Ho ho, Fa la, etc., ad nauseam

What time is it, kids? It’s Xmas carol parody time! My faithful readers out there know that I do one of these every year. (For a refresher, here’s last year’s efforts.) My offering for this year is brief, but you know, Covid and all the other BS kind of put a stopper in my creative flow. Still, the show must go on.

Some of you may recall that a couple of years ago, I parodied “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” with “Donald, the Orange Menace.” But that didn’t really count, since it was politically oriented and had nothing to do with our favorite pastime. So this year, I present to you, “Rudolph, the Red-Palmed Spanker.” Oh… and yes, this is written in M/F orientation. Sorry, y’all, that’s just how I roll.

You know paddles that sting you and canes that can ding you,
Brushes and straps and the pain that they bring you,
But do you recall
The hardest spanker of all?

Rudolph the Red-Palmed Spanker
Had a very heavy hand
And if you ever felt it
You would swear that it’s a brand

All of the small-town housewives
Used to laugh and sneer “That’s lame,”
They never let their husbands
Play in any kinky games

Then one night the men got peeved
And they came to say
“Rudolph, with your hand of might
Won’t you spank our wives tonight?”

Now all the brats respect him
And they line up for his knee
Rudolph, the Red-Palmed Spanker,
Takes their panties down with glee!

And so it goes, another year. At least we’re having some seasonal weather here in CA for a change and I got to blow the dust off my sweaters. No holiday plans, but you know me… not my thing anyway. Doing my best to avoid the endless loops of Xmas music and schmaltzy commercials, and hoping that my kind of fun will be happening soon. Be safe and well, everyone. Happy holidays of your choosing. Scrooge out.

Revisiting old parodies

The music world had two tough losses this past week: Don Everly (last remaining Everly Brother) and Charlie Watts, drummer for the Rolling Stones since 1964.

One of the million reasons why I love the Beatles is their gorgeous two- and three-part harmonies. But before John, Paul and George, we had Phil and Don. Everly — two brothers with voices of velvet. They influenced the Beatles and others; listen to “If I Fell” and you will hear John and Paul channeling Phil and Don with their sublime harmonizing.

My favorite song by the Everlys is “All I Have to Do is Dream,” a sad song about a man whose lover only appears in his dreams. Many years ago, after I became a spanko, I thought the song would work well for a parody. I mean, if you could have a dream lover, how about a dream spanker? So I wrote what I think (?) is the first spanking parody I ever did. Not sure; back in those days, I didn’t have a blog. I don’t know if I posted this anywhere; I might have in the long-defunct Spanked Wives and Girlfriends message board on MSN, but only those readers who go waaaaaayyyy back with me would have seen it there.

First, for those who don’t know the song, here is the original. It’s short, I promise. You won’t regret spending a couple of minutes listening to this — it’s beautiful.

And now, my spanko version. By the way — the line “paddle me with wood” is purely artistic license to create a rhyme. It is not to be taken as a directive!

Dreeeeam, dream dream dream
Dreeeeam, dream dream dream
When I behave,
With no regard,
And I need you,
To spank me hard,
Whenever I’m naughty,
All I have to do, is dreeeeam, dream dream dream

You come to me,
In my bed,
And then you spank,
My bottom red,
When I am a bad girl,
All I have to do, is dreaaammmmm

I just can’t be good,
Paddle me with wood,
OTK, night or day,
But I’m in a jam,
Oh, damn,
I have to be sleeping to play!

I need your hand,
On my behind,
I need you so,
I’ll learn to mind,
Whatever my crime is,
All I have to do, is dreeaaammmm

Pull my panties down,
Scold me with a frown,
As I drowse peacefully
Only trouble is,
Gee whiz,
The daytime is empty for me!

Oh please come back,
To set me straight,
Are fantasies
To be my fate?
When craving a spanking,
All I have to do, is dreeeaaaaam, dream dream dream
Dreeeeeaaam, dream dream dream…

Not bad for a first effort, huh? Oh, and just to show that I’m not neglecting the Stones, some of you may remember this — a parody I wrote in 2012 of “Mother’s Little Helper.” Apologies to anyone who’s already seen these. I figure there are always people who are newer to my blog and haven’t seen some of the old stuff, and these parodies seemed apropos to repost this week.

