And so it goes

Hello, everyone. Sorry for the absence.

After much thought, going back and forth, changing my mind and then back again, I have decided it’s time to bring this blog to an end.

I have been in the spanking scene for twenty-one years this month, and online for nineteen. I have watched many changes in what became known as social media. In the early days for spanking chat and exploration, there were what was known as newsgroups, and various chat rooms. Often the latter devolved into a bunch of silly cyber spanking, but one could find intelligent conversation if one looked carefully. Then, around 2000, give or take a year, those gave way to chat forums, such as those on MSN and Yahoo, the old Shadow Lane chat board, etc. People posted and chatted and shared and connected. I co-managed a successful forum for a few years and had a blast.

When the forums began to run their course, they were overtaken by a new phenomenon: the spanking blog. Soon, everyone and their second cousin twice removed was blogging. I joined this bandwagon in 2005, on what used to be the hopping place (!): MySpace. My blog there straggled along for a while, trying to find its audience, but there was so much competition. But then two things happened. One, I was listed by our blog queen, Bonnie, who made a point of spotlighting new blogs in her “In With the New” column. Things really picked up for me after that, but I still had a second holy grail to achieve. The buzz in the blogosphere was about a gentleman who went by the name of Chross, who had a weekly list of what he considered the most notable blog posts. If one was lucky enough to be “Chrossed,” they would be treated to a highly gratifying spike in blog hits. But how did one get on Chross’s radar, I wondered? I finally grew so frustrated that I wrote a post called “Who Do I Have to @#$% to Get on Chross’s List?” Apparently, that got his attention. 🙂

After that, wow. Views, comments, etc. skyrocketed. Until MySpace died, and I took the plunge and started a new blog on Blogger in 2010. I flourished there for years, getting Chrossed often, sharing adventures and party stories and photos and scenes and video shoots, as well as bits and pieces of my personal life. When Blogger threatened to censor or shut down all their “adult” blogs, I migrated to WordPress. Turns out it wasn’t necessary, since Blogger backed off, but I don’t regret it.

However, things changed yet again. Slowly but surely, the spanking blog was overtaken by the Tumblr blogs: pictures. Lots and lots and lots of pictures. The lengthy blog entry morphed into quickie sound bites, gifs and jpegs. Comments became likes and reposts. The spanking models, who all used to blog, now opened Tumblr accounts. Twitter came to be, and now, instead of writing party and shoot reports, people tweeted the action as it was happening. There were some exceptions who maintained their popularity (Hermione and Ronnie come to mind, as well as some of the DD/Hoh blogs and some author blogs) but it seemed that overall, the traditional written spanking blog had gone the way of the VCR and the variety show.

Even so, I figured as long as I had stories to tell, experiences to share, connections to make, I’d have an audience. For quite a while, my views remained high thanks to being Chrossed often. But now, it seems even our beloved Chross has given up the ghost. And the annual Spanking Blogg Awards, put together by John Osborne of Triple A, finally eliminated the Best Creative Blogger category last year because it wasn’t getting any nominations. I was lucky enough to win second place in 2015, that award’s final year.

After many years and thousand of words, kids, I’m fresh out of things to say. On topic, anyway. I don’t want to hash and rehash the same discussions; there’s FetLife for that. Scene-wise, things have changed for me. I no longer have a top, and I haven’t played since 50 Freaks in February. I go to two parties a year. I do not shoot anymore, and even if someone were to offer it up, I’m not sure I would do it. I don’t enjoy looking at myself on film anymore — those HD cameras are not kind! And as for my personal life, I have been dealing with a great deal of grief and challenges over the past few months, including an ongoing situation with John that is stressful and scary. But you know, I don’t want to go into that on here anymore either. I have ranted, raved, wept, opened up and laid myself bare (physically and emotionally) in these posts over the years. I think it’s time for that to end. Everyone has problems; they don’t want to hear mine. And if I can’t post on-topic fun stuff, there’s really no point in continuing.

Also, I made the mistake, in a time of weakness, of writing political posts on here. Please. Can we all agree that there’s enough of that shit out there everywhere you look? I mean, really — using a spanking blog, of all things, to push one’s political agenda is arrogant, self-serving and a big waste of time, don’t you think? So I do apologize for that bit of foolishness.

I am not taking this blog down. I want to preserve it, because I’m proud of it. I would like people to be able to refer back to it, reread posts they liked, enjoy the pictures, etc. My life, my heart and my soul are in these pages. So it will remain intact, even though I won’t be adding to it any longer. I will always be grateful for my readers, all the comments, all the feedback. Without you guys, we writers might as well be talking to ourselves. And hey, I even appreciate those hapless dumbasses who gave me so much wonderful CHoS fodder. One more for the road? Sure, why not…

Hi I would like to spanking you hardly but it is turning me on and in the end which will be not short time I would like to have sex or atleast blowjob becouse I don’t want go away horny and I don’t want jerkoffing if you are okay with that or you have some other way to make e come and relax after when I spanking you hard and long tell me

(sigh) Some things never change, I guess. I suggest you come the way you always do — in your mama’s basement in front of your sticky keyboard. And for the last time, fuck off.

