, it’s a nice shot with a long-time friend. 🙂

Late in the evening, Michael InspectHerHide approached me and said he was leaving the next day, and he’d love to do a final scene with me. I had not played at all that day, so I happily agreed. Once again he took me back to his room, where he proceeded to pull the padded bench at the foot of the bed into the center of the room, piled it with pillows and bade me to lie over it. He then opened the curtains to let all the moonlight and city lights in, and dimmed the room’s lights. A delicious spanking and strapping ensued. Michael is another one I can trust with anything in his hands — I knew the strap strokes would fall with precision, and they did, every one. Right down to the grand finale — forty strokes on each cheek. So OK, I played only once on Saturday, but it was one hell of a scene. Thank you again, Michael. So many lovely scenes over the years with you and me.

John had left to go to bed a while back, and I managed to stay in the room until 3:30 before I thought, “What the hell are you doing? Go get some sleep.” And so I did.

Sunday, we slept in. John felt a bit better, although we mutually decided to skip brunch and went straight to the suite for Strict Dave’s CP Court at 1:00. I got coffee for both of us and brought John a baggie full of crackers to nibble on. Court was fun and crowded as always — Alex had left early that morning, but SC & E joined us and sat close by. Afterward, SC came and chatted with us for a while, since E went to the roulette table. We were joined by Johnny, who brought us a plate of chocolates and raspberries left over from Club Finn — nice of him!

There’s been a party event the past few years called Judicial Punishment — kind of a role-play, where the tops get dressed up as prison guards and the “prisoners” wear orange t-shirts. The punishments are delivered on the St. Andrew’s cross, and the choices of implement are cane, prison strap, or paddle. I’d always thought it sounded kind of brutal, but then I talked it over with Joe and learned a few things I didn’t know. Not only did you get to choose your implement, but you could also choose the number of strokes, the level of severity (light, medium, hard, very hard), and the guard who would give them. Knowing that I had so much control and it was more of a head space thing than anything, I decided to give it a try.

It was at 5:00 that afternoon, and several women had signed up for it. This time, the choices of tops were Johnny and StrictDave, with Fineous and Snow Mercy acting as guards and Joe doing all the announcements and counts. The “prisoners” were kept sequestered in the bedroom as we were called out, one by one. We were supposed to be very, very quiet, but there was a fair amount of whispering and giggling going on. We couldn’t help it — it’s nerve-racking sitting there waiting! Joe, when announcing each stroke, would make a noise sort of like a “Hup!” After hearing several of these “Hups,” I commented that Joe sounded like he had the hiccups. That sent us all into such giggles that Strict Dave came in to glare at us all.

Finally I was called in, and was handcuffed to the cross. Johnny and I had negotiated 12 cane strokes, medium. But something got screwed up and Joe announced six! Argggh. Six was nothing! But it was still fun and intense and going into the “aftercare pile” (a large area piled up with blankets and pillows) was fun. A fun lineup picture was taken also… nope, don’t have that yet either. (sigh) But soon!

SC & E were going for dinner and a show on the Strip, and John & I were tired anyway, so we decided to sleep a little bit, then went for a late dinner on our own at the oyster/sushi bar in the hotel. John was well enough to manage a small meal, for which I was grateful. It was time for the final night of the party, the ultimate wind-down.

So much chatting that last night. It’s going to be a while before the next party for us, after all. Harley (we enjoyed rehashing the silliness at our shoot the weekend prior), Maddy and Siq, T&S and his lovely girlfriend Bella Bijou, my sweet Pruxie, the ever-spunky and adorable Sarah Rocks, whom we hadn’t seen since 2010 at FMS, Ten and her boyfriend M, Samantha, JaiBug, and so many more. My voice was starting to go hoarse and I was coughing a bit, but I figured that was due to all the talking.

John O. and I did a fun scene front-and-center on the massage table, with his hand, strap and cane. He took me up and down with tap-tap-taps and biting little strokes, nothing horribly hard, because well, my butt was thrashed. It was delicious and I felt like a purring contented cat atop that table. Funny how the cane can be such an evil thing, but it can be quite sensual as well when the top moderates the stroke.