Rest well, Don and Charlie. Thanks for all the memorable music.

And in other news… meh. Never mind. Other news sucks. Have a good weekend, y’all. Be safe. ♥

Uh oh, check the calendar…

Guess what time it is?

Yup — it’s Christmas carol spanko parody time! How many years have I been doing this? I’ve lost track. But if you’re a newer reader and aren’t familiar with this tradition, you can check out a couple from years past here and here.

This year, I chose “The Little Drummer Boy.” Yeah, I know, that’s kind of cheating, since half of it is the same line over and over. But screw it, it’s 2020 — it’s the best I could do. Besides, I added a couple of extra verses to make up for it.

And really, “pa rum pum pum pum pum” simply begged for a spanko interpretation.

I really don’t know what to call this parody, but here’s my kind of drummer boy…

So, without any further ado… (throat clearing)… ♪ Mi mi mi mi ♫…

Come and spank me
Pa rump-a-thump pum
I am a brat, you see
Pa rump-a-thump pum
The finest straps you bring
Pa rump-a-thump pum
To wield and make me sting
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
So, again, please come
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Spank my bum

Come on, baby
Pa rump-a-thump pum
I know you need it too
Pa rump-a-thump pum
My hand will give you sting
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Before the strap I’ll swing
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Shall I curb your sass
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Through your ass?

So, I nodded
Pa rump-a-thump pum
I’d gone too far this time
Pa rump-a-thump pum
I laid across his lap
Pa rump-a-thump pum
And heard a mighty WHAP
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Then I felt the heat
Pa rump-a-thump pum
On my seat

Oh, my bottom
Pa rump-a-thump pum
His hand was oh so hard
Pa rump-a-thump pum
My moans the town could hear
Pa rump-a-thump pum
He strapped my tender rear
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
“Have you had enough?”
Pa rump-a-thump pum
KISS MY DUFF!

“Now, you’re getting more!”
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Till I was red and sore
Pa rump-a-thump pum
I sassed my worst for him
Pa rump-a-thump pum
He spanked his best for me
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Then a tear broke free
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Over his knee

I’m so sorry
Pa rump-a-thump pum
I’ll be your good girl now
Pa rump-a-thump pum
His hand caressed my hair
Pa rump-a-thump pum
“It’s time for aftercare”
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Rump-a-thump pum
Then I purred for him
Pa rump-a-thump pum
Me and my bum

Hope you enjoy! And happy/joyous/merry who-cares-we’re-not-doing-anything-anyway.

These Hands — a song parody

It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these. Who remembers the Nancy Sinatra classic hit, “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’ “? The actual lyrics are kind of toppy to begin with, so it was pretty easy to convert them into a spanko parody.

For those who aren’t familiar with the song, please enjoy this slice of 1960s nostalgia, with a rather uncomfortable looking Nancy stiffly gyrating and lip-synching her way through it. Parody follows.

 

These Hands (Are Made for Spanking)

You keep saying, you’re behaving for me
Sometimes you are good, but confess,
You’ve been a-bratting when you shouldn’t be a-bratting, and now
Someone thinks it’s time to lift your dress!

These hands are made for spanking
And that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these hands are gonna whack all over you

You keep snarking, when you oughta be pleasing,
And you keep sassing, when you oughta not speak
You keep raging, when you oughta be engaging
Now you’re just not right
And you just hit your peak!

These hands are made for spanking
And that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these hands are gonna whack all over you

You keep pushing, where you shouldn’t be pushing
And you keep thinking, that your bottom won’t burn, HA!
I just got me a brand new set of paddles, yeah
And what they do, you’re sure as hell going to learn!

These hands are made for spanking
And that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these hands are gonna whack all over you

Are you ready, hands?
Start spanking!