I don’t get as much of this nonsense nowadays, but I still see it. Recently, Alex got a critique on her Tumblr that she is neglecting to post pictures of her anus. She’s nicer than I am: I would have replied that if this person wants to see an asshole, they should look in a mirror.

Some of you have my antiquated (but still functional) AOL address. My gmail address is at the end of the About Me section here. I’m still out there, on Facebook, Twitter and FetLife. I have always welcomed polite and civil correspondence (and no, you do not have to agree with me, just don’t be a dick about it), and that will not change.

So what should be my last gasp? Perhaps I’ll just say screw it and reveal all… my real name, my family, the TV shows they worked on…

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wait for it…

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ready?

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…

Come on, you didn’t really think I’d tell all that, did ya? Besides, I wanted to go out on a Big Bang. 😛

And so this hard-edged, tender-hearted, snarky spanko bids you farewell, in this venue at least. Have a great life, y’all. ♥ ♥ ♥  Thank you for reading.

Things That Annoy Me, Part Whatever

That’s right, I’ve lost track. Really, it would be much easier to list the things that don’t annoy me. But not as much fun and certainly not as cathartic.

Every now and then, I feel like ranting about a phrase or term that irks me. The last time I did, the phrase was “I’d take a bullet for you.” First of all, that’s a stupidly empty phrase — people just say it to sound like Friend of the Year, when they know damn well they’ll never have to prove it. And second, who says I want you to take a bullet for me? Then you’re dead or maimed, and I’m left with lifelong guilt. No, thank you.

Anyway… today’s phrase is the feel-good saying: “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”

OK, on its sweet and shiny surface, it sounds nice. Scratch off the veneer, and you’ll see that it’s utter BS.

Sure, it would be nice to completely bypass the normal grieving process of loss and skip straight to the warm and happy fuzzies. And maybe some people can do that — if they are robots, or if they’re lucky enough to be sociopaths who are devoid of those pesky human emotions.

Along the same lines, I recently came across a post where the writer was talking about the transience of some relationships. I can’t remember the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of, “People come and go in our lives. There is no point in morning [sic] those who have gone; we should simply focus on what we learned from them.”

Oh, kiss my ass. Tell you what, folks. Don’t tell me not to cry, and don’t tell me not to mourn. Don’t invalidate my feelings. And if you don’t, I’ll do my part and I won’t call you an idiot for spewing such drivel.

I’m not saying we should steep ourselves in grief and stay there indefinitely. But feeling sad, crying, etc. over something we’ve lost is part of the process, a step that cannot be skipped. It deserves acknowledgement and patience. Telling someone they shouldn’t cry or grieve is the very thing that’s going to keep them stuck. Because they’ll shove down the feelings and never process them properly.

I know what you’re thinking. “You have your own feel-good phrase that you trot out, Erica.” Yes, I do. “The depth of your despair will be the height of your joy.”

Let’s review. Is there any part of that saying that tells the person not to despair? That denies or invalidates the existence of the sadness? No. It is merely a statement of hope, reminding the person that if they are capable of feeling deep pain, then in turn, they can also feel great joy. And they will, sooner or later. When I’m in the pits, I tell myself this, and I know that at some point, the tide will turn.

Here’s a thought, folks: Next time you talk to someone who has just suffered a loss of whatever kind, spare them the invalidating homilies. Instead, simply offer them your most heartfelt “I’m so sorry.”

Enough of that. In other news, my Cane-iac blog got Chrossed today, which makes me happy. That will bring even more attention to them, which they deserve. I received my second cane in the mail today, so it will be tested next Monday. 🙂

And finally — I may be an Uber-curmudgeon this time of year, but let it not be said that I can’t laugh at myself. Check out my December persona, courtesy of the brilliant Zelle. 🙂

Those glasses are not mine; she Photoshopped them on. Damn, she’s good!  Oh, and where did she get a photo of me making such a smug face? Where else… it’s my mug shot from Spanking Court.

Have a great weekend, y’all.

A happy post for a change

Happy Friday, everyone. In direct contrast to my last two cranky, Grinch-y posts, I’ve got some fun things to share today.

First, I have a new interview up on the blog Spank Place. If you haven’t seen this site, do check it out. Every month, Mark interviews someone in the scene, and I was very flattered when he asked me.