I have yet to experience a party weekend without a Fineous flogging, but I feared this one might be the first. Until he suddenly appeared around 1:30 a.m., sat next to me and said, “I was afraid I wasn’t going to catch up with you this weekend. You got a scene left in you?” Of course I did. Off we went to find bed space in the bedroom, and I got a delicious double flogging over my entire body, like a perfect firm massage to end the weekend. When I came back to earth, I saw that SC had returned and she and John were deep in conversation. We moved into the main room and were joined by Joe. As I sat there in LaLaLand, I suddenly felt very cold and shivery. Looking back now, I can see it was the beginning of my illness, but I chalked it up to subspace. Glancing across the room, I saw Siq on the couch and it looked like he had a pile of blankets next to him, so I made my way over there. I was just reaching for one of them when I realized that buried under that pile was Maddy, sleeping. Ooops! Fortunately, a kind soul directed me to an unused blanket and I swaddled myself in it, returning to my chair.

Strict Dave joined us, and after a while, turned to me and said, “We haven’t played for a while. Have you got anything left in you?” Ah, damn. I didn’t. I really didn’t. Not even a feather stroke; I was done. So, although playing with Strict Dave is a wild and intense ride, I had to regretfully tell him no. “Next time?” “Yes, please!” Shortly thereafter, John and I pulled ourselves together and said our reluctant final goodbyes. We didn’t get to bed until nearly 4:00… and the alarm was set for 7:00. Blech.

I don’t know how John did it — he managed to get up even earlier than that and get a load of stuff down to the car while I slept on, oblivious. His stomach was better, but now he was starting to cough. Oh, we were a pair! But I felt better after a shower, and we got ourselves all packed, checked out, supplied with coffee, and on the road by 8:00. I was tired and my throat was raspy, but again, I figured it was lack of sleep and interaction overload. We made it to John’s in a record four hours (with one stop for Dairy Queen smoothies and their restroom), and I helped him unpack his stuff before I headed home.

So. I managed to get home, refill the gas tank, unpack the car and deliver it back to Enterprise. They took me home, and then I unpacked my suitcases, sorted through the mail, and fired up the computer. By around 5:00, I noticed my back was aching and I felt even more fatigued than before, so I crawled into my bed for a while. When I woke up at 8:00, I wondered how a bus had gotten into my apartment and run over me. I was full-on sick. Stayed up just two hours, then went back to bed at 10. And I did not get out of bed until 3:30 the next afternoon, no lie. Well, except to use the bathroom. Fever, chills, body ache, cough, blah blah blah. I thought about the unbelievable timing. What did I say before the weekend? Something along the lines of “I just want to be well for the party. Afterward, I could get pneumonia for all I care.” OK, so I didn’t mean that literally, but it damn near happened anyway. But I don’t care. The only reason I had to get out of bed this week was because I had work to do. Otherwise, my schedule was blissfully open, and I’d arranged that on purpose, but I didn’t know just how necessary it would be. I managed to get two books edited after I came home this week, but nothing else. Tonight I will straggle over to John’s — he came down with this flu thing too, so we can cough and commiserate. It’s going to be a rainy weekend and we can bundle up and veg out. I am content.

Another 50 Freaks come and gone. (Technically, this time, it was 106 Freaks.) Again, a lot of ups and downs, and some real-life interference encroaching (not just my own, but with friends too, unfortunately), but overall? One hell of a weekend, yet again. Thank you, Joe, and all your helpers/assistants who worked with you to make this happen and keep it going. Thank you, John O., for your wonderful work in gathering our awards. Thank you to my play partners, my friends, people who stopped to talk to me, hug me, smile at me, give me happy moments. SC and Alex, I ♥ you two to bits. And of course… my beloved John, without whom none of this is really possible, because it wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun doing it alone.

Over and out. Have a great weekend, y’all.

And so this is Christmas

Eve, anyway. It’s 11:30 PM on December 24. I am having a quiet night at home, trying to get over some sort of stomach bug that’s been plaguing me. I thought this would be a good moment to stop by and update you all.