Okay, okay, here’s the real parody

You didn’t think I was going to skip the annual carol parody, did you? The one from last week was simply a bonus, because… well, because I felt like it. But ’tis an Erica Scott tradition to create a spanko parody of a Christmas carol every year, and I wasn’t about to slack off on it. Besides, work is slow this week, I have a wretched cold, so I have plenty of time on my hands and could use the distraction.

I’ve done several of these already (like this one from last year, for example), but as we all know, there is no shortage of carols to work with. The one from last year was complex with multiple verses, but this year, with my brain muddled with mucus, I needed to keep it simple. And what’s more simple and classic than “A Christmas Song”? Besides, to this day, I can’t think about that song without remembering my dad warbling “Jack Frost roasting on an open fire…”

So, with all apologies to Mel Tormé (co-writer) and Nat King Cole, here you go:

Bottoms roasting under open palms
Teardrops dripping off their nose
Misbehavior being handled by doms
And brats dressed up like Santa’s hos

Everybody knows a paddle and a strap or two
Help to keep the backsides bright
Whiny imps and the miscreants too
Will find it hard to sit tonight

They know a spanking’s on its way
They’ve got it coming and there’s nothing they can say
And all the good girls are gonna spy
To see what happens when you scheme and lie

And so the tops are rolling back their cuffs
To give the little brats their due
All Grinches out there, say goodbye to your duffs
Many spankings to you!

And yes, before anyone comments on it, it doesn’t escape me that I’m the biggest Grinch out there and should be the recipient of this holiday fare. To that I say, “Yes, please, bring it!” My mojo is definitely still very much alive. Yesterday, while in the throes of fever and boredom, I engaged in a brat war on Twitter — two other women and me against one male top. It was immature, it was silly… and it was so damn much fun. I haven’t done anything like that in years. And I’ve still got it, if I do say so myself. The top involved actually admitted, “Wow, you’re good. You’re really good.” 😀 So… once I get rid of this damn cold and get past the annual ho-ho shit, I will try to get back into the game and redouble my efforts to find a local play partner. Because I need this.

A final note… despite the heartache and disappointment and other bullshit that life tosses in our direction on a daily basis, I get by with a little help from my friends. For the special friend who had my back this week, thank you. ♥

Have a great weekend, y’all.

A Special Christmas Parody

Those of you who have been with me for years (and thank you) know I like to write a spanko parody of a Christmas carol at this time of year. And I still might — the month is young. But for now, I have something extra.

When I restarted this blog a year and a half ago, I said that I wouldn’t be talking about politics, that they really had no business on a spanking blog. I still feel that way, so don’t worry, I’m not going in that direction. However, despite the efforts of this clusterfuck of an administration, we haven’t completely devolved into Gilead just yet, and it’s still a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. So, I present this holiday treat to you, to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

Donald the Orange Menace

Donald the Orange Menace,
Had a very slimy past,
Now thanks to the impeachment,
It’s gonna bite him in the ass!

All of his crooks and cronies
Used to laugh and call folks names
They always joined The Dotard
As he played his lying games!

Then one happy Judgment Day,
Nancy came to say,
“Donald, you’re a hopeless blight,
Please resign and leave tonight!”

All of the “snowflakes” loathed him
And they shouted out with glee
“Donald the Orange Menace,
You’ll go down in flames, you’ll see!”

As my readers know, in general, I encourage civil discourse and welcome people to disagree with me if they do so respectfully. But on this topic? Nuh uh. You don’t like this parody? Don’t like what I say about Trump? As your Führer likes to tweet, Too Bad! (He probably likes that phrase because it’s two words he can actually spell correctly.) Please feel free to go read something else, and leave me the hell alone. There is more than enough right-wing swill for you to wallow in out there.

Oh, and for those who will gloat that impeachment is a worthless joke, that nothing’s going to get him out — yeah, we may be stuck with him for another year, but the damage is done. He’s been shown for what he is: a complete disgrace, and the laughing stock of the entire freaking world.

Well, except for Russia….

I love anagrams, don’t you?

Anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS — ah, screw that…

HAPPY ALL-INCLUSIVE HOLIDAYS, Y’ALL!! 😀