He made the effort to ask several questions specific to me, which I appreciated. One of them was “What is Spanking Court?”, so I was very happy to give them a big plug. He asked for a selection of pictures and so I sent him a head shot plus six random spanking shots. He put up five of the seven, so there’s a nice pictorial along with the interview. You can read it here.

And even better — I sort of got Double-Chrossed today. My Rough entry from Monday was included, plus my interview. Thank you, Mr. Chross! That does my little attention-whore heart good.

This was a weird week. I have been feeling especially square-peggish, and it seemed that wherever I went, cyber or real, I clashed with someone. On Twitter, someone jumped on my ass because she didn’t like something I posted. Yup, I said I didn’t like seeing Bible study posts on my FetLife feed, and she said I was judgmental. Oh, please! I wasn’t judging people who study the Bible. But some things just aren’t a good mix. Do you see me going to church study groups and talking about spanking, bondage and other forms of happy debauchery? Especially since most religious groups think people like us are going to fry in hell? Whatever.

Then on FetLife, I expressed some thoughts on a controversial topic and was laughed at by a condescending know-it-all. Frustrated, I went to the gym later that day to blow off some steam, and had a particularly unpleasant encounter with a pair of women in my class. They were making so much noise right behind me, talking and laughing, and I couldn’t concentrate on the really tough moves the teacher was putting us through. So I politely asked them (yes, I was polite) if they would please take it down a bit. Their response was to glare at me, then spend the rest of the class whispering and snickering behind me. I felt like I was back in grade school.

I came home thinking, Jeeeezus, I can’t get along with anyone. I really need my own island. Perhaps my own planet.

Then yesterday, I got a lovely present.

A while back, I had a correspondence with a young woman just breaking into the spanking scene. She had read my book and had many questions, so we passed some lengthy emails back and forth. After a while, she joined FetLife, and I’ve seen her bloom. She’s posting pictures, making friends, getting tons of comments, and it’s like watching a kid in a candy store. I was very happy for her.

Yesterday, she posted this on my wall:

Erica, just wanted to send you yet another quick soul-felt thank you. If it weren’t for you, I might never have started down this path of experiencing these things. You were so kind and gentle with me, right from the start, so willing to communicate so openly. Your kindness has opened so many doors for me. Thank you.

She may never fully comprehend how much that meant to me, and how timely it was. If I’d received this a year ago, I would have included it in my book. What a keeper.

Thank you, dear. Enjoy and embrace your journey. You have so many treats ahead of you.

Have a great weekend, y’all.

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 4/22

Happy Good Friday. Happy Chross Day (thank you again, Chross). Happy Earth Day. OK, I think that covers everything.

This CHoS is short, but I thought posting something humorous might help counteract this blue mood I’m in.

I changed the name on this one, because it works better if I leave a name in place. Granted, this one isn’t really rude, but as you’ll see, it’s a bit strange:

My name is Joe and I am 25 years old! I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do some online sessions! I think you are really quite cute and would love to punish you! Maybe we could work it out to do a real sessions!
Thanks for the time, Joe!

Someone needs to disable this guy’s exclamation point key. Can you imagine doing an online session with him? “Bad girl! Hold still! Smack! Smack! You need to be punished! I’m going to punish you! I’m taking you over my knee right now! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

But here’s the gem of the week:

I AM PERFECT FOR YOU LOVER! SERIOUSLY I HAVE AN INSATIABLE ASS FETISH THAT WOULD AMAZE YOU AND I AM ALWAYS IN NEED OF A NEW BOTTOM.WHENEVER-WHEREVER I AM ADDICTED TO LICKING,SUCKING,AND FUCKING A NICE ASS LIKE YOURS.PLEASE MESSAGE ME ASAP SINCE WE LIVE SO CLOSE.I PROMISE YOU’LL BE PLEASED.

OK, first — STOP YELLING. Second, not in a million years would I be your lover. Third, you mention every possible thing that can be done to an ass… except the one thing I want, which is spanking. Oh, wait. There is one more thing that can be done to an ass — kicking it out the cyber door.

I wonder if people with insatiable ass fetishes become proctologists?

And finally — I’ve mentioned that on occasion, I find something so completely off the wall in my keyword search section, it cries out to be posted:

easter seals ucp yanceyville nc

Sure, that makes sense. Naturally, a search for Easter Seals in North Carolina would lead to a Jewish spanko in California. (insert shrugging with perplexed face emoticon here)

To everyone who celebrates Easter, have a good one. And even if you don’t, eat some chocolate anyway. Have a great weekend, y’all.