I won’t get into all the details, because they are tedious and gross and depressing, but the infection on John’s thumb turned into a real nightmare. Briefly — two urgent care visits, two ER visits, one MRI and one lancing later, we spent the day in the hospital yesterday, getting his thumb biopsied. The MRI showed a mass. Unfortunately, they couldn’t determine what the mass was. It could have been anything from a pocket of gunk from the infection to a harmless cyst to a benign tumor… to melanoma. John has had melanoma before, so he is considered high-risk. Thus the taking of half his nail and a chunk of his thumb yesterday. The doctor told both of us that he believes in preparing for the worst-case scenario. So of course, all we’ve been thinking about for the past week is cancer, and John needing to have his thumb cut off to the first joint if it is.

And Steve has a stubborn staph infection in his nose that is so relentless, he’s been on four types of antibiotics and has seen several specialists. I have not seen him in three weeks. And I have had nothing left over from worrying about John to be supportive to him. I feel bad about that.

So. After I got John home safely last night, with all his meds, food, etc., and his assurance that he would be OK, I came home and collapsed. And the only time I left the apartment today was to take out the trash and get the mail.

But tomorrow, I’ll go be with John. We’ll have presents. We’ll have a nice dinner (if I can eat it). We’ll be together. And he has a follow-up appointment on Tuesday, where we’ll learn the results of the biopsy. The doctor spoke to me after the procedure; he was cautiously positive. If the biopsy shows nothing, then nothing else needs to be done. John’s thumb is splinted and bandaged; it’s going to be a mess for a while, but it will heal and his nail will grow back.

Part 1 of my root canal is over and was uneventful, aside from my being so terrified, I nearly passed out. Part 2 (and hopefully the last of it, if things go well) will be next Thursday. With the root canal I had three years ago, part 2 was when things went wrong and it had to go into a third installment. I’m hoping that won’t be the case this time.

Last Monday feels like it was a month ago, but it was a happy night. I had plans with my girls Alex and SpankCake to have a holiday dinner, as well as a belated birthday celebration for SC. With John’s situation, I thought I might have to cancel, but he insisted that I go, and even though he had to see the doctor that day, he got there on his own. Said I needed their support… and I really did. So the three of us had dinner and cake and our usual lively chatter, and exchanged presents. They bought me a joint gift — an utterly gorgeous, plush throw blanket from Nordstrom. I couldn’t stop touching it, and as soon as I got home, I bundled into it and took a picture. (Sorry for my phone’s crappy selfie quality.)

And in the midst of all this craziness, where spanking is the last thing on my mind, a nice compliment. The Spanking Blogg Awards 2015 continue, and the nominations for Lifetime Achievement were posted. There are two categories — video producers and spankees — and I was nominated in the latter. Please go check it out here, and if you’re so inclined, cast your votes. Only takes a couple of seconds. 🙂

I’m going to sleep now. All cynicism and grumpiness aside for a moment, I wish all of you a happy holiday, whatever you may be doing. Go be with people you love, or spend time with your pets, or whatever your heart desires. Life is too short to spend time doing tedious crap with people who don’t make you happy.

♥ ♥ ♥  Good night.

Uh oh, look out…

Yup. Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now we have a full month of ho-ho-horsesh*t to look forward to. And the Grinch has arrived! Damn, I hope Steve will be available. I will need him. Hell, everyone around me will need him too. 😀

My Thanksgiving was exactly what I wanted. It was cold and cloudy outside, and I was cozy and warm inside, doing some work, drinking hot cider, binge-watching Masters of Sex, and savoring a whole mini pumpkin pie with Cool Whip. Today, I’m ready to rejoin the living, but no Black Friday shopping for me. I’d rather have root canal. I don’t care if they were giving the stuff away — just the thought of a mall parking lot gives me a rash.

Anyway… all snarking aside, I hope my friends and chosen family had a good holiday, if you celebrate it. And don’t forget, it’s not too late to cast your nominations for the Spanking Awards!

Have a great weekend, y’all. 🙂