Happy Tax Day

Or is that an oxymoron? Perhaps I should say Happy Chross Day. Can I briefly mention the amazing power that man has in the blogosphere? Last week, I didn’t make the cut, and I swear my page hits went into the dumpster. (sniff) By midweek this week, even with all my blathering about books and my Monday scene, they were pitiful next to what I usually get. Did anyone else’s views take a nosedive too — was it just one of those weeks? Whatever. I am being obsessive about the numbers game. Can’t help it, though, when I hear something like what Mr. Smith the author told me last week. We were talking about popular sites and he told me of a blog/website of a popular femdom, I don’t remember her name. On average, she gets 20,000 hits a day. Twenty-thousand???? Sometimes I feel like I am batting for the wrong team!

Perhaps for another blog post sometime, I should open the floor about the mystique and worship of female dominants. I saw it when I worked at Passive Arts, I see it on the various kink sites, I have seen it through John. It’s fascinating to me.

I posted a similar request to the one I did on Model Mayhem, only this time on FetLife in a Models and Photographers forum. What a difference! I’ve received several nice offers and now I have to decide which way to go. I suppose I could have more than one photographer take some shots, right? Choices are good things. Once I get this photo, then I can start addressing the formatting and finalizing. Exciting stuff!

And in three weeks, I shoot for Spanking Court. I have no idea what my “crime” is going to be… any ideas that haven’t been done to death? I know I’m doing two sessions; they offered me a choice of 1-3 sessions in one shooting day, and I decided to go for the middle option. I can’t wait!

All this fun activity will help take my mind off the Boardwalk Badness Weekend in Atlantic City, end of this month. So many of my friends are going and it sounds like it’s going to be quite the event. (sigh) Because the hotel is small, the body count is limited and they filled up months ago, but we wouldn’t have been able to make it anyway. John ends up paying for nearly everything on these weekends, since he is in so much better financial shape than I. And since spanking parties are really my thing more than his, I feel guilty about asking him to do more than one a year, because they are quite expensive. Perhaps next year, we’ll consider doing both BBW and SL. After all, we did SL and Florida Moonshine last year. Meanwhile, I have friends who have promised to give me all the details.

Back to the blog hits thing for a moment — have I gotten complacent? Has my blog become too redundant? Anything you guys would enjoy seeing discussed here? Sometimes I feel like I’ve covered every topic and aspect of the scene at least twice. There are so damn many of us out there, chattering away on these blogs. What keeps people coming back, when the topics cycle and recycle all over the blogosphere?

Yes, I’m all over the place. Focus, Erica. There is a stack of mail to attend to, a birthday card that must be addressed and mailed (yes, some of us still send those), errands to run, chores to do, must get ready to head for John’s. Have a great weekend, y’all.

I am well and truly screwed :-)

Several things happened after yesterday’s adventure. It seems that I am in big trouble, with both John and New Guy. :-O

First, when I spoke with John last night and told him of my scene after the fact, his reaction was, “You did not have my permission, young lady.” Mind you, John hasn’t been toppy in months, due to his illness. Plus, he knows I am in very capable hands with NG. So I was quite taken aback when he refused to listen to my wheedling and said we needed to “brush up” on the rules. Oh my. OK, it could be just talk.

And then I received this message from New Guy:

Well, well, well……. Allowing strangers into your apartment. Strangers with names like “The Villain.” Strangers you have not properly vetted. This sort of reckless behavior could get you into some serious trouble. I will see you Monday at 5pm.

My heart, which had finally settled down from the afternoon, resumed its banging and leapfrogging. I noticed the earlier hour and asked him if he had the day off. He said yes, because even Cesar Chavez thinks I need a good spanking. Damn… I didn’t even know he had his own holiday.

I might as well just kiss my butt goodbye right now.

Oh, but wait. I’m going to need it. Because this morning I heard from Alpine Sierra Studios, the Spanking Court company. They’d seen yesterday’s blog, and they are interested. 🙂 

Villain posted on my FetLife wall that he was getting emails from my blog, that his hand stings and his girlfriend was giggling at him. I decided to write her a little note to thank her; I don’t take it lightly when another woman is OK with her man playing with me, having been seriously burned by jealousy in the past. She wrote me back a lovely reply, saying he was grinning like a Cheshire cat when he came home, that I could count on his coming back, and they’d probably see me in Spanking Court soon (she works for them, too).

My head is exploding.

Stay tuned, folks. I think I’m going to have stories. You know, this week, my blog hits and comments were wayyyy down. Perhaps now they will kick back into gear a bit. 🙂

I didn’t go to the gym yesterday, so I’m going to work out this afternoon and then head for John’s. Last weekend of cloudy weather before we switch things up and head back in the high 70s and low 80s next week. Damn…

Oh, and congratulations to all my fellow Chrosslings today! Have a great weekend, y’all.